Afraid of Love: Bid on Love Series Bachelor #8 & Hard to Love Book #1

by Annelise Reynolds

  “I’m close to her sister because she does my hair, but I’ve gotten to know them both pretty well in the last six months. Though I’ve asked them both to go to clubs with me, Jaci always says no and Kaiya comes by herself.”

  “Why?” I question.

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. At first, I thought Jaci didn’t like hanging out with me, and that’s fine if that were the case, but anytime we go out to eat or see a movie, she will go. It is when we go dancing, she has work to do or just flat out says she isn’t up for it. I finally asked Kaiya about it one day. She told me that Jaci had a bad breakup a few years ago and she hasn’t rejoined the dating world.”

  After last night, Jaci is ready to date again. I clench my fist and jaw wondering why the hell it bothers me so damn much.

  Chapter 10

  Jaci

  My stomach is in knots as I make my way to Ooorah Ink. It is three in the afternoon and the middle of the week, so I figure he won’t be that busy. I’m wrong. There is a guy in his chair and two more waiting in the small makeshift lobby. When I walk in, a bell over the door chimes, the steady buzz of the tattoo gun is easily heard.

  “I’m booked up today. Leave your name and number on the desk, and I’ll call you after closing to set up an appointment.” Sebastian doesn’t look up from the tattoo he is working on intently.

  Ok, maybe this isn’t the best idea. “Sure,” I say and move towards the desk.

  The buzzing of the tattoo gun stops, “Jaci?” I watch as he scoots back from his client. “Give me a sec.” He says before walking away and not waiting for a response.

  “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I know you’re busy.” I say.

  “You decided to take me up on the tattoo?” He questions.

  “No.” I bit the inside of my cheek because my words come out fast and aren't at all what I want to say. “I mean maybe.” Dammit. I wish a hole would swallow me about now and put me out of my own awkward misery. “I’m not sure what I want to get, but I do want to get something.”

  “I see. You know, normally my clients already have an idea of what it is they’re looking for.” With the way he is looking at me and says it, I’m not entirely sure we are talking about tattoos anymore.

  “I’m indecisive and scared.” I lick my dry lips, and his eyes zero in on my mouth, causing the knots in my stomach to tighten more. “I’m not sure I’ll be happy or have a mountain of regrets when I wake up in the morning.”

  He leans in close and whispers in my ear, “I guarantee you’d be happy and as for regrets—” His lips graze my cheek as his breath slides across my skin. I gasp at the sensation that floods my body. “There’s no reward without risking regret.”

  “You sound like a fortune cookie,” I say to break away from the tension settling between us. Sebastian chuckles low and pulls back slowly, letting his lips linger as he moves away.

  “We’ll take it slow Jaci. No need to rush. Though, it does help to know what you want ahead of time. Come by tonight after I close, and we’ll order in some Chinese, while we brainstorm what kind of tattoo you wouldn’t mind waking up to the next morning.”

  “You think there’s a tattoo for everyone? What if a tattoo doesn’t fit me? What if I’m the type of person that shouldn’t ever have a tattoo?”

  I don’t see it coming, because I’m working myself into a panic attack. Sebastian’s arm wraps around my waist, and his lips slant over mine. A lightning bolt of desire strikes my core. Hunger and fear pulse through my veins as my blood thickens with need.

  The others in the room are forgotten, and everything melts away. All that exists at that moment is Sebastian and me. I feel the hard ridge of his erection against my lower abdomen, and it excites me further.

  Sebastian pulls back when I start to respond to his kiss. “I think a tattoo will fit you just fine, Jaci.” He kisses me again softer. “Come back tonight.”

  He walks away and back to his client; whose eyes are on me with a smirk of approval on his face. The two men in the lobby hold similar expressions, and I feel my face heat with embarrassment.

  I go to my car in a daze. My nerves are short-circuiting, and a frenzy of unsatisfied desire circulates through every cell in my body. Now, I must figure out if I can go through with my proverbial tattoo or not.

