Berliner Ensemble Adaptations

by Bertolt Brecht

  Rose He’s to be a drum major!

  Victoria Doesn’t he mind your going to see the captain?

  Rose Why should he? “If the captain’s good to you,” says Charles, “he’s sure to be good to me when I’m his soldier.” Whatever I do, I’m doing it for the village and for Charles.

  Victoria (takes Rose aside) Look here, child, the captain isn’t going to be at the Raven at all tonight.

  Rose (stubbornly) Then I’ll wait in the hall.

  Victoria You will not wait in the hall. You will wait in my room. Aren’t I a handsome fellow? A kiss, this minute.

  Rose Yours to command. (Kisses her; to Bullock) If the ensign wants …

  Victoria Here’s a pound for your chickens, child. Now let’s be off to the dance. And you, there, carry the chickens. (Victoria pulls Rose away. Bullock follows. Melinda comes in)

  Melinda (looking around) Heaven help me! A hazardous enterprise, if I’m found out the whole town will condemn me. Ah, Worthy, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to make you mine! Worthy!

  (Brazen comes in)

  Brazen (catches sight of Melinda and looks at his watch) As punctual as the bugler! Madam, I am your humble servant and so forth.—Nice little river, the old Severn.—Do you like fishing, madam?

  Melinda A pleasant, melancholy pastime.

  Brazen I’ll fetch the fishing rods at once.

  Melinda (aside) Where can Worthy be?

  Brazen You must know, madam, that I have fought in Flanders against the French, in Hungary against the Turks, in Tangiers against the Moors, but I have never been so much in love before. Slit my belly, madam, if you will; in all my campaigns I have never met so fine a woman as your ladyship.

  Melinda And of all the men I have known, none has ever paid me so fine a compliment. You soldiers are the best-mannered of men, that we must allow.

  Brazen Some of us, madam, not all! There are brutes among us too, sad brutes, ah yes, madam. As for me, I’ve always had the good fortune to prove agreeable. I have had splendid offers, madam. I might have married a German princess, worth some fifty thousand pounds a year. But her bathroom disgusted me. Shall we repair to the woods? (Melinda makes a negative gesture) The daughter of a Turkish pasha fell in love with me when I was a prisoner among the infidels. She offered to steal her father’s treasure and run away with me. But I don’t know why, my time had not yet come. Hanging and marriage, you know, are governed by fate. Fate has preserved me for one of the most seductive ladies in all Shrewsbury. And, so I am told, one of the wealthiest as well. What would you say to a stroll in these delightful woods, my little nymph? (Melinda tries to run away, but Brazen catches up with her and pulls her into the wood)

  (The swan swims closer to the shore as Lucy and Mike reappear)

  Lucy The one thing I’ll miss when I’m over there is Felix.

  Mike He’ll miss us too on Sunday afternoons. (Takes out a slip of paper)

  Lucy What’s that?

  Mike From the New World. It was given to me by a coachman who got it from a Liverpool sailor. Listen! Run along, Felix! Down with the king. Down with the archbishop, down with the lords. We in the New World need no more kings and no more lords, who grew fat on our sweat. We in the State of America wish to be an English colony no longer. Signed: Franklin.

  Lucy When did you learn to read, Mike? (She takes the paper from him)

  Mike Oh, Fred showed me yesterday how it’s done.

  Lucy It says something entirely different.

  Mike What does it say?

  Lucy “Declaration of Independence.”

  Mike Sounds good too. Read it.

  Lucy “That all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their …” I can’t make out that word … “with certain … rights: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness …”

  Mike Lucy, that’s the place for us.

  Lucy (as if announcing) At the Sign of the Swan, Proprietors Mr. and Mrs. Mike W. Laughton. (Play-acting) Don’t take in any more guests, Mike W. Laughton. All I’ve left on the spit is two sides of beef.

  Mike Right, Mrs. Mike W. Laughton. I’ll just have to turn away the lord mayor of Philadelphia. But first, let’s have a little dance, in the kitchen. After all, we’ve paid the musicians. (They dance)

  Lucy Bolt the doors, Mike W. Laughton, the redcoats are coming!

  Mike Load my musket, woman! Those god-damned English! Bang—bang! These muskets aren’t oiled properly, Mrs. Mike W. Laughton!

  Lucy My best salad oil!

  Mike Bang. Bull’s-eye. (He stretches out on the ground)

  (Enter the Farm Boys, followed by Kite disguised as a preacher)

  The Farm Boys (walking up to the swan) Kitchie-kitchie.

  Kite (who has followed them) Kitchie-kitchie.

  (The swan swims away hurriedly)

  Kite (preaching) Brothers and sisters in Christ! My visits to the sick have chanced to bring me to your lovely Severn on this fine day. And I feel I should say a few words to you. I said to myself: What do my dear sisters and brothers in the villages know about the great recruiting campaign for our good King George’s army, which has been going on these past few weeks in town and country? In these weeks when England’s glory and prestige in the world are at stake. In these weeks His eye is upon us. It is written in Deuteronomy, Book 2, Chapter 27, Verse 14: The Lord sees the black ant on the black stone in the black night. Dearly beloved, are there any questions that torment you? Speak up, my son.

