Secrets of a Sinner

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders

  “You’re liable to get yourself into some serious trouble if you confront her while you’re upset. Why don’t we go somewhere until you can calm down?”

  “Fine, whatever.” Corrine once again closed her eyes and put her head back.

  Natalie drove around for a while, finally pulling into the parking lot of a late-night diner. She and Corrine went inside. Neither of them were hungry so they both ordered milkshakes—Corrine wanted a chocolate one and Natalie got strawberry. It was close to midnight and Natalie figured her grandmother would be worried about her so she looked inside her purse for her cell phone. “Aw, man...”

  “What’s wrong?” Corrine asked.

  “I must’ve left my cell phone at Big Mama’s. I was about to call her because I know she’s probably wondering where I am. I’ll be right back. I’m gonna see if I can find a pay phone.”

  “You can use mine,” Corrine offered, extending her flip-top.

  “Thanks.” Natalie dialed her grandmother’s number.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s me.”

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “Tawanna called and told me what happened at the shower. Baby, I’m so sorry Kya did that to you. I declare that chile has a few loose screws in her head. Tawanna and I have both been tryin’ to get you on your cell phone.”

  “It must be at the house because it’s not with me.”

  “Where are you at?”

  “At a diner. I came here to chill for a minute. I figured you’d be wondering where I was. I just wanted you to know that I’m okay so you wouldn’t be worried about me.”

  “You’re comin’ back tonight, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I’ll be there in a little while.”

  “You be careful. It’s not safe for a young woman to be out by herself this time of night.”

  “I know, Big Mama. I’m fine. You go ahead and go to bed. Don’t worry about trying to wait up for me. Didn’t you say you had somewhere to be in the morning?”

  “Yeah, it’s my Saturday to help clean the church. But I’m gonna call and switch days with somebody first thing in the mornin’. I really think it’s time you and I talked about this. We’ve been avoiding it much too long.”

  “No, go to the church. Don’t stay home on my account. I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not. You’ve pretended to be, but I know better. Tawanna told me how upset you were. It’s time you knew—”

  “Kya caught me off guard, that’s all. Go to the church like you had planned. We’ll talk when you get back, okay?”

  “All right...I guess that’ll work. Don’t stay out too late. I know you’re grown and live on your own and everything, but that don’t mean I cain’t be concerned about your safety.”

  “I promise I’ll be there in a little while.”

  “Okay, you be careful now.”

  “I will.”

  “I love you...”

  “I love you, too.... Here you go,” she said, handing Corrine’s phone back to her.

  “Is everything fine?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I feel sort of stupid because I don’t know your name.”

  “Corrine, that’s nothing to feel stupid about. We were never formally introduced. It’s Natalie.”

  “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t shown up at the bar. What were you doing down there anyway?”

  “I...I was just riding around. I’m sorry that girl left you alone down there. How long have y’all known each other?”

  “We just met this year at school although I doubt she’ll be there next year, her grades are so bad. I know she’s not the best influence for me. At first, she was just fun and cool to hang around. Then, I noticed little shady things she would do.”

  “Like what?”

  “Just a bunch of small stuff, but still shady. One time I was going out with this boy named DeVonté and LaShina started going out with him behind my back. At first I was mad, but then I figured that boys aren’t worth breaking a friendship over, right?”

  “You’re right, but if LaShina really valued you as a friend, she wouldn’t have done that to you. It sounds to me like she has some security issues. You can be the best friend in the world to her, but if she has insecurities, she’s liable to do lots of things that will hurt you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s a bad person. Maybe there’s some things that happened in her childhood that have screwed up her way of thinking and she’s handling her friendships the best way she knows how to right now.”

  “Maybe...” Corrine shrugged.

  “In any event, I think your best bet is not to get emotionally tied up with her because if she does have a lot of junk going on in her life, she’ll end up hurting herself and you. She either has some serious undealt-with issues, or she’s just crazy. Either way, stay away from her.”

  “Are you some type of psychologist or something?”

  “No.”

  “You sound like it.”

  “Let’s just say that I’ve had some LaShina experiences before.”

  Corrine sipped on her shake with a distant look in her eyes. “Can I ask you a question without offending you?”

  “Sure,” Natalie said, hoping the question wouldn’t be anything too personal.

  “Are you really Big Mama’s granddaughter?”

  “Yeah, why do you ask me that?”

  “I was just wondering because I know there are some folks that call her Big Mama who aren’t really related to her and I’ve never seen you before.”

  “Do you know Uncle Willie?”

  “Yes, but I know you aren’t his daughter ’cuz he got all sons.”

  “Well, my father, James, was Uncle Willie’s twin brother. Have you ever seen the picture on Big Mama’s piano of a little girl with long hair, wearing a blue-and-white polka-dot dress?”

  “Yeah, I think I know what picture you’re referring to.”

  “That’s me.”

