A Life Apart

by Harriet Knowles

  But the lines on his face had deepened and he didn’t smile.

  “Good morning, Mr. Darcy.” She’d reached the bottom of the stairs and curtsied.

  “Mrs. Darcy.” He bowed and stood back for her to enter the parlour.

  The table was spread already and the sheer amount of food made her feel instantly unwell. But perhaps he would wish to eat heartily, even though he didn’t look as if he’d eaten much recently.

  She knew she must seem to be partaking of the meal to prevent causing undue interest in her health.

  The servant poured her tea and handed her the cup and saucer.

  “Thank you,” she murmured. Mr. Darcy’s eyes seemed to have some warmth when she glanced that way and she looked down hastily.

  She took a small amount onto her plate and began to eat in tiny mouthfuls.

  Her husband seemed equally distracted and they ate in silence for some minutes. Perhaps he wouldn’t talk to her until they were in the coach together — or maybe even until they reached Pemberley.

  She drew a deep breath. She must endure this, she must.

  “May I persuade you to eat a little more, Mrs. Darcy, before we begin our journey?” The solicitude in his voice made her wonder if she would weep.

  She dare not show weakness. “Thank you, Mr. Darcy, I have had sufficient.” In her haste to reply, her voice came out more sharply than she had realised, and he recoiled.

  “I beg your pardon, madam.”

  Elizabeth could think of no way to repair the situation and she miserably pushed her plate away.

  They sat in silence for a few more minutes. When she dared steal a brief glance at his face, he was stern and thoughtful.

  Finally, there was a knock at the door and Mr. Reed bowed to his master. “The coaches are ready, sir.”

  He bowed at Elizabeth. “Good morning, Mrs. Darcy.”

  “Good morning, Mr. Reed.” Elizabeth smiled at him, but she noted the subtle change in his loyalty. His master was here, and he’d now take his orders from Mr. Darcy. She was slightly saddened, he’d been most helpful to her at Pemberley, accepting her position with respect.

  She felt suddenly cold and glanced at her husband, to see his eyes thoughtfully on her.

  “If you’ve finished, madam, perhaps you would wish to retire and then we will be able to commence our journey.”

  Elizabeth rose hastily. “Thank you, sir.”

  The sooner they were on the road, the sooner this whole sorry business might be resolved. She was embarrassed at being in his presence, even more so than the days after they were married.

  Now that she knew he had wanted her out of his sight and she even knew that he had wanted to put her out of his mind completely, she must assist him in that, and she must be strong. If he was being kind and gentlemanly, then she would accept it was a disinterested assistance, as when he’d chanced upon her in the woods with her injury.

  Chapter 29

  Darcy waited as patiently as he could outside the door. He almost wished he was still travelling alone, he could then eat when, and as much as, he wished. He could begin the journey early and travel fast. He could read the newspaper over his breakfast and please only himself.

  But he had set his mind to do his duty by his wife. He had neglected her for too long, and her appearance showed that his negligence had taken a terrible toll on her.

  When he had tried to encourage her to eat a little more at breakfast, he had tried to be gentle, but she had retorted sharply. He had of course apologised at once and remained silent in his dismay. He thought he had divined that her eyes were brimming and he would certainly be most embarrassed if she wept.

  But she was usually strong, he already knew that. He must at least accept that fact. Every time he had met her, he had been impressed with her strength. Except that third occasion, at Gracechurch Street, when she had bowed to the pressure of her family and accepted she must marry.

  But that wasn’t weakness, or he himself must admit that he was equally guilty of the same sort of weakness, in making her the offer.

  But he considered it had taken a lot of strength to accept his duty and marry her to preserve her honour, so he must accept that it must have taken great strength on her part to preserve her family’s respectability, too.

  And then he had neglected her. His jaw tightened, she must have wondered if her life would always be this way.

  For the first time, he wondered what sort of life she had been building for herself, and what had driven her to begin the journey to find him, and what he might discover about her.

  Then she was descending the stairs towards him. His throat tightened, he had not previously allowed himself to consider how lovely she was. Her gown swirled around her ankles and his mind, unbidden, flew back to that first day in the woods, and a glimpse of a shapely calf.

  He turned away abruptly. “Thank you for being timely, madam.” He had to stop and clear his throat. He took a deep breath and consciously tried to make his voice more conciliatory. “We will take the journey more slowly than I understood you did yesterday, so you will be not get so fatigued.”

  He stood back at the coach door to allow her to climb in.

  Once the doors were shut, and he’d nodded at Mr. Reed, he felt the coach springs rock as his steward climbed up.

  Elizabeth looked round. “Is my maid in the other coach?”

  He nodded. “Yes, most of the staff are in the coach you travelled in. It will be accompanying us, should you need her at each stop.”

  She settled back in her seat. “Thank you, sir.” She raised her eyes to him. “Would you normally expect to do the journey from Leicester to Pemberley in one day, Mr. Darcy?”

  He nodded silently, he would not lie to her.

  “Then, sir, might we do that?” She looked down. “I would far rather return to Pemberley as soon as possible so that we might have more privacy — if that is agreeable to you, of course.” She added the last part hastily, and he had to smile.

