“I’ll do it. But I’m afraid it’s too little too late.”
A sterile family room—that was the best way Lilly could describe the counselor’s office. Stan and Mom sat on the plush love seat facing the roaring fireplace. Mom held one of the many multicolored throw pillows in her lap, pressed against her belly. Lilly wandered the room, looking at the diploma on the wall and the books on the shelves.
Hmm. Why was What Every Counselor Should Know such a thin book but Putting Families Together God’s Way the size of an encyclopedia?
The door opened, and a woman with curly black hair, beautiful ebony skin, and a kind face entered, her high heels clipping against the tile floor. The door closed behind her, blocking out the sounds of the medical center. She stretched out her hand as she crossed the room with long strides. “Mr. and Mrs. Sanders?” She pumped their hands. “I’m Dr. Shepherd.”
“I’m Stan, and this is Peggy.” Stan nodded across the room at Lilly. “That’s Lilly.”
“Lilly LeMure.” Not to be mistaken with Sanders, thank you very much. She crossed the room and shook the doctor’s outstretched hand. “It’s nice to meet you,” Lilly murmured as she sank into an overstuffed chair next to the fireplace.
Dr. Shepherd sat on a leather office chair, placed a few files and a clipboard on her lap, and clicked open a pen. “You gave your permission,” she said, turning to Stan, “for Dr. Johnson to share with me what you two have been talking about in your sessions over the past month. It’s at his recommendation that we’re coming together for family therapy. Is that right?”
Mom and Stan nodded.
“From his notes, I have a general idea about how you feel about things, Stan. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to hear from the ladies first.”
“Fine by me.” Stan smiled.
Lilly rolled her eyes.
“Lilly, would you care to start? I noticed a reaction to Stan. Can you help me understand what caused that? Feel free to speak openly.” Dr. Shepherd waited.
How much could she share? But what did she have to lose, really? Things couldn’t get any worse. So … if she wanted open, Lilly would give her open. “What caused what reaction? That I rolled my eyes? It’s him. He is acting all happy lately. Smiling, trying to have conversations, being nice. But I don’t trust him. As soon as I let down my guard, he’ll change back.”
Stan stared at the fire.
“Change back to what?”
Lilly shook her head.
Dr. Shepherd turned to Mom. “What are your thoughts on what Lilly had to say?”
Mom picked at her fingernails. “I can understand why she’d feel that way.” She spoke in almost a whisper. “Things have been … well, they’ve been pretty bad around our house these past few years. We need help getting them back to what they once were.”
Lilly glared at her mom. “How can you say that? What they once were? Things have always been the same.” How could she not see that?
“No, Lill. You forget the good times. It’s not your fault, though. You were young when things changed.” Mom stared into the fire.
“Can you pinpoint the reason? What do you think caused the change?” Dr. Shepherd looked at Stan.
“I have no idea.” Stan shook his head.
Mom smiled softly at Stan. “I know the reason.” She took a deep breath. “When you lost your job at Ameripro and I got my promotion in the same week, everything changed, and I think you became depressed. You took it out on me and Lilly. It started all kinds of battles and power struggles. I know I didn’t help matters.” She wrung her hands in her lap. “I often thought about recommending counseling. But I was afraid to set you off.”
Stan wiped his teary eyes. “I’ve been a real jerk.” He looked at the counselor. “I know I can change. I’m doing it—me and God. But I don’t know how to help my family trust me. Suddenly, with the new baby on the way, it has to work. It just has to.”
Ah. Lilly sighed as she watched the passing cars through the window. So, the new baby was the reason for all this? What about me? Why hadn’t she been enough of a reason before now?
Dr. Shepherd turned to Lilly. “What do you think of what Stan said?”
“We’ll see.” Lilly shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I’ve seen too much. I’ll try. I promise…. But it’s going to take time.” What did they expect of her? It wasn’t as if she could all of a sudden open up about her feelings or trust a word Stan said. Fat chance he’d ever change for real.
“That’s all we can ask of you.” The counselor looked at each of them. “Are you ready for my recommendations?”
