Afraid of Love: Bid on Love Series Bachelor #8 & Hard to Love Book #1

by Annelise Reynolds

  I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm my racing heart. “What kind of date did you bid on?” I asked.

  Chapter 3

  Sebastian

  Jaci Michaels. Meet her at Sip and Grind on Sunday at 7:30 am

  Nadine’s text wakes me. Damn her for being up so early on a Saturday morning. I stayed at the shop late the night before, taking on a few walk-ins. One was a pussy piercing for Gizelle. She is a sweet piece of ass I fucked, before giving her some new jewelry to decorate her pretty, pink slit. I smile and stroke my morning wood at the memory. Before she left, I slapped her ass and told her to come back in four to six weeks so I can look at my handiwork. She giggled and promised she would be back.

  My phone pings again, bringing me back to the present and deflating my arousal.

  You’re taking her to dinner after you go parasailing. You can choose where. Let me know how much it costs, and I’ll pay you back. Don’t argue please, and don’t mention this to her.

  I read the message twice, before dialing my cousin. She is up to something, and I want to know what.

  “Morning sunshine.” She says by way of greeting. “I didn’t expect you to call me so soon.”

  “Cut the shit and tell me what’s going on? Why are you setting me up?” I say with knowledge of how she works.

  “God, you are conceited. Maybe, not everything is about you. Maybe you aren’t the one I’m setting up.”

  “Nadine, it’s too fucking early in the morning for this shit. What the fuck do you want with this damn date? Why are you so interested?”

  “Jaci’s a friend, Sebastian. She needs to have a little fun.” She says seriously.

  I sit up in bed and pinch the bridge of my nose. “And, you couldn’t set another one of your other chums up on a pity date?”

  My cousin sucks in a sharp breath and I know I’ve crossed a line. “She isn’t a pity date, Sebastian. Jaci’s been through hell and is scared. I wanted you to go on a date with her because I knew she would be safe with you. Also, I was hoping since you are related to me, she would be more willing to go.”

  “And she agreed to this?” I had to ask.

  There is a long pause before Nadine answers “Not exactly.”

  “What exactly?”

  “Her twin sister posed as her and bid on you. She won the bid in her sister’s name since the rules state the date can’t be gifted to someone else.”

  “Fuck does this girl know what she’s walking into?” Dammit. This is supposed to be simple, and now it looks like it’s going to be anything but.

  “Her sister is telling her this morning.”

  “Looks like we both got great news this morning,” I grumble and rub the sleep from my eyes. “Whatever. It’s one date. I’ll take your girl wherever she wants to go, and I don’t need you to pay for it.”

  “Thank you, Bas.” I could hear the relief in her voice. “She needs this, more than you know.”

  “You owe me, Nadine. No more holding shit over my head or threatening to call my mom.”

  Nadine laughs, “Aunt Kathy wants grandkids.”

  “I don’t see you supplying Aunt Kaila with any grandkids because she wants them.”

  “I’m focusing on my career right now.” The laughter left her voice. “Your career is taking off, plus you’re two years older than me. Besides, it isn’t like I haven’t tried to find a relationship. It just hasn’t worked out.”

  “Sorry, Nads,” I say with real sympathy because she was engaged once. The wedding was planned, and everything arranged to perfection. Two weeks before she was supposed to say, ‘I do,’ her fiancé was caught fucking another woman in their bed. It turns out; Derrick had been cheating on her the whole time they were together. Nadine never said who the woman was, but by process of elimination, I’d narrowed it down to one of three women. They were all supposed to be her bridesmaids, and none of them are in her life after that night.

  “It is what it is, Sebastian. Please, just do this for me—for Jaci.”

  “It’s done, Nads. I’ll be there.”

  Chapter 4

  Jaci

  “You never did answer me. Where am I going on this date?” I’m wrapped in a towel; my brown hair still wet from my shower and dripping water on my shoulders.

