Ink Exposed

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  He honestly wasn’t sure if he could risk himself by falling in love again.

  And he’d be damned if he hurt Tabitha.

  Something must have shown on his face because she looked at him oddly before standing up, chewing on her lip. “I’m going make sure your mom is okay with setting up for the meal.”

  “It’s all set, actually,” his mom said as she walked toward them. “I seem to be overhearing all of your conversations today,” she said with a laugh. “Okay, folks, dinner time,” she called out to the rest of the crew. “Everyone take your seats, and thank Autumn and Griffin for helping.”

  Tabby held out a hand, and Alex took it, careful not to pull her down with him as she helped him up. “You doing okay?”

  He leaned down and brushed a kiss along her cheek. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

  She studied his face before taking his hand in hers again and walking with him toward the dining room where the others were finding their seats. If he were honest, it was weird to have Tabitha with him. The last time they were at one of these, he was doing his damnedest not to focus on her, and now they were out in the open as a couple.

  He’d only brought one other person in his life to something like this, and Jess had never fit in with the Montgomerys. He wasn’t sure she’d ever really tried, even when they’d been in high school, and he’d been a bumbling teenager too happy getting laid to look deeper into the woman he claimed to love.

  Alex pushed those thoughts from his mind as he took a seat next to Tabitha. There was no use dwelling on that anymore, not when there was nothing he could do about the past. But maybe he could figure out how to make the present and even the future something he could bear.

  They ate together with laughter and inside jokes, and Alex actually joined in with some. He ate just as much as he had been recently, but he didn’t make a big deal about it, and neither did anyone else. He just ate until he was full and called it a day. Tabitha had been right in that he’d been too careful, too cognizant. He’d been so afraid of going overboard that he’d ended up stressing himself out over it. And like with anything, he just had to find a balance.

  After the meal, the kids went to one of the other rooms to play and watch a movie while the babies napped. That left the adults in the large living room that could barely hold all the Montgomerys and their other halves. It was crazy to think how much they’d grown in the past few years, and yet he knew that once Storm and Wes found someone they wanted to bring to these things, it would only grow more. Not to mention the fact that there would probably be more babies on the way eventually, as well.

  He paused.

  When had he started thinking of himself and Tabitha with a future in which she’d always be there with him? He swallowed hard before taking a sip of his water. Hell, he needed to think about something else or he’d stress himself out.

  He might as well do what he’d thought about doing for a while now.

  Make something right.

  He cleared his throat and looked around the room. “Can I talk for a bit?” he asked, his voice hesitant. Tabitha squeezed his hand before moving away slightly to give him space. He didn’t know how she knew that he needed that, but he was damn grateful that she understood him so well.

  “What is it, honey?” his mother asked as she sat down on the extra-large recliner next to his father.

  “You can tell us anything,” his dad said.

  Alex looked down at his glass and nodded. “I’ve talked to all of you individually, but not enough. Not enough that it matters; that means it’ll stick. I don’t know where to start or what to say really, but I figure I should start with what I was saying before this. Or at least what I’ve been saying to others. Hello, I’m Alex, and I’m an alcoholic.”

  He took a deep breath and looked at each of his siblings and their spouses in turn.

  “I’m not the man I was before the drinking, and I’m sure as hell not the man I was when I drank. I don’t know how to apologize for the things I did, for the things I said. I don’t know if I should be forgiven for falling out of your lives. I mean, I said horrible things, did horrible things. I wasn’t a good person, and I still don’t know if I am. I’m just trying to find out if I can be. Even throughout the past year, I’ve been focusing on myself, not really part of the whole, even though I’ve tried to at least be here.”

  He let out a shaky breath, and thankfully, everyone kept silent.

  “I didn’t know how I could fit in, and most days, I still don’t. I drank because…” he sighed. “I drank because I needed to forget things. I needed to not feel everything all at once because it was like it was clawing me up inside, waiting to get out, and I couldn’t find the strength to deal with it. In some respects, I drank because it was the easiest way out, and at first, I didn’t even know I was doing it. A drink here, a beer there. We all do it, so what’s the problem? Only I didn’t know how to stop. I’ve watched each of you slowly start to have a beer or a glass of wine around me, and each of you knows when to stop or when you’re done. I don’t have that filter. I can’t stop at one or two. So I can’t have any.”

  “You’re fucking stronger than you think,” Austin put in. “You may not have been before, and I don’t know what happened to make you feel that way, but the man in front of me? That man is fucking strong. That man knows how to ask for help, and to me, that’s the bravest and strongest thing you can do.”

  “Fuck yeah,” Decker added.

  “Fuck yeah,” Maya whispered.

  Alex wiped the tears from his face, not caring that his family saw him like this. They’d seen him at his worst, and a few tears wouldn’t tarnish that.

  “I hurt each and every one of you, I know that. But Miranda and Decker? I’m so fucking sorry I acted out like I did at your wedding. I made a mistake, and I can never make it up to you, never erase what I did.”

  His baby sister, the only sibling that was younger than him, stood up from her husband’s lap and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his chin.