Mom and Stan nodded expectantly.
Lilly crossed her arms and waited.
“Okay. Stan, I’d like you to continue seeing your counselor individually—weekly would be best. I’d like to see all three of you together weekly, and I want to see Lilly alone each week, too—at least for a while.”
“That sounds like a great plan.” Mom smiled and nodded. “Don’t you think, Lilly?”
“It’s fine.” Maybe something would come of it. It couldn’t hurt anyway.
Chapter 6
INVISIBLE
The disco ball made the whole roller rink look like the inside of Lilly’s head. Thoughts swirled, bright highlights glittered in the darkness, and sparkles of excitement were driven by the music of hope. There was always hope. She took Jason’s hand as the DJ announced a couples’ skate.
Jason squeezed her hand and pulled her close.
They fell into an easy rhythm of long strokes as they circled the rink. Lilly wished the song would never end. She smiled up at him and laughed at his white teeth that glowed neon blue in the funky lighting. She’d never been happier.
The song ended way too soon. The calm, snuggly mood disappeared as shocking bright lights flooded the rink. Lilly squinted against the glare. With Jason still holding her hand and guiding her forearm, they barely made their way off the rink in time for the mass of younger kids and die-hard skaters to flood onto the floor in preparation for the races.
“Let’s go get a drink.” Jason tipped his head toward the snack bar and led the way.
With a soda and a plate of nachos to share, they headed for a table in the rear, far away from the crowds. Starving, Lilly took a bite right away.
Jason grinned, his eyes twinkling, as he reached his hand out and wiped away a dollop of melted cheese from Lilly’s chin. He licked it off his finger.
Lilly blushed at the intimate gesture and smiled at him.
He took her hand and squeezed it.
She felt so protected, secure, wanting nothing more than to be enveloped by his arms and stowed away there forever.
“I love you, Lilly.”
“I love you, too, Jase.” There. She’d said it. It rolled off her tongue like the most natural thing in the world. Just as it should be. Love shouldn’t be forced. It shouldn’t need counselors. Right? It should just be.
They smiled at each other, neither one saying anything to break the special moment.
Heather and Zach skated by from around the corner. Heather grabbed on to the table to stop herself, her feet almost rolling out from under her. Zach grabbed her arm and helped her steady herself.
“Hey, you two. We’re taking a head count and making sure the youth group is all present and accounted for. You’re all tucked away in the dark. Come on out into the light.” Heather did a shaky turn on her skates. She could barely stand straight without help—her turn was even worse.
They all laughed.
“Oh, we’re just chatting and having a little snack.” Jason winked at Lilly. “Skating made us hungry.”
“Everything makes Zach hungry.” Heather patted her husband’s belly. “Isn’t that right, babe?”
“Yep. I’m daydreaming about last night’s leftovers right now. Lasagna, garlic bread, some salad … It’s a perfect midnight snack.”
“Oh man, that would give me nightmares.” Lilly shuddered.
“Me, too.” Heathe
r grimaced. “But, hey, we wanted to tell you that the bus pulls out in forty-five minutes. We’ll take a head count, but be sure you’re out there. We need to leave right on time.”
“Sounds good. We’ll be there.”
“How ‘bout coming and joining the fun for now, though?” Zach motioned toward the rink. His mouth smiled, but his eyes didn’t.
Oops. That sounded like more than a friendly invitation. Seemed they were making the youth pastor uncomfortable by hiding out in the corner alone. They’d have to tone down the affectionate displays for the rest of the evening. Didn’t want to raise any red flags.
“How does that make you feel, Lilly?” Dr. Shepherd held her pen poised over her notepad, apparently expecting some brilliant revelation from her.
Sorry to disappoint you. “Um. I dunno. Pretty invisible, I guess.”
“Invisible?” The doc scribbled on her pad without tearing her piercing gaze away from Lilly for even a second. “Explain.”
“Well. Stan has always preferred not to see or hear me or any evidence of my existence.”
