Berliner Ensemble Adaptations

by Bertolt Brecht

  Brazen My dear fellow, you may find it hard to understand why a man like me should want to get rid of twenty thousand pounds. In the army I spend twenty times that much every day. But now, I want your advice. The building fit is on me. Which would you advise: a pirate ship or a theater?

  Plume Pirate ship or theater—that’s an odd question. Takes a bit of thinking. Brazen, I’m for the pirate ship.

  Brazen I don’t agree with you, my dear fellow. A pirate ship can be badly built.

  Plume So can a theater.

  Brazen But a pirate ship can also be badly manned.

  Plume So can a theater.

  Brazen A pirate ship can founder without a trace.

  Plume A theater is even more likely to.—Consequently my advice to you is still the same—stick to the pirate ship.

  Brazen Very well!—But what if I don’t get the twenty thousand pounds?

  Plume Where do you propose to get these twenty thousand pounds?

  Brazen It’s a secret, my dear fellow. A lady I’ve ferreted out lately. At first I hung back. But now I really think I’ll marry her. Twenty thousand pounds … She’s to meet me next Sunday on the river bank half a mile out of town, and so forth. I must be off this minute.—Mum’s the word, my dear fellow. (Is about to leave. Turns back once more) Twelve shillings?

  (Plume repeats the gesture of regret)

  (Brazen goes out)

  Kite We’re pretty well cleaned out ourselves, sir.

  Plume You don’t say so?

  Kite We haven’t raised a company. We’ve still got the ensign’s ten pounds for next Sunday, but no ideas. I think I’ll have to fall back on my old household remedy. Boots off, door bolted, six large beers, a bit of bread to munch in between. I remember in Bengal, when I’d been trying for three whole weeks to make the colonel’s wife’s maid and not getting anywhere, my favorite remedy gave me the answer.

  Plume What was it?

  Kite To settle for the colonel’s wife! Never fear, sir, right here by the Severn I’ll come through again. Your company will be up to strength.

  Plume Kite, what do you make of that little Balance girl who writes those letters? Doesn’t she strike you as the sort who goes the limit on paper but calls for the preacher and wedding bells before she’ll let you kiss her on the forehead? Not for us, eh? I don’t remember her very well, damn it! Somehow she reminds me of our ensign—what do you think? Has she got a brother? (Kite shrugs his shoulders sullenly) What a bore Shrewsbury is this year. Admit it. Wilful may be stinking with money but I’ll have to tell him it’s not my way to give up a woman without getting something in return. He’ll just have to produce the Balance girl. I’m not going to turn monk for his sake. Lord, is this Shrewsbury tedious!

  Kite Will you be by the Severn on Sunday, captain?

  Plume For the concert? Yes, I think so. But I don’t know if I’ll have any time for you.

  Kite We may need you, sir. The inspecting officer from London will be here any day.

  (Victoria comes in wearing the king’s uniform)

  Victoria Ensign Wilful reporting for duty.

  Plume Speaking of duty, what have you done with that wench from Picklewood, Wilful? Rose.

  Victoria I’ve arranged to meet her, sir.

  Plume Where?

  Victoria By the Severn.

  Plume When?

  Victoria Sunday. Sunday afternoon.

  Plume Afternoon! To feed the swans? Hold hands? It may be none of my business, but if I find out that you lack enterprise in these matters, I’m through with you. You come around whining, I hand you a juicy morsel and you lock it up in the pantry. Furthermore, I’d have expected a man of your breeding to return the favor. What about the Balance girl?

  (Victoria hurriedly produces a letter from her back pocket)

  Plume (angrily) No more letters! I want something tangible! And not next week but tomorrow, Sunday. Is that clear?

  Victoria Yes, captain.

  Plume Dismiss!

  (Victoria salutes)

  8

  By the Severn.

  Plume is sitting on a bench, waiting. In the distance the strains of a military band.

  Kite (disguising himself behind the bushes. To Plume) You’re in for a surprise, captain. This may turn out to be the biggest idea I’ve ever had. If this doesn’t bring Shrewsbury around, my name is mud. (Steps out of the bushes, disguised as a flower seller)

  How do I look, captain?

  Plume Terrible.

  Kite (shuffles off, his feelings hurt) Lilacs! Fresh lilacs!

  (Victoria comes in dressed in the uniform of an ensign)

  Plume All alone?

  Victoria Captain Plume, I don’t quite know how to explain it. Yesterday she was all set to come. Today she just couldn’t make up her mind. Are you dreadfully disappointed?

  Plume Nothing can disappoint me any more in Shrewsbury.

  Victoria She’s not like Shrewsbury.

  Plume But why wouldn’t she come?

  Victoria Perhaps it’s because she doesn’t trust herself. She’s a woman of spirit, you know.

