Afraid of Love: Bid on Love Series Bachelor #8 & Hard to Love Book #1

by Annelise Reynolds

  The bell above the door chimes and pulls me out of my work, where I’ve drawn a double-headed rose. Flowers aren't typically my thing unless the client wants it. Kaiya’s message and how Jaci talks about her left that image in my head.

  “Hi, how can I help you?” I get up from my table and go to the front desk. A pretty young Asian woman is staring at me. The mornings are typically slow. I get busy after lunch and in the evenings. I may close the doors at eleven most nights, but I don’t typically leave until one or two in the morning.

  “Hi,” She gives me a flirtatious smile that I’m not even tempted to return. “I want to get a tattoo.”

  “Alright. Any idea of what you want?”

  “I was thinking Jessica Rabbit on my thigh. Something sexy.” She giggles and shrugs her shoulders causing her boobs to sway. “Maybe she wears leather and has a whip or flogger that the tail coils around my leg?”

  I clench my teeth because last week I’d have booked her an appointment. Probably the last one of the nights tatted her, fucked her, and sent her home. Now, I just want her gone. Jaci is on her way, and I don’t want to deal with this girl and her wish for a tattoo she’d hate in five years.

  “You’re sure about this tattoo? That’s what you want?”

  “Yes. I love Jessica Rabbit; she’s so sexy and hot. Don’t you think?”

  “She’s a cartoon character, and it’s not what I want that matters. It’s what you will be living with after you’re inked, hun.” I grab my calendar and look for an opening. “I’m going to schedule you a few days from now for a consult. Will Monday at this time work for you?” I really didn’t want to do this fucking tattoo. Hopefully, a few days will give her cold feet, and she’d rethink this tattoo.

  “That’s fine.”

  “Good. I’ll have something sketched out, and we can see if you want to make changes then.” I take her name, information, and pencil her into the calendar.

  “Great. Thank you.” She gives me a heated look and a sexy smile. Her eyes all but beg me to fuck her. I’m not interested. My dick doesn’t even twitch.

  “Was there anything else you needed?”

  Too easy. Too eager. Not Jaci.

  Fuck. A week ago, I would’ve been all over this chick. It wasn’t just Jaci’s rule that was holding me back. It was just Jaci. I want her, and this girl would be a poor substitute.

  “No. Guess not.” She seems disappointed and leaves stomping her way out the door. Rejection is probably something she isn’t used to getting. She’d been hot. I would have to be dead not to notice that. Her body is athletic and generously curved in all the right places. I let out a breath and mutter to myself, ‘Jessica Rabbit in leather with a whip.’ Domme Jessica Rabbit ever since that damn book about the billionaire dom came out. Everyone seems to want to be in that lifestyle or appear to be.

  It isn’t anything I want to be a part of. I like my woman to give as much as she gets in the bedroom. We will be equals, giving and taking in equal amounts. Being honest about what we want and need from each other. The rules I had Jaci come up are more for her peace of mind than anything.

  I don’t want her ruling out pain because she may be into having her hair pulled and ass spanked as I take her from behind, or having her nipples pinched. I wouldn’t mind things like that, but I also don’t care if her nails are digging into my ass as she’s holding onto me. Or her teeth biting down on my shoulder to keep from crying out. That kind of pain is part of hot, dirty sex, and I don’t want her to miss out on it because of fear. So, I gave her rules to help her deal with it and a demonstration that had my balls aching even now.

  I go back to my table and look at the double-headed rose again. It is something out of a fairytale, and it is double like her, a twin. I’m sure that will be something she’d love, but she is more than just half of a whole. Sometimes I think she loses sight of that.

  The bell overhead chimes again and I turn to see another customer coming in. The guy wants gages to put in his ears. It is an easy task, so I gave him the piercings he wants and was sending him on his way with instructions for care when Jaci walks in.

  She is wearing a pair of jeans that are old and worn. She has chucks on her feet and a black shirt that says, ‘Write like you mean it.’

  “Nice shirt,” I say, nodding towards her. She grins at me, and that damn dimple shows up.

