Afraid of Love: Bid on Love Series Bachelor #8 & Hard to Love Book #1

by Annelise Reynolds

  Sebastian straps me into a harness as soon as we are at the dock. “I’m having second thoughts about this.”

  He is close to me. Closer than I’ve been to a man since Josh and he is nothing compared to Sebastian’s tall, muscular frame. His fingers graze the skin on my thighs as he tightens the straps. I shudder at the contact his skin makes against mine.

  “I’d be surprised if you weren’t.” He looks up at me from his knees. I’m aware of how close we are to each other, and the fact that he is at waist level has my body responding to him. Because of the books, I read for fun and the subject matter I write about, I knew exactly what I’m feeling. Arousal. Hot. Heady. Needy. Desire. My pulse is tripping like electricity in my veins.

  “And yet you’re still putting me in a harness and on a boat?” I said. My voice is hoarse with either fear or need. I’m not sure which is the more potent emotion going through me.

  “I am.” He winks at me. “Don’t underestimate my powers of persuasion, Jaci.” His beard does nothing to hide his wicked grin.

  “And you really shouldn't underestimate my stubbornness, Sebastian. Seriously, my sister says it’s my worst flaw.”

  “And what’s her worst flaw?” He asks, standing to his feet.

  “Nothing,” I grumble “My sister is perfect. If she wasn’t my sister and I didn’t love her, I’d hate her.”

  Sebastian tugs on the straps around my hips and tightens the one around my waist, while his eyes are boring into mine as I feel it cinching tighter around me. It is a moment like this one, I try and capture in my books. The perfect blend of temptation, excitement, and fear all rolled into one. The heat of the setting sun is nothing compared to the heat that sizzles between us.

  “I’m sure she says the same thing about you.” His voice is gruff and soft. He reaches up and cups my face, while softly running his thumb along my cheekbone.

  I take a deep breath and step back. Bas’ power of persuasion is stronger than he knows. In one afternoon, I’ve been able to relax in his presence and am feeling something; I haven't felt in a long, long time—safe.

  Sebastian nods and lets me retreat to the other side of the boat. “Y’all ready?” The guy in the low riding surfer shorts asks as he gets into the boat.

  “Give me a second to get in my harness. We’ll go in tandem.” Sebastian says to the guy and starts putting on his harness and a parachute pack with practiced ease. “Jaci. Nicholas.” He nods to the guy who is checking over the boat. “Drake, this is Jaci.”

  Hesitantly, I nod to his friend who gives me a wickedly sexy grin. His eyes trail down my body, and I find myself blushing under his gaze. I resist the urge to cover myself. He gives me the feeling as if he can see right through my clothes.

  “Cut it out, Drake.” Sebastian’s voice has changed. Gone is the easy-going guy I’d had coffee with and the one that I let my guard down around. This man looks every bit like the deadly soldier he is.

  Drake shrugs and sends me another flirtatious wink, then starts the boat. “You ready to fly, Baby Girl?”

  I swear I hear Sebastian growling at his friend, but Drake ignores it. “No.” I swallow hard and shake my head. “I’m not ready.”

  “Trust me. You go up there once, and you’ll want to go again and again.”

  “Alright, let’s go.” Sebastian finished getting himself strapped into the harness a hell of a lot faster than he did getting me done. I give him a pointed look as he walks towards me. He just sent me the same crooked grin that sends my nerve endings into a frenzy.

  “Turn around Jai.” My breath hitches when he says the nickname only my family uses.

  “I’m scared,” I whisper to him as I look at the broad expanse of his chest—unable to meet his gaze.

  “I know, but I have you.”

  “That’s another thing that scares me.” I finally raise my eyes to meet his, “I believe you.”

  Chapter 7

  Sebastian

  Once we are far enough from the shore, Drake stops the boat and starts setting up the chute, while I hook us up to the crossbar.

  “Come here,” I say sitting on the back platform with my legs spread wide.

  “You can go. I’ll just stay down here and watch.”

