Memories of Us

by Fabiola Francisco

  “That’s great.” I was hoping to help her pack, but I can’t take that away from Tiffany.

  “Yeah.” Her breath shakes.

  “What’s wrong?” I pick up on her sullen mood.

  “Nothing. Just got back from a ride with Macey. It was nice to get out there and ride again.”

  “I’m sure that was relaxin’, but you haven’t answered my question,” I point out.

  “It’s nothing, Hunter.” I feel her shutting me out, keeping me at arm’s length.

  “If you want to talk, you know I’m a great listener,” I leave it at that, knowing that if I push her to talk, she’ll pull further away.

  “Thanks.”

  “What are you doin’ tonight?” I balance on the fence as I talk to her.

  “I’m not sure. Tiff will probably drag me out somewhere.”

  I don’t hesitate. “Come with me to Old Smuggler’s. Jack and Julie will be there. Tell Tiff to come, too.”

  She pauses for a beat, and I clench the phone waiting for a response.

  “Maybe. Can I talk to Tiffany first?”

  “Of course,” I sigh. I want to spend time with her, and I know I have to be patient, but it’s difficult. I want to dive head first into a relationship, impulsive. Then I remember all the shit we went through. I remember the pain etched on her face when my reaction about the baby slipped out of me faster than I could reign it in.

  “Just call me, okay? I can pick you up, if you decide to go.”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  “Kenzie,” I wait until I have her full attention.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m gonna keep fightin’ for us.” It’s one promise I know I’ll always keep.

  “I know, Hunter.”

  I close my eyes, knowing something is bothering her. I can’t do anything about it if I don’t know what it is.

  “I’ll let you know in a bit, okay?”

  “Yeah,” I respond.

  We hang up and I climb off the fence, heading to the house to shower and check my email. I’ve got a few things to take care of for work, and I might as well kill some time doing that.

  I knock on Mackenzie’s door, eager to see her. I was fucking happy when she called and told me she was going to Old Smuggler’s tonight. Relaxing with a couple drinks and old friends is exactly what we need. I was happier when she accepted my offer to pick her up.

  “Hey, Hunter.” A smiling Tiffany answers the door.

  “Hey, Tiff.”

  I walk into their house when she invites me in and greet Mr. and Mrs. Hill. Mackenzie comes into the living room a couple minutes later, wearing a summer dress and a shy smile. I hold back my groan and smile.

  “Hey.” I look at her, taking in her features. She seems more at peace since the first time I saw her, and I pray I’m part of the reason.

  “Hey.”

  She says bye to the audience we have watching us, and Tiffany reassures her she’ll meet us at Old Smuggler’s. I chuckle when she winks at us, and guide Mackenzie out to my truck.

  “You look beautiful,” I tell her once we’re seated in my car.

  “Thank you.” She looks down at her lap, but I see a smile playing on her lips.

  I pull away from her house and down the path that leads to the main road. “Tiffany didn’t want to come with us?”

  “No. She said something about some friends, but I’m pretty sure it was an excuse to have me come with you alone.”

  “Remind me to thank her,” I smirk at her and pull my eyes back to the road.

  “I’m sure she knows you’re grateful,” Mackenzie jokes.

  “Sure as hell am. I’m glad you decided to come.” I reach for her hand and squeeze it. I keep my hand in hers, resting on her exposed thigh. I want to brush my fingers against her skin, feel how soft it is on my rough hands. I want to take my time getting reacquainted with every inch of her. Having her here, memories of all we’ve lived mixed with the opportunity to make new ones, makes me want to pull over and love her slowly.

  “I’m trying to be open so we can move forward, toward something new.” Her confession pops up out of nowhere.

  “I know you are. I’m workin’ hard to show you we can have that.”

  She squeezes my hand, remaining silent. We arrive at Old Smuggler’s a few minutes later, and I’m ready for a drink. I want to fast forward over this part of our reunion, get to the point where we’re happy. But like my favorite songs, the struggle is part of the story. It makes us stronger, braver, and falling deeper in love.

