Life is Short But Wide

by J. California Cooper

  With Myine's smile glowing on him, he was encouraged. “Let's talk about this, Myine!”

  Myine looked at Herman in wonder, asking, “But what will you get out of doing all that for me? I may not even have all that kind of money. What do you get? I know you have … other things … to do.”

  Herman thought very quickly of another plan he and Cloud had been talking about. He hadn't planned it this way, but he had to have an answer for Myine right then. He couldn't bring himself to say, “Because I love you.” He was disgusted with himself, but to him, there had been no preamble to such words. Their friendship had always been just a friendship.

  As his enthusiasm slowly leaked out of his mind, he sat up, stopping the swing. “You know what? I'm going to get my thoughts straight, and if you will allow me, I will come back and discuss them with you. But, I have to tell you this. If you never gave me a dime for doing anything for you, it would be fine with me. Your mother gave me something which I cannot replace, nor name a payment for. I have never forgotten her, or that.”

  He stood up. “And I'm not trying to pay you back in place of her. I just wanted to do something for you. I … I care for you, Myine. I know you think of me as an old man, an old friend of your family, so I have to do what you let me do.”

  He started down the steps as she stood up, reaching a hand out toward him. She didn't understand. He turned back to her, saying, “Mighty nice afternoon sitting here with you, Ms. Myine.”

  She asked in a very gentle voice, “Herman, stop calling me Ms. Myine, please.”

  “Alright, Myine. I was just teasing you anyway. But I enjoyed you sharing your company with me. That's the truth. And I'll be back to talk to you about the sunbathing room and my own ideas. Soon.”

  Myine just looked after him as he left. Not understanding everything, but thrilled nonetheless.

  The excitement was gone by the time she went to sleep, but one of her last thoughts was, “I believe I could love that old man. Me, with my old behind.”

  Lord, chile, seems like these people are just trying to let life pass them by! But, that's the interesting part to me! Some people would have just jumped smack-dab in the middle of anything. But these two people, getting older every day, were letting their nerves, their self-consciousness, their stupid, bashful feelings get in the way of their life.

  But, on the other hand, if they had been different kinds of people, their love might not have grown so strong! And good. In my experience you just have to let life, and love, work its own self out.

  When Herman reached home he sat down and considered his life, thinking about the future. “I have been working with Cloud for several years now, on Myine's land. Hauling motors, carburetors and other greasy things I pick up at auto shops that they don't have men, nor time, to fix.

  “I am quitting my job for Mr. Money as his chauffeur because I don't like working for people who sell bombs, and other ammunition, all over the world; killing and maiming people all over this world. And he seemed like such a nice, retired old man. Since I found that out I am too ashamed to even mention it to anyone.”

  Herman wiped his brow with the back of his hand. “I have money I will never use, while here I am living in an apartment I only sleep in. And there is no place to store things, or sit an engine while I work on it.

  “Cloud does a lot of work with me and only has a small platform to put a few pieces on, and store his solvents.

  “Now, there are two things I need to do; I need to see Myine every day, and make my circumstances better. I think I need to talk to Myine about all that unused land she has. I don't want a wrecking yard. I don't want to mess up that beautiful land she has kept so well all these years; that's her home.

  “I just want a storage shed; a big one. I would build it way in the back where she couldn't even see it mongst all her trees. Then Cloud and I could work more comfortably. I'll build it all of wood, like her trees; make it look natural there.

  “And if she let me do that, I would put in a road from the street to the shed, so I could drive my truck in for pickups. No one else would be allowed to use that road. No strangers could come in. Only Cloud, and me.”

  He wiped his brow again, and got up to go in his kitchen to get a cold beer. Still thinking, “She isn't going to let me do it. But, hell, I can ask. I can't see any other way to get close to that woman. She might let me do it; it only increases the value of her land.”