  “But that doesn’t work for me. Come here, Jaci.” I add steel to my voice to get her compliance. She is stubborn though; I can see the wheels in her head spinning. “You want to go up. Do you know how I know?” I reach for her hand and pull her slowly towards me.

  “How?” She licks her lips, and I want to follow the same path her tongue takes with my own.

  “Because you’re here, and you let me put you in a harness with a life jacket. Someone who really doesn’t want to go up wouldn’t have gone that far.”

  “Maybe I’m chickening out.” She nervously pushes a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

  “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”

  Her lips part with shock, “Mark Twain said that.”

  “Yes, he did. Come on. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

  I pull her down between my legs and clip her harness to mine, before attaching us both onto the crossbar. Drake has the chute ready to go and has finished strapping us in. Checking everything and connecting the ropes.

  Jaci’s breathing is coming in pants. Her hands are gripping my thighs and her nails digging into my muscles. I wrap my arms around her waist, but she feels rigid against me. Without her noticing, I give Drake the signal to get ready to send us up.

  “How about after we finish here, we go back to my shop, and I put ink on your virgin skin.” She turns to give me a scathing look, which distracts her long enough for Drake to take off.

  “Oh my God. Oh my God.” She reaches up and clings to the straps.

  “Just relax. I’ve got you.” I reach for her hands, but she won’t let go. “What kind of tattoo should I give you? Better yet, where should we put it?” I pull her back against me. We are about three hundred feet off the water now. The view is incredible with the sun setting over the shoreline. Pinks, oranges, and yellows paint the sky behind the city, while darker blues and purples sit over the Atlantic.

  “If I get a vote, I’d put it on your breast or maybe on your hip, right on your panty line.”

  “You’re crazy. I’m not getting a tattoo.” She doesn’t realize that her hands aren’t clenched as tightly, but I did. I’m taking her mind off flying, and she is no longer rigid or riddled with nerves.

  “You weren’t going to go parasailing either, yet here we are.” I take her hands from the straps and stretch her arms out, so she can feel the wind moving around her. “Besides jumping out of a plane, this is the best way to feel like you’re flying.”

  It takes a few more minutes until she is comfortable enough to start looking around and enjoying the ride. When the sun has fully set, Drake reels us back into the boat.

  “That was awesome.” I can feel the buzz of her adrenaline radiating off her as if it is my own. The smile on her face is on full blast and showing off the cute dimple in her left cheek, “Now all you need is a tattoo.” I wink at her, and she rolls her eyes.

  “Why are you so sure I don’t already have one? It could be where you can’t see it, like in one of those places you mentioned.”

  “Call it gut instincts, Sweetheart. Your skin is as virginal to ink as you are too—” Her hand shoots out and covers my mouth, her face flaming red with embarrassment.

  I pull her hand from my mouth while letting her feel my lips and breath caressing her hand. She shudders, her eyes wide with desire and fear.

  “You two eye fuck any harder, and you’ll burst into flames. Flames and boats don’t mix, so keep that shit under wraps until we are back at the dock. Unless you want me to join in.” Drake jokes.

  Jaci pulls back, and I want to punch my best friend’s face. That fucker better watch out next time we shoot hoops because I’m going to foul the shit out of him.

  “Get us to
the shore,” I grumble as I take a seat next to Jaci, who is looking up at the sky and out over the water. Drake and I fold the shoot; then I put the equipment away while he gets us back to the marina.

  The ride back is mellow and silent. Jaci has all but retreated into herself. She looks everywhere but in my direction. Drake studies me, which I ignore as I studied her.

  Women throw themselves at me most of the time. No point in denying it. My dirty blonde hair is long on the top and buzzed on the sides. While my beard is long but well kept, tattoos cover my chest, back, and arms, which leave every woman screaming for more. Everything about my physical appearance screams bad boy, and women can’t help themselves when it comes to taming the untamable. When you add in the fact that I ride a bike, panties seem to incinerate when I’m around. I’m not ashamed to say that I take full advantage of it.

  Jaci is unlike any other woman I’ve ever been around. She's a complete contradiction and a puzzle I feel compelled to solve. It is that compulsion, which has me putting the brakes on before it goes any further.