  We walk into the bar and find Jack and Julie already at a table. They smile when they see us.

  “Hey,” Julie says, standing to give Mackenzie a hug. “Glad you came.” Jack says hi to Mackenzie as well before they greet me. Julie didn’t grow up with us since she lived a couple towns down, but she’s been with Jack for years and the four of us always hung out. Her and Mackenzie became quick friends.

  “How was your flight?” Julie asks her.

  “It was good. I’m glad I was able to come this weekend. Needed a break from the city.”

  “You’ve been in that place for three years. About time you got some country air,” Jack tells her.

  “Yeah, it was about time.” Mackenzie smiles and stares down at the table before looking at me. Her blue eyes penetrate mine, the meaning of her phrase hitting me stronger than a shot of tequila. One side of my mouth tilts up.

  “What do you want to drink?” I ask her.

  “A beer would be great.”

  “You got it. How ‘bout you, Julie?”

  “You should learn from Hunter,” she tells Jack instead of answering me. “You still haven’t offered to buy me a drink,” she teases.

  Jack shakes his head. “What would you like to drink, darlin’?”

  “That’s better,” she smirks. “I’ll have a beer.”

  “We’ll be right back.” I nod toward the bar and Jack follows me.

  “How’s it goin’ with Kenzie?” he asks when we reach the bar.

  “Good. It’s takin’ some time, but she’s comin’ around. We’ve rehashed a lot of shit, talked it out, laughed and cried. We’re gettin’ there.”

  “Good.” He clasps my shoulder. “She looks happy.”

  “Yeah. I think so. She’s movin’ back in a month. Made it official today when she told her folks.”

  Jack raises his brows and smiles. “Well, I’ll be damned. Glad to see things workin’ out.” I nod and smile. Fuck yeah, they’re working out.

  We order our beers and carry them back to the table, greeting a few familiar folks along the way. Julie and Mackenzie are talking when we reach the table, both smiling.

  “Thanks,” Mackenzie says when I hand her the glass. I wink and sit next to her, scooting the chair closer to hers before I do.

  “Cheers.” I hold my glass up, the three of them following in suit. I take a sip of the cold liquid and lean back in my chair.

  Mackenzie tells Jack and Julie that she’s moving back, both of them sharing how happy they are that she’ll be home again. I watch her talk, taking in her expressions and features as she tells them about her life in California. She catches my eyes a few times, a small smile on her lips, as she goes on and on about what she loves about Los Angeles. I could watch her all night, stare at her beauty and the shine that surrounds her.

  At one point, Julie looks at me and smiles reassuringly. I nod, acknowledging her way of telling me everything will work out.

  “Hey!” Tiffany walks up to our table.

  “Hey.” Mackenzie looks around her. “Thought you were coming with a friend.”

  Tiffany shrugs and takes a seat. “She bailed.” Her smile is mischievous. “What are we drinking?”

  “We’re having beer. What do you want? I’ll go grab us a second round.”

  “Beer works for me, too. Thanks, Hunter. I’ll grab the next round.”

  “Nah, tonight’s on me.” I stand and walk to the bar, ordering five beers as soon
as I get there.

  “Need help?”

  I smile and turn to look at Mackenzie. “That’d be great. Thanks.”

  “Thank you. I really am happy I came tonight. It’s been nice catching up with Jack and Julie. I feel bad I never kept in touch. It was just hard, you know? I didn’t want them to tell you where I was, and I needed a clean break.”

  I place my hands on her hips and pull her closer to me. The distance that was between us is unnecessary. “I get it. If anyone understands, it’s me. I had to do the same. I kept in touch with them, but unless they came to see me, I wasn’t comin’ here. We’re here now. That’s all that matters.” I stop myself from kissing her. I want the first kiss we share after all these years to be private. I want to take my time and not feel rushed or become victim to the rumor mill in this town. I’m sure people are already talking from seeing us here tonight.

  Mackenzie nods. “Yeah, we are.”