  Now, Myine had been enjoying Herman being around, being nearby. So, a few days later, when Herman sat down on the porch swing beside her, she was pleased. She had on a freshly starched and ironed pale green dress she particularly liked. “I match my trees.” She smiled to herself.

  When Herman asked about building a storage building on her land, she thought a moment. She had been expecting him to, at least, start some place he had left off the last time she saw him, like say something kind of personal. He always looked neat in his khaki pants and white shirts.

  After thinking a moment, she shrugged inwardly, thinking, “Well, life is life.” She said aloud, “I don't want a lot of wrecked cars on this land. This is my home, Herman. I love my trees, the birds, everything. I love the peace and quiet, the mellow feeling I get from just sitting out here. I don't need to see any greasy engines cluttering up my view. Cloud keeps all his work placed neatly away.” She liked to look at Herman; he was such a manly man.

  Herman leaned back on the swing, and smiled. “I thought of that. All our work is not large. We work on three or four pieces at a time. There will be no pieces or parts waiting around, and, when there are, they will be inside the shed. It will be a good, nice-looking shed, not an eyesore. I'll build it of good wood, except for the room where we will keep cleaning solvents.”

  He looked at her to see how her thoughts were going; she was looking down, into empty space, so he continued, “There will be no automobiles parked around it, except my truck.” She raised her eyes to look into his. In spite of the business in his mind, at the look in her eyes, a thrill shot swiftly through his head and traveled down his back.

  He looked away from her, then, slowly, back to her. “I'll put in a narrow driveway for me and Cloud to use.”

  She gave a little jerk, and faced him. “I don't want a lot of men driving up in here!”

  “I don't want them either, Myine. That's why I said Cloud and I will be the only ones to use it.” He thought, “I certainly do not want a lot of men coming here where you are.”

  Myine asked, “Way, way in the back?”

  “Out of the way, out of your sight. And I'll make it real nice.”

  Myine thought of the improvement it might be to her land, then said, “But, how can you improve on nature?” Then she remembered her mother talking about Joseph and Bertha building their house; she had been glad they did, rent or not. Juliet and Cloud still did not pay rent, but they contributed so much to her, she couldn't count the ways. And their house was hers, no matter how much money they put into it.

  After a moment, Myine said, “If you build a road, well… put it closer to Juliet's house than mine.” Herman's whole body gave a sigh of relief. Myine asked him, “When would you want to start … all this work?”

  “As soon as possible.”

  “Well, let me see the trees you will have to cut down before you do anything. I love my trees, I don't want to see them go if they don't have to!”

  Herman stood up to leave, saying, “I already thought of that, Myine. I know how you are. The shed is going to be twenty by twenty-five feet; just enough for a few heavy parts, and Cloud and me. I don't count those little sheds Cloud put up behind his house; they are too small for what I have planned.”

  Myine stood also, saying, “Well, Mr. Know-so-much, let me ask you this. Why are you going to spend all that money on my land? I can't offer you any help for something I never even thought of.”

  “Don't need your help, Myine.” He tilted his head as he thought how to answer her. “I can't say I don't know why, because that w
ould be a lie.” He looked directly into her eyes. “I need a place of peace and quiet to work. I like Cloud, and his ways. But, most of all, I want to be close to you. I want to see you every day God gives me.”

  Myine, taken aback, blushed, and stammered, “I was going to ask you if you wanted a cup of coffee, or a cup of tea, but now, I don't know what to do.”

  “I want to get started on my work. There are so many things to do. But, if you will let me I'll come back for a cup of coffee, later.”

  Myine was embarrassed, still blushing, thinking, “How can this man stand up here and make one of my dreams he doesn't know a thing about come true? Is he playing with me?” She said, “Have tea, it's better for you than coffee. Come back, when you have time.” Then she hurried into her house; eyes wide, body shaking from nerves, heart not knowing what to do, and a grin on her face she tried to hide with her hands.