  When we get off the boat, I tell Drake I will see him later and walk Jaci back toward the parking lot. I’ll see her safely to her car and then head for the shop. The date is over, and my commitment to Nadine is fulfilled as promised.

  I see her small SUV parked at the very back of the parking lot and away from everybody else’s car, but she was right under a light. Her car is on its own and easily seen. She was going for safety when she parked. Good girl, I thought to myself.

  “It was nice meeting you, Jaci. I hope you had fun, and the offer still stands about a tattoo. I love popping ink cherries. Lots of fun canvas to work with.” I let my eyes trail down her tight curvy body. My dick has been semi-hard since the moment she walked into the coffee shop, so I’m on borrowed time before my balls fall off from severe neglect.

  “It was fun, but I think I’ve had enough excitement for tonight.”

  I couldn’t help myself by reaching up and tucking her flyaway hair behind her ear. My knuckle brushes against the soft curve of her cheek.

  “As I said, the offer stands.” I wait as she gets in the car but stop her from shutting the door. “Life should always have a little excitement, Jaci. Otherwise, what’s the point of living?” I shut her car door and watch as she drives away.

  Chapter 8

  Jaci

  “How was it?” Kaiya comes through the front door with her arms full. A garment bag is draped over one arm, and her purse is slung over her shoulder. She drops it all inside the door and moves towards me, sitting on the couch.

  “It was fine. How was the wedding?” I change the subject and take a sip of wine. My nerves are on edge, they have been since the moment Kaiya told me about the date. But after meeting Sebastian and seeing a part of life I’m missing out on, it has me confused and a little depressed.

  “Fine. Just fine.” She sits down beside me on the couch and takes the wine glass from my hand, before taking a sip. “Ugh, for my twin your taste in alcohol sucks.”

  “And yet knowing that you grab my glass,” I reach out and snatch it back from her, “Your crap is in the fridge.”

  “Don’t knock it until you try it, and you need to answer my original question… How was it?”

  I lean into my mirror image; we are so much alike and so different at the same time. Two opposites who seemed to be half of a whole. Where my sister is strong, I feel like I’m weak. Kaiya is life and vitality where I feel fragile and inadequate.

  “Parasailing was a lot of fun after I got over my fear of falling out of the sky. I’d definitely go again.” I shot back the last of my wine and grabbed the bottle off the table.

  “That’s great. And we are drinking heavily because…” Her sentence trails off as she waits for me to fill in the blanks on my date.

  “Because…. before, I had no idea how empty my life was. Now, I have an idea what I’m missing, and it’s terrifying.” I lift my glass and take another long sip. Getting drunk will help dull the spark of desire he has ignited in me. Hopefully, it’ll also fill the sudden sense of loss I feel.

  “I know it doesn’t feel like it Jai, but that’s actually a good thing.”

  I stand up and set my glass on the table. Kaiya watches as I pace in front of the fireplace. “How? How is it a good thing? I’m more depressed now than I was before. At least before, I didn’t know what was going on.” I feel pathetic and worthless leaning on my sister again for emotional support.

  “So, what are you going to do?” She asks me, pulling me from my dark thoughts.

  “I think I’m going to get a tattoo.” It’s crazy. I ‘ve no way of knowing if Sebastian wants me for more than just a night. He doesn’t seem the type to settle down. Or be a one-woman kind of guy. I’m not a risk it all, take a chance, or a one night only type of girl. Am I?

  “What tattoo are you going to get?” Kaiya asks with a knowing smile on her face.

  “I’m not sure yet. Want to help me decide?”

  “Let me get a beer first.” She says, while I sit back on the couch and start searching for my first tattoo.

  “Maybe we should get matching tattoos,” I say as we are scrolling through images.

  “I think you need to do this one on your own, but if you want to get another one, later on, count me in.”

  We sit scrolling through different ideas for tattoos. It is past midnight when I give up the search. I’m not sure I’d be happy with whatever I choose. “What if I got a piercing instead of a tattoo?”

  Kaiya just laughs, “Careful Jai. Your commitment issues are showing.”

