Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1)

by Amanda Siegrist

  He was still holding the door handle when Ava said vacantly, "I'm not hungry, Austin. Please, don't make me eat. I just want to be left alone."

  "I'm not Austin. Why the hell aren't you hungry?"

  Ava gradually stood up and turned toward the door, the shock written on her face. If Zane hadn’t been holding the door handle he probably would've fallen over. Nothing could've prepared him for the sight in front of his eyes. She wasn't the woman he remembered eight months ago. That woman had been beautiful with long golden-brown hair that shined brightly in the light. Her face had been lively with striking hazel eyes, and her smile—even as he yelled at her—she had smiled a gorgeous smile at him.

  The woman that stood before him now looked lifeless, her eyes blank and sorrowful. No life shined back. Her face was tear-stained, streaks still marring her pale skin. Gauntly. Nothing but pure bones. He was afraid to breathe, fearful that she would fall over. She looked as if she hadn't eaten in weeks and she stood in front of him saying she wasn't hungry. How could she not be hungry?

  He walked in here prepared for a fight with the vibrant woman he met before, now deflated, as he stared at the horror in front of him. He couldn't fight this. She didn't even look like she wanted to fight him. She looked ready to flee the room.

  "You didn't answer my question. Why aren’t you hungry?"

  "I'm just not," Ava replied softly as she set the picture on the bed.

  He glanced at the picture frame and stepped further into the room to see it. Bristled with a clear blue sky and crystal-edged water, sat three young and carefree teenagers—him, Austin, and Jimmy. Jimmy was holding a fish and had the biggest smile on his face. Their arms interlocked together, pride on their faces at Jimmy's catch of the day.

  "Biggest fish he ever caught. He was never very good at fishing. He usually only tagged along to be with me and Austin. He was so proud of himself that day. It had weighed about twenty pounds. Never caught anything close to that ever again," Zane said, surprised those words slipped from his mouth. That he even shared that momentous day.

  Ava looked surprised as well. "I never fish. I don't even know what kind of fish it is. I like the picture, though. You three look so happy."

  "It's a northern. We were happy that day," Zane said, as he stared at the picture and then looked at her with a hard glare. "Why are you here?"

  Ava glanced away and remained silent.

  "Answer me, damn it." He had the urge to grab her face so she would look at him. Last time they met, he was able to get right into her face and she never faltered once in staring him back down.

  "Because Austin made me come. I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here. I'm thinking my other choice is actually looking better than this one."

  "What other choice did you have? I wasn't told anything. I was just literally told you were here in my house."

  "It was either this, or an in-patient treatment center to make me better," Ava said, daring a look into his eyes.

  Zane was a little surprised by that answer. "Why? What's wrong with you? Besides the fact you're not eating and look like shit."

  Ava gave a small laugh. "Leave it to you to say it straight."

  "Well, it's true. And—"

  "I didn't answer your question, right?"

  Zane almost smiled, but stopped himself. "Yeah, that's right."

  "Nothing's wrong with me, at least not to me. I just want to be left alone, but apparently, Austin and my father think I need help. I can see my father helping, but I'm confused why Austin even cares."

  "Why wouldn't he care? You were friendly with him when Jimmy was around," Zane said, knowing Austin had been concerned for her well-being from the start.

  "I killed your brother, so why would he be friendly now? Why would he care about me?" Ava sighed. "I just want to be left alone. I can't stay here." She grabbed her suitcase still packed by the bed and started for the door.

  Zane stepped in front of her and grabbed her arm. His stomach lurched at the feel of her tiny arm. Nothing but skin and bone. "You killed him, huh? I was told the only thing that killed my brother was the man who pulled the trigger."

  "You don’t blame me? You don't think I killed him?" she asked, staring him in the eye, as a lonely bleakness poured out.

  Zane clenched his teeth, hating the fact she asked him that because she knew the answer, yet hearing her say the words suddenly didn't feel right.

  "No answer to my question. Or is it because I already know the answer, so why are we even talking here. Please, let me go so I can leave."