  “I love you, Alex. And when I look back at that day, I remember the day I married the man of my dreams, and the day my big brother started to get healthy again. That’s all that matters to me.”

  His body shuddered, and he held her close, leaving a kiss on the top of her head. He looked up and over her at Luc and Meghan and pressed his lips together.

  “I hurt you both that day, and I’m sorry about that.”

  Meghan shook her head. “You’re a different person now, honey. I know that.”

  “And I’d go through that a hundred times more if it meant you came back to us,” Luc put in.

  “We forgive you,” Storm said softly. “But you need to forgive yourself, okay?”

  “Because you’re one of us, damn it,” Wes added. “We’re not giving up on you that easily.”

  Alex squeezed Miranda tightly before letting her go back to Decker. He met Tabitha’s gaze and gave her a nod, telling her he would be okay. He had to be okay.

  Alex let out a breath. “I hope you don’t. Because I’m an alcoholic. I’m going to be an alcoholic today, and I’m going to be one tomorrow, as well. Just like I will be the day after that. But I can promise you I won’t take a drink today. And I won’t take one tomorrow. That’s all I’ve got.” He’d said those words before, but they were the honest truth. He had nothing else to give other than that, and he hoped it would be enough.

  The others stood then, taking turns giving him hugs and kisses on the cheek. Even Griffin kissed him smack on the lips with a grin. “We all fuck up, you know, but that’s what builds character. Just don’t fuck up again.”

  Alex punched Griffin in the shoulder as Tabitha hugged Alex close. “You’re an asshole.”

  “We’re family, man,” Griffin explained. “We’re all assholes who love each other.”

  Tabitha laughed in Alex’s arms. “I think that should be your Montgomery family motto.”

  His mother laughed in his father’
s arms, even as she wiped away tears. “My babies are so eloquent.”

  His father kissed his wife’s temple and winked at the lot of them. “I’ll start making the sign for the family room tomorrow. I think a nice cherry would be a good wood for that.”

  “I’ll help,” Griffin put in.

  “No!”

  Alex wasn’t sure who’d said it, but it sounded like six or seven of them at once. He threw back his head and laughed as Griffin flipped them all off.

  “That was one time with the saw,” Griffin growled. “One time.”

  Autumn rubbed her husband’s chest. “Any time you have to mention just one time with a saw, baby, is too much.”

  Alex shook his head and laughed with his family, a heavy weight lifting ever so slightly off his chest.

  He could do this, he thought. He could be a Montgomery again.

  He looked down at Tabitha. Now, he just had to remember how to be more.

  By the time they headed back to her place, he was exhausted. He was not only emotionally wrung out, but he was pretty sure he was bruised in a few places, as well. Austin and Luc had wanted to play a game of touch football so, of course, everyone had joined in. Somehow, Alex had ended up with Maya’s elbow under his ribs, and he felt like an old man because of it.

  “She really had you down flat, didn’t she?” Tabitha teased.

  Alex lifted his lip in a snarl. “Shut it, woman.”

  “What? I can’t help it if my team won and your team got their butt’s kicked.”

  “You’ll pay for that,” he growled and lifted her over his head with his last remaining strength before he set her down on her feet in front of him. “I’d do more, but I’m actually out of breath.”

  She smiled up at him before wrapping her arms around his neck. “You do look good all sweaty.”

  He bit down on her jaw lightly. “So do you.”

  With a sigh, she rested her head on his chest, and he breathed in the scent of her. “I’m so proud of you, you know. Is it any wonder I love you?”

  They both froze, and she slowly pulled away from him. His chest pounded, and he blinked. Her eyes were wide as a look of abject horror crossed her face.

  He didn’t say anything. He didn’t know how. Didn’t know what. The only other person he’d loved who had told him she loved him back had fucked him over, and he wasn’t sure what he should do now. He wasn’t the person he was before, the one who loved so openly. And now, he was afraid this never-ending silence was going to kill them both.

  He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do.

  Tabitha was the one to speak first, and he hated himself for it. “I need to shower and get the grime off before bed. I’ll be quick.”

  She dashed off and out of his arms, and he knew he’d made a mistake. Again.

  He cared about her, he really did. But he wasn’t sure he could ever love again. She deserved so much more than him, and he knew it. He’d known it before he kissed her that first time, and yet, he’d ignored the warnings.

  And now it might be too late.

  Fuck. Every time he thought he was almost normal, he fucked it up all over again.

  Though he probably needed a shower, as well, he didn’t join her like he could have just ten minutes prior. Instead, he changed into a pair of sweats and a shirt he’d stashed at her place and slid between the sheets. She came out ten minutes later in a long t-shirt and gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. When she slid in next to him, they stayed separated for five long seconds before he lifted his arm and she wiggled closer.

  He held her to his chest, but they didn’t speak, didn’t even breathe deeply. She didn’t move, didn’t hold him back, but burrowed so her head lay over his heart. It took hours, but she finally fell asleep. They might be holding one another, but this was different.

  He just prayed it wasn’t too different.

