To Dr Cartwright, A Daughter

by Meredith Webber

  She was no longer able to stay passive, to take the feasting of his eyes and teasing of his fingers without response. She reached up and drew him down so he lay across her body, and while they kissed her fingers slipped his buttons free and pushed his shirt aside so skin met skin and sensory delights could multiply and magnify.

  The kiss deepened, drawing out her air, her heart, her soul. She heard her own capitulation in a whimper of hunger, a sighing cry of yearning. They scrabbled their clothes aside, hands urgent now, felt for each other's bodies, drawing closer and closer, arms straining, fingers biting into flesh, pressing together to try to ease the pain of the aeons they'd spent apart.

  Katy felt the heat of Jake's body transmitted into hers, felt the aching sexual emptiness which only he could fill. She arched towards him, lifting her body to invite him to take it and make it his once more, to work the magic of that wondrous release when the earth stopped turning and only she and he existed in the universe.

  He hesitated, then she felt him press against her, his fingers teasing her to readiness before he entered her body and thrust inside her, timing his movements so the sensations twined and twisted, rising higher and higher, until they levelled off into a kind of suspended wonderment and then, at the next stroke, peaked and flew her far away, tendrils of delight rippling through her body, strangling her with potent magic.

  Jake's shuddering groan matched her cry of triumph and she held him as he slumped against her.

  'I love you, Katy—please love me again!' he muttered, his lips pressed to her ear so she couldn't miss the words.

  Her arms tightened around his back but she couldn't speak—too full of joy and wonder to think beyond this instant.

  Until his hands began to move across her skin, and nerves which should have said, Enough, roused themselves again.

  This time it was a different seduction. The lure of a worshipper, the intense delight of being praised, with hands and lips smoothing at her skin, teasing and tormenting, suckling at her breast, sliding up her thighs, fuelling the fires of her passion until she joined the game herself and, touch for touch, brought him to full arousal, then carefully raised the stakes a little higher, finding the protection he'd brought along and sliding it on while he groaned and threatened all manner of kinky punishment. Then she moved to sit astride him and watched his face as she made love to him.

  'This bed is impossible,' he said, a long time later.

  'It's fine for one,' Katy pointed out. Some vestiges of sanity were returning and she was faced—again—with the two great mountainous subjects still unresolved between them.

  Would he go away again? was one. And Julia the other!

  'I should go anyway,' Jake murmured, causing a momentary heart-stoppage with words that echoed her fears. 'Julia might not be ready to find me in the house at breakfast time!'

  'We've got to talk,' Katy muttered, but he silenced her with a kiss.

  'Isn't this better than talking?' he teased, and she found it was.

  She must have fallen asleep, because she woke at dawn to find him gone. Her body was heavy with the aftermath of love, and pleasurably tender in parts. She sighed and rolled over, intending to go back to sleep for another hour, but her conscience reminded her that things were far from resolved between them, so she sat up in bed and worried for an hour instead.

  He kissed her when she walked into the office and his hands flowed over her, as if to mark her with an invisible brand.

  Mine! they said, and she would have revelled in the touch, but the problem of Julia was looming larger and larger.

  'I'm on call tonight, but I could borrow the car again, then come to your place and be back at the hospital within minutes if I'm needed.'

  She knew he was trying to arrange things now because who knew what emergency would arise to keep them apart for the rest of the day? But this headlong rush into a renewed relationship increased her uneasiness and she pulled away from him, flustered and embarrassed—and too intoxicated by his presence to think straight.

  'It will be okay,' he assured her, as if he could feel her doubts and confusion. 'I know you must be concerned about Julia, you must have doubts about the future, but—' He caught her in his arms again and tilted her chin so she had to look up into his face. 'You can't deny what we do have going for us, Katy, or tell me you don't believe in my love for you.'

  He kissed her again—a gentle, sweet, non-sexy kind of kiss that still lit fires beneath her skin. She was about to kiss him back when there was a tap on the door and Helen walked in. They sprang apart, too late to hide their closeness but quickly enough to underline their guilt.

  'Well, well!' Helen remarked to the air between them.

  'That was quick work. I can come back later, if you like.'

  Katy stumbled into denials, explanations and excuses, but Jake reached out and slid his hand across her mouth.

  'We're old friends,' he said smoothly. 'Now, did you want me or Katy?'

  'Both, as it happens,' Helen told him, her eyes gleaming as she absorbed the value of this new bit of hospital gossip. 'I was bringing these requisition forms to Katy, so I became the message girl. Dr Anderson would like you to meet him in the lobby, Dr Cartwright, and Rosa wants to speak to Katy.'

