Broken Soldier: A Novel

by Clara Frost

  “Liver,” Rafa said.

  “So right in the liver. Dude’s down howling in pain. At that point it’s two on two and I’m useless, but the other two guys just back up. Whatever they saw in Rafa, they didn’t want any more of it. Saved my life, probably.”

  “What’s your point, Paul?” Christa was very much not enjoying his story.

  “My point is that Rafael Carpenter is as cool under pressure as they come, and he always has been. And he still is.” He looked across the hot tub, meeting Rafa’s eye. “That kind of stuff, it doesn’t have anything to do with how big or tough you are. Or whether both your legs are flesh or metal. It’s all about attitude.” He tapped his forehead. “About what’s up here.”

  It was a nice story, but it made Emily wonder who the girl was. She made a mental note to ask about her later.

  Rafa scooped his glass off the edge of the tub behind Emily and raised it. “Cheers.”

  Emily toasted him, and took a sip of the brandy. Her other hand slid from Rafa’s thigh to his extremely erect manhood and squeezed.

  He nearly dropped his glass.

  “Hey, Em, do you want to help me get the food started?” Christa asked.

  Emily gave Rafa another squeeze, smiling sweetly as his eyes bulged. “Sure.”

  Paul looked at her knowingly, his lips curling up with a hint of a smile.

  Emily grabbed her towel off the back of the tub and climbed out. The second her skin hit the air, she felt the cold. It was like every pore in her body closed up all at once and the towel she wrapped around herself didn’t do anything to help. “See you inside,” she told Rafa, then ran for the house.

  “Sorry for being such a wet blanket,” Christa said once they were dressed and in the kitchen. “Paul and I got into it on the way up here and he really twisted the screws on me.”

  “You guys going to be alright?” Emily took out the vegetables she’d brought earlier, and started chopping.

  “We’ll be fine. It’s not always easy living with a lawyer.” Christa sliced some chicken quarters and dropped them into a wide pan. They sizzled and popped when they hit the hot oil. “He can’t ever admit he’s wrong.”

  “I don’t think that’s a trait unique to lawyers,” Emily said.

  Christa added rice to a paella pan, sprinkling in a few strands of saffron. “Maybe it’s just husbands. But to answer your question, we’ll be fine. Eventually.”

  “That’s good.” Emily passed her the cutting board full of vegetables. “You feel like talking about it?”

  “He was just talking about Rafael’s opportunities away from Colorado, and when I reminded him that Rafa would be leaving you here, Paul didn’t think it was a big deal.”

  Emily pursed her lips. Her best friend and her husband were fighting about her? “Chrissy, don’t get upset with Paul. He’s Rafa’s best friend. He should take his side.”

  “But--”

  “No, really. I’m glad Rafa has a friend. And if he does need to go, he and I can work that out. You and Paul don’t need to let it come between you.”

  “So have you and Rafael talked about his job situation?”

  “Not yet. Did Paul say anything else about it?”

  Christa shook her head. “He talked to Paul about it earlier in the week. Sounded like he was really torn up on what to do.”

  Emily took comfort from hearing it, though she felt guilty at the same time. It wasn’t like he was going back to Afghanistan, but regardless of what she told Christa, she wasn’t sure how their relationship would survive if he was halfway across the country.

  “I need another drink,” Emily announced.

  “Me, too. Give me a second.” Christa arranged the vegetables atop the rice, and put a cover over the pan. “This way.”

  “I brought beverages,” Emily said.

  Christa raised an eyebrow. “Mom keeps the bar stocked. We can raid her stash.” She led the way to the living room.

  Emily hadn’t even realized there was a bar, but it was manifestly obvious when Christa opened the doors. What had looked like an entertainment center was actually shelf after shelf of bottles. A slide-out counter-top had a sink above and a small fridge below.

  “I need something strong,” Christa said, pouring a generous measure of tequila into a shaker. “How about you?”

  “Just wine,” Emily said. She wanted to keep her head about her. Just in case the evening took a turn for the amorous.