  William Your Reverence, is it not true that a man may do his duty by staying home as well?

  Kite A most intelligent question, a question that deserves an answer. Dearly beloved, it has come to the attention of the church that there are some in these parts who shrink back from defending English liberty in America because their flesh is weak and afraid. Nonsense, say I. Flesh is dust and shall return to dust, but England is England and will be England for all eternity. Not only here, but in that godforsaken America as well, ye shining lights of Micklesbury!

  Mike But isn’t it true, Your Reverence, that the people over there are people just like us?

  Kite (thundering) What about geographology, you snotnose? What about the Ninth Commandment, you slopjar? Is it not written: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife and house”? And hasn’t America belonged to our good King George of England ever since the Lord created it? And now it is being coveted by those Americans, the devil take every last one of them, begging the ladies’ pardon.

  Mike Isn’t it true, Your Reverence, that there are no lords or kings in America?

  Kite Whoever put that into your head, you whiskey thief? According to the latest census, there are 44,302 lords in America and no less than seven kings, and not a one of them is any good.

  Appletree That’s a fact.

  Mike And isn’t it true, Your Reverence, that you aren’t a reverend gent at all and that you’re Mr. Kite, son of Cleopatra the Gypsy, jailbird and lifelong sergeant?

  (Maggie cries out; the farm boys look at Kite)

  Kite What a bunch of creeps you turned out to be. (To Appletree who salutes him) Deserters will be shot on the spot. (Kite departs amid loud laughter)

  William I’ll be damned.

  Sally (rising) Who’ll come to the woods with me? I know where to find raspberries!

  (Appletree, slightly embarrassed, follows her)

  Mike (getting up) Let’s go. (He and Lucy go into the woods)

  Maggie (in tears) William, take me home. (William leads Maggie into the woods)

  (Melinda comes out of the woods, followed by Brazen who is playing a panpipe)

  Melinda Oh, Worthy, my dear Worthy, save me from this madman!

  Brazen As you see, madam, the king’s service has preserved my vigor, enabling me to serve the most ardent of English women with undimished powers of body and soul. Confidentially, madam, you see before you a warrior who longs to lay his laurel-crowned head on a loving bosom. Which explains why I am offering you the opportunity of accepting my hand.
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  (Pearmain, wearing a uniform, comes in)

  Pearmain Stand by, captain!

  Brazen On Sunday?

  Pearmain Yessir, captain. The inspecting officer from London, sir!

  Brazen I’m busy!

  Pearmain Yessir, captain! (Goes out)

  Brazen Melinda!

  Melinda Captain Brazen, how can I accept your tempting offer? Surrender myself to a soldier whom the king may take away from me at any time? I’ve sworn not to. And I shall keep my oath. I shall never marry a soldier.

  Brazen Never marry a soldier?

  Melinda Never, captain. Your uniform will always be a barrier between us.

  (Worthy storms in with pistols)

  Melinda (overjoyed) Worthy!

  Worthy Fickle woman! And all for this gaudy fly-by-night who has the audacity … Here, take your choice! (Holds out the pistols to Brazen)

  Brazen Pistols? Are they loaded?

  Worthy Each with its charge of death.

  Melinda What has this to do with you, Mr. Worthy? I didn’t know you took the slightest interest in my affairs.

  (Drumroll)

  Brazen Harkee. Stand by. Besides, I’m a foot soldier. I don’t favor pistols.

  Worthy I am here to fight for the honor of Shrewsbury. We men of Shrewsbury will not stand idly by while our women throw themselves at men who tomorrow will be gone over the hills and over the sea.

  Brazen Fire and brimstone! Sir, I’ve tasted the smoke from the cannon’s iron mouth. (He picks a pistol and takes a dueling stance)

  Melinda (to Worthy) Monster! (She sobs) How can you! It’s all over between us. (Runs out)

  Worthy That’s it! Run away! Leave me here to die alone. (Takes his place and counts paces) One, two, three …

  Brazen Stop! Where’s the lady?

  Worthy (darkly) Gone.

  Brazen In that case, why fight? Embrace me, my dear fellow, life is short enough as it is. (Drops the pistol and walks over to the bench. Worthy sits down beside him.)

  Worthy Turning tail! And in the king’s uniform!

  Brazen Come, come, Worthy, the uniform doesn’t make the man.

  Worthy How can you say that? You who owe your despicable triumphs entirely to your uniform?

  Brazen On the contrary, Mr. Worthy. I’ve learned different My uniform stands in my way. Excuse me, my dear fellow. (Goes out)

  (Kite drives all the soldiers out of the woods. The girls are trying to hold them, calling out their names piteously)

  Kite Inspection! All in uniform back to town! Get going, you sons of bitches! (Turning to the girls) Civilians can stay. (To Sally, sobbing and clutching at Appletree) Stop bawling!

  Girl (calling after the drummer) Jonathan!