  Katy took the sheaf of papers and dropped them on her desk. She was mortified by her unprofessional behaviour—and by being caught in Jake's arms. She followed Jake and Helen from the room, trying to regain the enthusiastic efficiency with which she usually approached her work.

  'Mrs Li would like to speak to you,' Rosa told her, using Mrs 'Hong Kong's' real name. 'I said you couldn't make the decision about the new unit, but she seemed to think she might be able to bring influence to bear somewhere if you explained your idea.'

  Katy groaned. She was already behind in her morning's work—thanks to Jake's insidious influence—and now another hour or two would be lost as she set out the details of her plan for Mrs Li.

  Still, if the woman was willing to make a donation, and if she did have influence in the district, maybe...

  She entered the ward and took the visitor's chair beside the new mother.

  'I've found out about steam baths and saunas,' she began, and went on to explain how things stood at the moment.

  'Yes! Now you have explained, I understand how important it is to do this properly,' Mrs Li said later. 'Especially in the antenatal stages. Perhaps I could organise some friends to talk to other Asian mothers and undertake some research into the various customs. We could begin with the women I have met in here. Younger Auntie knows much, and my new Cambodian friend has a book printed in her country on the ways of childbirth and confinement. Leave it to me!' she ordered, with a wide sweep of the jewelled hands. 'First I get the information, then I pay someone to collate it all. We will get your unit started without the hospital permission.'

  Katy felt she'd been dismissed. She thanked the woman and left the ward. She'd meant to talk to Jake about this offer of financial help, but somehow it had slipped her mind last night!

  'I wonder why?' she muttered to herself.

  'Tonight?' Jake asked as they passed in the corridor a little later.

  Katy shook her head, then nodded, not knowing what she wanted to do. He'd said he'd give her time, but she knew she couldn't bring herself to demand it. Already she was thinking about this evening, about their lying together in her narrow bed as soon as Julia had gone to sleep!

  Julia! The still-unknown! Panic skittered in her heart and she forced it back, but in the end it was Julia who precipitated the confession. Julia, showing off to Jake later that evening, counting to one, hundred, adding and subtracting, challenging him to give her harder sums.

  'Not bad for a cheeky kid who's only—what?' he said, taking her in his arms and tossing her gently into the air. 'Three and a half? Four?'

  She was squealing with delight and so breathless she had difficulty answering.

  'No, no, silly,' she squealed. 'I'm not a baby. I'm five—and this Christma
s I'll be six.'

  Katy heard the silence stiffen into something hard and awkward.

  'Five!' Jake echoed. 'Six at Christmas!'

  He didn't need his special gifts to do the sums, nor did Katy need a translator to tell her how he felt.

  Across Julia's blonde head he looked at her, his eyes dark and hard with anger and disbelief.

  He put Julia down with exaggerated care—bent and kissed her on the cheek.

  'I'll see you soon, little one,' he said softly, then he turned and walked towards the door.

  Katy held her breath and waited. Surely he'd turn back—say something! Anything!

  She shivered in the warm night air and watched him fiddle with the catch, setting it to lock behind him.

  She tried to call to him, but her lips weren't working, so she watched the door open, then close behind him, and she wondered if he'd cut her out of his life for a second time.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Jake didn't phone to say goodnight—although that didn't surprise Katy. Nor was he in the office when she arrived for work, and she wasn't certain if she was pleased or sorry. The strain was plucking at her nerves, making concentration difficult.

  At ten he came through the door and glanced towards her as he said, 'I'd like you to sit in on this meeting, please, Katy.'

  No smile, no blazing message of either love or desire in his blue eyes.

  A strange, leaden feeling filled her chest, but she couldn't begin to guess what he might be thinking. He wouldn't give up Julia now he knew he had a child— but would Katy be included in the package?

  Ron Spencer had followed Jake into the room, now Helen entered, and with her Stewart Anderson.

  Jake settled them in chairs and Katy grabbed a notepad from her desk and dragged her own chair across to join them. She didn't look at Jake but she knew every time he shifted in his chair, and her fingers remembered the shape and feel of the scars his accident had left on his body.

  'I want to run through a few ideas I've been mulling over about the new unit and the care of mothers from South-East Asia,' he said crisply.

  Katy dragged her mind away from thoughts of his body and tried to concentrate on what was being said.

  'I know you don't see many of them, Stewart, as they're mostly public patients—'

  'Don't you believe it,' Dr Anderson interjected. 'More and more of my patients are Asian women. In fact, I'm trying to learn basic Chinese at the moment, although I miss half the classes because I'm called out.'

  Jake nodded.

