Heller

by JD Nixon

  “Both of my men with me today have fallen in love with you,” he said, his smile shadowed in his voice.

  I kept my eyes closed, refusing to rise to his bait. “Stop teasing. I didn’t even speak to one of them and I threw up all over the other one.”

  “Clive told me that they couldn’t stop talking about you this afternoon. They were telling all the other men about what you’d done. You made a real impression.”

  “A woman usually does when she’s covered in vomit, blood and snot,” I said dryly.

  “They’re calling you The Capsicum Kid.” I tried to kick him under the water. He captured my foot, rested it on his lap and started to massage it. I made a feeble attempt to pull it away but he kept a tight hold. I gave up and let him rub it. In fact, it felt so nice that I plonked my other foot in his lap too, as a huge hint.

  “Thank you for turning up when you did today, Heller. That man in the bar, he was strangling me. I couldn’t breathe. I’ve never been so afraid in my life. He said I had ruined his party, but that I could be his next playmate. He would have raped me if you hadn’t turned up. He touched me . . .” I took a deep, shuddery breath. “Oh God! He touched me everywhere. It was just awful.” I fought my emotions for a minute on remembering, blinking away the tears.

  In the moonlight, his face turned stony with anger. “He got what he deserved, but I should have been there earlier. Then you and Dixie wouldn’t have been involved.”

  “Lily was in my charge. I felt responsible for her.”

  “You’re in my charge. I feel responsible for you.”

  “I’m not in your charge, I’m your employee. There’s a big difference. Oh, and by the way, I am not your woman.”

  “Those types of animals only understand women as possessions. Just as the only language they understand is violence. I hoped he would respect ownership and not escalate matters more. But no, he had no respect at all for the fact that you’re my woman.”

  “I’m not your woman!”

  “I know, but he didn’t.” He swapped feet. I was beginning to feel so relaxed that I was in danger of drowning. The jets stopped and he leaned over to push the button again.

  “What did Lily say to you that made you slap her face?” I asked, yawning.

  “Something disgusting about you. She has a filthy mouth.”

  “I know. I haven’t heard so much swearing since my last family gathering,” I joked tiredly.

  He stopped rubbing my feet. “Are you afraid of me, Matilda?”

  My eyes sprang open and I sat up, taking my feet off his lap. “Well, you’re physically powerful and authoritative,” I said hesitantly, “and I saw today that you’re pretty ruthless and willing to be violent too. So yes, I’m afraid of you in that respect. But as I told Dixie earlier, I’m not afraid of my own personal safety with you. I’m not afraid to be alone with you. Like now.”

  His voice was quiet. “Thank you for saying that.” A brief silence. “I’m going to move over and sit next to you. Okay?”

  “I guess.” He moved around to my side and sat close to me, slipping his arm around my shoulders, drawing me into his chest. I didn’t bother resisting because I didn’t want to and I leaned against him, listening to the steady strong beat of his heart, my uninjured arm resting across his bare chest. He slid his other arm around me as well and I felt him kissing the top of my head gently.

  “There’s something about you that’s very soothing, Matilda. I feel calmer when you’re around. I can’t work out why, but maybe it’s because you’re the only person in this place without demons.”

  “You have demons?” I murmured into his chest, half-asleep.

  “We all do in this place. I can usually control mine, but late at night when I’m by myself, they haunt me.”

  “Demons about what?”

  “What I’ve done, what I should have done, what people have done to me.”

  “This job might give me demons, though. Dixie said I’m becoming hard already.”

  “Dixie’s wrong. And we’ll have to be vigilant to make sure you stay away from the side of this business that does give you demons. I wouldn’t want that for you.”

  We didn’t talk for a while, enjoying the warm water until I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. Heller, sensing my tiredness, helped me from the hot tub and dried me off carefully.

  “I’m afraid I’m going to have nightmares tonight,” I confessed sleepily.

  “I’ll stay with you then.”

