Dear Olivia

by Fontaine , Bella

  “Yours?”

  “All mine.”

  This time when our lips met there was no holding back. She pressed into me and gasped when I reached for her breasts and filled my palms with her perky mounds.

  She felt so perfect in my hands. So damn perfect that I couldn’t think of anything else.

  I was ready to indulge on her when she pulled back with a saucy smile on her face I’d never seen before.

  “Fuck, don’t make me more crazy.” I winced. “I want you.”

  Her eyes glittered with mischief and desire as she fluttered those long lashes at me. “You’ll have me.”

  As she pulled her jumper over her head and snapped open the little butterfly clasp holding her black lace bra together, I dared not move for fear this was some dream.

  My mouth watered as her breasts spilled out, her hard, honey-dipped nipples pointing at me, ready to be sucked.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” I told her, running my fingers over the peaks.

  “Thank you.”

  I moved in to taste her, ready to indulge and make her mine all damn night.

  Right then, nothing else mattered.

  Chapter 18

  Sam

  Present day…

  We had the kind of day I wished we could have had years ago. A day spent with Joe doing all sorts of things. Not with either of us hiding that we were together.

  It was strange because I guess we weren’t really together now.

  At night we gathered around a fire Joe made in the bonfire pit on the beach. It was just outside the house so it looked like it was a part of the back yard.

  We gathered around it and roasted marshmallows while he told his cop stories.

  Olivia sat with her head resting on my shoulder. The way we used to when we were kids. We didn’t do it when we were together, for fear of looking like we were exactly that.

  She was with me now and this felt like it could be my life. How I truly wanted things to be.

  Tonight reminded me of when I first made love to her. It was the longing and that sense of belonging that made me recall the memory.

  But damn. For every good memory and good feeling I experienced, there was bad too.

  The night I first made love to her was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Something happened to me then that I couldn’t describe with words. The day after, however, when we got to Joe’s, we got a phone call from the hospital. Coop had OD’d. Coop took an overdose that put him in a coma for three days. Then he spent the whole of Christmas in the hospital. It was awful, and just like now, I blamed myself. While I was getting lost in Olivia, I had forgotten to go through his stash and get rid of it. It turned out he came back to the house late that night, completely unknown to us. He came back, took the whole thing, and went out to some club where he collapsed and had a fit.

  That was the first time any of us saw how bad his problems were. He nearly died that night. It scared him enough to go to rehab and I thought it worked out for him. He’d hid his problems before, but after that he went overboard with the hiding, slipped up a few times, and Joe sent him back to rehab. However, toward the end, I had no idea he was still using.

  “Last marshmallow. Who wants it?” Joe asked with a smile.

  “You have it, Dad,” Olivia said, lifting her head from my shoulder.

  Joe smiled and held out the marshmallow to her. The flames from the fire flickered over his face, casting an orange glow over him.

  “I think you should have it, princess.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” She took it and smiled up at him.

  I didn’t realize I was just staring at her until I felt the intensity of Joe’s gaze on me and I looked away.

  He smiled, though. Smiled like he was happy to see us together.

  Earlier was seriously awkward, although I put on bravado when I asked Olivia if she didn’t want Joe to see her with me. What made me ask was the notion of starting out on the right foot. I didn’t want a repeat of the past where we were hiding. I didn’t want to hide, and I was glad she didn’t want to either.

  “How about I go make some fruit punch,” she offered, standing up. She’d put on her clothes from yesterday, but she looked less businesslike with her hair braided to the side in one of those complicated-looking braids she did. I think I remember her saying that was a fishtail braid.

  “Fruit punch would be great.” Joe nodded.

  “Dad, don’t finish the story without me. I want to know what happens to the mutant turkeys.”

  Joe with his stories. I didn’t know anyone who had so many. The man was full of them. I’d heard a bunch just the other day, and in the space between then and now he’d come up with more craziness. He’d arrested a guy who was running a turkey farm. The man was pumping them full of steroids, as in the type bodybuilders used. Joe said the turkeys all had muscles.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll wait.” Joe laughed. “You’re gonna love what happens next.”

  “Dad, you have the craziest stories.”

  “What can I say? These weird things always happen to me,” Joe smirked.

  “Yes they certainly do. Mutant turkeys.” She laughed, a dainty sound that stayed with me as she walked away. I watched her walk back, going up the steps and slipping through the sliding doors. It was like we both actually lived here—together.

  Again I looked away, feeling eyes on me. Joe’s eyes.

  Oh God…

  “Boy, you can hardly take your eyes off her. Don’t bother to try on my behalf.” Joe chuckled.

  “I’m sorry. I just…” I attempted.

  “Can’t stop looking at my daughter even when I’m right in front of you.” He laughed louder. “Sam, please, come on, it’s fine. Are you two…together?”

  “I’m working on it.”

  “She looks happy. She looks the way she did before. It’s a good look on her. She works too hard. Anyone who works that hard is a person who’s trying to escape into something they can control. You work, you get paid. You work hard, you get a promotion. You work really hard, you get more money. It’s controllable. But you can’t control life.”