  “Oh, okay! I remember asking Big Mama about that picture one time because it reminded me of one of my childhood pictures. She told me that your dad was killed in a car accident, was it?”

  “Yeah, he was. It was a long time ago so you wouldn’t have known him. I was only five back then.”

  “Dang, I’m sorry to hear that. Is that why you moved?”

  “No. My mother and I actually lived here until I was thirteen, then we moved to Ohio with my mom’s best friend.”

  “My mama has a friend that lives in Ohio.”

  “Let me guess, are you talking about Sylvia Turner?”

  “Yeah, you know her?”

  “Yep, I sure do. She’s who we moved up there to live with. She and Aunt Crystal grew up with my dad, Aunt Toni, Uncle Tommy—all of them.”

  “Yeah, my mama told me. Why haven’t you ever come for holidays or family reunions?”

  “There’ve been a lot of reasons. The important thing is that I’m here now.” Natalie quickly sought to turn the conversation away from her and back to Corrine. “You’re a freshman in college, right?”

  “Yeah...”

  “What’s your major?”

  “I haven’t really declared a major, but it’s either going to be music or marketing.”

  “Those are very different fields. How’d you come up with that?”

  “I’m really interested in marketing, but I love to sing.”

  “I bet you inherited singing from Big Mama. I wish I could sing, but I took after my mother who couldn’t hold a note to save her life.”

  Corrine sat quiet, stirring her straw in her shake.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah...” She looked sad. “I wish I could say I inherited my sing
ing skills from Big Mama. Truth is, I don’t know where I got it from.”

  “True, but does anyone ever really know? Who’s to say that you didn’t inherit it from her? Big Mama got some pipes. I do know that for a fact.”

  “How can you inherit something from a woman you’re not biologically related to?”

  Natalie felt like a complete idiot having forgotten that Toni was her stepmother. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I said that. But I’m sure you know that Big Mama has a huge heart. I bet she loves you as if you were her biological granddaughter.”

  “Yeah, but it still sucks not knowing who I belong to.”

  “I take it that you don’t have a relationship with your real mother.”

  “No, I don’t...I don’t have a relationship with either one of my biological parents.”

  Natalie’s confusion must have shown on her face.

  “I’m adopted,” Corrine explained.

  “I realize Aunt Toni adopted you, but I thought she married your father. She told me that he had children before the two of them married.”

  “Correction...he didn’t have children, he had a child, Li’l Kenny.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “What’s not to understand? I was given up for adoption by my birth mother and my mama—your Aunt Toni—adopted me. Sometimes I fantasize about what my life would be like if my real parents had kept me, but then I feel bad because I know my mama made a lot of sacrifices for me. I hear she was on her way to becoming one of the greatest attorneys in Jackson, but then she chose me over her career. As much as my mama gets on my nerves, I can’t honestly say that many single women would have done what she did.”

  “Are you saying that Aunt Toni adopted you before she and your father were married?”

  “Yeah. I think she met my dad when I was like two or something. After they got married, he adopted me, too.”

  Goosebumps burst through Natalie’s skin as she carefully dissected Corrine’s words. “Has Aunt Toni ever told you anything about your biological mother? Were they friends perhaps? I mean, I’m just trying to figure out why Aunt Toni would adopt you when it sounds like she had a very promising career ahead of her. Not saying that she shouldn’t have. I’m curious about what led her to that decision.”

  Corrine shrugged. “You know, I really don’t know the circumstances. I suspect that she had to know of my biological mother, but I’m not sure she knew her. Whenever I would ask about my birth mother, Mama would say that it was a young girl she wanted to help out. That’s all she ever told me. Finally I gave up and quit asking. It’s probably for the best. If my biological mother would give me up for adoption then odds are she didn’t want me anyhow.”

  Natalie’s heart raced. Could Corrine be her child? She had to be certain. “When is your birthday?” she asked casually.

  Corrine looked at her as if to say “What does that have to do with anything?” but answered, “July twenty-ninth...”

  Natalie almost choked on her shake and her breath grew heavy. She struggled with what to say next. She was sure she was staring at the face of her daughter!

  Corrine looked strangely at Natalie, whose expression was probably that of someone who had seen a ghost. Natalie thought she was about to say something else, but then Corrine’s cell phone rang. “Hello?...What do you mean where am I? Where were you when I was about to get kidnapped at the Blue Lounge?”

  Natalie stared as Corrine talked, paying more attention to her features. She’d never noticed the color of Corrine’s eyes before, but they were copper brown and narrow, just like her own. Her hair—her hair was silky and long—just like Natalie’s. The more she looked at Corrine, the more she saw herself.

  “Why did you take off with some dude and leave me at the bar alone?” Corrine rolled her eyes. “Whatever...I’ll see you when I see you.” She hung up the phone. “I can’t believe that girl! She had the nerve to show back up at the bar finally then call goin’ off on me because I’m not there waiting on her. Can you take me back to the dorm now? LaShina isn’t coming back tonight. She said she was going to spend the night with her cousin.”