  “Beer’s ready,” the bartender pulls me away from the gorgeous woman in my arms. I pay him for the drinks and hand Mackenzie two glasses. I balance the other three and head back to the table. I’ll make sure to get that kiss from her tonight.

  As much fun as I had tonight, I was ready to drive Mackenzie back, so we could be alone. Tiffany once again made sure Mackenzie left with me instead of her.

  “Are you in a rush to get home?” I ask her.

  “What did you have in mind?” She shifts on the seat to look at me.

  “Not ready to take you home yet. We could go sit out in my truck, talk and look at the stars.” I want to be alone with her, hold her until she’s molded into me.

  “Yeah,” Mackenzie nods.

  I drive toward my parents’ property, taking a different dirt road that leads to a field that’s far away from the house. When we get there, I turn off the lights and engine, leaving the radio playing through the open windows. I grab a blanket from the back seat and drop the tailgate. Holding my hand out to Mackenzie, I help her climb into the bed of the truck, as she holds her dress down. I follow behind her, laying the blanket down and sitting.

  It’s as dark as can be in the clearing, the trees that line it are hidden behind the shadow of night. We’re silent for a few beats, Mackenzie’s eyes looking up at the stars. The sky is peppered in silver dots that shimmer against the contrasting backdrop.

  “Are you cold?” I ask her when I feel her shiver next to me.

  “A little bit, but I’ll be okay.”

  “I have a jacket.” I climb down from the bed and walk around to grab my jacket from the back seat. I return and wrap it around her, keeping my arm around her shoulder. I move closer, my leg brushing against hers.

  “Thank you,” she whispers. Her face is outlined by the moon’s glow.

  “You’re welcome.” I keep her warm with my arm.

  “I went to Springville Elementary today. I wanted to drop off my resume in case they have an opening for next school year. I got a chance to talk to Mrs. Carroll, but she doesn’t have anything available at the moment. She took my resume and told me she’d be in touch if something comes up. I know I can apply to other schools throughout the county, but I was hoping for something in town.” Her voice is agitated as she talks.

  I tighten my hold on her. “Is that what was wrong with you earlier?”

  “Yeah.” She leans her head back against the rear window.

  “You’re getting started in this transition. Be patient. Something could open up here or there could be a great opportunity not far.” What I wish is that she’d come to Nashville with me. I want her by my side, day in and day out, but I know I need to let her go at her own pace with this. She’s been away from home for too long and needs the time here. I get it.

  “What if nothing opens up? You know teaching positions in these small towns are hard to come by.” I feel she shoulders tense beneath my arm.

  “You can try Birmingham?” I know it’s further, but it’s possible.

  “I can, although I didn’t want such a long commute. I did it when I was in college, but I rather not keep it going. If I get a job in Birmingham, I’d live there.”

  “That’s not too bad.” I want to tell her to apply for a job in Nashville. I’m being selfish.

  “I was looking forward to staying here for a while.”

  “You’ll have the summer. It’ll give you a couple months to spend here, explore what you want, and do those things you love.”

  “I can. I’m looking forward to that. I missed this place so much.” Her voice cracks the tiniest bit, but I hear it.

  “This place missed you.” I missed her. Her family did. It’s not the same without her. My life is meaningless with her gone.

  “I know we’re gettin’ started, but I want you to come to Nashville. I’d love to be able to show you around, introduce you to my friends.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  I grab her chin and turn her face until her eyes land on mine. “I need to know that you’ll forgive me one day soon.”

  “I have, Hunter. If I hadn’t forgiven you, I wouldn’t be sittin’ here right now, talking about my future as if it affects you, too. But it’s been a lot of time and a lot of emotions I’ve locked away. I’m releasing them, and sometimes I’m reminded of how much we lost. We could have a toddler right now, been married. Who knows? Maybe not. Maybe you would’ve ran off to live your dreams and left me anyway with a baby.”