  Christa made it through her margarita and halfway through another before the boys came back inside. Emily set her wine glass aside half finished.

  “Uh, hon,” Paul said, sniffing. “Are you intentionally burning something?”

  Christa slapped her glass down on the bar, nearly knocking it over, and leaped to her feet. “Oh, crap.”

  Emily chased her into the kitchen, Paul’s laughter following behind. A cloud of smoke was rising from the chicken. The rice hissed angrily when Emily took the cover off.

  Christa killed the flames, but Emily could see that the damage was done. The chicken was burned on one side, and the rice was a tar-black glob of stickiness in the paella pan. Even the vegetables were blackening on the edges.

  “I forgot about it,” Emily said.

  “Me, too.”

  Paul and Rafa filtered into the kitchen, standing well back from the mess. “Paella?” Rafa asked.

  “It was supposed to be,” Emily said. It was supposed to be a surprise, and Christa assured her that she’d made it before and that Rafa would love it.

  Rafa came closer, looking at the ruined meat. “It looks okay to me. Just a little overdone on the bottom.”

  That drew a snort of laughter from Christa. “Your sweet lies might work on Em, but I know better. How about we go back into Boulder and get dinner somewhere? I think Paul and I would rather stay in the city, anyway, and not ruin your weekend.”

  It wasn’t a great option, but the fridge wasn’t stocked with perishable food and Emily didn’t have anything else to cook. “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely,” Christa said. “I’ll even call ahead and get us a table. Where do you want to go?”

  “How about Japanese?” Paul asked.

  Emily loved sushi, but she wasn’t sure about Rafa.

  “I eat everything,” Rafa said without her even having to ask.

  Christa clapped her hands together. “Alright, let’s get dressed and do this.”

  Rafa and Emily went to the master bedroom to change. “Sorry about her,” Emily said. “She’s both flighty and a little dictator sometimes.”

  “She’s fine. She introduced us, so she can’t be all bad, right?”

  Emily wanted to throw him on the bed right then and right there. Instead, she draped her arms around his neck and gave him a long, lingering kiss. “Maybe you’re right.”

  #

  Something about the way Emily kept picking at her food was starting to bother Rafa. She barely ate enough to feed a bird, and he’d seen how much she exercised. She’d nearly run him off the trail last weekend and he had a feeling she wasn’t likely to take it any easier when they went skiing again in the morning. Two pieces of sushi weren’t enough calories for her.

  The worst part was that he knew exactly why she was starving herself. Lorena had done the same thing. Probably still did. If her body wasn’t exactly the shape that she thought it was supposed to be, she simply didn’t eat.

  It was weird that Paul had brought up Lorena, and weirder yet that he’d done it in front of Emily. Those were memories Rafa had thought buried, and bringing them up to the surface reminded him of a pain he’d rather have left forgotten.

  Rafa tried to take a piece of tuna, but fumbled it with his chopsticks. They were hard enough to use right-handed, and using his left hand made them nearly impossible. Everyone pretended not to look as he tried a second time and barely managed to get the fish to his mouth.

  Paul held up his phone. “You guys catch the weather update on the way into town?”

&
nbsp; “No,” Emily said. “All we saw were flurries.”

  “There’s a pretty serious snowstorm coming. You might not want to go back to the cabin.”

  Rafa looked over at Emily. His stomach fluttered at the thought of not staying the night with her. Even if he had to leave Boulder, he wasn’t sure he could leave her. A woman like her was once in a lifetime, and not something a man could leave behind. Certainly not a man like him.

  “So what you’re saying is there’s going to be fresh powder in the morning?” Emily grinned and poked Rafa’s arm. “There’s nothing like fresh powder. It’ll make it easier for you to turn.”

  “That sounds fun.” If only that were true. He’d agreed to the weekend for the opportunity to spend time with her. Skiing was secondary to that. He just didn’t know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings.

