Arise (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 3)

by L. Stoddard Hancock

  Quigley glanced at Luka, who was tapping his mug of tea and still avoiding looking at him. His cheeks burned as he sat on the steps beside him.

  “Let me start by saying that while you’re both welcome to continue staying in Redwood, I don’t want it to be because of me,” said Deryn. “I get it, we all lost so much in this war and it would be terrible to lose even more, but please don’t choose to stay here just because I’m here. I don’t need you to take care of me. I’m doing fine on my own.”

  Luka looked at her and raised his eyebrows.

  “Don’t,” she said sternly. “I’m heartbroken, Luka, and I think I’m going to be for a long time, but the war is over. Some big bad dragon isn’t going to come and take me away.”

  “Xander told me to take care of you.”

  “And you said no!”

  Luka flinched. He took a breath to compose himself, a tear falling down his cheek. “I didn’t believe he’d actually d -” He choked on the word.

  “But he did die,” she said, her voice faint and unbelieving. It never felt real that he was gone.

  But he was.

  “Quigley.” Deryn wiped her eyes, always surprised to find there were still tears left inside of her. She would have thought she’d cried herself empty. “What you did was wrong. I understand the predicament you were in, but you should’ve warned us. We could’ve come up with a plan together. But instead you let them capture me. When Soren took me into that room I thought ...” She paused and sobbed. “I don’t think you understand how truly painful it was to be in that position again. To be overpowered and to feel weak when I’ve been working so hard to be strong. If he’d raped me in there we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. I’d want nothing to do with you. But he didn’t, and I ... we have already lost so much. I want you to stay but not as some favor to Xander. I want you to stay because that’s what you choose for you.”

  Quigley took a moment before answering. “I want to stay because this is where the two of you are and I want to be near you. You’re the only family I have left.”

  Deryn nodded. “Okay. And you, Luka?”

  Luka had turned away from them again, his head leaning against the post as his eyes glistened with the tears he was trying to hold back. He shook his head. “I just can’t stop thinking about the what ifs. Your stupid fucking move is why we had to fight before we were prepared. If we’d had more time, maybe Bronson and Xander would ...” He shut his eyes and let the tears fall.

  Deryn put down her book and walked over to him. She sat between her two boys and took away Luka’s cold mug of tea. Then she grabbed his hand and placed her head on his shoulder. “Maybe they’d be alive. Or maybe we’d all be dead. You can’t live your life thinking about the what ifs. Now, tell Quigley you love him.”

  Luka laughed and shook his head. “Never.”

  “Fine,” she said with a frustrated sigh. “I suppose you and Xander never told each other either, even though it was adorably obvious.”

  Deryn reached over and grabbed Quigley’s hand with her free one.

  “Can the two of you at least play nice for my sake?”

  “I suppose,” said Luka, leaning his head against hers. “For your sake.”

  “I don’t blame him for hating me,” said Quigley. “Even I hate me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you,” said Deryn. “Right, Luka?”

  “I don’t hate you,” Luka admitted. And, to his relief, he realized he truly meant it. “I hate what you did.” A pause. “But I hated your cunt sister.”

  “And that’s enough talk for today!” said Deryn, sitting up straight. “Let’s just enjoy the beautiful sunshine.”

  Deryn leaned back on her palms and closed her eyes, taking in everything around her. The smell of clean air and pine. The sound of the birds chirping and people laughing. She almost went an entire minute before Xander’s face flashed through her mind. Her eyes shot open. There were days she wondered if she’d ever be able to move on. This was one of those days.

  “Hi, guys.” Evangeline came up to them holding a bucket. “I made ice cream. Perfect for a hot day if you’d like some.”

  They made room on the steps for Evangeline to sit. She’d brought spoons and the four of them dug into the bucket.

  Deryn had barely taken one bite when she heard someone giggle. She groaned and hoped she wouldn’t vomit the ice cream right back up.