  Worthy (who has remained sitting on the bench) Bandits!

  9

  At the house of Mr. Balance.

  Same evening. Balance is reading a letter; he is very upset. Simpkins is holding a candle.

  Simpkins Bad news, sir?

  Balance Frightful.

  Simpkins I’m sorry, sir.

  Balance The sun is setting on the British Empire.

  (Worthy comes in)

  Balance How is the inspection coming along, Worthy?

  Worthy (shrugs his shoulders) I’m afraid that lot of recruits in the market place won’t empty my warehouse for me. It’s not enough to have boots for the soldiers; we must have soldiers for the boots. Here comes Plume.

  Balance Dreadful! (Plume comes in) How are things, Plume? I hope the inspecting officer from London found your company up to strength.

  Plume The inspecting officer from London found exactly eleven recruits.

  Balance Terrible.

  Worthy If it will do you any good, Plume, I’ll join your company. There is nothing to keep me here any longer.

  Balance What’s got into you, Worthy? You’re a shoe manufacturer, not a soldier. You might as well ask me to shoulder a musket.

  Plume Mr. Balance, my mind is made up. I’m asking for a transfer to East India. Give your daughter my respectful regards.

  Balance Captain Plume!

  Plume Mr. Balance?

  Balance Be seated.

  Plume I am seated.

  Simpkins He is seated.

  Balance Captain Plume, you can’t go to the East Indies, your place is in America. I shall not be divulging military secrets if I tell you the bad news that has precipitated the inspector general’s visit. Boston has fallen to the rebels.

  Simpkins Impossible!

  Balance I beg your pardon? (He motions Simpkins to leave the room)

  Plume All right. We’ve lost Boston. Do you expect me to retake Boston with my bare hands?

  Balance Plume, you can’t let England down in this fateful hour, and neither can Shrewsbury. Until now I did not think it necessary to resort to compulsory recruitment. Now I see that it is necessary. (Takes a law book from the bookcase) Recruitment Act, 1704.

  Worthy But this is 1776. There was a scandal when they tried to enforce these laws in Welshpool.

  Balance But they yielded two full companies of able-bodied convicts. Are we to allow undesirable elements to grow fat in our prisons or defile our streets? Put them in the army! In a way you could even call it cruelty to leave these people in jail, or let the unemployed vegetate in the streets, when they could be dying a hero’s death for English liberty in the New World. It is in every respect our patriotic duty to give them this opportunity. Come with me to the prison, Captain Plume.

  (Melinda comes in)

  Melinda Uncle! Will you permit me to speak to Mr. Worthy in private?

  Balance Gladly, my child. Do speak to him, he’s got a bee in his bonnet. Make yourselves at home, Simpkins will bring you tea. Come along, captain. (Goes out with Plume)

  Melinda Surely you understand, Mr. Worthy, that after what has happened I find it intolerable that my letters should be in your possession.

  Worthy I shall return them to you before I embark, madam. Permit me to bid you farewell, Miss Moorhill.

  Melinda How long have you been in this traveling humor?

  Worthy It is only natural, madam, for us to avoid what disturbs our peace of mind.

  Melinda I should interpret it rather as a desire for change, which is even more natural in men.

  Worthy Change would seem to have a special attraction for women as well, madam; why, otherwise, would you be so fond of it?

  Melinda You are mistaken, Mr. Worthy! I am not so fond of change as to leave home. Nor do I think it wise of you to fling yourself into danger and expense in the slender expectation of questionable pleasures.

  Worthy The pleasures awaiting me abroad are indeed questionable, madam, but one thing I am sure of: I shall meet with less cruelty on the battlefields of the New World, amongst the barbarous cowboys and fur trappers, than I have found here, in my own country.

  Melinda Mr. Worthy, you and I have wasted enough words. I believe we would come to an agreement sooner if each of us were to tender his accounts.

  Worthy Indeed, madam. If we do, you will find yourself very much in my debt. My fears, sighs, vows, promises, assiduities, and anxieties have accrued for a whole year without eliciting the slightest return.

  Melinda A whole year! Oh, Mr. Worthy! What you owe me cannot be repaid by less than seven years of servitude. How did you treat me last year when, taking advantage of my innocence and poverty, you tried to make me your mistress, that is, your slave? Add to that your shameless behavior, your loose language, the familiar tone of your letters, your ill-mannered visits—do you remember all that, Mr. Worthy? (Sobs)

  Worthy I remember well. Too bad nothing came of it.—But you for your part must take into account …

  Melinda Sir, I’ll take nothing into account. It’s to your interest that I should forget. You have treated me barbarously; I have only been cruel to you. Weigh the one against the other. And now, if you wish to turn a new leaf, stop acting like an adventurer and behave like a gentleman. How could you leave me sta
nding in the market place the other day like a leftover sack of wool?

  Worthy I only did that to test you, and, believe me, I regret it more than anything I have ever done. But you and that captain, before my very eyes … (His voice breaks)

  Melinda I was only trying to arouse your jealousy. That was the only reason; can’t you believe me?