Fearlessly Yours

by R. S. Broadhead

  Bad weather

  Small spaces

  “This is some list. Never would’ve guessed any of this about you. Especially the bad weather.”

  He raised a hand. “Don’t want to hear it.”

  I narrowed my gaze. “Is there one you didn’t put on there?”

  “Why do ask that?”

  “You looked like you were thinking about one and decided against it. This will only work if you put everything.”

  Slowly, he leaned forward, never taking his eyes from mine. “That’s everything.”

  11

  Leigh

  Covers were yanked off my body, leaving it cold. I recoiled, cuddling against my pillow. Someone coughed. I squeezed my eyes tighter to block the noise. Wait a minute, who’s in here to yank these covers off? Bri was still gone. With lightning speed, I bolted upright. The room was a blur. I rubbed my eyes with hostility, trying to clear them. There could be a crazy person ready to butcher me at any moment. I swallowed hard as my vision focused on Luca standing at the side of my bed. Right next to a pair of dirty granny panties I had tossed there the night before. Can I please melt into the bed?

  “Morning, sleeping beauty.” He plopped down beside me. He was on my bed.

  Holy shit, Luca is on my bed. Of course, it wasn’t the same as being in my bed, but close enough.

  “Did you think you were about to get the axe? I thought for a minute you were going to shit yourself.”

  “I— uh, yeah.” I knew I looked like a mess. I touched the loose ponytail that was now flopping over to one side. My mouth was dry and tasted like I had devoured a meal from a dumpster. I scooted back, putting distance between us. Breath like that would knock him out. “How did you get in here?” My eyes darted to the dirty undies lying there as though proudly displayed. There was no way he hadn’t seen them.

  “I thought I’d surprise you. Today we get rid of another fear.”

  He stared at me, and I stared back. Did he really need to break into the house for whatever he had planned? A simple call would have sufficed. I glanced at the phone lying on my side table. The screen was cracked, and there was sand stuck in places that I couldn’t clean, but I’d found it. At least a call would have given me a fighting chance to look decent and hide embarrassing clothes.

  The hint of humor and obvious determination in his eyes had me worried. What else will he convince me to do? Yeah, I hated everything I had done so far, but after each task was over, I’d felt different. Confidence bloomed in the wake of doubt leaving me. I was a stronger woman.

  “The way you’re looking has me worried.” A sly smile graced his face that matched his eyes perfectly. “What are you planning?”

  “Well, there’s a run today. I’m assuming since you’re not from here you don’t know what that means,” he said.

  “You would assume correct.”

  “A run is a group of people on four-wheelers. We do trails in the woods, hang out, drink. It gets a little muddy.” I had the assumption his ‘little muddy’ wasn’t exactly accurate.

  My feet hit the floor, and then I forced myself to stand. I walked over to the piles of clothes on the floor and found an old t-shirt that I’d been sleeping in and a pair of shorts. I turned around, my eyes wide at Luca.

  His head ducked low. “Guess I’ll let you get dressed.” He disappeared through the door, leaving me alone.

  I quickly dressed and threw my hair into a high bun. I exited my room and went to the restroom to freshen up everything. Once I was done, I found him sitting on the couch. He looked out of place. The way his lean body sat perfectly poised made a slight shiver go up my spine. What did he see in me? Guys like him didn’t want to hang out with me. They didn’t care about how I was feeling.

  He looked up at me and cocked his head. “What?” A smile spread, revealing his perfect dimples.

  My heart quickened at the sight.

  “Nothing. You ready?”

  “Yep,” he said, standing to his feet. “There’s just one other small thing…” His smile faded as he licked his lips.

  I stilled, waiting for him to finish. “We’re taking that wedding dress of yours.”

  “What?” I all but screamed the words at him.

  He flinched at the high pitch of my voice.

  Why had I told him I’d brought it with me? So stupid! “I can’t take my wedding dress out there. It’ll get messed up!”

