My Beautiful Laundrette

by Hanif Kureishi

  NASSER: But we’re professional businessmen. Not professional Pakistanis. There’s no race question in the new enterprise culture. Do you like the room? Omar said you had nowhere to live. I won’t charge.

  JOHNNY: Why not?

  NASSER: You can unscrew. That’s confirmed beautifully. But can you unblock and can you keep this zoo here under control? Eh?

  EXT. LAUNDRETTE. EVENING

  Music.

  JOHNNY is working on the outside of the laundrette. He’s fixing up the neon sign, on his own, and having difficulty. OMAR stands down below, expensively dressed, not willing to assist. Across the street MOOSE and a couple of LADS are watching.

  OMAR: I wish Salim could see this.

  JOHNNY: Why? He’s on to us. Oh yeah, he’s just biding his time. Then he’ll get us.

  (He indicates to MOOSE. MOOSE comes over and helps him.

  The OLD MEN are watching wisely as JOHNNY and MOOSE precariously sway on a board suspended across two ladders, while holding the neon sign saying POWDERS.)

  OMAR: You taking the room in Nasser’s place?

  (A ball is kicked by the KIDS which whistles past JOHNNY’s ear. MOOSE reacts.)

  Make sure you pay the rent. Otherwise you’ll have to chuck yourself out of the window.

  (GENGHIS walks down the street towards the laundrette. OMAR turns and goes.

  MOOSE goes into a panic, knowing GENGHIS will be furious at this act of collaboration. JOHNNY glances at MOOSE.

  GENGHIS is coming. The ladders sway. And the OLD MEN watch. GENGHIS stops. MOOSE looks at him.)

  INT. LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  The day of the opening of the laundrette.

  The laundrette is finished. And the place looks terrific: pot plants; a TV on which videos are showing; a sound system; and the place is brightly painted and clean.

  OMAR is splendidly dressed. He is walking round the place, drink in hand, looking it over.

  Outside, local people look in curiously and press their faces against the glass. Two old ladies are patiently waiting to be let in. A queue of people with washing gradually forms.

  In the open door of the back room JOHNNY is changing into his new clothes.

  OMAR: Let’s open. The world’s waiting.

  OMAR: I’ve invited Nasser to the launch. And Papa’s coming. They’re not here yet. Papa hasn’t been out for months. We can’t move till he arrives.

  JOHNNY: What time did they say they’d be here?

  OMAR: An hour ago.

  JOHNNY: They’re not gonna come, then.

  (OMAR looks hurt. JOHNNY indicates that OMAR should go to him. He goes to him.)

  INT. BACK ROOM OF LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  The back room has also been done up, in a bright high-tech style. And a two-way mirror has been installed, through which they can see into the laundrette.

  OMAR watches JOHNNY, sitting on the desk.

  JOHNNY: Shall I open the champagne then? (He opens the bottle.)

  OMAR: Didn’t I predict this? (They look through the mirror and through the huge windows of the laundrette to the patient punters waiting outside.) This whole stinking area’s on its knees begging for clean clothes. Jesus Christ.

  (OMAR touches his own shoulders. JOHNNY massages him.)

  JOHNNY: Let’s open up.

  OMAR: Not till Papa comes. Remember? He went out of his way with you. And with all my friends. (Suddenly harsh.) He did, didn’t he!

  JOHNNY: Omo. What are you on about, mate?

  OMAR: About how years later he saw the same boys. And what were they doing?

  JOHNNY: What?

  OMAR: What were they doing on marches through Lewisham? It was bricks and bottles and Union Jacks. It was immigrants out. It was kill us. People we knew. And it was you. He saw you marching. You saw his face, watching you. Don’t deny it. We were there when you went past. (OMAR is being held by JOHNNY, in his arms.) Papa hated himself and his job. He was afraid on the street for me. And he took it out on her. And she couldn’t bear it. Oh, such failure, such emptiness.

  (JOHNNY kisses OMAR then leaves him, sitting away from him slightly. OMAR touches him, asking him to hold him.)

  INT. LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  NASSER and RACHEL stride enthusiastically into the not yet open laundrette, carrying paper cups and a bottle of whisky. Modern music suitable for waltzing to is playing.

  NASSER: What a beautiful thing they’ve done with it! Isn’t it? Oh, God and with music too!

  RACHEL: It’s like an incredible ship. I had no idea.