  “Thanks. I have a whole collection of them.”

  “You do?”

  “Yep. One says, ‘Be careful what you do or say an author is watching.’ That’s my favorite.”

  I chuckle, this feels more like Jaci, “Your sister chose your clothes on Sunday, didn’t she?”

  Jaci looks up from putting the food out on the table. “Yes, but not my shorts,” She says hesitantly. “Why?”

  “You dress more for comfort, and you don’t show as much skin.” I grab waters from the fridge and walk towards her. When she bends forward again, I rest my wrists on her hips with my fingers still curled around the water bottles at her sides. I notch my hips against her ass and she, stands quickly, her head almost catching my chin. I move my head to the side just in time, putting my jaw over her shoulder. My nose is buried in her hair. She smells like lavender and vanilla.

  “I like your look better.” It isn’t a lie. She seems much more confident when she isn’t worried about how she looks. “You looked good on the boat, but you look and smell,” I take another breath nuzzling my nose against her ear, “delicious right now.”

  “That’s the fajitas.” She sighs and leans her head back against my shoulder.

  “No, it’s not.” I kiss her jaw and back away. My cock is painfully tight in my jeans, but if I don’t get away from her, I’m going to break the no public place rule.

  Jaci stands frozen with a look of confused wonder on her face. Her eyes are glassy, and her cheeks are flushed with heat and need.

  “What is the book about you’re working on?” I ask while trying to get my mind off closing the shop and fucking her on the front desk.

  She takes a breath and sits down across from me. “It’s about a woman who’s afraid of commitment and falling in love for the first time with a man that’s completely off limits.”

  I sit back and watch her. A woman who’s guarded and falling in love for the first time. It could easily be a story about herself.

  “Why is the guy off limits?”

  She bit her lower lip and hesitated before speaking. “He’s a biker. She’s the daughter of the President.”

  “The president of the club? That doesn’t seem too off limits.”

  She laughs, “No, the President of the United States.”

  I grin, “So, guarded as in secret service.” I make myself a fajita, “How did they meet?”

  “Since she’s at college she has minimum secret service but still getting stifled by their presence. So, she devises a plan with her dorm mate to sneak out and gets in a bad spot where he’s the one that rescues her. They start seeing each other, and when someone tries to kill her, she gets protection from the club because there’s a mole in the secret service.”

  We continue talking about her book as we eat. It is interesting to hear about her characters and to see how her mind works. We are finishing up lunch when my first appointment for the afternoon walks in.

  “Hey, Mike,” I say when he came in.

  “Hey man. Did I interrupt?” He says looking between Jaci and me. His eyes skim over her appreciatively, and I clench my teeth. Mine. I want to stake my claim right then and there.

  “No, we are just finishing up lunch. Go on back; I’ll be right there.” When he is out of the lobby, I turn to Jaci and pull her against me. “Thank you for lunch.” I kiss her hard and quick. “Make yourself at home. There are messages on the machine I’ll get to later. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come on back.”

  She smiles up at me, “I should be fine. Hopefully, I can get some work done.”

  I kiss her again, “Good luck.”

&
nbsp; Chapter 16

  Jaci

  Words. They flow together from my fingertips like they haven’t done in a long damn time. I feel good behind my computer. I’m not staring at a blank screen and blinking cursor, but at words, as they start to fill my screen. The characters start coming to life as I mold and create their world.

  When the phone rings I answer it, and when the door opened, I did what Sebastian needs me to. Other than that, while he saw his clients, I wrote.

  I was doing some research on the internet when the door opens. The smell of pizza fills the air and my stomach growls. “Hi, I have your pizza.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “I did,” Sebastian says, coming into the lobby. “Thank you.” He takes out his wallet and pays the delivery driver, then brings the pizza over to the desk. “I was hungry, and you were busy, so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  I smile, “I was busy.” I emphasize the word was. “I wrote three chapters, and I’m really excited about how the story’s shaping up.”

  “That’s great news. Do you want a break?” He gestures towards the pizza.