  “I completely agree.” I sighed.

  “It’s a true thing: the concept of losing yourself in work. Listen to me, I sound like Jada.”

  I chuckled. “You kind of do, Joe.”

  That Jada was a queen on her own planet. A planet well-earned with all the wisdom and sayings that woman came out with. We didn’t really talk to each other over the years but she was very important to Olivia. I knew Olivia valued her opinion and took a lot of her advice, so as far as I was concerned, I needed to be on Dr. Jada’s good side.

  “Jada and Olivia have been friends forever.”

  “Right from day one when we moved here and they met in the park. Five years old. Not many people can say they’ve had friendship for that long.”

  I nodded, agreeing again.

  “So, you’re working on it.” Joe was smooth; I had to give him credit for his tactics. Slip in some casual talk to loosen me up, then jump back in to the most pressing thing on his mind.

  “I’m working on it.” I offered a cautious smile.

  I never got to talk to Joe like this before, and I never would have because, like Coop, he knew a portion of the badness I’d gotten up to in my teenage years. He took on the role of parent, and Lord knew I gave him trouble. Of the myriad of things I’d done, there were two things that really pissed him off. The first was that whole truck incident that landed me in not just juvie but prison. The second was that same year when the Dean at UCLA caught me in the girls’ dorm with Cindi Fuller ready to give me a blow job. I got arrested for breaking in and Joe had to pick me up. Of course he was given the full details of what I was doing there.

  The prison thing was bad, but I swore he was more mad at the whole girls’ dorm incident, and not because I broke in either. It was because of what I was doing there. He said a real man didn’t have to pick up loose women and behave the way I did.


  “What does that mean exactly?” His voice tore me away from my thoughts. “She must have had quite an impact on you to want to have such a turn around. Last I checked you were looking to leave as soon as.”

  I was, and earlier when I spoke to her, asking her to trust me, I sounded like I had a plan.

  I did, and the crew wasn’t going to like it very much.

  The answer was to leave. It sounded crazy. I’d been with them for six years and it took me six days to come to that conclusion. I’d been with them for a longer time than the Marines, did so many things, many significant things, but it truly felt like I was on autopilot. Just going through the motions and doing something I was good at.

  I joined them when Xavier tracked me down in Mexico under orders from the Secretary of Defense. I was their mission. Why? Because that little stunt of mine in Afghanistan not only earned me a medal but it got me some serious recognition for the type of skills I had. I cracked a code and intercepted a message that was being sent to the militant terrorists who’d taken my men. The code was one that not even the best at the CIA had picked up on. I did, though. That landed me the tech position in a crew that officially didn’t exist. Just like me. I didn’t want to exist to anyone, either, so it suited me just fine.

  “I need to change up a few things. I need to make things right. I don’t expect to just slip back into how we used to be,” I replied.

  “This isn’t about Coop, Sam.” Joe looked me over with concern, tipping his head to one side then shaking it mournfully. “It’s not about Coop. It’s important that you know that.”

  I answered with a nod. “I know. I know. It was hard for me to separate the two things, but I see that now. It was never about him, and I saw it as the same thing. What I mean is, me leaving. Me leaving the way I did. It was bad, Joe. It was really bad, and no one should do that to someone they love. I shouldn’t have done it, whatever my reasons. She’d never believe that I could have done such a thing to her and I did. For years. That’s the part I need to work on. So I’m going to stick around for a while and see what happens.”

  His mouth curled into a smile. “That’s real nice to hear, Sam. It’s really good you’re sticking around. Feels like I got one of my sons back.”

  I stared in wonder and awe at him. Again I was reminded that I had people who cared about me.

  “Thank you. That means a lot to me, Joe.”

  “Sam…you’d tell me if you were in trouble again, wouldn’t you?”

  “Yeah, why’d you ask that?” I knew why. I knew this man like the backs of my hands, and knew when his curiosity turned into suspicion.

  He knew something was up with me.

  “I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking things and doing my best to hold onto the joy of seeing you again. I guess that flexible work of yours is good that way in allowing you to stick around for a while.”

  This… It was a prime example of what Patrick meant.

  We couldn’t talk about work. Couldn’t say anything to anyone about what we did, what we were doing, nothing at all.

  “Yes, it’s good.” I felt even more like a liar, and no way could I pull the same stunt as I did earlier with Olivia by asking him to trust me.

  It was a different scenario and Joe was a cop. A captain. He didn’t deal with nonsense or shit. The man meant business. He was already suspicious, just wasn’t saying much about the suspicion because it was me.

  “Better be, kid.” There was a warning in his eyes.

  I didn’t know about the other guys. I figured everyone had their own set of things they wanted out of life. Being part of the crew was a job, and it was inherently implied that there might come a day when a choice had to be made.

  In or out.

  You couldn’t do black ops missions and live the vanilla. The two didn’t fit. They couldn’t. It wasn’t the same as being a Marine and having a family. I could have done that. This was a no.

  I feared coming back to L.A., but coming back showed me what I truly wanted.