  He crossed the small gap between us and stopped in front of me. “Do you plan on wearing that thing if you don’t marry this guy?” I thought about it. I loved the dress. I had known it was the one for me the moment I’d first seen it. It fit in the all the right ways. But I also knew that if Russ didn’t come back, it wouldn’t be right to marry someone else in it. It was perfect for Russ. Not for someone else.

  “No,” I finally squeaked.

  “Do you see this guy coming back?”

  It was a question that I avoided asking myself every day. One that, up until this point, I couldn’t bring myself to even think about. “No.”

  He backed away, clapping his hands together. “Then why in the hell would you want to keep the reminder? The longer that thing sits in that closet or wherever the next place you cart it off to, the longer you’ll think about him and not want to move on with your life. Don’t be scared to move to the next chapter without him. It’s probably going to be better than the last.”

  I sighed. He was right. No matter how good I felt in the mornings or throughout the day, when I saw the dress, it depressed me. It needed to be gone. Without saying anything, I turned and forced my legs to walk. I opened the closet and focused on the plastic bag holding the dress. My hand trembled as I unhooked it from the rod. It felt heavier than I remembered. Maybe because it was a weight that I didn’t need anymore.

  His eyes lit up when I reentered the room, carrying it. “Let’s go have some fun. Looks like you need it.”

  We drove for hours and ended up in the middle of the woods. If I got lost, there was no way I’d be able to find my way back to civilization again. Trucks were parked everywhere. People stood around them, some moving four-wheelers off the back and some chatting in small circles.

  “We don’t have a four-wheeler. How are we supposed to ride with them?”

  “It’s about time you got here. Got the girls all gassed up and ready to roll,” Finn said, appearing at the driver’s side.

  “Already got that covered. Don’t worry about anything,” Luca said. He jumped out the truck and chatted with Finn on the outside.

  I strained to hear.

  Finn’s head tilted, staring through the window at me.

  I could feel myself blush. What were they were talking about? I shifted, pulling the handle to the door, and stepped out into the hot day. The humidity was unbearable already.

  “The four-wheelers are over here. Got the dress?” Luca asked from in front of the truck. I reached back into the truck and pulled it out before giving him a nod.

  “Luca!” several voices rang out in front of us as we pushed through the crowds.

  He waved at several but didn’t stop. Two four-wheelers sat under a tree off to the side.

  Finn ran up ahead and jumped on the smaller of the two.

  “Don’t we need helmets or something?” I asked, looking around. No one had them on. I had never ridden a four-wheeler, but I was sure that would have been the standard safety of using one.

  “You’re right. She’s funny,” Finn said, laughing. “Go ahead and try to bring a helmet out here. Everyone will get a good laugh.”

  My cheeks burned with heat.

  Luca waved him off. “Maybe if he’d been wearing a helmet all these years, his brain wouldn’t be mush.”

  I relaxed and laughed.

  “We don’t really go that fast since we travel in packs. And I’m a really careful driver.” He paused for a moment. “Can I have the dress?”

  My gaze dropped to the object draped over my arm. I held it close to my body.


  “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

  I lifted it in his direction. “No. It needs to be done.”

  He took the dress and carried it over to the back of the four-wheeler to strap it down.

  “Alright. Who’s ready to get this run going?” A loud, booming voice called from somewhere in front of us.

  People screamed out, already sounding as if they were intoxicated.

  “Engines on!”

  “You coming?” Luca called, already sitting on the seat.

  I nodded and climbed on behind him.

  “You sure you don’t want me to drive this thing to show you how it’s really supposed to be done?” I asked, teasing him.

  “Yeah, Luca. Let her drive it. I’d love to see you ride bitch,” Finn said.

  Engines roared around us, becoming so loud it drowned out our laughter. Luca shifted it into gear, and we darted forward, falling behind another guy and girl. The group turned onto a trail, and we pushed through the woods. We climbed over fallen logs, down through dips, and plowed through piles of mud. It splattered all over me, hitting me in the face, and covered my hair. The best part about it was I didn’t care. It was a blast.