  She looked over at Dakota’s old house. He’d just come out with Finley wobbling beside him in the leg brace she still wore. He went down two steps and steadied himself while she leapt onto his back.

  “So fucking weird,” said Luka, voicing what Deryn felt.

  “Dad, hurry up!” she called into the house.

  Stuart Scout came out, fiddling with some toy Dakota had made for him the week prior. He followed after them as they walked through the town, feet shuffling on the dirt path.

  Spotting them sitting on Deryn’s porch, Dakota waved and so did Finley. By the basket she was carrying, Deryn guessed they were going to pick blueberries. Finley had only just discovered them, since they weren’t grown in Utopia, and now she couldn’t go a day without them.

  When Dakota had offered his house to Finley and Stuart while her leg healed, Deryn had wondered if there was something going on between them. He even gave her his room while he slept on the couch. But Deryn hadn’t truly believed it until she’d overheard Laramie telling Talon that the whole couch thing lasted only three days. Even though Laramie hadn’t heard more than a few giggles throughout the night, it was obvious that something was blossoming.

  Deryn wasn’t quite sure how she felt about that. While she’d forgiven Finley for the things she’d done to her, more or less, it was still so odd to see her first love and Xander’s first love together.

  Deryn hated being so petty. Dakota deserved happiness, and when he was with Finley he never stopped smiling. That should have been all that mattered.

  With a sigh, Deryn dug out another spoonful of ice cream. “It all feels so surreal, doesn’t it? This whole peace thing.”

  “How do you mean?” asked Evangeline.

  “For the majority of our lives we were caught in the middle of a war with no end in sight. But now it’s over and I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t keep training.”

  “Why not?” asked Luka.

  Deryn shrugged. “What would be the point? For the first time in ten years I’m finally home where I’m free to just sit on my porch reading a book and eating ice cream and I feel ...”

  She paused and tried to think of the right word.

  “Restless.”

  Looking around at her friends faces, she could tell that she wasn’t alone. What were you supposed to do after you fought a war for your entire life and finally won?

  Something tickled inside of Deryn. On instinct, she stared at the village’s entrance, her eyes widening as two shiny beacons of hope stepped into Redwood, clad in light gray coats with exaggerated shoulders and a bird outlined in blue on their chests. Commander Sam Knight and Lieutenant Commander April Park had returned.

  • • •

  When Talon and Nita walked up to their small house in Redwood, they were surprised to see Deryn sitting on the porch steps with Luka, Quigley and Evangeline, actually smiling for once. Dakota, Finley and Stuart - who was playing with his toy - were sitting on the floor of the porch, but Deryn wasn’t looking at them.

  As they got closer, they saw who it was that made her smile like that. Sam and April were sitting on the porch swing.

  “Well, well. Look what the tide dragged in,” said Talon as he approached. “Still wearing your uniforms, I see. Can I assume that means you weren’t excommunicated?”

  “It isn’t church,” said April.

  “We’re still in the Peace Ops,” answered Sam, standing up to give Talon and Nita a proper greeting in the form of a hug. “Not demoted either. But our captain’s on thin ice.”

  April smiled, looking quite satisfied wit
h the outcome.

  “Actually, I was just telling my favorite Leon that our ship is on its way here,” said Sam, putting a hand on Deryn’s head.

  Talon laughed. “Now, that hurts.”

  “Sam says he’ll give me a tour of the ship when it gets here, and he even says I can search through the archives of all their old books!” Deryn clapped her hands together in excitement. “I’ve seriously been waiting for this moment since he first told me about them. It’s really the only reason I decided to be his friend.”

  Sam’s jaw dropped. “Ow!”

  “And yet she’s your favorite.” Talon smiled smugly.

  “How’d it go?” asked Deryn, looking at her brother.

  Talon and Nita glanced at each other.

  “We’ve reached a compromise,” said Talon. “Izzy placed the shield back around Inner City for everyone who refuses to believe the air is clean.”