  Paul snagged a piece of salmon and paused, inspecting the pink flesh. “If you get stuck in the cabin and need a lift out, call me and I’ll bring the truck out Sunday.”

  “Alright.” Emily practically beamed.

  Being stuck in a snowbound cabin for a weekend wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Rafa let his eyes follow her curves. He didn’t understand why any woman would worry so much about her appearance, but Emily truly looked amazing. He just wanted to pick her up and spin her around and smother her with kisses.

  Christa pointed to the last piece of sushi on the platter. “Em, have at it.”

  Emily shook her head. “I’m full.”

  Christa gave her a look that made Rafa think she saw through Emily’s protests, too. It just showed that he needed to prove to her that she was beautiful.

  “You hear anything else about a job yet?” Paul asked.

  Emily tensed, pretended to look away, but Rafa could tell that she was listening closely.

  “The opportunity at The Citadel fell through.” Rafa rubbed his knee. “No explanation, but my professor emailed me. Said he thought some folks at Department of Defense lobbied against me.”

  “Do you want me to talk to my old man?” Paul asked. “He’s still got some pull. Could put in a good word for you. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

  “If they don’t want me, I’m not going to press the point. It just means I have to find something else. Maybe something closer.”

  Emily seemed to relax. Her foot pushed against his and she smiled at him.

  “You’re not, like, out on the street on Monday or anything, are you?” Christa asked.

  “My lease is up at the end of the month,” Rafa said, “So I’ve got a little while longer, but if I’m going to find a teaching job, I need to land something before the schools are done hiring for next semester.”

  “They might already be,” Paul said. “Don’t they try to hire in the summer?”

  Rafa shrugged. “Maybe, but I thought that if I didn’t apply, I wouldn’t know for sure.”

  Their waiter came by and offered dessert, but when Emily declined, so did Christa and Paul. The waiter brought the check back and left it between Paul and Rafa.

  Rafa reached for it, but Paul beat him to it. “I’ve got this,” Paul said.

  Rafa tried to grab it again, but Paul pulled it away. “I’ll get ours,” Rafa said.

  “You’re a wounded veteran and about to be unemployed.” Paul opened the leather folio and peeked inside. “I’ll get this.”

  Rafa swallowed, forcing himself to relax. It was the little things that hurt. Dealing with random crap from strangers at the sporting goods store rolled right off his back, but the little, well-meaning jibes from friends reminded him that he wasn’t the same person anymore.

  “Alright,” he said, voice even and controlled.

  Emily took a sip of her water, giving him that knowing look. It was uncanny how she could see through him and tell what he was really thinking. “If this weather is going to get worse,” she said, “we should get going soon.”

  Christa smiled politely. Whatever was going on with her and Paul, Rafa didn’t want to be in the middle of it. Maybe it was a good thing they weren’t going back to the cabin. “Yes, you should. Paul, it’s time.”

  “Hey,” Paul said, “I’ll call the cabin tomorrow and make sure you guys aren’t snowed in, okay?”

  “Sure.” Rafa patted his pocket, making sure he had his phone. “Call my cell.”

  They rose and left, wishing Rafa and Emily well.

  “Let’s stop on the way out and get some supplies,” Emily said. “Just in case.”

  “Sure.” Rafa followed Emily out to her car, his artificial foot tapping on the concrete.

  Chapter 13

  SNOW pelted the windshield, a swirling white fog. The road itself was nearly impossible to see with an inch or more of powder already on it. They were still a couple miles short of the cabin, and Rafa was starting to worry that they wouldn’t make it.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?” he asked.

  Emily gripped the wheel, her knuckles as white as the world outside the car. “I’ve got it.”

  “I can switch, if you’d rather.”

  “Rafa, I’ve got it. I’ve been driving on snow since I was fifteen.”

  “But--”

  “No offense, but you need both hands on the wheel here.” She peered out the window, never once looking his way.

  She couldn’t see him flush with shame and frustration. He just wanted to help. He huddled into his seat, keeping his mouth shut and his concerns to himself.

