Always

by Maverick, Henley

  I grabbed another beer, trying to numb the effects of my overflowing rage. I was getting drunk, but the pain and anguish was not going away. It was getting to the point that alcohol could no longer simmer me down. I understood how dangerous it was to use alcohol as a coping mechanism, but so far it had worked better than any of the medication my shrink put me on. They did nothing but give me sickening side effects.

  I had to get out of here. I knew it, but I couldn’t. I had to talk to Ava.

  “Hey, Haden, are you sure you’re okay?” Austin asked.

  “Yeah, man. You’ve been spacing out for a while,” Kevin added.

  I briefly snapped out of my daze to mumble, “I’m fine.” It came out more of an annoyed growl.

  “Um, okay,” Austin said.

  I knew the guys were concerned about me. They wanted to help and it was probably becoming more obvious by the minute that I was not okay at all.

  Ava was putting her arm around this jerk and laying her head on his shoulder. She was going to go home with him. She was going to sleep with him. This bastard’s hands were going to be all over the love of my life and doing who knew what with her. This couldn’t be the same girl I’d known. It had been seven years but surely, she couldn’t have changed that much.

  Unless... I did that to her. Was that possible? Did I destroy her so badly by leaving and phasing out our relationship out that she changed completely? No, it couldn’t be. I had to talk to her. I had to save her. I had to destroy that jerk touching my girl!

  “AAAGGHH!” I screamed as I jumped out of my seat. I was gripping the table so tightly that it came with me, flipping over and crashing to the floor, cascading beer bottles and dishes everywhere.

  The entire bar looked at me in stunned silence.

  I didn’t care. I was too much in my own head. The rage inside of me was starting to dwindle just enough to focus my thoughts. Ava. I had to talk to Ava.

  “Haden—” someone started to say. I think it was Austin, but I couldn’t focus on him. I was already marching over to Ava’s table.

  Ava was now in front of me. She was staring up at me with a shocked expression on her face, as was the rest of the bar.

  “I need to speak with you,” I said. My voice sounded like it was echoing down some long, dark tunnel. “Alone.”

  She couldn’t even blink.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ava

  I couldn’t move. The events that were unfolding in front me were occurring outside of my realm of consciousness. What was happening? One second, I was talking with Bill, about to ask him to leave, then a huge crash scared me so badly that I almost peed myself.

  And, then, a split second later, there was Haden. He had turned over the table he was sitting at. Broken bottles and dishes sat at his feet in pools of wet beer. The entire bar was stunned by the upset. But no one was saying anything. And now Haden was standing in front of me. He was saying something but I could hardly comprehend it.

  “What?” I asked. My mouth was dry, and my voice was shaking. Had I said something? I couldn’t tell. I tried again, “What?”

  “I need to talk to you alone,” Haden was saying.

  I began to breathe more deeply as reality came back to me, and the world started to make sense again. Haden wanted to talk with me. Okay—wait. No! The man was clearly out of his mind. After what he’d just done, I wasn’t about to spend a second with him.

  “We have nothing to say to each other.” I kept my voice even.

  “Ava, please. I have to talk with you. Just give me three minutes outside. That’s all,” Haden pleaded.

  “Hey, buddy. I think you should leave her alone,” Bill said, standing up.

  Haden’s eyes filled with fire. I thought for sure he was going to deck Bill.

  “Stay out of it! This has nothing to do with you!” Haden growled, getting in Bill’s face. He towered over Bill by a good four inches and probably outweighed him by thirty pounds. Not to mention he was a war veteran, one who did not seem particularly stable at the moment. Bill was about to get hurt.

  I stood up between the two of them. “Bill, it’s okay. I appreciate it, but I think you should go.”

  Bill looked at me like I was crazy and then back at Haden, giving him what I can only assume was some kind of a macho stare to not willingly admit defeat.

  With that, Bill walked out of the bar.

  “Okay, three minutes,” I said to Haden as I started to leave.

  “Ava—” Harper started.

  I shot her a serious look and said, “It’s okay. I know him. I’ll be fine.”

  The air outside the bar felt warmer than I expected. It felt good to actually get away from the place. More now than ever, I was wishing that I had just stayed home with a pint of Halo Top ice cream and TV, but no, I had to be adventurous.

  I heard Haden coming out right behind me. I honestly had no intentions of speaking with him. I was too buzzed to drive, but the walk to my place wasn’t that far. I could get my car in the morning. I began to walk away.

  “Hey, wait!” Haden shouted.

  I ignored him and continued walking. I could hear his heavy, lumbering footsteps jogging after me. And then his hand on my shoulder.

  I angrily spun around and swiped his hand off. “We have nothing to talk about!” I shouted back.

  “You said you would give me three minutes,” Haden said. “Please just talk with me.”

  “I lied. Which you know all about, I’m sure.”

  “I didn’t lie to you,” Haden said.

  “Wow, that is rich. Let me remind you that, seven years ago, you led me on and told me you loved me. You made this huge life altering decision that affected both of us and didn’t tell me about it until the last minute. What the hell do you call that?”