  Plume She’s obviously well able to control that spirit of hers.

  Victoria That’s not fair.

  Plume I beg your pardon?

  Victoria Perhaps if you gave her more time …

  Plume A soldier lives at a fast pace, Wilful. He’s got to take his meals on the run. He must dispense with certain dishes. A chunk of bread and into the saddle. Have you arranged to meet with—what’s her name again—Rose? This is an order: tell her to come to my quarters at the Raven tonight. And keep your proper distance, two paces, ensign. Is that clear?

  Victoria Yes, captain. (Angrily) Then you shouldn’t write such letters.

  Plume So you’ve been reading letters entrusted to you by your superior officer?

  Victoria Not at all. But when they’re being read, I can tell if they were dictated by true sentiments or if they ring false.

  Plume I’ll thank you to keep your opinion of my technique to yourself, ensign.

  Victoria You’ve got no heart and you can count me out. (She steps aside)

  (Worthy comes in)

  Worthy Lost! Irrevocably lost! Plume, your stratagem has been my ruin. To hell with all strategists! Melinda and Brazen are to meet here by the river and they’re rowing out to that notorious island.

  Plume Who told you that?

  Worthy Her maid.

  Plume So you called on her again. In spite of my warning. And were shown the door.

  Worthy Nothing of the sort, worse luck. Her maid came to me.

  Plume Then she was sent. To arouse your jealousy. And you want to throw up the game? Worthy, if you give in now—you’ll lose everything. Melinda’s maneuvers, clearly born of desperation, must be thwarted! She is only meeting Brazen because of you. I admit it may be unpleasant for you to watch them disappear into the bushes …

  Worthy Unpleasant? Unbearable!

  Plume Unbearable! Nonsense! We sacrifice a town in order to win a country. You accept a setback to ensure final victory. Worthy, your faint-heartedness will make you miss the greatest chance of your life.

  Worthy What! Am I to look on while the woman I love and that scoundrel …

  Plume By all means. And with perfect composure. You must give her an opportunity to find out for herself what a worthless rascal your rival is.

  Worthy But … in my presence?

  Plume How else?

  Worthy Plume, it’s more than I can bear.

  Plume Nonsense. Come along to my quarters and have a toddy with plenty of rum. I’ll have one myself.—Stop looking like a sick calf. You’ve never been closer to victory. (To Victoria, who is still standing about) What are you waiting for?

  Victoria On my honor, captain, I don’t understand you. Isn’t Victoria worthier of you than all these Mollys and Roses and whatever their names may be in all the taverns of England and the New World?

  Plume Undoubtedly. But she’s not here. And Rose wi
ll be. You’ll see to that. (Goes out with Worthy)

  Victoria Never, never, never. (Goes out)

  (Mike and Lucy come in. Lucy carries a picnic basket. She curtsies to Worthy)

  Mike Why that big smile for the shoe business?

  Lucy He gave me a pound.

  Mike He gave you a pound?

  Lucy I was nice to him, so he gave me a pound.

  Mike What’s the story?

  Lucy Miss Moorhill sent me to tell Mr. Worthy that she was going to the Severn with a dashing captain and that if nobody stopped her something dreadful would happen. Mr. Worthy went white as a sheet and gave me a pound.

  Mike Is she really up to something with that captain?

  Lucy Naw. She only wants to make Mr. Shoe Business jealous.

  (They move toward the river. Mike spies a swan in the distance)

  Mike (pointing) There’s Felix.

  Lucy Kitchie-kitchie. Ten more errands like that one and we’ll have the money for the fare. “America, here we come.”

  Mike But not the way they want us to be going, me as a grenadier and you as a you-know-what. Oh no, we’re going into the hotel business. (The swan swims close; they feed it)

  Lucy I’ll write to Aunt Emmy in New York tonight.

  Mike What for? That hole! We’re going to Boston.

  Lucy Hole, you say! It may be a small town now, but it’s got a future.

  Mike Too small for another hotel, Shh!

  (Appletree in uniform comes in with his girl Maggie, William, a young blacksmith, and his girl Sally)

  Maggle Let’s sit here—there’s somebody here already.

  Sally And here’s the swan. I’ve got bread for him. Do you mind, Tummas?

  William Who cares if he minds?

  Sally He eats out of my hand.

  Mike (furious) He does that.

  (Mike and Lucy go out. The others look after them with surprise)

  William (to Sally) You’re making eyes at him because of his uniform.

  Appletree I only wish I could get rid of it.

  Maggle William is staying on in Micklesbury. What’ll you have. William, an egg or some sausage?

  Appletree An egg. (takes one)

  Maggie William!

  Appletree You haven’t said a word about the shoes and the pretty furs I’m going to bring back to you.

  Maggie It’s easy to know who’s going, but you can never tell who’s coming back.