  “You are permitted to express your preferences, madam.”

  “Thank you,” she said quietly. “Might it be agreeable to you?”

  “I would not wish you to get too tired, Mrs. Darcy. But if you really wish to go as fast as is possible, we can do that.”

  She nodded. “I would like that, if you will permit it.”

  “All right.” He had to clear his throat again. “I will inform Mr. Reed when we change horses at the next post.” He glanced out of the window. “It might be quite late when we get there, we will need torch bearers to give us light on the road after dark, so we cannot go fast.” Perhaps he should not have insisted on a later start to their journey. But he had meant it for the best.

  “Thank you, sir.” She sounded grateful and he merely nodded silently and continued to gaze out of the window. He must remember to send an express up to Pemberley to tell Mrs. Reynolds to prepare for their late arrival.

  It would give her several hours’ notice. He smiled; she would be ready.

  He wondered if it would be as well to begin the conversation they needed to have. They had the privacy they needed, and it would mean they would not be sitting in an uncomfortable silence.

  But he had not the first idea how to begin the conversation, what she wanted, what she liked, even.

  She laughed quietly. “It is all right, sir. I want what you want.”

  He turned to her. “I beg your pardon?”

  She had her hands in her lap and looked quite composed. “I meant that if you wish to talk about anything, I am happy to do so. Or if you wish to sit in silence and talk when we get home, then I am content with that, too.”

  He looked at her with a grudging respect. His anger at the actions of the father had blinded him to the merits of the daughter.

  He looked at her thoughtfully. Not only was her appearance very easy on the eye, her manner was pleasing and restful.

  He realised she was waiting for some sort of answer.

  “I am sorry, madam, I am
a negligent host this day.”

  “It is quite all right, sir. I know that we are not acquainted with each other well enough to determine whether it is best to remain silent, or to attempt a conversation.”

  He laughed. “I would be glad to hear your opinion on the matter.”

  She settled back in her seat, appearing to accept the invitation. “Perhaps we can talk a little about Pemberley, sir. Now that I have been there for several weeks, I know it better, although, of course, not as well as you do, having lived there for many months of each year.”

  He smiled slightly. “And what have you discovered there that gives you the most pleasure, Mrs. Darcy?” He was pleased with her choice of topic, he might discover what made her happiest, what things she enjoyed doing, and if she had had any ideas which might be useful.

  She smiled. “You have the most beautiful home, Mr. Darcy. I have walked in the gardens each day — usually with Mr. Reed in attendance. He is very good at listening to any thoughts I might have.”

  “Tell me of one of your thoughts you had which you have managed to implement, perhaps.” He prompted her, interested to see what she had done.

  He would be surprised if she had found anything that might be improved, he loved it all.

  She looked a little nervous, and he tried to look encouraging.

  “I would not change much at all, sir. As I said, Pemberley is the most beautiful place I have ever been to.” She smiled. “I have made a request that perhaps the gardener might be able to take cuttings of the latest blooming roses in the rose garden. They have the most wonderful scent during the evenings, and if he is successful at rooting the cuttings, then they might be planted at the entrance to the rose garden, and would invite further inspection.”

  Her eyes met his. “It is not something that will cause too great an expense to the estate. And I did not think it would upset your view of the place.”

  “I am sure it will not, Mrs. Darcy. It appears to me to be a sound plan.” He stretched. “If the gardener tells me that growing the cuttings might take too long, then I will instruct him to purchase full-grown plants, that we might have blooms in the next season.”

  She smiled appreciatively. “I would think that a good idea, perhaps. He has been very good, sending a few blooms to Mrs. Reynolds each day, so that my bedchamber is full of the scent of roses when I retire.”

  “I will arrange that the rose garden is extended, perhaps. We must ensure that there are always enough blooms for you.” He watched the delicate flush on her cheeks. It seemed she was making a life for herself. However he was still concerned as to her appearance. It seemed to show a deep unhappiness within her, and perhaps the changes she was making were merely to take her mind away from her loss.

  For she had lost a great deal. He must accept that it was not just he who had suffered from this incident.

  She was a comfortable companion to travel with, Darcy had to acknowledge to himself. Despite the speed of the journey and the necessarily brief stops, she was able to read his mood, lighten the conversation or respect the times when he wanted to be silent.

  At their stop for luncheon, they undertook a brief stroll along to the pond past the inn.

  “I believe it will be beneficial for us both,” Darcy commented, offering his arm for her support. They strolled along, watching the lone swan floating majestically on the still water of the pond.

  “I must thank you, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth spoke quietly once they could not be overheard. “I am most grateful that you have spared the time to discuss with me what we should do to resolve the terrible injustice that my family has done to you.”

  He breathed more deeply. “The injustice has also been to you, madam. And more so, perhaps; for you have lost your family and friends and everything familiar to you as well.”

  She smiled sadly at the swan. “That was my choice, sir. I could not abide the thought that they might rejoice in the circumstances that had obliged you to me. It was not a happy occurrence, and not one that they should be permitted to think that all was well.”