  Chapter 11

  Sebastian

  I finish my clients for the day and take a few walk-in piercings. Oorah ink is building a name faster than I can keep up. I’m going to have to bring in another artist to keep up with the demand.

  It is eight fifteen when I hear the knock on the door. Jaci is standing nervously outside the door. Her fingers are worrying the hem of her shirt, a habit I noticed when we first met.

  She sees me through the tinted window as I’m unlocking the door. I swear it looks like she is about to make a run for it. Our conversation earlier was enlightening. She is a virgin and relationships scare her as much as casual sex does.

  Everything in me says to stay away because I don’t do commitment. Jaci is a fucking virgin, who deserves to have the white picket fence with two point five kids and a dog. I should mark her skin with my tattoo, then send her on her way. Let some other asshole pop her virginal cherry and wake up in her bed every morning. The thought is as unappealing to me as getting stabbed in the dick with a needle.

  I’ve given my fair share of dick piercings. It comes with the territory, but I don’t care who it is, nobody is getting near my junk with a fucking needle. The idea of Jaci with some faceless asshole, who isn’t me pisses me the fuck off.

  When I open the door, I pull her in and back her up against it as I turned the lock. Anger is still pulsing through me, so I take it out on her with a hard-unyielding kiss. She whimpers. Fuck.

  Way to fucking scare her dickhead. I chide myself and ease up, gentling the kiss. Her hands are on my shoulders with her fingers clutching at the fabric. I reach up with my right hand and run my thumb along the underside of her jaw, caressing and calming her. She is relaxed and kissing me back when I end the kiss.

  My left hand is splayed against the glass door above her head, as I rest my forehead against hers. She is panting, while her lips are puffy and wet from my kiss. I grit my teeth as I imagine her perfectly pouty lips wrapped around my cock.

  “Fuck, Jaci.” I groan when she runs her tongue across her lips. She has no idea how much I want her and how close I’m to losing control.

  “How can you write woman’s porn and still be so innocent?”

  She stiffens, “It’s not porn.” She pushes me away and starts pacing. “It’s romance, and just because I don’t have personal experience doesn’t mean I don’t read and can’t imagine. If I don’t know the answer, I research it. You should see my browser history. I’m probably on a list somewhere.” She threw her hands up, and her cheeks are flushed with irritation. God, she is exciting.

  “Oh yeah. What kind of research have you looked up recently?” I’m hoping she’d say something kinky and hot.

  She pauses and gives me a pointed glare, “How to castrate a man. Surprisingly it’s not that different from pigs or cows.”

  “What the fuck are you looking that up for?” I shudder and resist the urge to cover my dick.

  She shrugs and turns her back on me, dismissing the subject. Jaci might be innocent, but she knows what the fuck she is doing by leaving that thought in my head to fuck with me. I’m both pissed and proud of her for it. Evil innocence.

  “So, about the tattoo…” She changes the subject as she walks around looking at the sketches on my walls. I have photographs of work I’d done and sample artwork hanging on the walls. The walls are also covered with my flash art, and she is studying each drawing as if it were a piece of fine art hanging in a museum.

  I walk up behind her to see which sketch holds her attention so intently. She is staring at a unicorn I’d tattooed on a girl’s ribcage. I can’t remember her name, but I remember spending hours on the tattoo getting the shading and colors just right. Afte
rward, I covered her new ink and fucked her in the back room. She is faceless to me, a picture on the wall. I remember the art, not the girl.

  “This is pretty.”

  “It was a fun one, but you’d regret something that big for your first tattoo. Plus, it hurts more on the ribs.”

  “How many tattoos did she have?” I look to see if she suspects I’d slept with the chick, but she doesn’t look like she means anything by the question.

  “I can’t remember.” It wasn’t a lie. That tattoo was done when I first opened my shop nearly four years ago. I can barely remember the girl, only the tattoo and fucking her after I gave it to her.

  “It was back when I first opened. I really only remember the tattoo.”

  “What is your favorite tattoo you’ve done?” She asks moving on to look at more pictures.