  Kaiya is sitting cross-legged on my bed, hugging a pillow to her chest. Her hesitation has made me think twice about going on this date. I turn to look from my closet at her. She is biting her bottom lip and avoiding eye contact with me.

  “You have to tell me, Kai. I need to know what kind of dress to wear.”

  “Ummm. A bathing suit and daisy dukes.”

  “What the fuck kind of date did you bid on?”

  “One that will push you outside of your comfort zone, a lot. You will also face a fear of yours.”

  “As if going on a date isn’t bad enough.” I shriek at her. Anger and fear are running rampant through my veins. My pulse is pounding in my ears, and I find it hard to catch my breath. Rainbow came to me and sat by my feet ready to do what she was trained for—offer me an anchor and comfort. I go down on my knees and wrap my arms around her neck. She sits there and places her head on my shoulder waiting for the panic inside me to ease. Another reason I don’t date, panic attacks aren’t pretty, and no guy deserves to be settled with someone scared shitless of connecting with them.

  “I can’t do this,” I say into Rainbow’s fur.

  “Yes, you can.” My sister sits beside me on the floor and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “This is easy, Jai. You don’t have to do anything but show up and be yourself.”

  I give a sardonic laugh, “A scared virgin, a romance writer, who suffers from panic attacks; to the point, she has a service animal to help cope with them… Nadine’s cousin gets to be the guinea pig that gets me back in the dating world.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short, Jai. You’ve got baggage, what person doesn’t?”

  “You don’t.” I look at her pointedly.

  “Don’t I? My twin sister had a boyfriend, who stalked and nearly killed her. That isn’t something you get over easily, Jai.”

  I stand up and clutch the towel around me tighter. “I’m sorry Kai. My bad choice fucked us both up.”

  “Jai, I’d have dated him if he had asked. God knows, I flirted with him enough our sophomore year and tried to get his attention. When Brayden started pursuing me, I realized Josh was just jumping from girl to girl; without really having a real relationship, so I decided to let Brayden catch me. When we moved it ended, and I’ve kept relationships confined to dinner, drinks, and sex.” She pauses and shrugs it off, but I know she is holding back. “Like I said, we all have baggage, Jai. I need to see you letting go and moving on because then there’s hope for me too.”

  I’ve been selfish all these years, wrapped up in how Josh had ruined my life. I didn’t think about how mom and dad were uprooted from their home. Kaiya had to leave her friends and boyfriend behind. And apparently, it goes further than that. She has never had a serious relationship after Brayden and I never even noticed.

  “What are the chances I can take Rainbow with me on this date?”

  “None. You’re ready, Jai. You’re stronger than you think you are.”

  “I don’t feel strong.”

  “Maybe not yet, but you will, and this is the first step.”

  “You seem so sure, what happens if I do this and I have a panic attack, and it’s one damn date… How much can really change if it’s not even real, but a bought and paid for a date?”

  I walk over to the bed and fall backward, looking up at the ceiling. My mind is spinning with worry, fear, and despair.

  “You never know, Jai. It can change your whole life.” Kaiya gets off my bed and pulls me upright. “Come on. We need to get you ready. I will do your hair and makeup before I leave for the wedding.”

  “What should I wear?” I asked while looking in my closet. I’ve got jeans, sweats, sweaters, and suits. My drawers don’t
have much else that is appropriate, according to my sister. It’s how I end up wearing her bikini, which feels like the most significant piece of the fabric is the size tag. The Daisy Dukes she hands me aren't any better, and the shirt exposes my midriff, while it clings to my breasts.

  “Ok, so am I going on a date or to work a street corner? Because I’m not leaving the house like this.”

  My sister laughs, “You’re going on a boat, Jai. It’s not a normal dinner and a movie date.”

  “Still, do you have anything that is a bit—more?” I hold my hands at my sides and look down at my body. More skin is showing than what is covered. She sighs and goes back to her closet, grabbing another pair of shorts. These are white cotton, with a lace macramé over them and with a little longer, not by much, but they make me feel more comfortable, at least.