  “I do love you. I never lied about my feelings for you.” He sounded so sincere that I almost believed him. But I wasn’t falling for his charms anymore.

  “You are so full of it. If you loved me, then you never would have left. And, when you were gone, you basically told me to leave you alone with those letters. I got the message. I’m just sorry it took me so long to pay attention to it,” I ranted. I was getting so angry, the pain coming through my words. Tears were rolling down my face. Oh, I wanted to hate this man so much but somehow, I couldn’t. The love I felt for him was still there. He wouldn’t have been able to hurt me so much if I didn’t love him.

  “I’m sorry,” Haden said. “You are right. I made a bad decision. I felt that I could do my duty to my country and still have a plan for us. You would be at school, and we would continue to write and visit every chance we got. Then, after I finished my tour, we would get married. I was young and stupid. I was naïve. I had this idiotic, almost romantic notion about war and everything.”

  “You hurt me in ways I can’t even begin to describe. If you had dreams of us being together forever, then why did you stop writing? Why did you stop communicating? The last letters you wrote were almost like a zombie wrote them. There was no substance at all. It was like a chore for you.”

  “It’s because of what I was becoming. The war was changing me. I could feel it every day. I did not like who I was turning into, who I became. And I knew I was no longer the man you loved or the man you deserved. I was broken. I couldn’t let you see me that way. I couldn’t come home to you and let you see this… this thing that I now was. I wanted you to move on because I love you, because you deserve a real life.”

  I tried to fight back the tears, but they were streaming hard now. My heart was being broken to bits again by the words coming out of his mouth. I felt so sorry for him.

  “Then you should have told me. You should have had the guts to tell me, but you didn’t. I can’t believe you didn’t think our love was stronger than that. Our love was perfect. I knew it and I thought you did too. I could have handled it. I would have loved you anyway, and we would have gotten through it all. I can’t believe you didn’t even have the guts to try!”


  I was screaming now. My throat was starting to hurt. I had to get away from him. I had to run away…

  But, standing there in the street, being so close to him, smelling his sweet scent, his energy, his essence, and everything that made him Haden, I couldn’t handle it. I loved him so much. I needed him right then and there. Oh, how I still needed him. After all of these years, I still needed him, despite what he’d done to break us apart. But there he was, right in front of me. Everything came flooding back and suddenly I was eighteen again and so was he. It was almost like nothing had changed for a moment. It was a moment of weakness. But I didn’t care.

  Haden grabbed me and pulled me into the alleyway out of the shadows of the streetlights and into the darkness. I could barely make out his silhouette in front of me, but I didn’t need to see him. I just wanted to feel him.

  His lips were on mine suddenly. Oh, those amazing lips, his mouth, his rough kisses, pushing hard against me. My tears were still coming hard, my body and mind overwhelmed with total emotion. I wanted to resist. I knew this was wrong. I had not forgotten how much anger and sadness this man had caused me and how much I wanted to hurt him and punish him for all of it, but I could not fight how much I needed him, craved him, and lusted for him. I allowed myself to give in. It was meant to be.

  Haden quickly pulled my skirt up and ripped my underwear from my body, violently tearing the cloth. He was so strong, so angry, and so was I. My rage tore into him as I ripped his shirt from the neck down the middle until it was just a rag hanging over his body, revealing his rock-solid chest and abs to me in the dim glow.

  He unzipped his jeans with a beastly grunt and let them fall to his ankles. Then, he quickly hoisted me up and pinned me to the wall, allowing me to fall down just enough to spear me. Oh, he was so big and hard. I gasped with the surprise and the pain of being stretched so forcefully. He did not allow me a moment to rest or get used to him. Haden was ferociously humping into me as I was pinned to the wall, desperately holding onto his body. My arms were wrapped around behind his neck and my legs clung to his thick torso. My legs kept sliding and coming unglued with each thrust. It didn’t matter; he was strong enough to hold me mid-air while he pounded away at my wet and punished pussy.

  Oh, it felt so good. It was a perfect blend of pain, lust, love, and utter hatred. I wanted this so badly, but I wanted to rip him to shreds at the same time. My hand reached up and pulled his hair hard as he continued to pump into me.

  He moaned in pain and then released a devilish cackle, as he continued to move in and out of me. God, he was going so deep. My whole body was being split up the middle and I wanted more. More, more!

  I was going to come soon. Oh, I was going to come so hard…

  He was groaning in my ear like a wild animal, almost delirious with lust and power. Hearing those sounds turned me on to no end. I tried to buck my hips to facilitate even more sensual pleasure.

  An impulse overtook me and I slapped Haden hard across the face. He laughed and grunted as he began to pound into me even harder. Oh, I had always loved it rough, but this was on another level. And it was intense.

  Haden clamped his mouth on mine hard. I could barely breathe as I felt his body shudder and his release inside of me. Oh, it felt like he was releasing buckets of his seed into my eagerly awaiting core.

  This was all I needed to release my own climax, my body collapsing around his pulsing cock.

  Afterwards, we both held each other. I felt so vindicated, so much relief. That was crazed, animalistic, and insane. But it was perfect. It had been years since I felt as at peace as I did right in that moment, leaning against Haden in that dark alleyway.