  “You know I wouldn’t. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know how else to say it. Baby or no baby, I want you. It was a hurtful loss, and I can’t imagine how you felt. I didn’t have that baby inside of me. I didn’t hold the knowledge that there was a baby and witness it leave my body. I can’t even pretend that I understand that, but I know what it feels like to pile on heavy load after heavy load of guilt. I know what it feels like to hate yourself for having the wrong reaction. I know what it feels like to be too drunk to stand and cry into an empty room, screaming for you and that baby.” I run my hand down my face forcefully.

  “Trust me when I say I haven’t been easy on myself. I haven’t been happy.” I drop my head into my hand, scrubbing my forehead with closed eyes.

  “I haven’t been happy, either,” Mackenzie’s confession is carried by the wind. “But lately, I have moments where I smile genuinely and get excited to see what the next day will bring outside of my job. Before that, my job was my solace, my escape. As confusing as it was at first, I know you’re part of the reason for that joy. I don’t hate you, Hunter. I was hurt, disappointed, but I can’t hate you,” her voice cracks. “How can I when you’ve always been here.” She points to her chest.

  I angle my body toward her and cradle her face. “You’ve always been here, too.” I move one hand to pat my chest. “You never left. Not once did I give up on us.”

  “I’m sorry I did,” she chokes on her words.

  “Shhh… it’s okay.” I kiss her forehead.

  She tilts her head up, her lips brushing mine, and I groan. She leans her head back as far as my hands let her, her eyes shifting back and forth from my eyes to my lips. I hold on to patience, so I don’t attack her like a wild animal. When her lips touch mine again, I hold her there.

  I kiss her gently at first, tasting her lips and remembering their sweetness. We move together, both of us slow as if unsure of how deep to explore. But when her tongue peeks out to taste my lips, I lose all self-control. My tongue tangles with hers, my mouth now moving more hurriedly for fear she’ll snap away at any second and I won’t have enough time to savor her.

  I’m greedy, no amount of time will satisfy the years I’ve missed doing this with her.

  Mackenzie’s hands snake around my neck, holding me close to her. The feel of her tongue sweeping mine shoots straight to my dick, and I try to regain some of the control I had. As much as I’d love to lay her down and make love, tonight’s not about that.

  “Hunter,” my name’s a whispered moan out of her lips and I groan louder. Without a response, I deepen the ki
ss, angling her head back a bit. Lips molded together, her fingertips tickling the back of my neck, and my dick straining against my jeans, my heart is in overdrive as I continue to kiss the woman of my dreams. The only woman who I’ll ever love. Her chest panting against mine, her breasts pushed against me.

  “Fuck,” my own words are strangled with desire and swallowed by her.

  To feel her like this again, my hands on her flesh, drives me wild. It’s a fantasy I thought would never become real. I searched everywhere for her, and my hope of seeing her angel smile and blue eyes again would slip away with each drink I took in, with each song I wrote about loss and heartache.

  Mackenzie pulls away first, gasping for air. Her hair is a mess from my fingers raking through it and holding her. I close my eyes and lean my forehead against hers, catching my own breath. When I lean back and look at her, she’s already staring at me. I drop a final kiss on her swollen lips, sweet and loving, before I move back a bit to give her space.

  My fingers hold hers, and I feel her pulse speeding in her right hand. I lift it and kiss the top of it before looking at her face. Her eyes are closed, her chest still rising and dropping.

  “Kenzie.” I wait for her to look at me, to see me. When she does, I say, “A lot of days I thought it would be impossible to be where we are right now. I imagined tasting your lips again, but that dream felt so far away. My love for you never slipped. It couldn’t, because you’re the person I’ve always wanted. It was always you or no one.

  “I didn’t dive off the deep end and start fucking women to erase you, because no one could. Yeah, there may have been a few women, a handful at most. I won’t lie to you. Those were moments of weakness. Nights the hope I had would slip from my fingers like fine sand.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to tell her this now, after our kiss. I want her to know everything, the truth about the last three years so she has no doubts.

  “Thank you for telling me. The only person I was with is Justin, and it wasn’t many times like you heard him say.” Her head casts down and away from me.

  “Hey,” I cup her cheek and turn her face to me. “Don’t dwell on that. He was being a dick.”