  “I haven’t done it yet.”

  Chapter 12

  Jaci

  I turn to see him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His blue eyes are intense as he looks at me. I swallow hard, “Who’s getting that tattoo?”

  Sebastian smirked, “I haven’t decided to give it to anyone, yet. Maybe one day.”

  “What's the tattoo of?”

  He pushes off the wall and walks closer to me; as he passes me, he looks down over his shoulder. “I’d show you, but then I’d have to kill you. Only one person will see that tattoo before I ink it on their skin.”

  “It must be special to you.” I wonder what kind of tattoo is so unique that he’d keep it hidden.

  “One day it will be.” He goes to the desk, “Since you’re so fond of fortune cookies, how about I order us some while we talk about your tattoo.”

  “Ok.” I listen and keep studying his drawings as he places an order for our food. When he hangs up, he turns the chair backward and folds his arms across the back.

  “Take a seat Jai.” He nods to the chair in front of him. I sit with my legs crossed, unaware I’m toying with the hem of my shirt. “No need to be nervous. We are going to talk, and I’ll get to know you, so I can design a tattoo that will mean something to you.” He picks up a sketch pad from the table. “Regret is for the tattoos that have no meaning behind them or that are unplanned.”

  “Do you have a tattoo you regret?” I ask, curiously. He has so many. I trace his neck and look at his exposed arms and hands. I wonder what his skin looks like under the shirt.

  “Not anymore. It’s been covered over with something better.”

  “You have a lot of tattoos. They all mean something to you?”

  “No, some of them I just like, and I’m okay with that. You are worried about having regrets, so the only way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to make it something meaningful to you.”

  I clear my throat and hesitate before asking, “How many do you have?”

  Sebastian gives me a devilish grin before grabbing his shirt by his collar and pulling it over his head. He is perfect. His body is all sinew, muscle, and covered in ink. It is the stuff of inspiration for a woman let alone an author.

  I study his upper body and the different images that cover it. They all intertwine together and make his skin look like a work of art.

  “Did you design them?” I ask sitting forward to study them closer. They are all linked and go up onto his neck. I resist the urge to reach out and touch the lines and colors.

  The knock on the door makes me jump as if a fire burned me or caught me red-handed doing something I shouldn’t. Sebastian’s smirk shows his amusement as he pushes up from his chair. His long legs carry him to the door as he is pulling his shirt back over his head. His back is covered with as much ink as his chest and arms. How many hours had he been in a chair to get that many tattoos?

  He comes back to the sitting area after locking the door. The smell of Chinese food makes my stomach rumble. I didn’t realize how hungry I’m until the aroma filled the room.

  “I’ve only got water or beer.” He says, while walking to the fridge, that is behind the desk.

  “I’ll take water please.” I open the bags and start setting the food out on the table, while he gets our drinks. “It smells delicious.”

  “Chin Lu’s is the best. Here,” He grabs the chopsticks and deftly uses them to pluck a dumpling from one of the cartons. “Try this.” He holds the food out to me and waits for me to take the bite he offers.

  I’d written scenes like this before, but now I wonder if I’d accurately described the heroine’s emotions and physical state. My body feels alive and nervous energy dances through me. My breasts feel heavy, and I can feel my own arousal starting to build.

  “It’s good,” I say after swallowing. Sebastian reaches up and runs his hand along my lower lip. I gasp at the tingles of desire he leaves in his wake. He takes his thumb to his mouth and sucks the sauce he picked up from my lips off.

  “Delicious. Best I’ve ever tasted.” I’m thrown off balance when he goes back to his food as if he didn’t unhinge me with a simple touch.

  “You’re not hungry?” His smile is anything but innocent. He knows exactly why I haven’t started eating yet.

  I clear my throat and grab the carton of beef and broccoli. It is incredible. Kaiya doesn’t eat Chinese food, so I hardly ever get a chance to eat it.

  “So, what kinds of things do you want to know about me, that will make a tattoo easier for you to design?”