  "You can't leave. Austin wants you here, so it doesn’t matter what I want. He told me to be cordial and I'll try my hardest. Not for you, but for him. I don't care anything about you." He still held her arm, hating the feel of it in his hands, yet the urge to let go, not there. Even as bone thin as she was, her skin felt like silk, and he oddly enjoyed his hand on her.

  "I want to leave and you can't make me stay. Let me go," Ava demanded.

  Finally, a little more force coming out of her mouth. This was much better. He'd rather deal with an angry Ava than a lifeless one. Without thinking, he grabbed the suitcase from her hand and threw it across the room where it hit the dresser. He let go of her arm and quickly swooped her into his arms gently, as if she were made of glass.

  The sickness that filled his gut grew larger as he stalked over to the bed. He tried to hide the cringe at how truly light she was. Barely lighter than a feather.

  He laid her on the bed and shoved at the blanket until he managed to throw it over the top of her. The entire time Ava stared at him with shock on her face. Utterly speechless.

  "You're staying. Austin wants you here. Don't eat. See if I care. Sleep and hide in this room all you want, but you'll stay because he wants you to. It sure in the hell won't be because of something I said that you leave." Zane glared at her and then walked out of the room, slamming the door on his way out.

  ***

  Ava sat at the large rectangular dining room table, pushing her food around. She sat next to Austin, while Zane was across the way from her, Eleanor right next to him. She could feel his eyes on her, but she was too afraid to look up.

  His anger earlier had scorched her bones. She decided she liked Austin's anger better. That she could handle. She wasn’t quite sure she could handle Zane's. She knew before she came she probably wouldn't survive his anger. Lingering in the back of her mind, she secretly hoped he would take her pain away by throwing all his anger at her—do something to her. Just take it all away.

  The air of fright and confusion by his earlier actions still lingered within her trembling body. She didn't fear he would physically harm her. She believed Austin when he said Zane would never touch a hair on her head. When she thought back, she hadn't felt a forceful touch once from him—from grabbing her arm to scooping her into his embrace. Gentleness had cradled her, even as she felt the flow of anger run through his veins.

  He had frightened her in an emotional way. Her body had responded when he touched her arm and exploded into quivering pleasure when he picked her up. The surprising reaction, the new feeling of butterflies in her stomach, startled her. She hadn’t felt her body tingle from a man's touch in a long time. The rarity of the rushing jolt through her body made her wonder why she avoided feeling the glorious sensation. Then she remembered because she had worked more than dated.

  Shock had overtaken her thoughts that it had to come from Zane. The last man she ever expected to feel that way about. Thinking such thoughts equaled disaster, including the pleasure spreading vigorously from her head right down to the tip of her toes as she remembered the way it felt to be in his arms. Not only was it wrong from the hateful passion she felt, but for the simple reality. He was Jimmy's brother. It just didn’t seem right.

  ***

  "You work too much, Ava. Let's go to O'Hares and find a good man for you," Jimmy said, grinning, as they walked out of the precinct together.

  Ava slapped his arm playfully. "I
don't need a man and anything we find at O'Hares will probably be a cop. You know that's where most of us hang out. I refuse to date a cop. It's against the rules."

  "It is?" he asked surprised.

  "It's one of my rules, Jimmy. I made it for myself when I was a teenager. I can be around them, be friends with them, but I could never date one. Let alone marry one. It's just not happening."

  "So, that means I have no chance." Jimmy grinned at her, a hand over his heart as if he was in serious pain.

  Ava laughed. "I didn't know you were interested." Ava looped her arm through his. "Seriously, though, you're the brother I never had. I think that's the closest I'll get to another man right now. I'm not into dating. Work keeps me busy."

  "I know, I was kidding. You're my annoying little sister I never had. I see a good match for you with someone I know. Wanna know who?" Jimmy asked with a sly grin.

  "No. Keep it to yourself and quit with the matchmaking. Hey, have you seen Tiffany lately?" Ava asked devilishly.

  "Point taken. Conversation's over." Jimmy laughed as they continued to O'Hares anyway.