  (Music)

  Sally They’re playing “When I Leave You.” Sing it for me, Tummas.

  Appletree (sings with the music)

  When I leave you for the war, dear

  Leave you standing on the shore, dear

  On the queen’s great ship as out of port we sail

  Find another sweetheart. Minny

  For this ship goes to Virginny

  And when I’m gone, my love, my love for you will pale …

  Maggie (sings)

  I’ll be cheering with the others

  For our husbands, sweethearts, brothers

  When the queen’s great ship goes sailing with the ride.

  Jimmy dear, you must believe me

  Memories of you will grieve me

  When I’m walking with another at my side.

  (Kite comes in disguised as a flower girl)

  Kite Lilacs, fresh lilacs! Forget-me-nots, violets! Buy some violets for your sweetheart before he leaves for America. (To Sally) I can see your friend is a real fighting man. I’ve got seven of my own, all in the army where they belong.

  Maggie He’s staying right here. He’s a blacksmith.

  Kite Go on with you. (To William) Here, let’s look at your hand. Blacksmith. A violent man by profession. You were born under Biceps.

  Maggie Biceps? What’s that?

  Kite One of the signs of the zodiac. There’s Leo, Sagittarius, Biceps, Anvil, Boston, Massachusetts, Kentucky, Philadelphia, Mumps, and so on. Twelve in all.—Let’s see. Have you ever made bombs or cannon balls?

  William Not I.

  Kite Either you’ve made them or you’re going to make them. It’s scientific. What’s more, it’s in the stars—Oh! What a future! In exactly two years, three months, and two hours you will become a captain.

  Sally A captain!

  (The farmers listen in, some attentively, some skeptically)

  Kite In the artillery. You’ll have two batmen and ten shillings a day. It’s written in the stars, the fixed stars.

  William What do the stars say about my smithy?

  Kite What’s that?

  William What’ll happen to my smithy?

  Kite Where would the fixed stars be if they started worrying about every filthy village smithy?

  William In that case, shit on your fixed stars.

  Kite You’ll pay for that once we’re away from home. (Aside, in leaving) I’ll get that man or I’m not a …

  (Victoria comes in)

  Kite (salutes) The trumpeter won’t play his solo. He wants another pound. Scum.

  (Victoria hands him money)

  Sally She’s a funny one.

  William Did you see her salute?

  (Kite goes out. Victoria walks toward a boat. Appletree salutes)

  Sally How smartly he does it!

  William He’s got to.

  Appletree (eager to go) Come, let’s go.

  (The farmers leave. Victoria has sat down on the side of the boat)

  Maggie But I’ve still got bread for Felix! (She gathers her things and runs after the others. Victoria remains sitting on the boat. Suddenly Rose’s voice is heard)

  Rose’s Voice Chickens! Fresh Picklewood chickens!

  Victoria (jumps to her feet) Damn it. Here come the chickens! (Rose and her brother Bullock emerge from the grove. Bullock is in uniform)

  Rose (to Bullock) Who’s that officer over there?

  Bullock That’s our new ensign.

  Rose Go and ask him where the captain is.

  Victoria (to herself) Up and at ’em, Victoria. You’re wearing breeches now.

  (Bullock approaches her)

  Bullock Where’s the captain, sir?

  Victoria Attention! Didn’t they teach you to salute an officer? About turn! Right leg, raise! Left leg, raise! About turn! At the double, march! Double mark time! Left, right, left, right! Halt! On the face, down! Up, down, up, down! How do you recognize an ensign?

  Bullock (still lying on the ground) By his uniform and bearing, sir.

  Victoria Up, man!—Do you know the difference between a horse cart and a cart horse, you old dungfork?

  Bullock Yessir!

  Victoria About her, now. Who’s she?

  Bullock My sister Rose. She’s got to see the captain.

  Victoria Come here, child, and give me a kiss.

  Rose But I don’t know you, sir.

  Victoria What’s that got to do with it? We soldiers have to cat on the run.

  (Rose is kissed)

  Victoria I am Captain Plume’s ensign, Rose. It’s my job to look after you, the captain is busy today.

  Rose But I was to see him personally.

  Victoria What for? You can see me instead.

  Rose He wanted to give me something, sir.

  Victoria I’ll give it to you all right.

  Rose Please, sir, tell him I’ll come tonight.

  Victoria Where?

  Rose Why, to the Raven.

  Victoria You’d go to the Raven? At night? How can you make yourself so cheap?

  Rose He’ll get what he wants from me, and I’ll get what I want from him.

  Bullock On the up and up, sir. Have a care what you say, Rose, don’t shame your parents.

  Rose I’m doing it for Charles too, you know.

  Victoria Charles?

  Bullock Charles Cartwheel, her intended.