  I look towards the desk and my computer longingly. Would Bas understand? “Ummm.” I bite my lip.

  He laughs, “Go write. I’ve got another client coming in thirty minutes. I’ll eat and leave the rest for you when you are ready to take a break.”

  “It feels like I’ve been thanking you a lot since we met but thank you.”

  “No need to thank me. You’ve been helping me as much as I helped you today. Not stopping to answer the phone or the door, makes my appointments go faster. It’s a win-win. We help each other.”

  I hesitate before dismissing the question I want to ask. “Yeah, I guess we did.” I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to insert myself into his life. In a way, I kind of already did that with my plan to use him to teach me what it is like to have intimacy.

  Sebastian sits on the couch to eat, and I go back to the desk. His client came in, and they go to the back, while I continue to pound out words. By the time they are done, I’ve written two more chapters.

  “Are you sure Bas?” The syrupy sweet voice has me looking over my shoulder. She is gorgeous, and her clothes leave little to the imagination. I’m glad I didn’t look up when she first came in. Sebastian is still in the lobby, and I let him greet her.

  “I’m sure.” She’s pouting as she leaves through the front door. My gut twists at the familiarity between them. They’ve slept together. It’s obvious, and she was expecting it to happen again. She’s his last appointment for the night, so...

  “I’ve got to get out of here too. Rainbow needs to go for a walk.” I start packing up my stuff.

  “Jaci.” He is right behind me, close enough for me to feel the heat radiating from his body. “Don’t run.”

  His hands move over mine and stop me from putting my computer away. “It’s time for your first lesson in intimacy.” My breath hitches, “I’m not going to fuck you, not tonight.” His voice is low and gravelly. “I’m just going to make you wish I did.”

  ‘Already there,’ I say to myself, but stay quiet. My nerves are on edge, and I feel like electricity is humming through my blood.

  His hands move to my waist, and he turns me in his arms. “Just feel. Don’t think.”

  Sebastian kisses along my jaw, and my head falls back to give him better access. His lips, tongue, and teeth slide over my skin as it sends shivers down my spine straight to my core. His lips slant across mine, and his tongue coaxes me to kiss him back.

  I feel as if I’m drunk. My head is in the clouds, and my body feels alive and feverish. I can feel my pussy melting for him again. He’d shown me a taste of passion the other night. Now he is overwhelming me with it.

  He lifts me onto the desk, and automatically my legs go up around his hips. My thighs are holding him firmly against me. I’m all but begging with my body for him to take me then and there.

  I feel his hand slide up under my shirt. He squeezes my breasts firmly molding them to his hand and testing their weight in his palms. In response, I rock my hips against the rigid straining length of his cock. I want him, and I want him to take me there on his desk. I need him to take me where no one can walk by or look in the door and see us. It’s reckless as hell, but I don’t care. At this moment, he can talk me into anything he wants, and I’d do it, without question. It’s that realization which douses me as if I had been dumped in an ice bath. I could completely lose myself in Sebastian Taylor.

  “Wait.” I pull away. My body wants him. Hell, I want him. But I’m afraid of him and everything he makes me feel.

  Sebastian steps back and gives me space to breathe. “Have you changed your mind?” His voice is gruff with arousal and frustration.

  “No. Yes.” Fuck. “I don’t know, maybe.”

  I watch him roughly run his hand through his hair. He is wound tightly, and his body is stiff, but even though his disappointment is easily seen. Sebastian doesn’t lose his control.

  Chapter 17

  Sebastian

  I walk Jaci to her car and kiss her forehead before going back into the shop to clean up. She has my balls in her fist, and she doesn’t fucking know it, or she doesn’t care. I’m not sure which one it is at that point.

  Jaci didn’t see her face when Kelly left, I did. She was jealous as hell, and I wonder if it had anything to do with why she put a halt to what we were doing. I wasn’t planning on fucking her and told her that much, but I was planning for both of us to get some much-needed relief. To give her a taste of what she desires.