  But instead of taking me back to my flat, he took me to his. He rummaged up some dry clothes for me, one of his t-shirts and a pair of cotton boxers that were far too big, but which had a drawstring I could tighten enough to stop them falling off me. I changed in his bathroom, which was reached by walking through his large walk-in robe. I glanced quickly at its contents while I passed through, noting its neat military orderliness. His bathroom was also spotless and luxuriously fitted out in black and white marble tiles. I left my wet clothes in a messy pile on his bathroom floor and climbed into his bed, too tired to argue when he climbed into the other side. He slid his arms around me and pulled me to him. I relaxed in his arms, drinking in the faint remnants of the cologne he had applied that morning, a heady masculine scent. He moved against me, settling himself, and I was struck by a disturbing thought.

  “Heller?”

  “Mmm?”

  “Are you wearing anything?”

  Without another word he released me and slipped out of bed, padding into his walk-in robe. I heard a drawer opening and closing and a slight rustling of cloth before he rejoined me.

  “Yes,” he finally answered. I reached out hesitantly to touch his hip, now safely encased in a silky material. He laughed softly. “I haven’t worn anything to bed since I moved out of home.”

  “And when was that?” I was always eager for any details about his life.

  He laughed again and kissed me on my forehead. He wasn’t going to tell me. Neither of us said anything for a while. I thought about the day’s events again and shifted uncomfortably.

  “I hurt everywhere,” I mumbled.

  “I know, my sweet. The pain will pass eventually.” He gently stroked my hair and kissed me on the forehead again.

  It would be nice to be his woman, I thought drowsily. Maybe I should think about it. I tried to stay awake as long as I could to savour the experience of being so close to him, but the warm jets and the glass of wine had done their job and I quickly fell asleep.

  I woke once during the night, sitting up, heart pounding, panting with fear. I’d been dreaming about Bourbon-Breath and the sickening feel of his hand down my pants. Panicked, I didn’t know where I was, but then felt strong safe arms around me pulling me back down to the bed, holding me close. I heard the reassuring murmur of Heller’s voice in a language I didn’t understand, felt a shower of soft kisses on my face and fell back again into deep slumber.

  When I finally awoke, I was alone. There was a note on the pillow next to me.

  Don’t forget about Mrs Hayek. H.

  I groaned to myself and gingerly got out of bed. Everything still hurt, even more than yesterday. I limped out to Heller’s living area, taking in the tasteful muted decor dominated by his black European designer furniture. I went back to my flat, showered and ate. I dressed carefully from my depleted stock of clothes and applied my makeup, leaving my hair loose. I found an old shopping bag from some boutique and gathered up the scarf and earrings that Lily had bought me, the tags still intact. I was returning them to her, not wanting to keep any memento of our relationship. I figured that my nightmares and scars would be enough.

  I rang Rumbles and he knocked respectfully on my door after ten minutes. He enthused about my role in what had happened yesterday, and I was surprised to find out that Heller had been only partially teasing me last night. His team really did give me credit for my capsicum spray stunt, and that gave me a warm glow that lasted the rest of the day.

  Mr Hayek had not left for his meeti
ngs when I was admitted into the suite. His eyes grew large with interest when he noticed that I had my hair long and loose. I forced myself to be polite and professional. Once again he thanked me warmly for my role in Lily’s rescue and assured me that such an incident would not occur again, because he was sending along his faithful servant who would be in attendance at every moment. The servant stepped out and nodded briefly, a smug smile on his face. I nodded back, without smiling.

  Lily came out of her room, dressed very modestly, no jewellery and wearing flat, sensible shoes. She stared at the floor for most of the time. Mr Hayek questioned me in great detail about our proposed itinerary for the day and I told him of the shopping we would do and the dinner and show that Daniel had booked for us. He nodded in approval. On our departure, Lily timidly leant up to kiss her husband goodbye.

  He grabbed her by her upper arms and spoke sternly to her. “I want to hear that you have behaved yourself today, Lily.” She nodded submissively and I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

  The day passed at a tedious pace for both of us. Lily found it slow because she was completely restrained by the eagle eyes of the faithful retainer who no doubt had orders to report on any transgression. And I found it slow because I was in considerable pain and found walking around, standing or sitting for long periods very tiresome. At the restaurant where we ate, she made the servant eat at a table by himself. He glowered at us throughout the meal.