  What was going to happen next? Where did we go from there?

  “Do you want to go back to your place?” Haden asked as he pulled his pants up.

  I nodded. “Yes, I do.”

  I couldn’t bear the thought of waking up tomorrow without him by my side.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Haden

  I couldn’t stop looking at Ava. She was right there beside me in the bed, her bed. I loved her apartment and the way everything smelled of her. As I snuggled up beside her, I felt a peace that I hadn’t felt in so long. It was like clearing the garbage out of my head and refilling it with happiness. Oh, happiness. That was something I thought I’d never have again. But here it was.

  I kissed her softly and gazed deeply into her beautiful eyes. There was so much innocence, so much beauty there. But at the same time, the years had aged her slightly and damaged her, because I could still see pain and anguish in those eyes—the pain and anguish that I caused her. It was my fault, and I swore I would never forgive myself.

  We laid there for the longest time, not saying anything. It didn’t feel awkward at all, though. It was just the two of us being together.

  I wrapped her up in my arms and laid back with her soft, warm body on top of me. I was now lined up perfectly with her and my body started to respond accordingly. And, in a moment, I was inside of her once again.

  She smiled warmly and leaned back, adjusting her position so she was now looking down at me, her beautiful hair falling down over her face in just the perfect way. God, she was so sexy. I almost came immediately, but I held back enough to make it last.

  The sex in the alley had been full of frenzied emotion. It was almost scary to think about now, but it was also therapeutic and cathartic. We’d both needed it that way. That was why we didn’t have to say anything now. We’d aired it all out there in that alley.

  This time, the sex was slow and passionate, full of love and joy. She stayed on top of me the entire time, and I was happy to let her. There was nothing more beautiful in this world than Ava sitting on top of me; her sweet smile, those angelic eyes, and the soft moans escaping her as she moved up and down on my long, hard shaft. And, when I released deeply inside of her, she quivered from head to toe. My own body lurched upwards as my lower back arched trying to shove myself as far inside of her as I could, letting my hot juice flow into her warm embracing heat.

  As her climax ended, and her body began to calm down, she leaned forward and rested her body on top of mine. I pulled her even closer in my arms, feeling her heart beating next to mine.

  Sleep soon came over me.

  * * *

  “So, what did you think?” Ava asked me.

  I followed her into my apartment and closed the door. We’d decided to get together after work and go see a movie. It was a romantic western, which has never been my cup of tea, but I was happy to see whatever she wanted. Plus, I was hoping that a chick flick might just get her in the mood to get frisky. Not that she seemed to need much help these days. Both of us had been going at it hot and heavy for almost a week. I was almost worn out. Almost.

  “It was okay,” I said. “Better than I thought it would be.”

  She grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. “You liar,” she teased, handing me a beer.

  I laughed. “It was okay, really.”

  I opened the beer and drank deeply as I watched her take her coat and sweater off. The evening had turned chilly. It was getting to be that time of year. Underneath the sweater, she was wearing a tight tank top exposing her magnificent cleavage. I felt myself getting turned on. Ava in a tank top and a pair of tight jeans—now that was what my dreams were made of.

  She caught me staring and gave me a little playful eye roll with that killer smile of hers. She loved it when I checked her out, and I was never shy about doing it.

  The phone started ringing just as I was about to sit down beside her on the couch. I instantly reached for my phone in my pocket, but quickly realized it wasn’t mine. The ringing was coming from the kitchen where Ava’s phone was sitting on the table.

  “Would you grab my phone for me?” she asked.

  “I guess,” I teased.

  I picked up the phone off the table and returned to the couch to hand it to her, but as I did I happened to see who was calling her. It was a man’s n
ame I did not recognize. Ava must have noticed the look on my face, because she instantly checked the name too as she grabbed the phone from my hand.

  “Oh, never mind,” she said.

  “Who is that?” I asked.

  She shrugged and said, “Oh, it’s nobody really.”

  “Well, it must be someone if they have your number,” I replied.

  I wasn’t sure where it came from, but then again, I never am. The anger was returning inside of me as if I was being taken over by some kind of a demon. My palms started to sweat as my head began pounding inside of my temples. I could hear my heartbeat loud and clear, rapidly speeding up in my head. The gushing of my blood through my veins was like the roaring ocean tide crashing into the shore.

  “It’s just some guy I met at the bar last week,” Ava said. “You remember the one you yelled at?”

  “Oh, that jerk. Why is he calling you?” I demanded.

  “Harper gave him my number. She didn’t know you were in the bar. Hell, I’m not sure I knew you were there yet.”

  “You gave that guy your number? How many times has he called? Have you talked to him?” I found myself interrogating her. My voice was getting loud. I was having a problem controlling the volume. I had to get a grip. I had to remember the steps to calm myself down, the ones my therapist had given me. I tried to remember, but my mind was racing. The rage was growing like a wild fire inside of me. It was going to consume me. I could feel something bad about to happen, but I felt powerless to stop it. What was wrong with me? Please, God… don’t let this happen…