Sorrows of Adoration

by Kimberly Chapman

  “So I chose the second prettiest girl in the palace. Second, because the prettiest girl had a wretchedly squeaky voice that made my jaw clench. I decided to court Keshella—”

  “Lady Keshella who is wed to that merchant Sherston?”

  “One and the same. You’re not jealous, are you?”

  “Hardly. She has the intellectual capacity of cheese.”

  He laughed so hard that I had to raise my head off his stomach before I was bounced around. “Cheese! Aenna, you have the strangest way of saying things!” He chuckled. I laid my head back down as he continued. “Yes, she wasn’t particularly bright either, but you must admit she is pretty.”

  “Very. I’m not jealous, though.”

  “Good. You shouldn’t be,” he said sweetly, moving his hand to stroke my hair. “But I thought if I was to court someone, it may as well be someone I could enjoy looking at. So I brought her flowers, asked her to walk with me in the garden, and other things that Sashken would undoubtedly see. Well, to make the story short, one evening I saw Sashken following us in the garden, so I kissed Keshella very passionately. But still Sashken followed us, so I convinced Keshella to come up to the tower with me. It actually didn’t take a great deal of convincing, and she led the way.

  “We went up to the tower, and I waited to hear if we were followed, but it seemed Sashken had given up. I was going to leave when suddenly Keshella unlaced her dress and dropped it, standing there in just her corset. My eyes widened, and I stood stunned as she turned her back to me and asked me to unlace the corset. So I did. I don’t know why, I just did. It came off, and she pulled off her other underclothes and stood naked before me. I still stood there like a fool, my jaw probably on the floor. She said, ‘Don’t you like what you see?’ So I kissed her, because I couldn’t think of anything suitable to say. After that it wasn’t long before …” He trailed off, leaving the rest implied.

  “The next day I avoided her. I felt awful for having taken her when I had absolutely no intention of ever wedding the poor girl. Mind you, I am fairly certain she was not a maiden when I took her. But still, I felt like an awful cad. I went to see her and overheard her telling the other girls what I had done, how she was to be Queen, and wasn’t it all so exciting and other such nonsense. So I took her aside to speak with her and told her then and there that I didn’t intend at all for her to be my Queen, rather insensitively, I admit. She struck me hard, slapping my face with the full palm of her hand. Then she spun and walked away. I was mortified. Jarik heard about it and thought it quite funny. I suppose now you’ll think I’m a wretch for it.”

  “It doesn’t sound to me as though you seduced her, Kurit.”

  “Still, I should have known better. I should have had the decency to refuse her.”

  “Perhaps. But I don’t think you’re awful for it. See, I told you I wouldn’t get angry. I just wanted to make sure there isn’t a lost desire in your mind somewhere.”

  He ran his finger softly down my cheek. “Hardly. I may have experienced some pleasure with her, but I never felt such burning desire until I knew you. I’ll admit that if I had known other women of your curvaceous build, I might have known greater desires than I did. I was obsessed with the idea of making love with you from those first days.”

  I sighed happily. We lay there quietly together for some time until we were hungry enough for lunch. As we sorted through the basket he asked, “I want to ask you something, but I’m not sure how to word it without sounding awful.”

  “Go ahead and ask then, and I’ll forgive you if you say something wrong by mistake,” I said smiling.

  “Hmm. I know you were a maiden, so don’t think I’m questioning that or any such nonsense, but did you ever … What I want to know is, did you ever know a man that you longed for? Before you met me?”

  I considered that for a moment but was able to quickly and confidently answer, “No. I admit I daydreamed about an unknown man in my future, but I never saw one that made me desirous. Most of the men I saw in the inn were tired and in need of a bath, if not drunk as well. I might have felt friendly towards some of the kinder, cleaner ones, but they were always either married or so far above my station that I didn’t even entertain the thought.”

  “Of what did you daydream?” he asked.

  “Oh, you don’t want to know that. It’s all so silly and girlish.”