  NASSER: He’s a marvellous bloody boy, Rachel, I tell you.

  RACHEL: You don’t have to tell me.

  NASSER: But I tell you everything five times.

  RACHEL: At least.

  NASSER: Am I a bad man to you then?

  RACHEL: You are sometimes … careless.

  NASSER: (Moved) Yes.

  RACHEL: Dance with me. (He goes to her.) But we are learning.

  NASSER: Where are those two buggers?

  INT. BACK ROOM OF LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  OMAR and JOHNNY are holding each other.

  JOHNNY: Nothing I can say, to make it up to you. There’s only things I can do to show that I am … with you.

  (OMAR starts to unbutton JOHNNY’s shirt.)

  INT. LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  NASSER and RACHEL are waltzing across the laundrette. Outside, the old ladies are shifting about impatiently.

  NASSER: Of course, Johnny did all the physical work on this.

  RACHEL: You’re fond of him.

  NASSER: I wish I could do something more to help the other deadbeat children like him. They hang about the road like pigeons, making a mess, doing nothing.

  RACHEL: And you’re tired of work.

  NASSER: It’s time I became a holy man.

  RACHEL: A sadhu of South London.

  NASSER: (Surprised at her knowledge) Yes. But first I must marry Omar off.

  INT. BACK ROOM OF LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  OMAR and JOHNNY are making love vigorously, enjoying themselves thoroughly. Suddenly OMAR stops a moment, looks up, sees NASSER and RACHEL waltzing across the laundrette. OMAR jumps up.

  INT. LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  NASSER strides impatiently towards the door of the back room.

  INT. BACK ROOM OF LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  OMAR and JOHNNY are quickly getting dressed. NASSER bursts into the room.

  NASSER: What the hell are you doing? Sunbathing?

  OMAR: Asleep, Uncle. We were shagged out. Where’s Papa?

  (NASSER just looks at OMAR. RACHEL appears at the door behind him.)

  INT. LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  The laundrette is open now. The ladies and other locals are doing their washing. The machines are whirring, sheets are being folded, magazines read, music played, video games played, etc.

  SALIM arrives with ZAKI. They talk as they come in.

  ZAKI: Laundrettes are impossible. I’ve got two laundrettes and two ulcers. Plus … piles!

  (GENGHIS, MOOSE and the rest of the gang arrive. MOOSE goes into the laundrette, followed by GENGHIS. GENGHIS turns and forbids the rest of the GANG from entering. They wait restlessly outside.

  JOHNNY is talking to RACHEL.)

  RACHEL: What’s your surname?

  JOHNNY: Burfoot.

  RACHEL: That’s it. I know your mother.

  (The TELEPHONE CHARACTER is on the phone, talking eagerly to his Angela.

  Through the window, OMAR, who is talking to NASSER, sees TANIA. She is crossing the road and carrying a bouquet of flowers.)

  OMAR: I thought Papa just might make it today, Uncle.

  NASSER: He said he never visits laundrettes.

  (TANIA comes in through the door.)

  JOHNNY: (To RACHEL) Oh good, it’s Tania.

  RACHEL: I’ve never met her. But she has a beautiful face.

  (JOHNNY leaves RACHEL and goes to TANIA, kissing her. He takes the flowers delightedly.

  NASSER is disturbed by the sudden unexpected appearance o
f his daughter, since he is with his mistress, RACHEL.)

  NASSER: (To OMAR) Who invited Tania, dammit?

  (GENGHIS and MOOSE shout out as they play the video game.)

  OMAR: I did, Uncle.

  (They watch as TANIA goes to RACHEL with JOHNNY. JOHNNY has no choice but to introduce TANIA and RACHEL.)

  TANIA: (Smiles at RACHEL) At last. After so many years in my family’s life.

  RACHEL: Tania, I do feel I know you.

  TANIA: But you don’t.

  NASSER: (Watching this) Bring Tania over here.

  TANIA: (To RACHEL) I don’t mind my father having a mistress.

  RACHEL: Good. I am so grateful.

  NASSER: (To OMAR) Then marry her. (OMAR looks at him.) What’s wrong with her? If I say marry her then you damn well do it!

  TANIA: (To RACHEL) I don’t mind my father spending our money on you.

  RACHEL: Why don’t you mind?

  NASSER: (To OMAR) Start being nice to Tania. Take the pressure off my fucking head.

