Berliner Ensemble Adaptations

by Bertolt Brecht

  Worthy Melinda.

  Melinda Worthy. (They go toward each other, arms outstretched)

  (Simpkins comes in)

  Simpkins Captain Brazen!

  Brazen (pushes him aside) Mister Brazen! (He stands there beaming in a shabby civilian frock coat)

  (Melinda looks at him in consternation)

  Brazen Melinda! Your wish is fulfilled. For you I did what I’ve never done before. One word from you and I laid down my weapons. Darling, come to my arms! (He puts his arm around her waist)

  Melinda How dare you? Can’t you see Mr. Worthy? (Slaps his face)

  Brazen No, no. I’m blinded. Worthy! ’Sbodkins! My lady has wit in her very fingertips. Deplorable blunder. I beg your pardon, madam, the ways of an old warrior, don’t you know. Worthy! So you’re the lucky man! Have I got it straight?

  Worthy Heaven forbid! Rather say unlucky. I’ve got more than enough proof of that now.

  Melinda Worthy!

  Worthy Your letters will be returned to you, madam. If you care to read them over, you will see what you have done to me.

  Melinda Albert!

  Worthy No, it’s all clear to me now, only too clear.

  Melinda No!

  Worthy No? Yes. Can your fickleness go so far as to deceive this man who has sacrificed his career to you at your bidding? If you do that, there’s no gentleman on earth who will have anything to do with you.

  Melinda This is too much. Mr. Worthy …

  Worthy This is too much. What’s too much? Stick to this dubious chameleon, since you obviously prefer outward glitter to a true heart. No, I’m not the lucky one, Mr. Brazen. But I don’t envy you your luck if your great sacrifice earns you such striking favors.

  Melinda My favors were bestowed on the wrong man, Mr. Worthy. From now on you can expect nothing better, if you should ever cross my path again. I beg your forgiveness, Mr. Brazen.

  Brazen Granted.

  Melinda Would you see me home and …

  Brazen And so forth, madam.—Courage, my dear fellow. The fortunes of war, you know. (Goes out with Melinda)

  Simpkins (entering) Tea, Mr. Worthy?

  Worthy (bellows) Whiskey!

  Simpkins Sir, I must beg your pardon for these little oversights. (His voice breaking) Boston has fallen to the rebels.

  (Simpkins goes out)

  (Balance and Plume enter in a dejected mood. They sit down without a word)

  Balance (calling) Simpkins!

  Simpkins (entering) Mr. Balance!

  Balance (shouts) Whiskey!

  Simpkins You must forgive me today. (Goes out)

  Balance What’s the matter with him?

  Worthy (over his shoulder) Boston.

  (Pause)

  Balance Why are you looking out the window so gloomily, Worthy?

  Worthy You don’t seem too cheerful yourself, sir.

  Balance Worthy, we’ve been too lenient in Shrewsbury these last few years. The jail is empty. One solitary prisoner. A sex maniac, and that’s all. A drop in the bucket.

  Simpkins (comes in) Lady Prude. Mr. Smuggler.

  Balance Lady Prude? I have an idea. Show them in.

  (Lady Prude and Mr. Smuggler come in)

  Prude Balance, one more Sunday like this and I shall leave Shrewsbury forever. The behavior of those soldiers on the banks of our fair Severn would have put Sodom and Gomorrah to shame. Mr. Smuggler, the banker from London, was here for lunch. His hair stood on end.

  Smuggler Your servant, Mr. Balance.

  Balance Your servant, Mr. Smuggler.

  Prude I see one of the main culprits right here in your parlor. Molly Fastspittle can tell you all about him. And so can Rose, my tenant’s daughter.

  Plume Sir, since this town has showered me with insults instead of soldiers, I beg to take my leave. (Goes out)

  Balance Captain Plume!—(To Lady Prude) I do wish you would learn to control your unfortunate prejudice against the only people who can hope to give England a certain measure of order and discipline.

  Prude For the last ten days I have been battling the military rabble; to no avail.

  Balance Do you call the heroic sons of England military rabble? They are risking their lives for you, my lady.

  Prude I’m paying them for it. A fifth of my income goes toward their upkeep. But I’m not paying them to sing bawdy songs and sin in the bushes on the Sabbath.

  Balance My lady, it is not my habit to scrutinize the bushes on the Sabbath.

  Smuggler In London we have special houses for such things.

  Prude We have them here too, Mr. Smuggler. I could tell you a thing or two. Chicken Street!

  Smuggler (to himself) Chicken Street!

  Prude And not only in Chicken Street. In the taverns and inns! This town is overrun with disreputable elements of all ages, drunkards, pickpockets, and unemployed, who flaunt their sins with impunity. Will the authorities never …

  Balance (who has been listening with growing interest, now raises his hand) You’re perfectly right, my lady, and the authorities will. We shall teach the rabble patriotism. We shall give justice and morality free rein, even if it means filling Shrewsbury’s prison to the bursting point!