  “I told you my stories. Now I want to hear yours,” he insisted.

  “I suppose that’s only fair,” I conceded. “I thought that perhaps one day a kind, intelligent young merchant would come by the inn, and I would know instantly that I loved him, and he would know he loved me but would be too gentlemanly to say it. We would look at each other longingly, but then he’d be gone, and I’d long for him alone. Then he’d return in a month or so and be bold enough that time to introduce himself, and we’d talk awhile. Then perhaps he’d return again and again, each time growing bolder, until finally he would ask me to be his wife, and I would of course say yes, and he’d take me away with him.”

  Kurit smiled at me. “That’s not silly at all. It sounds very sweet.”

  “I suppose. It was a romantic notion. Never did I dream I’d overhear of a plot to kill a Prince, rush to warn him, end up falling in love with him and he with me and marrying him. That’s the sort of thing that happens in bard’s songs and old poems, not in real life.”

  He chuckled and moved closer to me. “Are you disappointed that you didn’t meet your kind, young merchant?”

  “Of course not. You know I love you.”

  “Well, then let the bards write a song for us, if it’s so unreal,” he said, caressing my cheek softly, his lunch all but forgotten. He pushed mine aside and moved closer still so he could kiss me. He pushed me gently to lie down, kissing my lips, my cheeks, my neck.

  “Kurit,” I said breathlessly as he kissed at my bosom, “Kurit, someone could come along and see us.”

  “And? The only ones who would do so are Leiset and Gilrin, and they both have the sense to be discreet and go away.” He laid himself beside me and started caressing my leg, pushing my skirt up slowly. I acquiesced, secretly enthralled at the notion of making love outdoors in open daylight.

  It was awkward and naughty and sensual and wonderful. I buried my face in his shoulder when I wanted to cry out, lest it echo over the lake. That would have been an embarrassment, even if no one had heard it!

  Afterwards, he kissed my ear and whispered into it, “Don’t ask again about any other woman. There is no one else for me but you.”

  * * *

  The weeks passed quickly, no doubt because we were so happy. I missed my womanly cycle and thus assumed that I was with child. When I told Kurit that the time for it had passed several days before, he was ecstatic. He picked me up, spun me around, and then set me down and covered my whole face with sweet, happy little kisses as I laughed.

  We knew it would be time to return home in a few days, so we decided to make the most of our remaining time at the cottage. We went for long, happy walks together, during which we would talk and tease, laugh and kiss. He would favour me often with that wonderful roguish smile, and I would sometimes recall how endearing it had been when we had first met. On more than one occasion, I felt a slight shiver to realize just how much had happened and changed in my life since I had met this wonderful man.

  On the day before we were to leave, we went for one last long walk in the meadows. Kurit seemed a bit sad at the prospect of going back to the palace. I didn’t know the specific cause, but between leaving the beautiful area around the cottage, returning to duties, and returning also to those who did not approve of our union, it was easy to understand his slight gloominess.

  I decided to tease him in an effort to make him laugh again. I hurried my pace such that I ended up a few steps ahead of him. Then I moved my hands on my hips seductively and wiggled them in an exaggerated fashion. I glanced over my shoulder at him and said, “Tell me, husband, is it this that drives you mad
with desire?”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stop walking. I glanced at him again, still wiggling my hips. He was watching me, eyebrows raised, a faint rascal’s smile upon his lips.

  “Don’t tempt me, Aenna,” he warned in a playful tone. “I don’t have the excuse of not being wed to you anymore to hold me back.”

  I continued walking slowly, swaying my hips for him. I turned my head to purr, “But we are rather far from a bedchamber, my love.”

  “That didn’t stop us by the lake a few weeks ago,” he said with a laugh. “If you keep teasing me in this manner, I cannot be held accountable for what I might do.”

  His challenge and thinly veiled threat enticed me to continue. I don’t know that I actually thought through whether or not he would make good on his threat, but I didn’t care either way, to be honest. I kept walking and swaying, glancing back at him every few steps.