  “I hate that man!” she whispered fiercely to me, careful not to look in his direction. “He will tell my husband everything that I do. I’m suffocating.”

  “That’s for you and your husband to sort out, Lily. I can’t help you with that,” I said coldly. “I want to return the things you bought me. I haven’t worn any of them. I will take them back for a refund for you, if you like.”

  “Do you hate me that much?” she asked, a plaintive tone in her voice, eyes sad.

  I shrugged, bored. “You’re definitely not my favourite person at the moment.”

  “Please don’t be annoyed with me, Tilly. I really like you. And besides, I got enough grief from Heller yesterday. Was I ever wrong about him,” she said sullenly. “He’s nothing but a fucking arsehole.”

  The servant glanced over sharply at her heated tone. She glared at him.

  “You mean when he slapped you? He told me you had said something disgusting about me and that you had a foul mouth. What did you say?”

  She fidgeted in her seat. “You’ll be angry with me.”

  “To be frank with you, Lily, I couldn’t possibly be any angrier with you.”

  She peered up at me, looking like a naughty child. “He was raging at me, telling me I must be insane to slash your arm and drink your blood and that I should get some help. It made me so angry that he thought he could talk to me like that! I’m his client!” I didn’t bother to interrupt to remind her that it was actually her husband who was Heller’s client. “He’s so arrogant. I wanted to shock him.” She paused and took a deep breath, staring at me with an uneasy mix of defiance and guilt, then lifted her chin with renewed boldness. “I told him that I loved drinking your blood, that it tasted as sweet as honey, and that I couldn’t wait to taste your pussy too, because I thought that it would be even sweeter.”

  I gaped at her, my mouth open in revulsion, then stood up, threw my napkin on the table and stalked to the ladies’ bathroom. There, I looked at myself in the mirror, willing my anger to subside. Come on, Tilly, be professional, I coached myself. I splashed some water on my face, patted it dry, adjusted my hair and picked a bit of spinach off my tooth. When I felt calmer, I went and sat back down at the table. I plastered on a game-show host, fakest-of-fake smiles for the sake of the servant. He was watching us intently, ready to pounce on any commotion.

  “Ready to go, Lily? I hear that the costumes in this show we’re seeing tonight are spectacular. We won’t want to miss a moment,” and I hooked my arm through hers and walked her outside to await a cab, leaving the servant to pay for dinner. The show was very impressive, but I was relieved when Rumbles picked us all up afterwards, dropping Lily and her watchdog at her hotel and driving me home. I popped some painkillers and went straight to bed.

  The rest of the week with Lily passed in a similar fashion. She was completely restricted in her movements and had to tone her behaviour down considerably. Finally, I delivered her back to her husband for the last time, the couple due to fly out the next morning. I tolerated Lily’s clingy and over-emotional farewell, shook Mr Hayek’s hand, nodded briefly to the servant and went home. It was late Saturday afternoon and I was in the mood for relaxing.

  I knocked on Daniel’s door and found him with Niq, playing a blood-splattered shooting game on the Xbox. I cringed as I watched Niq blasting away someone’s head into a bloody pulp of sinew and bone, Daniel cheering him on.

  “Yuck! That’s disgusting,” I complained. “I don’t think you’re old enough to be playing games like that, Niq.”

  “Geez Tilly, lighten up,” he moaned, eyes fixed on the TV screen as Daniel threw a cushion at my head. I caught it and chucked it back at him.

  I plonked onto the lounge between them. “I’ve finally ditched the crazy woman. How about a movie night at my place?”

  They readily agreed, but only if I promised to cook them dinner. I protested, pointing out that I had been working all day and they should make me dinner, but it was two against one so I gave in graciously. Daniel and Niq finished their game and went to choose some DVDs while I went to the pantry for food. I decided on lamb cutlets with sweet potato mash and sauteed vegetables. Some fresh mango with vanilla bean ice-cream for dessert and I grabbed some microwave popcorn for the movie. Some juice for Niq and a couple of bottles of shiraz for Daniel and me. Perfecto!

  I cooked dinner and they entertained me with all of the office news. It felt like years since I had met Lily, but it had only been a week. She had drained the life out of me.