  When I left the shop, I was still on edge. My gym bag is still in the car, so I go back to do another workout. It is my only chance to get this pent-up energy and frustration out.

  “You don’t normally come here at this time of night?” Neal moves behind the bench press to spot me.

  “Not normally, but I’ve got a lot on my mind. What are you doing here?” I ask through clenched teeth as I struggle to lift the weight up.

  “I worked late at the office, so I wanted to work out before I go home.”

  “What the hell are you working on this time of night?”

  “A paralegal for one and I had some briefs she needed to fix.” My cousin gives me a shit eating grin.

  “I hate you right now,” I grumble as I lower the bar again.

  “Don’t tell me some woman has your balls on a leash.” I don’t bother answering him, just keep lifting weights. “Damn. Bas, who is she? That girl Nads was talking about at dinner on Monday?” He asks when I finish with my rep.

  “Yeah, Jaci.” I wipe the sweat from my face. “She’s skittish; this is the third time this week I’ve had blue balls.”

  “Damn. It’s not like you not to get the girl.” My cousin is getting a kick out of the fact that I’m not getting laid.

  “Fuck off. One of these days a woman’s going to bring you to your fucking knees. And I’ll remember this conversation.”

  “That’s not going to happen.” He grounds out through clenched teeth. “I wouldn’t want to deprive women of access to me.”

  “God, I thought my ego was big. I got nothing on you, asshole.”

  “It’s a Marx family trait.” He laughs getting up from the bench and wiping the sweat from his face with the bottom of his shirt.

  “I call bullshit on that. Nadine isn’t a total egotistical asshole.”

  “She takes after our mom’s side of the family. Kind of like you.”

  “Meaning what? I’m soft?” I can’t believe my asshole cousin thinks I’m soft. I was a fucking marine. Neal and I have a weird relationship. We are cousins, and we are friends. Nadine and I are the opposite. We are friends who happen to be cousins.

  “I didn’t say you were soft. You just have a heart like my sister and our mothers. I’m more like my dad. He’s a heartless, emotionless asshole, and so am I.” Nathan Marx is a major asshole, and for reasons I’m never able to figure out, Neal follows his dad’s legal
path.

  I consider him for a moment before nodding in agreement, “You have a point.”

  Neal and I continue to work out separately and only working out together when we need a spotter. We leave at the same time. “See you Monday.” He says as he veers off towards his Lexus.

  “Yeah, and I won’t mention your after-hour debriefing. Aunt Em. might start thinking about grandkids.” I joke, but it is only fair since he and Nadine tried to throw me in the line of fire this last week.

  Neal stops and runs an agitated hand through his hair, “God, I swear that’s all our moms think about.”

  “I know. I thought Nadine was going to get us both off the hook for a while, but I’m glad we found out before she married the prick. Fuck Derrick.” The thought of that asshole sets my blood to boiling all over again.

  “I know.” Neal is parked next to my bike. He leans on the top of his sleek sports car. “She wants us to leave it alone. So, for now, that’s what we do.”

  “I still say we should’ve beat him. That’s one of my biggest regrets. Not getting to kick that fucker’s ass.”

  “Don’t worry; he’ll get his one day. We just have to be patient and wait.” The way Neal said it is as if it is a fact and not a guess.

  “You know something I don’t know?” I get on my bike and wait for him to answer.

  He gives me a pointed look, “See you at dinner on Monday.”

  Chapter 18

  Jaci

  I sit there looking at a blank screen. My cursor is mocking me, and my mind is on a sexy tattoo artist, that hasn’t called me again. It is Saturday night, and I keep picturing that woman at the shop. Since I saw her, I’ve been moody as hell and annoyed by any little thing. Kaiya is steering clear of me and words elude me.

  Part of me wants to show up at the tattoo shop the next morning ready to help him and get some words out, but he hasn’t invited me back. In fact, I haven’t heard a word from him in three days. My phone is silent, and I’m on pins and needles. I never saw myself as that girl. It pisses me off to realize I’m that girl, who waited by the phone agonizing over when the asshole she likes is going to call.