  “Um...sure. Just let me go to the bathroom first.” Natalie pulled out a ten-dollar bill from her purse. “Can you go ahead and pay? I’ll meet you in the front.” Natalie got up from the table and went to the restroom. With her heart pounding against her chest and her head spinning, she leaned over the bathroom sink as though she would vomit. She was in shock. She splashed cold water on her face and took several deep breaths before going back out.

  “Do you mind showing me where your parents live before I take you to the school?” Natalie asked once they were in the car.

  “What do you want to go over there for?” Corrine seemed skeptical.

  “I need to talk to your mother about something.”

  “You’re not backing out from our deal, are you?”

  “No. I told you that I won’t tell her about tonight. We made a pact and I intend to keep my promise,” Natalie declared. “I just want to talk to her before I leave town and I don’t know where she stays.” Seeming a little uncertain, Corrine showed her the way.

  Chapter 30

  A Family Matter

  Natalie got back to the house and discovered that her grandmother had fallen asleep in the living-room recliner. Instead of waking her, Natalie crept past Big Mama and up to her room. She tossed and turned during the night. If what she thought was true, everyone, including Big Mama, had to know.

  The next morning, Natalie pretended to be asleep until her grandmother left and then headed to Toni’s house where she was determined not to leave until all of her questions were answered. As she neared the front door of her aunt’s two-story brick home, her stomach churned with fear. What if her suspicions were wrong? What if Corrine’s birthday was some freak coincidence? She couldn’t say for sure that her child had been a girl. What if she was just setting herself up for another letdown like the one she’d had when she’d called the adoption agencies thinking she would get answers? Natalie wasn’t sure how many more disappointments she could take and still keep what little sanity she had left. Yet, the burning desire for clarity prompted her to knock on the door, and she did so, despite her trembling hands.

  “Can I help you?” a young boy answered.

  “Hi, is your mother home?”

  “Zach, who is it?” Natalie heard Toni yell from the background.

  “It’s that lady that was with Big Mama at church.”

  “What lady?” Antoinette rounded the corner and paused when she saw Natalie. “Zachary, go back to whatever it was you were doing. I got it from here,” she said coldly. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m leaving in a couple of days and I really haven’t talked to you much since I’ve been here. I thought I would come by and visit before I went back to Columbus.”

  “Now really isn’t a good time. My son has a basketball game in a few hours. Maybe I can come by and see you later this afternoon at Mama’s house.”

  Like that was really going to happen! Toni had yet to come by the home since she’d been there. “I probably should’ve called first, but I didn’t have your number. Since I’m here, I might as well come in and visit for a few moments...just in case we both get busy later.”

  “I... Sure, why not?” Toni grudgingly stepped aside, making a small entryway for Natalie to enter.

  “You have a nice house.” She took a seat on the sofa, hearing the sound of video games and music coming from upstairs.

  “Thanks.” Toni sat in the chair across from her, stiffly.

  “How long have you lived here?”

  “We bought this house about twelve years ago when we moved from Louisiana.”

  “I didn’t know you used to live there.”

  “Just for a few years....
Does Mama know you’re here?” Toni asked as if she was concerned that Big Mama had orchestrated this visit.

  “No. She was gone when I got up. She went to clean the church.”

  “How’d you know where I lived?”

  Natalie thought about saying that she’d looked up the address in the telephone book, but realized that she didn’t even know her aunt’s married name. Also, what if Toni’s number wasn’t listed in the phone book? Lying about how she obtained the information could backfire against her. Instead of answering Toni’s question, she asked a direct one of her own. “Does my being here bother you?”

  “Should it?”

  “I don’t know. You tell me. I get the impression that you’ve been avoiding me.”

  Toni laughed nervously. “Why in the world would I do that?”

  “That’s what I’m trying to understand. You seemed very cold when I answered the phone at Big Mama’s that day you called, and you left the table rather quickly when I spoke to you at Uncle Tommy’s celebration last Sunday.”

  “I think you’re being a little too sensitive...or paranoid. It was quite a shock to call my mama’s house and have you answer the phone. I wasn’t expecting that. And as far as last Sunday goes, I do recall introducing you to my husband and talkin’ with you for a while, so I’m not sure why you would feel that way. You know, I wish I could be more hospitable, but we really do have a hectic day ahead of us. I’ll be happy to walk you to your car.” She stood up.

  “Why are you so uncomfortable with me here?” Natalie challenged, remaining in her seat.

  Toni turned her back toward Natalie, appearing to straighten the pictures on her mantel, and giving what seemed like another nervous laugh. “That’s silly. There’s no reason for me to be uncomfortable in my own home. I think you’re the one who’s uncomfortable, which is all the more reason why you should leave.”

  “I’ll leave...but first I have to ask you something.”

  “What can I help you with?”

  “Why would a young, single woman—who had a promising career ahead of her—give it all up to adopt a baby?”