  Deryn rolled her eyes. “Their fearless leader confessed it was clean. What more do they want?”

  “They say he wasn’t in his right mind in the end,” said Talon.

  “People believe what they want to believe,” said Nita. “They’ll manipulate the truth to fit their agenda.”

  “You can’t please everyone,” said Sam, returning to his seat on the porch swing. “Now, who’s playing host for us until our ship arrives next week?”

  “We have an extra room Luka refuses to use,” said Deryn, giving the man sitting beside her a cold stare.

  “I’m not going to live with you forever. Why should I take over a room?” said Luka.

  Deryn’s jaw dropped slightly. “Why wouldn’t you live with me? We were roommates before.”

  “Yeah, but -” Luka stopped mid-sentence and pressed his lips tightly together.

  “But what?”

  Luka sighed. “Nothing.”

  They stared at each other, the silence heavy between them. She knew what he was going to say. That it wasn’t the same without Xander. And, while he was right, when she gave Luka the option to choose his own path, she had secretly hoped the path would include staying near her. With Xander gone, Luka was the only person left who understood everything she’d gone through. Aside from Finley. While she liked Finley fine, they didn’t have the same bond she had with Luka. He was the closest friend she had left.

  “I’m going to make dinner,” said Deryn, standing up and hurrying inside.

  Finley reached over and smacked Luka on the back of the head. “Idiot.”

  Deryn went into the kitchen and began searching cabinets for anything that could be stretched out to serve eleven people. They had some fish on ice but not enough for all of them.

  The front door opened and closed. She looked over her shoulder and raised her eyebrows in surprise when Sam walked into the kitchen.

  “Can I help?” he asked.

  “Sure. I wasn’t aware you knew how to cook.”

  He laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t, but I was actually hoping to talk to you alone.”

  Deryn closed the cabinet she’d been looking through and faced Sam. “What is it?” she asked, even though she was fairly sure she already knew. Her stomach did a flip, but it was unclear if what she felt was fear or excitement.

  “I want to talk to you about your future plans, and an offer that just might interest you.”

  Deryn smiled. The flip had definitely been from excitement.

  • • •

  It was six days before the Peace Ops ship arrived on the coast and Deryn was there to greet it.

  It was massive, hovering above the water with small specks that must have been people scuttering around the deck. It was gray and shimmering with a large blue bird on the ship’s prow, similar to the one on their uniforms. Along the side she saw PO Rooster written in large blue letters.

  “Your ship is named Rooster?” she asked Sam with a laugh.

  “All the Peace Ops ships are named after birds,” said Sam, flicking her forehead.

  The captain was the first to come ashore with four commanders, including Commander Cavanaugh, trailing behind her. She looked very much like Sam, though her hair was gray and her expression was far too serious.

  Talon, Piz and Matilda had the unfortunate task of showing her around. First, they would show her their villages and then, ultimately, Utopia. The city was still in shambles and she would see firsthand what the war had caused.

  Deryn finally got her tour of the ship three days after their arrival. She dragged Luka and Dakota along with her, both of whom were quite aware of what she had planned, even though she never voiced it.

  The night before the PO Rooster was supposed to leave, Deryn sat on her couch, waiting for Talon to arrive home after a final visit to Utopia with Captain Black.

  As soon as he walked in the front door, he let out as exaggerated sigh. “I do not like that woman. I still can’t figure out how she and Sam are related,” he said, walking into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water. “Neetles is picking up some fish from Adrian and Harper for dinner. What did you want on the -”

  “Talon.”

  He poked his head back into the living room.

  “Can you come sit for a moment? I need to talk to you.”

  Talon walked over and took a seat. “Everything okay?”

  Deryn sighed and shook her head. “No, but I don’t think everything will ever be okay for me again.”

  Talon looked away from her. They had yet to confront the truth of what had happened on the balcony. That Talon’s error in judgment would have gotten him killed if Xander hadn’t moved him out of the way.