  “And a shirt?” I cock an eyebrow at her, and she rolls her eyes at me, before reaching back into her closet.

  The old red jersey style shirt she hands me has a stretched out neck that falls off one of my shoulders. It is comfortable and hits just above my thighs. The white block numbers on the back are faded and cracked, as is the mascot on the front.

  “Wait, I recognize this,” I say looking back at Kaiya in the mirror. “This is a shirt from our high school.”

  “It was Brayden’s. He gave it to me when we went to a football game, and someone bumped into me, spilling coke all over my shirt. It’s my lucky jersey.”

  I start to take it off, but Kaiya stays my hand. “It’s fitting, Jai. Remember the past, but don’t let it stop your future—don’t let it freeze you in place, not anymore. Don’t let him win.”

  She squeezes my hand and then gets my brush from the bathroom. I sit there as she fixes my hair into a messy knot on top of my head. I laugh because I could’ve done that much for myself.

  “Kaiya, why now?” I ask the question I’ve been wondering since she told me about this date. “After all these years, why are you pushing for this?”

  She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Because I need you to be happy and you are not. You live half a life, and so do I. We both need to make changes and to do that, we both need to let go of the past.”

  “What are you clinging to?”

  “Not what Jai, who?”

  “Brayden.” I look down at the shirt I’m wearing. Kaiya hasn't worn it as far as I know. l, I didn’t even know she had kept the token, but it had been in the back of her closet all these years.

  She nods once. All these years she has held onto a high school love. They were together for two years, but after my attack, we left with no word to anyone. The circumstances surrounding our leaving is buried since Josh, and I were both minors. Kaiya never got closure on her relationship with Brayden, and I’ve been so focused on what I lost. I didn’t see my sister’s broken heart and what she’d lost.

  For Kaiya, I will try to start living so she could too. “So, how am I going to know who my date is?”

  “He will scare the shit out of you.” She says with a halfhearted smirk, which has the bottom falling out of my stomach.

  Chapter 5

  Sebastian

  The Sip and Grind has a steady stream of customers looking for their caffeine fix. I brought my sketch pad and am drawing up samples for clients. Every time the door opens, I look up, but I’ve no idea who I’m looking for until she walks in.

  Jaci Michaels is stunning and looks ready to bolt any second. Her hands are clenched into fists at her sides, and her teeth bite into her plump bottom lip, as she scans the coffee shop. I don’t question if the stunning brunette is my date. There is no question in my mind it is her. Her eyes widen in surprise and fear when they meet mine. I can see clear as day, the panic building in her from across the room.

  She starts shaking her head and takes a step back but collides with a guy coming in the door. I stand and go to her thinking; maybe I can calm her down enough to at least have some coffee. Nadine said this is important and from Jaci’s reaction, I would say that is an understatement.

  “Thanks, man, I’ll take it from here,” I say to the guy still holding onto her. I don’t like seeing his hands on her arm even if he is offering support. It’s a crazy reaction when I haven’t ever spoken a word to her, but the raw fear in her eyes rouses something deep inside me. I feel protective of her, a woman I know nothing about yet.

  “Come on.” I take her hand and lead her back to the table I’m sitting at before she came in the front door of the coffee shop. She takes the chair I hold out for her, and I move away to place an order for her. On instinct, I order her a hot chocolate instead of coffee. The way she is on edge, I don’t think caffeine will help her nerves any.

  I keep my eyes on her as I wait on the barista to hand me her drink. The girl is looking at me with lust filled eyes and an open invitation, which I ignore. She seems barely out of high school, and while I’m not that discerning where women are concerned, I at least want to be sure I’m fucking a woman and not a girl.

  Jaci is all woman. Her legs are toned but supple, with thighs a man can envision squeezing his head as he eats her out. Her breasts are full, and her hips curved enough to hold onto as a man pounds into her from behind. It is her lips that have blood pooling between my legs. She has lips women pay to have. They are full, with the top being almost as full as the bottom one. I watch as she tries to pull the jersey she is wearing down her thighs. Her legs are bouncing nervously beneath the table.