  All of a sudden, he bolted towards me. I squealed out a girlish scream and ran from him as fast as I could.

  I probably could have outrun him, for he was not much of a sprinter, but of course, I didn’t want to. Plus, it slowed me down to keep looking at him. He soon caught up to me, threw his arms around my waist, and slid himself to a stop.

  He turned me around by my shoulders and kissed me hard on the mouth. He grunted like a beast as he moved his lips hungrily down my neck. My legs felt as water, and I left myself go limp in acquiescence in his arms. Much as I had loved straddling him at times and being in control, I found that I equally loved giving myself to him and letting him have his beastly way. In fact, I realized that I didn’t care all that much about how the sensuality happened, only that it did, and often.

  Kurit lowered me to the grass. He tugged at the laces at the front of my gown, opening it and then pulling down the underclothes. He put his face between my exposed breasts and growled playfully as he kissed them and nibbled them.

  Soon he lifted his head from my bosom and took hold of my legs. Roughly, but without causing me pain or discomfort, he lifted them and pulled my underclothes from me, then pushed my skirts up to my waist.

  Still on his knees, he unbuckled his belt and lowered his trousers. In a flash, he grabbed my hips and lifted them to his kneeling lap. Continuing the rough play, he shoved himself into me. I loved it, and I made sure he knew it by virtue of my moans of delight. He took me like a true beast, grunting and growling and groping. He held my hips with one hand, a breast with the other, and moved in me with a fast fury.

  I could not help but cry out in ecstasy as he took me so. It was so naughty, so uncouth. I felt a glorious freedom. It was not painful or savage, but it was scandalous and animalistic, and I felt wonderfully alive.

  As I thought of how wanton we were, and as Kurit increased his fervent speed, I was overcome by a fierce pleasure that was very different from all other climaxes I had known. I lost touch with reality for a moment and was brought back only by Kurit’s loud exclamation of delight.

  He fell to the ground beside me, panting and exhausted. We lay there for some time, our clothes still half off, just catching our breath. Then Kurit rolled himself to me and gently stroked my cheek. I smiled at him, and he smiled back a bit sheepishly. I suspected he felt a little guilty for having been so rough. I promised myself to tell him later how much I had enjoyed it, just in case he couldn’t tell.

  To ease him in the moment, however, I simply whispered, “I love you.”

  His whole face lit up with delight. He closed his eyes for a moment and touched his forehead to mine. His hand wandered to my belly, where we knew our child to be growing, and he caressed me there. Then he put it back to my cheek, opened his eyes, and said, “You are my everything.”

  He kissed me tenderly for some time. Then he moved onto me and made love with me again there in the field, but this time it was slow, sweet, and passionate, as though he was proving to me that his love and gentle adoration had not wavered, even in his animal lust.

  * * *

  The sun was at its highest point in the sky when we left the cottage the next day. It was very hot and humid, so I chose to wear a lightweight dress with short sleeves and not very many layers of underskirts. Kurit wore simple light trousers and a laced shirt, looking like an average merchant or the like.

  “Too casual?” he asked when he caught me staring at him. “I can change into more appropriate clothing at home.”

  “I know,” I said, still admiring him. “I like it. It’s not very Princely at all.”

  He smiled and slipped his arms around my waist. “Not regal enough for you?”

  “I don’t need you to be regal. Sometimes I’m happy to think of you as just a man.” I clasped my hands behind his neck and fiddled with his hair.

  “Oh, I’m more than just a man. I’m your happy husband,” he said and then kissed me. “I like your dress, you know.”

  “It’s not fancy either, though.”

  “I know,” he said. “That’s why I like it. It’s clean and pretty and ladylike but simple. Like you were when I first saw you, except for the clean part of course.” He laughed and then kissed me again. After the kiss I put my head on his shoulder and let him hold me. “I know it infuriated you, and I understand why, but when I told you in Mikilrun that I’d give up the crown for you, I meant it. Don’t be angry, but I still would.”