  Luca cracked the top on a beer and leaned back against me. “You want one?”

  “Nah, I’m good.”

  “Got water, too, if you want something else.”

  We jutted left, sending me to the side. I reached out, wrapping my arms around his waist to keep from sliding off. Oh, my God. What was I thinking?

  Before I could move them, his hand rested on my forearm and patted it. I expected him to move it, but he didn’t.

  A large mud hole appeared through a break in the tree line. All the four-wheelers began to park. People hopped off and stood around with beers in hand. Finn darted off to the left and came to a stop near a group of girls in bikini tops while we sat directly in front of the hole.

  Panic gripped me. “What are we doing?” Surely, he wasn’t planning on going through that thing. It looked as if it would swallow us alive.

  He didn’t answer, but a second later he jumped off.

  I continued to stare ahead of me. Something hit my lower back.

  I turned to find my dress out of the plastic and being dragged across the torn-up earth below. Brown had already stained the bottom. Luca tied a rope around the middle and dropped it.

  I swallowed, my heart teetering on the edge of plummeting completely into my stomach. It hurt so bad to see it there, lying helpless. The dress hadn’t done anything. It was him. But this was a representation of Russ and everything he had done to me. I gritted my teeth. The picture of him and her together smiling, which I had seen last night, was still fresh on my mind. A baby. He was having a baby with her.

  Luca’s eyes found mine. “You ready to do this?”

  “Hell, yeah,” I said through clenched teeth.

  He smiled and climbed back in front of me. “Well, let’s rock and roll.”

  The throttle yanked back, propelling us through the mud hole. Screams erupted around us. I glanced back, watching the white turn completely brown as the satin fabric became saturated in mud. What had once been pure was now stained, just like my relationship with Russ. We came out on the other side and stopped.

  “Tear it apart!” someone yelled.

  My eyes met Luca’s sly stare. “Do it,” I said. “I want that thing ripped to shreds. I tossed my leg over and found a spot near the edge of the hole. Luca waved a hand through the air, motioning Finn to join him. A minute later, there were two hooks going through the dress, and the ends were attached to both of their four-wheelers.

  “We go on your command,” Luca told me.

  The dress looked so sad at this point. “Go.” The sound of the fabric ripping was brutal but freeing all at once. I felt a part of me rip right along with it. The part that was still attached to the memories and the feelings I got every time I thought of when Russ and I were together. No more. I was now like the dress. Ripped apart and ready to move on.

  * * *

  We pulled up at Bri’s house and stopped. Luca put the truck into park and laid his head against the back of the seat as his arm draped across to rest behind me. “Do you have any regrets?”

  “No,” I answered quickly. “It needed to be done. I can’t believe it took me that long to get rid of the thing.” I stared at the floor of the truck, shuffling my feet around. “What about you?”

  “What about me?” His eyes narrowed.

  “Which of your fears do you want to conquer first?”

  His face hardened.

  Flutters erupted in my stomach. His reaction had me second-guessing myself. What was he thinking?

  He looked out the window toward the neighbor’s house like something over there was suddenly too interesting to pass up watching.

  “Spiders.” His gaze returned to me with a bit more softness to it this time.

  My mouth dropped then closed. “Lots of people are scared of spiders, so it shouldn’t be hard to get over.”

  “I literally will cry if one is on me. It’s that bad. I think it all comes from back when I was little. I went to this camp one summer, and some of the guys thought it would be funny to put a bunch of them on me while I slept. I woke up because I felt stuff crawling.” He shivered then rubbed his arms as if shooing them away again.

  “I can see why that would make you scared of them. So, tomorrow is your turn. After you get off work, come pick me up.”

  “Can’t wait,” he said.