  Now, I have to clear up a few things. It was about 1991 or '92. Close as mama and I can figure, Herman is about going on sixty-five or sixty-seven, time been flyin, my mama says. Myine is ten years back, younger, so she was fifty-five or fifty-seven. I have already told you I am not good at these number things. What difference does it make anyway? Old is old, young is young, but feeling good … can happen anytime!

  The work began, and Herman began to come by every day for coffee, or tea. Sometimes Myine fixed lunch for him. But she was never too familiar with him. She was hesitant because she loved him. She teased him, trying to get some more encouraging or flattering words from him. “Going around filling old ladies' heads up with blarney. Make some woman make a fool of her self.” She laughed, but she was only half playing.

  At this time in his lonely life, Herman was happy. His eyes sparkled, and his heart was soothed every time he walked up her stairs, or saw her coming along the path to the shed-in-progress to see how the work was progressing.

  She would comment, “You all are coming right along.” Or she would point to a tree, asking, “You all are not going to cut that tree down, are you? That's one of my favorite trees!”

  Both Herman and Cloud were dirty and sweaty from the heat and their work. Herman would rub his arm across his brow and say, “No, ma'am. We are not going that far if you don't want us to.”

  “Well, I don't want you to. This is my private, personal park.”

  “I'll leave the tree here, so when we sit out here it will still be beautiful to you … and me! I like parks!”

  Myine and Herman both went around with a lot of sparks going off in their heads and bodies. They were both happy. But, still, neither of them became too familiar. She thought, “Just because I like him, and he is building on my land, I'm not going to be a fool just because he is a man!”

  Herman was thinking, “I have to keep things like they are as much as possible; I need her respect for what I want. She is not easy, and I am not easy. I'm fighting for my life, and I think I have a chance of winning, if I don't go too fast.” But his hands burned to touch her. He had to tell himself, “She's just a nice older lady, she ain't no hot molly. Keep your hands to yourself. Your day may be coming.”

  One morning when he stopped to have coffee with her, after she set his cup down, and turned away, he had almost patted her behind. She had been laughing, and the feeling of closeness made him forget it was not his behind yet. He caught himself just in time to stop his eager hand. But she had seen the gesture, and smiled to herself, glad her behind had not sagged down too far yet.

  Cloud had made a path as he walked over to the job several times a day; Juliet would ride her wheelchair over to the new building, sitting and talking with them. At times you could hear gleeful laughter ringing out through the trees.

  When the building work was all done, Myine was glad all the noise would stop. Lumber, delivery trucks, cement trucks had made a broad path through the wood to the new shed. They knew the woods would take over the land again, and narrow down to the size of their own trucks, once it was not all being used. Cloud and Herman had put in a strong, wide wooden gate. They did not lay gravel, or tar it; it was more like a big path, lined with trees.

  Herman kept his word; even though he had spent his own money, there was no traffic, and only one or two people in a month or so came to pick up something Herman or Cloud could not deliver.

  Herman had many breakfasts and lunches and coffee-tea breaks, sitting on the porch with Myine. Cloud always went home; close, but far enough away for them to keep their privacy.

  Herman could touch Myine now, in a friendly way, without feeling strange and uncomfortable. He liked to take her hand as he talked to her, or place his hand on her back when he showed her something.

  Myine knew she liked being around Herman, but she could not explain to herself the little tingles that went up the arm of the hand he held; or down her back when his arm was nonchalantly around her shoulder. She was thrilled without intending to be thrilled. She was nervous when there was no reason to be nervous. She knew she really loved Herman, as an old family friend, she thought, but she did not dare to dream, to be excited, as she was. About Herman. About Herman, about Herman!

  Herman, thinking as usual, said to himself, “I don't need to pay rent for a room I only sleep in. I come here every day, so I might as well sleep here. I'll find some way to give Myine the money for rent.”

  So, as Herman was leaving one night, he said, “I might need to build a little room for me to rest in sometimes. Nothing big; I won't take up any more land, I'll build it on top of the shed.”