  She was walking toward me with a tray of fruit punch.

  Olivia.

  Forever my girl. I just had to win her back.

  To do that I had to work on this mission first. Not the part about getting the chip. The other part. The gray area.

  I was too curious to leave it alone. Something was up and I was going to find out what it was.

  Chapter 19

  Olivia

  “Sam, aren’t breakfast dates what people do if they’re testing the waters?” I laughed and rested my hands on the smooth wooden surface of the table between us.

  “No, breakfast is not that at all. It’s the I-got-lucky-last-night-with-a-goddess-and-we-can’t-say-goodbye-yet kind of date.” Sam was full of compliments.

  All morning he’d been like it. It was nearly ten and he’d insisted on us coming here. It was a quaint little restaurant on the beach. It had that exotic feel about it.

  “I don’t know. You don’t think it’s an I’m-not-sure-about-you thing?” I teased, but maybe deep down I was kind of serious.

  “Can’t be, because I’m sure about you. Unless if you’re not sure about me and want to give me the boot before tomorrow so you’re trying to work some reverse psych on me?” He pretended to pout.

  “What?” I laughed out loud. “That is crazy. Why would I want to give you the boot before tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know, could be something to do with Marcus. I’ll have to challenge him to a duel.”

  “Sam, Marcus is out of the picture. And a duel? Come on.”

  “What did you say to him?” he scrutinized.

  “I just told him we were basically too good as friends to change things from how they were.”

  “So you’re still friendly with him?”

  I smiled. “Sam, he’s a good friend. I’m not going to stop being friends with him just because I’m not dating him anymore.”

  Sam frowned. “What if he still tries to get you to change your mind?”

  I shook my head. “He can’t.”

  “How come?”

  “He’s not you. You’re the master of me changing my mind.” Looked that way big time, because I was. Day four of me being with him. “You do realize that I’ve been stuck with you for the last four days. Sam, I’ll have to go home later to at least sort my hair out.” I chuckled.

  “I’m coming with you.” He reached across the table for my hand.

  “No, because I won’t get anything done.”

  “Hair looks beautiful.”

  So he kept telling me. It was in that messy bun again. “It can look better.”

  “Stay with me again tonight. I have to do some stuff at work. You could go sort your hair out then come back, or I come to you.”

  When he looked at me like that, I could hardly resist.

  “Okay, okay.”

  I was crazy. This was crazy.

  Had I moved too fast in forgiving him? I was going with how I felt, and I just couldn’t feel that desire to be mad or hold onto something bad that had a valid explanation.

  Those pesky questions got me, though. I was thinking about it earlier this morning.

  Last night with Dad was nice. It was nice sitting with Sam out on the beach with Dad. My concerns popped up from time to time, but I pushed those thoughts away. I woke up in Sam’s arms this morning, and as he held me I thought about when he’d leave.

  I didn’t want him to go.

  “You won’t regret it. Tomorrow, once we’re done with Bradley, I want to take you somewhere.”

  My lips parted. “Sam, the meeting is at ten. I can’t be going anywhere after. I have at least six clients to see after Bradley.”

  “Joe said you worked too hard.”

  “Dad’s really going to get himself in trouble.” I knew they were talking about me yesterday. Dad’s face was classic when he came into Sam’s house and saw me. I’d gotten dressed quickly and fixed myself up so I wouldn’t look too much like I’d spent the night at Sam’s pl
ace. Although the fact that my car wasn’t there did sort of give that away a little.

  If asked, I wouldn’t have lied and made something up, like I’d gotten a taxi there that morning. I wouldn’t have lied like in the past. Sure, I worried what he would think, but he looked happy. I was surprised to see how happy he looked.

  He’d simply said, “It’s good you two got reacquainted.”

  “Your dad is awesome. If you want, we can go after work, but where I want to take you is prettier in the daylight.”

  “Where? Where do you want to take me?”

  “The magical cavern we used to play around in when we were kids.” He beamed.

  I gasped and my hands flew up to my mouth. “Oh my gosh, I haven’t been there in years.”

  It was a little island with a cave out by the lake. The place was beautiful and looked like something from a fairytale. Literally like it could have been from the set of a Disney film. We all used to play there when we were little. We hung there a lot after Sam came to live with us. Me being the adventurous ten-year-old I was at the time pretended the place was my castle and I was princess of the cavern.

  You had to get there by boat, even though it was about twenty feet from the shore. I would have loved to go there with him.

  “So, is that a yes?”

  “It’s a double yes, and let’s go after the meeting.”

  “Thought you might say that.” He smiled and his eyes twinkled with that spark he always had when he looked at me, but concern filled them and a tentative expression washed over his face. “I know I let you down, a lot. But I want to try to make everything up to you.”

  I couldn’t explain it, but the feeling that filtered through me gave me hope that we really could be those people again. I wanted that. I wanted him back, and I wanted what we could have had.

  All my life I’d been in love with exactly one guy. All my life there was only one guy who made me feel complete in every way. He sat before me.

  So I would try, too, because it was worth it. I’d try to let go of the pain I felt when he left.