  “You hide yours better.” We’re tipsy and relaxed when Kaiya’s phone starts ringing. She gets up to answer her phone.

  “Night Kaiya. I’m going to bed.” I say while getting up and grabbing our drinks off the table to throw them away, “Drunk is definitely not the time to pick out a tattoo.”

  “Night, Jai.” She says before answering her phone and disappearing into her room.

  Chapter 9

  Sebastian

  Monday night dinner with the family is mandatory in mom’s house. If your ass isn’t dying or contagious, you better have a damn good excuse for missing the weekly family meal. Of course, what would Monday night be without watching football?

  “So, Sebastian,” Nadine says with a falsely sweet smile on her face. Shit. “How’d the date go last night.” The room goes quiet and forks pause midair as everyone turns to look at me with questioning eyes, and Nadine shoots me an evil smile.

  “Who was the girl?” Mom asks with excitement already spinning in her head. Fuck.

  “Calm down Ma. It was a one-time blind date.” I look at Nadine and say through clench teeth, “And it’s never happening again.”

  “Blind date? You actually agreed to that?” Neal is laughing, and I want to punch him in the throat. My cousins may be my best friends outside of Drake, but they are major pains in my ass.

  “I’m surprised you didn’t get roped into her event. How’d you manage to escape it?”

  “Because I’m smarter than you, asshole.” He replies.

  “Language!” Aunt Kathy all but yells at her son, who is smart enough to look contrite. Though the gleam in his eye says, he has no remorse.

  I send Nadine a glare and, in her eyes, I see the look her brother lacks for cussing at the table. She mouths ‘sorry’ and looks back at her plate, stirring her food around without eating another bite.

  “Mom don’t go picking out wedding venues. It was the charity auction Nadine organized. I was one of the bachelors.” I take another bite of food and hope the conversation will end there. I should’ve known better.

  “That’s great honey. So, how’d the date go? What did y’all do?”

  I sigh and sit back in my seat. I need to deal with this carefully. I’ve got to be nice enough, so I don’t upset my mother and firm enough that I don’t give her false hope that there is more than one date to Nadine’s matchmaking.

  “It we
nt as expected. We met up for coffee to get a feel for one another, and then I took her parasailing on Drake’s boat. At the end of the night, I walked her to her car, and we said good night. There was nothing more to it.”

  “By the way Nads,” I say trying to change the subject. “Who was the winner for my other donation?”

  “I didn’t text you the name? I could’ve sworn I did.” She pulls her phone from her pocket and starts scrolling through her files. “Ah, one of my other bachelors bid on the tattoo. Dylan McBride, nice guy.”

  “Ok. I’ll put it on the calendar at work, so I don’t forget.”

  “I’ll text it to you as well. Thank you, Bas. I really appreciate what you did. You went above and beyond, unlike my brother.” She shot him a disgusted look.

  “Guy’s got to work.” Neal shrugged, “Plus, I don’t date. Not even the bought and paid for kind.”

  Aunt Kathy spews her tea, mom gasps in shock, and starts choking on the food she’d been chewing on. Nadine punches her brother in the arm, dad is patting mom on the back, and I join Neal in laughing our asses off.

  “Thanks,” I mumble under my breath to my cousins. They both effectively take me out of the hot seat, because my “date” is forgotten.

  After dinner, we all pile into the living room to watch football. Nadine must be a brat and root for the Eagles over our Redskins, but it makes for fun banter and taunting. Monday nights, I’ve learned aren’t something you take for granted. When I was overseas, I missed Monday nights.

  “How’d Jaci do?” Nadine whispers to me, while everyone else is watching the game.

  “She did fine, Nads. I think she enjoyed herself.”

  She smirks, “I will find out tomorrow I’m sure.”

  “What do you mean?” I turn to look at her.

  She shrugs, “I’m having lunch with Kaiya and Jaci tomorrow at De Luca’s.”

  “I didn’t realize you were that close.” I want to question her about Jaci’s past and who she is but doing that will lead to questions I’m not prepared to answer. Let alone thoughts I’m not willing to evaluate.