  Prude You are contemplating a cleanup?

  Balance A most thorough cleanup, Lady Prude.

  10

  At the Raven.

  Victoria is asleep on a chair. She has taken off her sword, boots, and coat. Commotion in the inn. Loud knocking and shouts of “Open up,” “The constables.”

  Victoria What’s going on?

  Rose (from behind a screen) There’s a rumpus down in the hall.

  Victoria Five in the morning. The night has passed without trouble; I’ve slept soundly, but I’m afraid my companion is less pleased. Poor Rose! (To Rose) Good morning, my pet. And how are you this fine morning? (Starts to pull on her boots)

  Rose Same as yesterday. You’ve made me neither better nor worse.

  Victoria Didn’t you like your bed-fellow?

  Rose I don’t know if I had one or not. Ruining a poor girl’s reputation for nothing!

  Victoria I saved your reputation. You didn’t get your lace frock, but don’t fret. I shall give you much nicer things than the captain.

  Rose You can’t. Now I know.

  (Knocking at the door)

  Voice Open up! The constables!

  Victoria Good God. I’m half naked.

  Voice (outside) Open the door or we’ll break it down!

  Victoria Just a minute!—Rose, my hat, give me my hat.

  (Constable Bridewell forces his way in)

  Victoria What’s the meaning of this?

  Bridewell Two more lovebirds! (To Victoria) This is a raid. You’re under arrest.

  Victoria Get back, fellow! If you come any closer you’re a dead duck.

  Bridewell Put away that sword, pipsqueak, or I’ll knock out your milk teeth, in the name of the king!

  Victoria Just try it, flatfoot!

  Bridewell That’s an insult to His Majesty! Insult me and you insult the king. You’re under arrest, pipsqueak.

  (Sergeant Kite comes in)

  Bridewell Another haul, Mr. Kite, Goose and gander, both in the trap.

  Kite Blarney!

  (Lady Prude comes in)

  Prude (sees Rose) Rose! Rose! My poor child! Did he …

  Victoria I protected her, Lady Prude. Captain Plume was going to …

  Bridewell And you did instead.

  Rose He hasn’t done a thing.

  Kite That’s our ensign, Mr. Wilful. Our job is to jail civilians, my lady.

  Prude Our job is to jail monsters and he’s a monster! Constable, take him away.

  Kite Hands off. You can’t arrest an officer without the consent of his superior. Just a minute. (Goes out and is heard calling out “captain”)

  Victoria My lady, I don’t think there’s any need to get Captain Plume …

  (Plume comes in without coat or sword, followed by Kite)


  Plume Ensign Wilful …

  Rose (runs over to Plume) I’ve been wanting to talk to you, captain. I was waiting for you here.

  Bridewell In the ensign’s room. Caught in flagrante.

  Prude Rose, come here!

  Plume (going toward Victoria) So this is how you carry out my orders, ensign? Boston has fallen and you amuse yourself—like this. There’s never been anything like it in all military history. Why do the likes of you join the army, that’s what I’d like to know. For no other reason than to f … fulfill your desires. Man, I don’t know what to think of you.

  Rose Man! Ha! I wouldn’t be too hard on him, captain. He’s quite harmless.

  Plume Harmless? Hmm. An uncontrolled satyr. (Rose giggles) This is no laughing matter.

  Rose It is, though!

  Plume What are you anyway? No ensign would behave like that, only a … Harmless? (A light dawns on him) I’ll speak to you later. (To the audience) Victoria Balance! Well, I’ll be jiggered! She herself never shows up, but she keeps every other girl away from me. I’ll show her! (To Lady Prude) My lady, I cannot but agree with you. Constable, take the ensign to jail!

  Kite Captain, sir, what’s the good of this idiotic raid? We were looking for grenadiers, and now we’re even losing our officers.

  Prude You don’t understand, sergeant. Your captain intends to clean up not only Shrewsbury but the king’s army as well. Constable, do your duty.

  Plume (virtuously) Exactly, Lady Prude. The law makes no distinction between civilians and soldiers.

  Prude Well said!

  Plume (to Victoria) You have defiled the king’s uniform; off to prison with you!

  Bridewell Come on, pipsqueak. (Grabs her)

  Victoria Captain!

  Plume One more thing. Rose, my child, come here. (He puts his arms around her) I swear, before these witnesses, to make up for all the wrong this scoundrel has done you. And now, take him away.

  Prude Stop! Just a word. It seems to me that we’ve caught the pike, but what about the shark? Sir, behind that cloak of moral indignation I detect your own lust, naked and unabashed.

  Victoria How discerning of you, Lady Prude, You libertine! But I’ll put a spoke in your wheel. This note bears your signature, Captain Plume. It fell due at midnight. Can you meet it? I demand immediate payment!

  Plume Wilful!

  Victoria You can’t pay? Very well! Constable, take this man to debtors’ prison at once. I demand it.