  Talon’s fingers clung to his bracelet as the constant thought on his mind pushed forward. It should have been me.

  “This place, this house, it doesn’t feel like home anymore and I don’t think that’s going to change. I need something new. Something different.”

  Talon gulped and met her eyes. “You want to move into one of the new villages with Luka?” he asked hopefully.

  Deryn sighed. “You know that’s not what I mean. The other day when Sam gave me a tour of the ship, he introduced me to the head of Weaponry Development. He’d told him about me and showed him the sword I designed. He’s offered me a job to -”

  “No.”

  Deryn stopped and stared at him, her cheeks flushing. “What do you mean no?”

  “Exactly as it sounds. No, you are not going off on that ship. It’s not a vacation, Deryn!” he said, his voice rising.

  “I know that. I’d have to train to be a soldier, just like everyone else.”

  “After everything we went through, that’s what you want? To be a damn soldier?”

  “No,” she answered honestly. “But I want to see the world, that’s always been my dream and now I have the opportunity. Why shouldn’t I take it?”

  “Because!”

  “Because why?”

  “Because I can’t go with you!” Talon shouted, his eyes swelling with tears.

  Deryn was taken aback for a moment. She stared at her brother, studying him as she let the reality of everything sink in. “I know,” she finally said. “You have to stay here.”

  Too many people were looking to Talon for guidance. When their father had died, he’d become the face of the Resistance. Their leader. It was a role he never wanted, but it was his all the same.

  “And maybe that’s okay.”

  Talon’s eyes sank, his heart feeling like she’d just reached into his chest and crushed it. “You blame me.”

  “No.”

  Talon shook his head. “Too quick.”

  “I don’t blame you,” said Deryn, staring at her hands resting on her knees. The golden lion ring stared back at her. “If Xander hadn’t ...” She swallowed. “You’re my brother, Talon, and I love you. I wouldn’t trade your life for anyone’s. Not even his. But when I lost him, more than just my heart broke. The rest of me broke with it. I can’t stay here when everything reminds me of what I’ve lost. Xander and I ... we h
ad plans. We were going to start an actual life together.”

  Deryn had been trying to hold it back, same as every day, but no matter how good her day went, she always reached her limit. She began to cry. A deep, painful cry that she felt in every ounce of her body. Her skin tingled and she started to collapse, but her big brother rushed over and caught her before she could fall.

  The two of them sat there huddled together, her face pressed against his chest while he held her close, droplets falling from his eyes onto her hair. It was a long while before she calmed enough to speak again.

  “When I was a slave I lost myself. Without Xander, I don’t know if I would have ever found my way back. But now that he’s gone I feel more lost than ever.”

  Talon sniffled and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “I know,” she said, leaning into him again. “But I have to go.”

  • • •

  The next morning, Deryn stood on the beach with her rucksack tossed over her shoulder. Talon stood beside her, staring at the large ship with longing.

  The two of them had talked it through. In a few years, once things were settled, the Outsiders would hold a proper election and put someone else in charge. Then he would join her. It was their plan and they were sticking to it.

  “Don’t look so worried.” Nita reached past Talon and nudged Deryn’s chin. “I promise, I will take extra special care of your brother. Sometimes two or three times a day.”

  Deryn rolled her eyes. “Thank you for sending me off with that disgusting image.”

  Nita winked. “My pleasure. And his.”

  “Neetles! No!” snapped Deryn, pointing a very stern finger at her.

  Nita threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, I’m going to miss doing that.” She hugged Deryn and gave her a very tight squeeze. “I expect you to take lots of pictures,” she said, pulling away and wiping her eyes.

  “Of course,” said Deryn, doing the same.

  “Ready to go?”

  Deryn looked over her shoulder at Sam.

  He smiled and said, “Time is of the essence.”

  Deryn nodded and turned back to Talon. Neither of them spoke. Everything that needed to be said already had. Except ...