“How do you know this?” Dr. Shepherd tilted her head toward Lilly.
“He does nothing but bark at me. He doesn’t want me to have anything lying around anywhere, and he always wants my door shut,music turned down, talking kept to a minimum. It’s just how he is. I can’t really explain it.”
Dr. Shepherd waited.
“And now, all of a sudden with the baby coming, he had a reason to change. I guess the baby is worth the effort—me, not so much.”
The doctor wrote another note to herself.
Not going to deny it, huh? “Maybe the baby will be okay because Stan’s the real dad. But I already feel sorry for it.” Lilly offered a wry smile. “I know you probably think I’m jealous of the baby. I’m not. Really. The poor thing barely stands a chance. I wish you could hear one of their fights.” Lilly held up a finger. “Hey, I know. You want me to tape them the next time they fight?”
Dr. Shepherd laughed. “No. As interesting as I’m sure that would be, it won’t be necessary.” She turned back a few pages in her notes. “Tell me, Lilly. When’s the last time they had a big fight?”
“I can tell you the exact night, because we had a youth night at church.” Lilly pulled out her calendar. “Let’s see. Today’s Monday … so … six weeks ago this past Saturday.” She looked at Dr. Shepherd in surprise. “Hmm. That’s probably the longest they’ve ever gone without fighting.”
“What do you think is the reason?”
Not me, that’s for sure. “I’d say it’s because of the baby—and probably the holidays. They’re both trying really hard. But will it last?”
“One can never know these things for sure. But if each of you tries your hardest to do your part toward fixing things, there’s always a chance.” She made a note on her paper. “And, baby or not, wasn’t it about six weeks ago Stan committed to this change?”
Lilly nodded and stared into the fire.
Dr. Shepherd cleared her throat. “Tell me, Lilly—I know about your boyfriend, but do you have any really good girlfriends?”
“I used to.” Lilly looked down at her hands. “I don’t see them much anymore.” Ever.
“Why is that?” Dr. Shepherd put her pen on the clipboard resting on her lap.
“Why? Because I never knew what would be happening at my house, so I didn’t invite them over. When they were never invited, they started to take it personally. They thought I was a snob.” Lilly shrugged it off.
“What would have happened if you’d been honest with them about your reasons?”
“They’d probably have felt sorry for me or thought I wanted their sympathy—which I didn’t.” She shrugged again.
Dr. Shepherd made a note. “How did you overcome those obstacles when you let Jason into your life?”
“Well, Jason’s always been there. And at some point, he just slipped into the role he’s in now. I never had to hide anything from him because he knew it all already.”
“Have you and Jason been intimate with each other?”
Lilly’s mouth dropped open. Was she serious? “If you’re meaning what I think you are, the answer is no. But isn’t that kind of personal?”
“It helps me know where things stand with you. It’s okay. Nothing you tell me goes beyond this conversation. So … you’re still a virgin?”
Lilly nodded, her face hot as the flush rose up her neck. Her cheeks must have been flaming red.
“We’re almost done here for the day, but I have two things I’d like to say if I could have your permission.” Dr. Shepherd put her clipboard under her chair and leaned forward with her elbows on her nylon-clad knees.
Lilly shrugged.
“First of all, I’m so glad to hear you’ve been protecting your purity even though you and Jason are serious about each other. He’s very good to you and good for you right now. He’s helping you with your self-esteem and helping you keep your head on straight.” The doctor sat back and crossed her legs. “On the other hand, those things could cause you to fall so hard into his arms that you do something you’ll regret one day. So, please, think twice before you take things any further physically. Call me at any time if you’re considering something and want to talk.” Dr. Shepherd slipped Lilly a business card. “My personal cell phone number is on the back. You can use it anytime. Just keep it to yourself, okay?”
“Thanks.” Lilly averted her eyes in embarrassment and tucked the card into her purse.
“The other thing is a request, really. We’ll call it a homework assignment.” The doctor winked. “I’d like for you to contact and visit with an old friend before the end of the month. Tell her why you let your friendship lapse, ask her to forgive you, and set up a date to get together for something fun—just the girls.”