  “Kurit—”

  “Hush, I know. I have a duty. And I’m not going to dismiss that. I don’t have to—you married me anyway!” He chuckled softly. I loved the sound of his laughter when my head was on his shoulder or chest. “But honestly, Aenna, I could have been very happy learning any trade or skill instead, if I had had to. Seeing you now like this, so beautiful in a dress that would make another woman look plain, I know in my heart I don’t need all the luxury of the palace. I need only you.”

  He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me softly but for a long time, stopping only when we heard Leiset interrupt us with a polite cough.

  I looked over his shoulder to her and caught her reproachful yet slightly amused look.

  “Dear husband, it would seem that I have offended my maidservant by letting you kiss me so boldly out here in the public view,” I postured.

  Kurit turned briefly to Leiset and then back to me with a beastly grin. “Dear wife,” he replied in a similar tone, “it would seem your poor maidservant is jealous because she has not been kissed so in such a very long time.” He peeked at Leiset again and saw her annoyed look, though again she was having trouble not smiling at the roguish Prince.

  He turned back to me with a silly grin and said, “I’m going to get a sound beating from her for that one, aren’t I?”

  “Certainly Your Highness knows that I would never overstep my station to ever accost your noble self,” Leiset said, mocking our previous sarcastic tone as she stepped towards me. She took my arm and started to pull me away. “Not when it’s entirely more effective to simply lead my Lady Highness elsewhere.” She started to leave, pulling me behind her, but Kurit held onto my other arm and kept me where I was.

  “Nobody takes my wife from me unless she goes of her own accord, Leiset,” he said, still smiling but with a very light edge to his voice.

  Leiset released my arm, curtsied and said, “Of course, Your Highness. My apologies.” Then she walked away from us towards the carriage that would carry her and Gilrin back to the palace.

  “You shouldn’t have scolded her,” I said. “She’s only trying to protect my reputation.”

  “I know. Sorry. I just don’t like the idea of anyone telling me I can’t be with you. It’s bad enough that I have to hear it from my mother.”

  “Ah, that explains it then. Kurit, Leiset is hardly trying to keep us apart. And you did tease her. Rather rudely, actually. She’s a proper lady, much more so than I.”

  “You’re right, I was rude. Why don’t you go to our carriage? I’ll go apologize to her and meet you there in a moment.” He dropped a quick kiss on my cheek and added
, “But you are a proper lady, and stop saying otherwise, or I shall tickle you until you scream in a very improper fashion.”

  I lightly smacked his arm as he ran off.

  When he joined me in our carriage, he said Leiset had left because she thought she’d offended him, speaking so boldly as a maidservant to the Prince. He said that he had reassured her that it was all just silly teasing and everything was well again.

  We sat across from each other and talked for the first half of the trip, but after the brief pause half way home to stretch our legs outside, he took the place beside me and put his arms around me. We kissed and spoke silly words of love for some time.

  “Do you think it would be inappropriate if we were to disappear into my bedchambers for a while as soon as we’re back?” he asked after a particularly long kiss.

  I laughed softly. “Undoubtedly.”

  “That’s hardly fair. They send us away to make a child and then expect us to behave ourselves when we come home.” He put his hand over my waist and rubbed me gently. “I cannot imagine that there is a child in there. I cannot imagine that in a few months I shall be a father. What a ridiculous notion!”

  “Why is it ridiculous?”

  “Aenna, really,” he said with an odd smile on his face. “Look at me. I’m a beastly brat myself. My father, now there’s a man who knows how to be a father. He’s stately and full of great words of wisdom and guidance. What have I to teach a child? How to make their mother blush? That’s my greatest skill, you know.” He winked at me playfully, and I laughed.

  “You’ll be a fine father. You’re a good man, Kurit. And I’m sure your father couldn’t imagine himself having a son all those years ago anymore than you can now.”

  “Can you imagine yourself as a mother? I can. I can see you now with a baby in your arms. You’re lucky. You have nothing to be nervous about.”