  * * *

  The next day, I thought Luca was going to pass out when he arrived at my front door. His face literally had a green tint to it. He grumbled to himself as we descended the steps, clearly not happy about whatever I had in store for him.

  “Where are we going?” he asked when we got in his truck.

  “The zoo.”

  He swallowed, slowly and deliberately. “The zoo?”

  “Yep. I called this morning and pulled some strings for a private visitation with some of their pets.”

  His hand shot to his forehead. Sweat glistened at his temples. “Why are you doing this to me?”

  “Your fears are something you need to get over. You told me that yourself. What I can’t seem to understand is how someone that isn’t scared to jump off a cliff or out of an airplane is scared of something so much smaller than you.”

  “They’re sneaky as fuck. And creepy with their little legs and eyes. Plus, it doesn’t matter how small they are. Some are still poisonous and can kill you.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. He had put a lot of thought into this. “Yeah, but most only make you hurt yourself trying to get away from them.”

  He pressed his forehead against the glass. “True. I once broke my ankle falling out of the shower when one landed on my hand.” His entire body tightened. “See? Sneaky.”

  “This will make it better.” I grabbed his hand. “I promise.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  We didn’t talk much on the way there. But the closer we got the more pallid his skin became.

  When he pulled into a parking spot at the front of the building, he froze. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “Come on. I did it yesterday, and it felt like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Like something so stupid that I’ve been letting hold me down was lifted.” He remained silent. “At least yours isn’t any kind of emotional baggage. Seems like that might be the hardest fears to deal with.”

  His eyes found mine, with a hint of glassiness.

  “You don’t have any emotional fears, do you?” I asked.

  His hand grabbed the handle and yanked it open without answering. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

  I didn’t ask what it was he wouldn’t tell me. But I was dying to know. I wanted him to feel comfortable enough with me that he would say it whenever he was ready.

  I paid for us to enter then grabbed a map. “We’re supposed to meet someone named Stacie. She’
s in charge of the reptile exhibit.”

  We wandered through the small trails, passing the tigers, and rounded the corner to find a small yellow building with Reptiles painted across the front. “You ready?”

  “No,” he said bluntly.

  I pulled his arm, and we went through the door. It was dark inside. Red lights glowed over glass tanks. We passed the first, pausing for a second to look at a snake.

  A girl hovered around a tank at the far end, her hand inside.

  “Excuse me,” I called out.

  She turned, her brown bob wiping around her mousey face.

  “Hey there! Can I help you guys with something?” she asked. Her voice matched her features perfectly.

  “We’re supposed to meet someone named Stacie here for a private visit,” I said.

  She bounced on the balls of her feet, clapping her hands together. “For the spider visit? So exciting. These little guys love to get out of the tanks and walk around.” She waved us closer as she turned a corner. “They’re right around here.”

  Luca fell behind me, clearly lacking the enthusiasm Stacie had for the spiders. He frowned as his eyes landed on the aquarium she stood in front of. “Can’t we just like hold some monkeys or something? Those scare me too,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. He coughed and rolled his shoulders back.

  “Uh-oh. Someone’s scared of spiders?” Stacie asked, eyeing him. I nodded, poking him gently in the ribs.

  He shooed me away, his eyes never leaving the large black spiders crawling around. “These guys are really like kittens. Hairy and sweet. I promise there’s nothing to be afraid of.” She took one out of the container and sat on a nearby bench while it scampered across her hand.

  “I’ll go first so you can see it doesn’t bite,” I said, settling next to her.

  “Don’t jerk or toss it off. If you get ready to have it moved, just let me know, and I’ll move it off you,” she instructed.

  Eight legs ran over my skin. Goose bumps appeared across my flesh, and I laughed. “It tickles.” Holding it up closer to my face, I had to agree with what Luca said. They were creepy. Even though I really didn’t want to be holding this thing, I wasn’t about to let him know that. I couldn’t have him freaked out more than what he was, so I pretended to enjoy it. “Your turn,” I said after a few minutes.