  “Here you go.” I set the hot chocolate in front of her. “I’m guessing you didn’t take our set up any better than I did.”

  She nervously pushes her hair behind her ear, as I sit across from her. “No, I didn’t.”

  “Well, we’ve got that in common. Nadine had this planned when she asked me to be a part of the auction.” I shake my head and take a sip of my own coffee.

  “Your drawing is amazing.” She nods towards the open sketchpad I left on the table when I went to keep her from running out the door. “It could make a cool tattoo.”

  “That’s good because that’s what it is. It is for one of my clients.”

  “It is awesome. I can’t draw a stick figure to save my life.” Her smile is small and self-deprecating.

  “Drawing is what kept me sane when I was overseas. My family would send sketch pads and pencils in their care packages. It was a piece of normalcy when I was in hell.” Where the fuck did that come from? It is way too heavy for a paid blind date.

  “I understand. Writing did the same for me.”

  “Writing? What do you write?” A flush spread across her cheeks while refusing to look at me. Her hand shakes as she raises her cup to her lips and blows on the hot liquid.

  “I write freelance.” It’s not an answer, and I sit back, giving her a look that says I will wait and do. Patience is something I’ve had plenty of practice with, “I write novels.”

  “An author, that’s impressive. What types of novels?” From her flush and evasiveness, I have a good idea of what types of books she writes. I want to see if she’ll tell me herself.

  “I write romance novels.” Jaci stirs her hot chocolate and looks away from me for a moment.

  “I figured as much.” At her quizzical look, I add, “You blushed and evaded answering. If you wrote kids’ books or mystery novels, I don’t think you’d be as hesitant to answer.”

  She smiles, and a dimple appears on her left cheek. Her jade green eyes sparkle, and she seems to relax a little. “I guess my blush hasn’t quite broken yet.”

  “No. It hasn’t, but that’s not a bad thing.” I search her face. She is innocent and unlike anyone else I’ve been around. “How did you get into writing?”

  She beams, “I was born a reader. In third grade, I was reading Mark Twain and C.S. Lewis, while my classmates were reading R.L. Stine.”

  “Goosebumps, I was a fan.”

  “I’m not surprised; they seem to be a staple of every childhood.”

  “Except yours.” I nod to
wards her, before taking another sip of my coffee. Her hand doesn’t shake quite as bad, as she raises her own cup to her lips.

  “Yes.” She whispers before taking another sip.

  I let the silence settle around us, linger. My hands are linked loosely on the table, as I sit studying the woman across from me. Nervously she pushes her hair behind her ear again. It amuses me that I make her nervous and impresses me she holds my stare, despite the anxiety.

  “So…My sister tells me to dress casually. Actually, she picked my clothes out. But you didn’t need to know that.” Her rambling is as cute as a flush spread across her cheeks.

  “She told you, right?” I lean forward and rest my elbows on the table. Her eyes follow my movement and trace the ink covering my arms and hands. Tattoos turn her on, though I wonder if she is even aware of it. Jaci seems oblivious and innocent, which isn’t the typical woman I keep around, But, for whatever reason, the woman intrigues me.

  “The date your sister bid on is parasailing over the bay.”

  I couldn’t stop chuckling when she starts cursing under her breath; words that are entirely at odds with her sweet and innocent demeanor.

  “I guess you’re in luck, Mr. Taylor—”

  “Call me Sebastian or Bas.” I interrupt her. “You call me Mr. Taylor and I start looking for my father.”

  “Sebastian, this is a waste of your time, because I’m not going parasailing.”

  Chapter 6

  Jaci

  How the hell did I get myself in this situation? ‘Kaiya,’ I grumble to myself. She is the wild child between us, and yet it seems like I’m always the one to get into trouble. I’m going to kill her for this.