  “I forgot to say,” Daniel said later, his mouth full of ice-cream. “We ran into Heller when we were going up to the library and he said we could watch the DVDs at his place. He’s got the biggest TV you’ve ever seen. He said to come up after dinner.”

  “Excellent!” I smiled and yes, I would be lying if I said that the thought of cuddling up with Heller on the lounge watching a movie didn’t cross my mind. Niq and Daniel washed up for me while I drank more shiraz and amused them with heavily censored tales about Lily. I would tell Daniel the whole truth later.

  My place pristine, we trooped up the stairs to Heller’s place. Niq set the DVD up ready for watching while I cooked the popcorn. Daniel turned off the lights and the movie started.

  “Shouldn’t we wait for Heller?” I asked, having anxiously watched for him.

  “Heller’s not here tonight,” said Daniel, reaching for a handful of popcorn. He glanced at Niq. “He’s, er, gone out.”

  “He’s what?”

  “He’s gone out,” repeated Niq loudly, as if I was hard of hearing.

  I relaxed back on the lounge. “So he’s gone to meet a client?”

  “No!” said Niq scornfully. “He’s gone out!” And boring of my inability to understand the simple concept of ‘out’, he headed to the kitchen to pour himself another juice.

  Daniel sighed and paused the movie, before lowering his voice so that Niq couldn’t hear, “Heller’s out on the prowl.”

  “Out on the prowl?” I felt particularly stupid tonight because I was struggling to understand anything they said.

  “He’s gone out looking for female company. Heller’s a man. He has a man’s needs. You know what I’m saying.” He blushed and went to restart the movie. I stopped him with a restraining hand on his arm.

  “How do you know this? He might have gone to see a client?”

  He looked at me with pity. “Because he told us that’s what he was doing tonight. He does it all the time. Every couple of weeks or so, Heller goes into the city. It’s no secret. He lets us know what he�
�s doing. He goes to one of the top hotels and picks up a woman. Someone in town for a conference or business or just a lonely wife. He doesn’t care. It’s all very casual. He doesn’t want a relationship. It’s just a night of sex.” And he blushed again.

  “And he brings her here?” I cried in disbelief.

  “God no! He uses her room. That’s why he goes to the hotel bars. Heller would never bring a stranger here. I thought you knew him by now?”

  “Apparently not,” I whispered to myself and poured myself yet another glass of wine.

  Niq returned and the movie commenced, but I couldn’t tell you anything about the plot, the actors or the special effects, of which there were many. I was dumbstruck, my head spinning from the shiraz and from what Daniel had told me. Heller was out getting laid with a complete stranger. His life consisted of a steady stream of one-night stands. He didn’t care about me. I thought that he did but I was wrong. God, I was mortified. I had completely misread him.

  After the second movie, I was so drunk that I could barely move. I could hear Daniel and Niq discussing what to do with me as I lay flopped out on the lounge on my stomach, one arm and leg trailing on the floor. They fetched me a pillow and a blanket and rolled me into a better position, Niq deciding to sleep in Heller’s unit that night to keep an ear out for me. Daniel went home.

  I was woken up by the sound of the front door opening. I sat up, no idea where I was, feeling a bit panicky. Along with my sore arm, jaw, back and legs, my head was also pounding and my mouth felt furry and tasted like a wino’s underpants. Oh shit, how much did I drink last night, I asked myself. Unfortunately, I wasn’t capable of doing any maths at that point.

  “Matilda? What are you doing here?”

  “What time is it?” I croaked, as my befuddled brain cells tried to regroup.

  “It’s after four in the morning,” Heller said wearily, running his fingers through his hair. He looked damned good. Dark blue shirt, black leather jacket, tight black jeans, pointed boots. His ‘out on the prowl’ clothes, I suppose. I stood up, or rather I staggered to my feet, and went to face him. I stared up at him intensely. His face was softer, his lips redder and swollen, his icy eyes mellowed. He had a satiated look of contentment on his face that made me want to weep. He stank of expensive perfume and sex. I looked up at him reproachfully, unshed tears shining in my eyes.