  TANIA: (To RACHEL) Or my father being with you instead of with our mother.

  NASSER: (To OMAR) Your penis works, doesn’t it?

  TANIA: (To RACHEL) But I don’t like women who live off men.

  NASSER: (Shoving OMAR forward) Get going then!

  TANIA: (To RACHEL) That’s a pretty disgusting parasitical thing, isn’t it?

  OMAR: (To TANIA) Tania, come and look at the spin-driers. They are rather interesting.

  RACHEL: But tell me, who do you live off? And you must understand, we are of different generations, and different classes. Everything is waiting for you. The only thing that has ever waited for me is your father.

  (Then, with great dignity, NASSER goes to RACHEL.)

  NASSER: We’d better get going. See you boys.

  (He shakes hands warmly with OMAR and JOHNNY. And goes out with RACHEL, ignoring TANIA.

  Outside in the street, RACHEL and NASSER begin to argue bitterly. They are watched by the rest of the GANG. RACHEL and NASSER finally walk away from each other, in different directions, sadly.)

  INT. LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  The laundrette is full now, mostly with real punters doing their washing and enjoying being there.

  GENGHIS and MOOSE are still drinking. GENGHIS talks across the laundrette to JOHNNY. JOHNNY is doing a service wash, folding clothes.

  OMAR is saying goodbye to TANIA at the door.

  SALIM has hung back and is waiting for OMAR, ZAKI says goodbye to him and goes, tentatively past the volatile breast-baring TANIA.

  TANIA: (To OMAR) I want to leave home. I need to break away. You’ll have to help me financially.

  (OMAR nods enthusiastically.)

  GENGHIS: (To JOHNNY) Why don’t you come out with us no more?

  OMAR: (To TANIA) I’m drunk.

  JOHNNY: (To GENGHIS) I’m busy here full-time, Genghis.

  OMAR: (To TANIA) Will you marry me, Tania?

  TANIA: (To OMAR) If you can get me some money.

  GENGHIS: (To JOHNNY) Don’t the Paki give you time off?

  MOOSE: (To JOHNNY) I bet you ain’t got the guts to ask him for time off.

  SALIM: (To JOHNNY, indicating OMAR) Omo’s getting married. (TANIA goes. SALIM goes to OMAR. He puts his arm round him and takes him outside. OMAR is reluctant to go at first, but SALIM is firm and strong and pulls him out. JOHNNY watches.)

  GENGHIS: (To JOHNNY) You out with us tonight then?

  EXT. STREET OUTSIDE LAUNDRETTE. DAY

  It is starting to get dark. OMAR and SALIM stand beside Salim’s smart car.

  Eager and curious customers are still arriving. SALIM nods approvingly at them.

  Above them the huge pink flashing neon sign saying ‘POWDERS’.

  Some kids are playing football in the street opposite the laundrette. JOHNNY rushes to the door of the laundrette. He shouts at the kids.

  JOHNNY: You mind these windows!

  (SALIM, being watched by JOHNNY, starts to lead OMAR up the street, away from the laundrette.)

  SALIM: (To OMAR) I’m afraid you owe me a lot of money. The beard? Remember? Eh? Good. It’s all coming back. I think I’d better have that money back, don’t you?

  OMAR: I haven’t got money like that now.

  SALIM: Because it’s all in the laundrette?

  (GENGHIS and MOOSE have come out of the laundrette and walked up the street away from it, parallel with OMAR and SALIM. GENGHIS stares contemptuously at SALIM and MOOSE spits on the pavement. SALIM ignores them.)

  I’d better have a decent down payment then, of about half. (OMAR nods.) By the time Nasser has his annual party, say. Or I’ll instruct him to get rid of the laundrette. You see, if anyone does anything wrong with me, I always destroy them.

  (JOHNNY comes out of the laundrette and runs up behind GENGHIS and MOOSE, jumping on MOOSE’s back. They turn the corner, away from SALIM and OMAR. OMAR watches them go anxiously, not understanding what JOHNNY could be doing with them.)

  OMAR: Took you a while to get on to us.

  SALIM: Wanted to see what you’d do. How’s your Papa? (OMAR shrugs.) So many books written and read. Politicians sought him out. Bhutto was his close friend. But we’re nothing in England without money.

  INT. BETTING SHOP. DAY

  There are only five or six people in the betting shop, all of them men.