  The “little room” turned into a small three-room apartment above the shed, the overhang strongly, and correctly, braced, making an alcove surrounded by the trees. Herman placed the steps there, leading to the entryway to the rooms above. It was neat and, after Herman planted a few evergreens, blended in with the woods.

  You may think Myine was a bit of a fool for letting them use her land, and never saying a word about rent. But Myine had her own plans. She knew Herman would not use that storage area to work and make money, and not pay her something, “if we are not married,” she reasoned, to herself. “Course, if we were married … well, that is a thought for another day.”

  She had already thought about another dream of hers. Traveling. She wanted to see Florence, Italy, as well as Greece and many other places she had discovered in her studies, and long-distance talks with Monee. Monee always called her Aunt Myine; she loved Myine.

  Now that Myine knew Tante better, she knew her aunt was controlling and always thinking of herself, even before her daughter's happiness: these were things Myine did not like about Tante, consequently she seldom thought about her, beyond asking about her health. And Tante wasn't really interested in things happening in Wideland.

  Besides, Myine was falling deeper in love with Herman. Their new, closer, daily contact with each other was a good thing for both of these lonely people.

  As usual, Herman came up with another plan. “You never did get that sunbathing room you wanted, did you?”

  “No, I didn't. After I retired working I was just too tired. Too tired to do all that work, and presidents had changed, Reagan was in office, and nobody had any money. Nobody poor, or the middle-class, anyway.”

  Herman shook his head. “I remember those years. But, you never looked tired.”

  (Now, you have to remember, time has been passing all the time. They were getting older, like everyone else. They just took a long time to get to what they should 'a got to a long time ago.)

  “What do you mean, Herman? You know I'm tired; this is 1992, and I am fifty-three years old. Just living through all these crazy presidents, and their new staffs, and self-serving laws, would make anyone tired.”

  Herman nodded, saying, “I'm sixty-three, but, I don't feel like Methuselah. But still, I guess I'm tired, too. But, you; I'm not saying you look twenty or anything, but who wants to look twenty, the way twenty looks these days. You look healthy, glowing, and really good. Girl, you look sexy to me!”

  Myine laughed lightly.
“Herman! Stop!”

  He reached for her hand, saying, “You do look sexy to me. Very sexy, Ms. Myine.”

  His touch had given her what felt like a tiny electric shock running up her arm straight to her stomach; it made her snatch her hand away, unintentionally.

  She smiled, quickly, so he would take her hand again, saying, “Oh, Herman, you have to tell that stuff to those young women you go out with.”

  He started to say, “I don't …” but decided she shouldn't know he saw no one but her. Instead, he said, “Let's build that new room for you we talked about a long time ago. Right here in the garden by the house. We'll build the room, then build a wall around the small space in the garden, for your privacy. You can plant a small tree, and some flowers in it. And I'll build a platform to put a thin mattress on … and you can come outside and lay naked in the sun.”

  Myine sat down next to him. “Oh, Herman, you know I would love that! And I can let Juliet use it sometimes.”

  “Myine, Cloud will build Juliet her own.” He did not ever want Cloud making love to Juliet right under Myine's nose. “They use all that land over by their house anyway. Your house is at the front gate, where everybody comes in. Yours, I'll fix so only I can see it from the top of the shed.”

  “Oh, Herman!” She hit him lightly on his shoulder, her body warming as her hand lingered there. “You don't need to see this old tired body full of cellulite.”

  “That's flesh, too. Your flesh. I want to see everything you have.” He stood and leaned over her, saying, “Just make me happy, girl!”

  Myine frowned, embarrassed at her own thoughts. Herman quickly said, as he sat back down, “Of course, if you don't want me to … Your man wouldn't like that, would he?” He was very still as he waited for her answer.

  She stared off into space, then pretended to see a bird to change the subject. “Oh, look!”

  Herman took his leave with a soured look on his face. “See you later, Lady.”