  Because if it were, he’d lost her before he ever truly understood if he had her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tabby was an idiot, and there wasn’t anything she could say to refute that. She’d said the one thing that neither one of them had been ready for and had made a mess of everything.

  Yes, she loved Alexander Montgomery, but sometimes, love wasn’t enough.

  And from the way he’d reacted to her words, she was afraid this was one of those times.

  He hadn’t said a word to her the night before, and this morning, he’d kissed her softly on the cheek and whispered that he needed to go back to his house for a change of clothes.

  She hadn’t had the strength to tell him that she’d washed what he’d left over before and had put it in a drawer. His drawer.

  He had a damn drawer in her house, and he couldn’t take the fact that she loved him.

  How she could be broken and angry all at the same time, she didn’t know, but that was sure how she felt.

  Of course, last night had probably been one of the worst times to mention that she loved him. It had been too soon into their relationship, and he was too raw from everything that had happened at his family home. The two of them had been faced with bump after bump from their pasts since they’d started dating, and though she’d fallen head over heels for him, that didn’t mean he had the time to do the same for her. Logically, she understood that, but it didn’t make it any easier for her to stomach.

  She looked through her planner blindly as she tried to wake up fully. She needed to finish getting ready and put on her shoes so she could head to work. She wasn’t even sure if Alexander would be there today since they hadn’t talked about it. They hadn’t talked about anything.

  She wanted to bash her head against her desk, but thought better of it. Instead, she finished her coffee and found her shoes. She’d just go through her day as if nothing had happened. Once she and Alexander were alone again, they’d have time to think and actually talk to one another.

  Honestly, what had she been thinking?

  Of him.

  Always of him.

  But when did she start thinking of herself?

  That made her pause, but she pushed it away as soon as she thought about it. Work first. Her life going haywire second.

  She slid on her coat and picked up her bag, her mind on what she had to do for the day rather than what had happened the night before. Sure it was there, sitting in the back of her mind, waiting, creeping, just being a nuisance, but she’d deal with it later.

  Tabby hummed to herself as she closed the front door behind her and headed to her car. She’d just keep going and swimming like that cartoon fish always said. That’s all she could do and stay sane.

  The hairs on the back of her neck rose, and she turned on her heel, fists raised, but once again, she was too late. Large hands gripped her upper arms and pulled her back toward her porch.

  Charles, the man that had hurt her once before, and the man she’d thought was waiting in jail, slammed her into her door. She let out a groan.

  “You bitch! It’s because of you that they’re sending me away. My fucking wife didn’t even want to pay for the damn bail, but I made her. She wouldn’t have had to do that if it weren’t for you. Why couldn’t you just do what you were supposed to do in the first place, you whore? I don’t see that big man here now, do I? He left you all alone, and that’s your fucking fault, too probably.”

  He’d been watching her? For how long?

  Her mind was slow to catch up, but the rage that had been building inside of her finally broke free. When Charles released one arm to raise his fist at her, she used what Alexander had taught her and did the one thing she hadn’t truly been able to do before.

  She fought back.

  She kicked the man right in the balls with all of her strength and used her newly free hand to push at him. Charles fell back, reaching for his crotch as he cried out, and she tried to slide out of his hold. Only she wasn’t quite fast enough, and he gripped her arm. The momentum pulled her down onto the icy stone step, and she cried out when h
er arm hit at the wrong angle. Charles wrenched it during his fall, as well, and she felt the bone snap inside her lower arm.

  Pain made her dizzy, and she rolled away, clutching her arm to her chest. She’d also hit her face on the sidewalk on the way down, but her arm hurt worse. Her legs could work, though, and she did what she’d promised to do.

  She ran.

  She left her bag and phone behind, afraid that she’d waste too much time and the man would hurt her worse.

  Before she’d made it to her neighbor’s house to knock frantically for help, however, the older man who lived there threw open the door and pulled her inside.

  “Get inside,” he barked, his phone to his ear. “Yeah, get here now,” he yelled into the phone. “The guy is on the ground, but I don’t know how long he’ll stay down. I have Tabby in my house, but send an ambulance.”

  Joe, the neighbor, looked down at her and cursed. “Sit down right here on the bench, darling. They’ll come soon and take care of you. I won’t let that fucker hurt you.”

  Never in her life had she heard her older neighbor curse, and that sent a shock through her, one that finally let the tears fall and the pain come full force. She sank down on the bench and tried to breathe, but she couldn’t.

  Spots danced along her vision, and bile filled her throat. She was pretty sure she had a concussion, and she should probably stay alert. Only her eyes were too heavy.

  The last thing she heard was Joe telling her to stay awake.

  But it was too hard.

  Everything was just too hard.

  At least she’d fought back.

  That was the last thought she had before she fell fully on the bench, the pain too much for her to stay conscious.

  ****

  Alex slammed the door open and ran into the waiting room, Storm on his heels. He couldn’t fucking believe he’d left his damn phone at Tabitha’s. He’d never hooked up the landline in his apartment so he’d been cut off from the world until Storm had practically broken down his door to get inside.