Lilly shook her head. How embarrassing!
“I know that sounds difficult, but it will be so freeing. I promise.” Dr. Shepherd gathered her papers. “Do you think you can do that?”
“Well, I can try.”
“Even a marathon starts with one step.” Dr. Shepherd smiled. “I’ll look forward to hearing the results next week.” She stood up to see Lilly to the door. “Remember, you call me if you get into a tricky spot, okay?”
“Jason’s not like that. But I appreciate the concern.” Lilly smiled and opened the door to the waiting room where her mom sat.
“Ready?” Mom stood up from the couch and collected her purse and jacket.
Lilly held open the door for her as they walked outside. Stan had pulled the car up to the entrance to wait for them. As they got in, he said, “Chinese or Mexican?”
Mom grinned at Lilly. “Mexican!” they both shouted.
Stan’s eyes twinkled. “Chinese it is.” He turned the car toward their favorite Mexican restaurant.
Could he be changing for real? If he was, he’d already admitted it was for the baby, not Lilly. Still, any change for any reason had to be better than nothing.
They pulled into the parking lot of Chevy’s—Lilly loved their salsa—and parked next to a familiar Saab Turbo. “Grams? Is she meeting us here?”
“Yep. Someone else is, too.” Stan pointed across the parking lot.
Jason, dressed up in a sleek black knit shirt and a pair of khaki pants, smiled and waved.
“Jason!” Lilly squealed and ran to hug him. She fought the urge to give him a quick kiss, because her parents—er, Mom and Stan—were watching.
“Come on, you two lovebirds.” Mom laughed. “Let’s get inside. I’m sure Grams has a table for us.”
Conversation over their pleasant dinner was free and easy. Grams kept them all laughing with tales of the blind dates she’d been on lately. She’d been meeting men online and going out to fancy dinners and plays. “Time of my life,” she kept saying.
After dinner, while they waited for dessert to arrive, Mom cleared her throat. “We have a few things to say.” She glanced at Stan.
“Yeah.” Stan cl
eared his throat. “First of all, we’re so glad you’re all here. It’s been a great six weeks, as far as I’m concerned, and I look forward to many, many more.”
Mom jumped in. “I agree. I couldn’t have asked for more.” She smiled sweetly at Stan.
Lilly still had to fight the urge to gag, but itwasn’t as strong as it had been a few weeks prior.
“We have several announcements to make.”
Grams’s eyes opened wide. “Don’t tell me it’s twins.”
“Oh no.” Mom laughed. “This first part is about Lilly. Stan, you tell her.”
“Okay, Lilly, your mom and I feel like you’re ready for some freedom. You’ve been such a good girl—you always have—and now you deserve to be trusted, set free a little bit, so to speak.”
“What does that mean?” Lilly’s eyes darted between Mom and Stan.
Stan continued. “For one thing, you’re sixteen. Your mom always promised you could date at sixteen. So we’re going to allow that to happen. The rules are, you have to be home by ten o’clock, and we want to know where you are at all times. If anyone other than Jason is driving, we want to know about it first. And you can only go out one weekend night for now. How does that sound?”
“Are you serious?” Lilly bounced in her seat and grinned at Jason. “Thank you! Thank you! Did you hear that, Grams?”
“I heard. Congratulations, dear.” Grams smiled and nodded toward Stan.
Was there more? Lilly waited.
“One more thing, Lilly. Layoffs are over. Ameripro hired me back full-time.”
So he hadn’t been fired? “That’s great. Congratulations. I’m sure the extra money will come in handy with the baby coming.” Not sure what it has to do with me, though.
“So …” Stan dangled a key in front of her face.
“What’s this?”
“I got a new company car—well, actually, I pick it up tomorrow. So I’m giving you the Accord.”
“Really? Wow! Thanks so much, you guys. I can’t believe it!” Lilly grinned at her mom and then turned to Jason who winked at her. He reached under the table and squeezed her hand.
Swept Away Page 15