  The wheels spun briefly, and the car slid across the road. Emily cursed, jerked the steering wheel over, barely keeping them from the guardrail beyond the left edge. He hadn’t really noticed it on the way in, but with a valley on one side and a fairly steep ditch on the other, the roads were practically a death trap. It made him thankful to be out of Afghanistan. A road like this was a prime spot for an ambush.

  “We’re okay,” she said, panting. “We’re okay.”

  She got the car in the middle of the road, not bothering to stay in her lane. It didn’t exactly engender confidence, but Rafa wasn’t going to offer any more criticism. She knew what she was doing.

  They crept along in an uncomfortable silence. The snow worsened, and the road disappeared entirely, only distinguishable by the fact that a guardrail lined the left side and a dark ditch the other.

  The wheels spun again, and the engine revved up. The car turned a little, then stopped entirely.

  “Uh...” Emily gave it more gas, but the engine only whirred louder. “I think we have a problem.”

  “It’s too deep,” Rafa said. “Do we have anything to dig with?”

  “No.” She let off the gas and released the wheel. “This is bad,” she said, reaching for her purse and pulling out her phone. “Correct that. This is really bad.” She held up the phone. “No reception.”

  Rafa checked his and found the same thing. “Is this normal?”

  “Uh huh.” Emily squeezed her eyes closed. “We can’t be far from the cabin.”

  “So we walk.” Rafa looked outside at the snow-covered landscape. He couldn’t see far, maybe fifty yards, but everything was blanketed with white and more was coming down steadily. “Do you think you can rock the car back and forth enough to get out of the highway? It would be a shame to get sideswiped by a plow.”

  “I’m not sure if the plows will even come out this far, but I’ll try.”

  She put the car in reverse and punched the gas. The tires spun, but the car didn’t move. Rafa cursed whoever had dreamed up the idea of front wheel drive.

  “I’ll push, okay?” he offered.

  “Be careful,” she said.

  He zipped up his coat and pulled on his one glove, then got out into the cold. The snowflakes fell so fast and so heavy it was like being in a monsoon. He bent his head against the wind and moved to the front of the car. His shoe and his jogging blade made for lousy traction, but he got his back against the front bumped and heaved.

  It took ten minutes of frigid work, but
with enough rocking and enough cursing, he got it unstuck. The wheels spun and slipped, spraying him with snow, but she got the car backed up to the shoulder and stopped.

  Rafa went to her door and waited for her to put on her gloves.

  Emily got out and tugged her cap onto her head. “I think we’re going to be walking.”

  “I think you’re right.” The snow was already building atop the car, more than an inch already in place. “Perhaps we should take our groceries, no?”

  Emily popped the trunk and together they each took a bag. The snow kept blowing, big, wet flakes swirling around them.

  They walked down the highway, making good time despite the accumulation on the road.

  “It’s really quite beautiful,” Rafa said.

  “Practically romantic.”

  Rafa held up his bag of groceries. “I would offer to hold your hand, but...”

  Emily grabbed his empty cuff. “I’ll take what I can get.” Her fingers slipped inside, holding the edge of the coat. They walked onward, the only sounds their breathing and the crunch of shoes on snow.

  “Did you not like the sushi?” Rafa asked, after a few minutes of relative quiet.

  “It was fine.”

  “But you hardly touched it. You had what, two pieces?” He looked at her face.

  Emily looked away, unwilling to meet his eyes. “I just wasn’t that hungry.”

  “You are beautiful. You are more beautiful than a man like me deserves.”

  “You’re too sweet, Rafa.”

  “I see how you run, how you ski. You take care of yourself. Do not starve yourself, okay? I’ve seen what that can do to a person, and it’s terrible.”

  Emily pursed her lips. She started to respond, but stopped herself. When she spoke again, Rafa could tell that she was choosing her words carefully, “I used to be big. Really big. I don’t ever want to be like that again. Unless you’ve been that size, you cannot understand what it’s like.”