  Prude Quite so! Gets them with child, and won’t marry; borrows money, and won’t pay it back! Take him away too!

  Kite ’Sblood!

  Bridewell But I can’t arrest a man for debt without a warrant. I’m sorry, my lady. Besides, he’s an officer.

  Kite Exactly!

  Victoria I thought the law made no distinction between officers and civilians.

  Prude Take him away!

  Kite Hands off! I’ll bite off my leg before I let you arrest my captain.

  Prude Sergeant, you have shown the most commendable zeal all night. Don’t weaken now, let virtue be your captain.

  Plume Dismiss, Mr. Kite. Farewell, Rose, we must part. Never accept money from strangers.

  (Plume goes out, followed by Bridewell and Victoria)

  Kite Now we’ve got a company and no captain. (Goes out)

  Rose What’s going to happen now?

  Prude Nothing, my child. You will go back to Picklewood.

  Rose But there’s not a man left there.

  Prude Thanks to you, my poor misguided lamb!

  11

  Jailhouse.

  Plume is busy with his toilet. Victoria is sitting on a bench.

  Plume We wouldn’t want to waste our time here, Wilful. Let me teach you the favorite song of our glorious company. Two—three! (Sings)

  Seventeen reservists from Z Battery

  Stand eyeing the women of Gaa.

  Then each reservist pushes

  One of them into the bushes

  Where they take a close look at the evening star.

  And that will be the only star

  She’ll see in Gaa

  It stays there for an hour or two, then au revoir.

  Aha.

  (Plume motions to Victoria . Under Plume’s direction she sings the stanza over)

  Plume Second verse! (Sings)

  In the morning you won’t find Z Battery

  They ride off at first light.

  But on leaving each reservist

  Has a fig to give his dearest

  —Which makes a pound of figs, if I am right.

  That fig will be the only thing she’ll get to see

  A fig is all she ever gets, apparently.

  Dear me.

  (Victoria repeats the stanza)

  Victoria Dear me …

  (Through the bars of the door one sees the prisoners being driven by)

  Bridewell (outside) Eleven shillings and I’ll turn you loose.

  Pickpocket (outside) Eleven shillings? That’s highway robbery.

  Bridewell (outside) Lock him up!

  Miner (outside) I’ve got at least fifteen shillings in the house. Send for my wife.

  Bridewell (outside) Lock him up!

  Plume Filthy scum!

  Victoria You may find it hard to understand, but having you arrested was an act of real friendship, Plume. You are better off here than falling into the snares of the Mollys and Roses who pursue you without appreciating a man of your fine qualities. (Plume remains silent) The money doesn’t matter to me. I’ve proved that I’m not petty in these matters. But why should I always be the one to finance your debaucheries? (Bridewell comes in with fresh water for Victoria)

  Bridewell (gleeful) Come on, pipsqueak. Time to wash! You’re appearing in court.

  Victoria I don’t want to wash.

  Bridewell What?

  Victoria I have a cold.

  Plume He has a cold.

  Victoria Yes, I have a cold. (She sneezes)

  Plume Whatever made you join the army? I mean, if you’re so delicate and inclined to colds.

  (Bridewell pours the water into the pail)

  Victoria (shouting at the constable) I told you I have a cold!

  Bridewell I can’t make out why these people never want to wash.

  Plume (cruelly) I suppose you just sprinkle powder on it. Cleanliness is the hallmark of a good soldier. Before washing, a soldier removes his clothes. With soap, and, if necessary after field drill, with pumice, he cleanses all parts of his body.

  Bridewell Take off your coat and wash!

  Victoria No.

  Plume He likes dirt, that’s what it is.

  Bridewell In the name of the king, off with your coat and wash!

  Victoria Not as long as I live. (She eludes Bridewell and he chases her)

  Victoria Captain!

  Plume No rough stuff, constable. (Motions him to stop)

  Bridewell Fusses like a blooming woman.

  Plume Doesn’t he, though? (Bridewell goes out) It’s not just a question of physical cleanliness, Wilful; you’re a deplorable character in every respect. You malinger, you squirm out of things, and you try to deceive your superiors. You are neither honest nor straightforward. Your motives for joining the army are obscure. How do I know you’re not a common spy?

  Victoria That’s not fair, captain.

  Plume How dare you! And where’s your soldierly bearing? I’ll teach you discipline. On duty and off, I set the tone around here, understand? Altogether, your behavior is an offense to the moral standards of our profession. No back talk! Let one example suffice: an ensign keeps his fingers out of his captain’s love affairs, even if it kills him. Now I shall have to see how I can make it up to that poor girl. To top it all, you seem to have disappointed her. She didn’t seem very enthusiastic about you this morning, Wilful. But in spite of all that, because I still feel an inexplicable liking for you, I’ll make you a fair proposition. Tear up that note. For two pounds the constable will le
t you go.