  ***

  She continued to push her food around the plate as her thoughts strayed back to the man across from her. He probably had no idea the shock he'd seen on her face was more from the pleasure of his touch than him picking her up. After he slammed the door shut, she laid in bed trying to figure out what just happened. It happened so quickly. The whole incident made her want to flee even more because now she worried about Zane touching her again. Igniting a fire through her body that she didn't want to feel from him. It just couldn't happen again. She shouldn't feel anything with Jimmy gone.

  Austin had come for her thirty minutes after Zane's disturbing visit. She still had been lying in the bed when he knocked on the door. He had asked her what happened as Eleanor told him she heard some shouting and door-slamming going on. Just like the time Jimmy asked her what his brother said to her and she refused to divulge that information, she did the same to Austin. She could tell it bothered him, but he let it go. Why did she keep protecting Zane from his brothers with the cruel words he spoke to her? Or was she trying to protect them from Zane? Not the other way around.

  "These are some good pork chops, Eleanor. You always outdo yourself." Austin grinned deviously.

  "Oh, stop you. You're just saying that because of our company," Eleanor said with a smile, enjoying the compliment.

  "Not true. I always enjoy your meals and you know it. How do you like it, Ava?" Austin asked as he looked at her, touching her arm gently.

  Ava looked at him with blank eyes as she pushed her fork, moving the food to another position on the plate.

  ***

  "Just eat it already. You can't move here and not come to Coney Island to have a Nathan's Famous Hot Dog. It's blasphemous," Ava exclaimed as she handed the hot dog to Jimmy.

  Markus raised an eyebrow at him. "Eat up, man. No New Yorker worth his salt denies one of these babies."

  "Didn't you live on a farm?" Ashley asked seriously.

  Jimmy looked perplexed. "Yes, I did, but that doesn't have anything to do with having a hot dog, Ash." Jimmy sighed at Ava as he took it from her outstretched hand. "I was never a fan of hot dogs is all."

  "This isn't just any hot dog. Eat up." Ava dared him to argue with her. "I'll shove it down your throat."

  "Alright. Alright." Jimmy slowly brought it to his mouth and took a tentative bite. The delicious swirls of flavor enriched his taste buds. He took a few more bites and finally said, "Not bad."

  Ava scoffed at him. "Not bad? You need your head examined. They're delicious. Melt in your mouth delicious." Ava saw Julie had arrived and threw up two of her fingers, hollering, "Order up."

  Julie nodded in understanding.

  Jimmy looked confused again as Ava smirked at him. "Oh, you're eating two, Jimmy. You're not getting out of it either."

  He laughed as Julie made her way in the long line.

  ***

  "Ava? Did you hear me?" Austin asked, concerned, as he saw tears forming in the corner of her eyes. Just like outside.

  He could tell she hadn't eaten much yet, but he was happy she was sitting at the table and pretending. He preferred her feigning enjoyment rather than hiding out in her room. He had been worried when Eleanor told him about Zane and his visit with Ava. He had been even more worried when she refused to tell him what Zane said. He didn’t want to upset her anymore and let it go. Considering she hadn't left yet, he decided that was a step in the right direction.

  "Hmm?" she asked as her eyes finally glossed back into reality.

  "The meal—do you like it?" Austin asked again.

  "Oh. Yes, it's good. Thank you for the meal, Eleanor," Ava said politely, glancing at Eleanor, but making sure not to make eye contact with Zane.

  "You're welcome, dear. These boys work hard every day, so I try and make them good meals to sustain their bellies," Eleanor replied. She looked over at Zane, who remained quiet throughout the whole meal. "How is it for you, Zane? You've been so quiet next to me."

  Zane looked up from his plate that he had just finished. "Delicious, Eleanor. There's no other word to describe your meals. I'm finished eating. I have some papers to go over in the study, if you'll excuse me." Zane grabbed his plate and walked into the kitchen without waiting for a response, or even looking at anyone.

  "Are you done, Ava? You didn't eat much," Austin asked her, ignoring Zane's abrupt departure.

  "Yes, I think I'm done," Ava said as she set her fork down.