  “Nevertheless, it has resulted in the loss of your home and all that was dear to you,” he said gravely. “I will, however, admit to being pleased that you have not brought certain family members to Pemberley.”

  She laughed. “You mean my mother!” She shook her head. “My mother has done her best in her own mind, but she is the last person I would wish to invite to your home. It would be as if I was glorying in your downfall.”

  He bowed. “I would never think you would do that.”

  She glanced up at him, but she didn’t speak.

  He smiled. “Let us return to the coach. I believe we will be able to continue our journey.”

  Chapter 30

  A couple of servants from the inn at Lambton ran the last part of the journey in front of them, carrying the flaming torches which enabled them to continue to Pemberley after the daylight was gone. Darcy was glad they would be home today, he much preferred the familiarity and comfort of his own bedchamber to those of inns along the way.

  She was hardly visible now when he glanced across the coach at her, but he knew she had been pale and tired at the last post, when they had the final change of horses.

  He wasn’t sure if she was sleeping, so he didn’t say anything. But his heart was full of what had happened that day and an unfamiliar sense of hope within him that she would not prevent a resolution of his terrible dilemma.

  Perhaps they could make something of this marriage. Perhaps he might not have to send her away to Bath, to live apart from him.

  He grimaced out of the window. How would he go about courting a woman who was already his wife?

  He was startled when she laughed softly. “You do not have to solve all the problems at once, sir. You may allow time to see what transpires.”

  He turned to her. “I beg your pardon, madam?”

  “I think you were concerned that nothing has yet been decided. I merely wanted to assure you that often, the best decisions are not those made in haste.”

  He shook his head. “I do not know how you are aware what I am thinking.”

  “I am not, Mr. Darcy. I was conjecturing from your sigh and what we spoke of earlier.”

  “I am much relieved, madam.” He found himself smiling foolishly. So much so, that he was extremely relieved when he saw that they were turning into the great gates of the Pemberley estate.

  He climbed out of the coach, very thankful to be home at last. He had been away for too long. He waited for his wife to descend the step. For the first time, he felt a sense of pride at the thought of her as his wife.

  He was genuinely smiling as she climbed the steps beside him, genuinely happy she was there with him. It was not a sensation he had expected to feel.

  The great door swung open and he nodded at the butler as they entered the grand hall. He saw Mrs. Reynolds curtseying to them, but his attention was taken by the sight of a strange gentleman. He stiffened. He did not like the way the gentleman was looking at Elizabeth. It was almost — predatory.

  The stranger moved towards him and Darcy stepped in front of her.

  “Who is this gentleman?” He asked the butler, allowing his lip to curl.

  “I apologise, sir.” Mr. Payne produced a calling card. “Doctor Popham arrived earlier this afternoon. He says he has a letter of introduction from the Earl of Matlock.”

  Darcy’s throat tightened and he felt his rage rise. His uncle wanted Elizabeth committed. He could not allow it — would not allow it.

  He glanced back at the man, who was standing, a gloating expression on his face, watching Elizabeth.

  Darcy clenched his jaw. He turned to Mr. Reed, who had entered the hall from the back entrance. He always seemed to know when he was needed.

  “Mr. Reed, please ensure Dr. Popham’s coach is readied. He will be leaving shortly.”

  He heard the man’s exclamation of disgust, but ignored him.

  Darcy turned to his wife, turning his bac
k to the stranger and hiding her from his view. There was fear in her eyes. She knew. He must find a way of reassuring her.

  He bowed to her, and winked slightly. “Elizabeth, my dear, I am sure you are fatigued from the journey.” He bowed, and lifted her hand to his lips, her touch burning him. As he lifted his head, he allowed his finger to linger on his lips, warning her to be silent. “I am sure you would like to take tea in the drawing room, and I will be able to join you shortly.”

  If she was startled at his use of her given name, at his kiss of her hand, she did not betray it by a single glance.

  Her head went up, proudly. “You are very kind — as always, Mr. Darcy.” She stared imperiously at the stranger before returning her gaze to Darcy. “I will wait for you.” Then she smiled warmly at him, and he felt heat spread throughout his body. He had to remind himself she had responded to his warning and was just acting the part he had given her. That was all.

  He watched her as she walked through to the drawing room and only then did he speak to the stranger. He allowed his voice to be very cold.

  “Doctor Popham, perhaps you would care to join me in my office. You might explain yourself.”

  “Indeed, Mr. Darcy.” The man’s voice was nettled. “But I will not need my coach tonight. I am sure you will agree once we have discussed matters.”

  Darcy raised an eyebrow. “You are not on Matlock land now, sir. I expect my order to stand. But let us talk.”

  Once in the estate office, he nodded the man into a chair. He was not prepared to use his library, his favourite room, for such a situation. He was not expecting this to be pleasant.

  “Perhaps you will show me the letter from the Earl.”

  “Yes.” Popham slid a letter out from his pocket. “Your uncle tells me you were obliged into an unsuitable marriage and that if your wife is committed to an asylum, you will be able to get the marriage annulled.” He handed the sealed letter over to Darcy.

  “That is what I supposed he considers for the best.” Darcy allowed his tone to remain cold.