  And the men are mostly old, in slippers and filthy suits; with bandaged legs and stained shirts and unshaven milk-bottle-white faces and National Health glasses. NASSER looks confident and powerful beside them. He knows them. There’s a good sense of camaraderie amongst them.

  When OMAR goes into the betting shop NASSER is sitting on a stool, a pile of betting slips in front of him, staring at one of the newspaper pages pinned to the wall. An OLD MAN is sitting next to NASSER, giving him advice.

  OMAR goes to NASSER.

  OMAR: (Anxiously) Uncle. (NASSER ignores him.) Uncle.

  NASSER: (Scribbling on betting slip) Even royalty can’t reach me in the afternoons.

  OMAR: I’ve got to talk. About Salim.

  NASSER: Is he squeezing your balls?

  OMAR: Yes. I want your help, Uncle.

  NASSER: (Getting up) You do it all now. It’s up to you, boy.

  (NASSER goes to the betting counter and hands over his betting slips. He also hands over a thick pile of money.

  Over the shop PA we can hear that the race is beginning. It starts.

  NASSER listens as if hypnotized, staring wildly at the others in the shop, for sympathy, clenching his fists, stamping his feet and shouting loudly as his horse, ‘Elvis’, is among the front runners.

  OMAR has never seen NASSER like this before.)

  (To horse) Come on, Elvis, my son. (To OMAR.) You’ll just have to run the whole family yourself now. (To horse.) Go on, boy! (To OMAR.) You take control. (To horse and others in shop.) Yes, yes, yes, he’s going to take it, the little bastard black beauty! (To OMAR.) It’s all yours. Salim too. (To horse.) Do it, do it, do it, baby! No, no, no, no. (NASSER is rigid with self-loathing and disappointment as ‘Elvis’ loses the race. The betting slip falls from his hand. And he hangs his head in despair.)

  OMAR: Where’s Rachel?

  NASSER: You can’t talk to her. She’s busy pulling her hair out. If only your damn father were sober. I’d talk to him about her. He’s the only one who knows anything. (Facetious.) I’d ask him about Salim if I were you.

  (OMAR stares at NASSER in fury and disgust. He storms out of the betting shop, just as the next race… a dog race… is about to start.)

  INT. LAUNDRETTE. EVENING

  The laundrette is fully functional now, busy and packed with customers.

  Music is playing – a soprano aria from Madam Butterfly.

  Customers are reading magazines. They are talking, watching TV with the sound turned down and one white man is singing along with the Puccini which he knows word for word.

  The TELEPHONE CHARACTER is yelling into the bright new yellow phone.
>
  TELEPHONE CHARACTER: (Into phone)’Course I’ll look after it! I’ll come round every other night. At least. Honest. I want children!

  (OMAR walks around the laundrette, watching over it, proud and stern. He helps people if the doors of the renovated machines are stiff.

  And he hands people baskets to move their washing about in.

  Shots of people putting money into the machines.

  But JOHNNY isn’t there. OMAR doesn’t know where he is and looks outside anxiously for him. He is worried and upset about Salim’s demand for money.

  Finally, OMAR goes out into the street and asks a kid if he’s SEEN JOHNNY.)

  INT. TOP HALL OF THE HOUSE JOHNNY’S MOVED INTO. NIGHT

  A party is going on in one of the rooms on this floor. The noise is tremendous and people are falling about the hall.

  A PAKISTANI STUDENT, a man in his late twenties with an intelligent face, is bent over someone who has collapsed across the doorway between room and hall.

  PAKISTANI STUDENT: (As OMAR goes past) There’s only one word for your uncle. (OMAR walks on fastidiously, ignoring them, to Johnny’s door. The STUDENT yells.) Collaborator with the white man!

  (OMAR knocks on Johnny’s door.)

  INT. JOHNNY’S ROOM. NIGHT

  OMAR goes into Johnny’s room. JOHNNY is lying on the bed, drinking, wearing a pair of boxer shorts.

  OMAR stands at the open door.

  JOHNNY runs to the door and screams up the hall to the PAKISTANI STUDENT.

  JOHNNY: Didn’t I tell you, didn’t I tell you ’bout that noise last night? (Pause.) Well, didn’t I?

  (The PAKISTANI STUDENT stares contemptuously at him. The drunks lie where they are. JOHNNY slams the door of his room.

  And OMAR starts on him.)

  OMAR: Where did you go? You just disappeared!