  "Well, let's help Eleanor clear the table and I'll go show you the pool table we have in the basement. You ever play pool?" Austin asked with a grin.

  He still didn’t want her to hide in her room. While she was here, he planned to occupy her time as much as possible. She needed to breathe fresh air and get on with her life. He wasn't exactly sure how to go about doing that, but he figured getting her out of her room, not curled in bed, was a good start.

  "A few times, but I'm not really up for that," Ava replied.

  "Sure you are," Austin replied as he stood up and started to help take the dirty dishes into the kitchen.

  Ava sighed in defeat and helped clear the table as well. Once they put everything on the counter in the kitchen, Eleanor shooed them out and told them to go play while she finished cleaning everything. Austin didn't argue with her and dragged Ava downstairs before she could go run and hide in her room.

  He racked the balls on one end of the pool table and lined the cue ball up nicely on the other end. He offered Ava to make the first break, but she declined, so he went ahead and did it. He got three solids in before he missed. Ava took her turn and got two stripes in before she finally missed, making Austin slightly surprised the game may turn out good after all.

  Austin eventually ended up winning and taught Ava a few moves to help her in the next round. She tried to retire to her room, but he wouldn't let her. They played one more game and Austin finally relented when her eyes started to look heavy. He walked her to her room and said goodnight to her at the bedroom door. He told her his room was on the other side of the house, and if she needed him, he was the first door on the left and Eleanor was the second door on the left.

  He didn’t tell her where Zane's bedroom was and she never asked. Some things were better left unsaid.

  ***

  Zane locked himself in the study for the rest of the evening. His curiosity took over when images kept gliding through his mind of what Austin and Ava may be doing, but not enough to go look. He eventually went to bed around eleven, figuring he couldn't delay it any longer.

  Sleep came easily despite the nearness of Ava's presence. She was barely a door away from him, their only guest room centered next to his personal space. He hadn't been happy knowing how close she would be. It had been the only reason he delayed going to bed, knowing she was just a few steps away. The immediate feeling of suffocation overwhelmed him, clogging his throat when he realized where Austin had put h
er.

  His senses were jolted into alarm when he heard a scream. The piercing sound was loud and frightening as it sent shivers throughout his body. Almost like someone was dying. He sat up in bed, glanced at the clock that read 2:35 and threw the covers off in a quick sweep. Rushing out of his room, he realized the screaming was coming from Ava's bedroom.

  With nervous steps, he swiftly opened her door. She thrashed around in bed screaming. Her words froze him.

  "Jimmy! Please, stay with me. I've stopped the bleeding. You're going to be fine. Jimmy, wake up."

  Over and over, she repeated that. Just stood there like an idiot in her doorway. Until Zane couldn't take it anymore. Hurrying over to her bed, he sat down, grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into his arms. He started to rub her back and whisper, "Shhh, Ava. It's okay. It's just a nightmare. You're safe. Everything's fine."

  Ava instantly stopped screaming and started to weep softly into his chest. Her tears ran down him, making him tremor deep inside. They soaked into his skin as her words earlier had seared into his brain. He sat there holding her, rubbing her back, whispering to her that everything was okay. He wasn't completely sure if she was fully awake or actually crying in her sleep, and he was afraid to pull her away from his chest to find out.

  Gradually, her body stopped shaking and the tears stopped flowing. He stayed there a few more minutes rubbing her back just in case. When her breathing returned to normal and she was definitely asleep, he gently laid her back down and pulled the covers up around her, almost like tucking a child into bed.

  He gently moved a piece of hair off her cheek and slightly caressed her as he did. She looked so peaceful now as she slept, as if it all never happened. How could he hate a woman who held so much pain inside? She had cried out Jimmy's name as if she thought she could have saved him. Didn’t anyone tell her that he couldn't have been saved? That he died instantly.

  It broke his heart a little inside as he remembered seeing her scream like that. In that moment, he regretted every nasty word he said to her. He wished he could take it all back. He wished he could take her pain away, but he couldn't. He couldn't even manage to take his own pain away.