  He thoughtfully chews before speaking, “I can design a tattoo for you no problem. It won’t take long to design just anything. But, designing something that holds meaning for you is another thing altogether, Jai. I need to know what’s important to you. What inspires you? Finding out who you are is how I figure out what tattoo won’t leave you regretting it the next day.”

  My shoulders sag, “Why can’t I just be like you and be able just to pick something I like?” Spending time with Sebastian is too appealing. I like how I feel around him, safe like I’m able to breathe again.

  .

  I pop another bite in my mouth. After I swallow, I grumble, “Kaiya is right. I think way too much.”

  “If you’d like, I could pick something and surprise you. You’d really have to trust me.”

  Kaiya’s words come flooding back to me, ‘You can trust him.’ The words are easier said than done. Trust doesn’t come easy after what Josh put me through, and I haven’t allowed myself to get close enough to anyone since then to worry about having to trust.

  “I’m a twin.” He already knows that, but Kaiya is a big part of my life, and he should know that. “I write books.” Also, a big part of my life, though I keep that close to my chest. Not many people outside of my family know about my writing. Nadine knows and now Sebastian, “I have a dog named Rainbow.” I volunteer as I grab another dumpling with my fork. Forget chopsticks, I don’t want to waste a bite, and I can’t use them even if I tried. Sebastian, however, is using them like a pro.

  “Rainbow? What the hell kind of name is Rainbow?” He laughs.

  I shrug, “A colorful one.”

  Sebastian shakes his head and takes the carton of beef and broccoli I sit down, “Do you mind?”

  “No. Kaiya and I share food all the time. We go to restaurants, and when they bring our salads, we immediately trade tomatoes and cucumbers.” I laugh, “We are identical if you look at us. It would’ve driven the teachers crazy in school if it weren’t for the fact that we are opposite in every other way. She loves sports and is active. I do my time on the treadmill and working out, then treat myself to a brownie. She hates Chinese food but loves sushi. I love Chinese food but won’t touch sushi. Parasailing is more like something Kaiya would be into; you wouldn’t have had to talk her into going up there; she’d have pulled you behind her. When it comes to being fearless, Kaiya got all the guts.”

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Jaci.” He shakes his head, “You may have been scared, but you went anyway. Plus, I imagine it takes a lot of bravery to write a book and put it out there for the world to crit
icize.”

  I sit back in shock. Not many people understand how scary it is to put your heart and soul into something, then have people come behind and try to say that it wasn’t good enough. You should’ve done this or that could’ve been better.

  “Not many people see that,” I say and busy myself getting another carton to take a bite of the honey flavored shrimp. My eyes close as I bite into the sweet fried meat. “Damn, that’s so good.” I may have moaned at the tangy sweet flavor.

  “Yes, it is.” His voice is gruff. I open my eyes to see him staring at my mouth. Eating dinner with Sebastian is sexual in a way I’d never thought possible.

  “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” I ask just as he is taking another bite of food.

  I didn’t want to know the answer, but at the same time, I needed the space asking that would afford me.

  Sebastian chokes on a bite of food and grabs the water. ‘Great, he probably thinks I’m trying to kill him.’ I say to myself but wait for the answer anyway. A guy like him can have whatever girl he wants, so why didn’t he have her?

  “I’m not interested in having a girlfriend.” He says, still trying to stop his coughing fit.

  He isn’t gay, so that means he is a player. I thought about that, and a part of me feels disappointed. The other part of me starts considering the possibilities of what it could mean. I study him in a new light as I consider the ideas and plots my head is forming.

  “I don’t like that look.” He puts his food down and takes another drink.

  “Why?”

  “Because I can see your wheels turning from here.”

  “What if you like what I’m thinking?” I tilt my head considering him. He is unlike any man I’d ever met, entirely different than Josh. He is a former marine, so he has a code, plus he is Nadine’s cousin. She wouldn’t have helped Kaiya set me up with him if I wasn’t utterly safe with him. And I do feel safe when he is around. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here now. And I sure as hell wouldn’t be considering the thoughts in my head.