  Katy thought she could detect a greyness in his skin, as if he hadn't slept well. Work, or worry? she wondered, and felt a twinge of guilt that she should be adding personal concerns to his burden of responsibility at the hospital. I shouldn't have let him walk out like that! she thought. I should have made him stay and talk about what had happened.

  But Julia had been awake, and he'd been hurt—upset...

  'Good—you'll understand where I'm coming from,' Jake continued, and again Katy tried to focus on the present, not the past. 'Although the board hasn't yet approved a unit, as such, I've been wondering if we can't organise outpatient visits along the lines Katy's outline suggests. Most of the Asian women come on the same day as it is, so could we have a "clinic" approach, with a group session early in the day, then individual appointments later?'

  'I could see Nan at the crèche and make certain she has a Chinese-speaking aide on duty on those days,' Helen suggested, 'so the women could leave their preschool children there. The main reason women don't like to be away from home too long is because of shaky childcare arrangements.'

  'Gran will mind the kids for two hours, but if you're any longer she gets upset!' Ron put in, and Katy smiled. He and his wife, a GP in a small practise near the hospital, had three children under five, so he understood the problems.

  'That's a good idea, Helen,' Jake applauded, then he looked at Katy. 'What's the best way to tackle educating these women in our ways?' he asked, as a colleague not a lover—perhaps not even a friend. She recalled discussions she'd had with her Chinese friend about this subject.

  'I think if we had leaflets printed in Chinese, Vietnamese and Cambodian for a start—explaining why women should see a doctor during their pregnancy, what each visit will entail, how to know when it's time to come to the hospital for the baby, what to bring and what will happen when they get here…'

  'But they might find our ways so offensive they avoid us,' Jake argued. 'Hasn't that been the problem in the past?'

  Katy nodded, but Helen answered for her.

  'I think the leaflet should emphasise that this is how we, as Westerners, do it, but that every effort will be made to fit into the patient's way. It should point out that one of the reasons it's important for them to attend antenatal clinics is so we can find out their customs and how they would like things done.'

  'You could be quite definite about it,' Dr Anderson said. 'Say something like, "It will be hard for us to do things your way if you don't help us learn the customs.'"

  Everyone nodded and Katy felt a little surge of excitement break through the lump of dread and worry in her chest. Perhaps it was time to mention Mrs Li.

  'A patient in Rosa's ward at the moment is willing to help financially.' She explained about the sauna and steam baths. 'I think a sauna might be better, because it comes as a unit that can be fitted into a shower stall and the patient can sit in it and cleanse herself in the traditional way.'

  She went on to tell them of Mrs Li's idea of researching the customs and collating them into a form which could be used for staff training. Her concern over the mess in her personal life was pushed aside as she concentrated on work.

  'That's great,' Ron said. 'Well done, Katy! And when's the sauna being installed? I've often thought I could do with a steam clean after a big night out!'

  Katy smiled at him.

  'It's the installation that might be a problem,' she said. 'Since Helen, Jenny and Rosa have managed to group the Asian women together in 'C' this week, I've been wondering if the unit has to be a special space. Couldn't it be more of a concept?'

  'I've been thinking that myself, Katy.' Jake glanced her way but didn't really look at her. No half-smile, no secret gleam of light in his eyes! 'Do we have to make, say, 'A' Ward, the ward for Asian women? Or could we simply keep them together in whatever ward has the beds. That way they're not completely isolated from the other mothers and the cross-cultural influence can go both ways.'

  'That's what I'd thought,' Katy agreed. 'And with a more flexible approach it might be better to get a steam bath which can be relocated to whatever set of ward bathrooms the women are using.'

  Helen muttered about extra work, but Jake silenced her.

  'Would they really mind walking a little further to have their sauna?' he asked. 'I've been thinking about Jenny's suggestion for more birthing suites. I have to study the figures, but I've noticed the three wards aren't used to full capacity, so we could probably fit two birthing suites and a special sauna room into 'A', which would solve the problem of shifting things around.'

  There was a moment's silence while they pictured the changes.

  'It could work,' Helen said, 'because the suites are large enough to take two beds. If we did get busy, we could use them as double rooms.'

  'So we begin by getting information printed?' Jake asked. Helen and the two men agreed, Helen offering to adapt and extend their English-language leaflet to include all the necessary information before passing it on to the interpreting service for translation.

  'Why wasn't all this done earlier, Katy?' Jake asked as the others left the room.

  She was pleased his mind was still fixed firmly on a work-related topic, because she wasn't ready for a confrontation yet.

  'The influx of Asian migrants is fairly recent,' she explained. 'Two years ago a new manufacturing business was set up on the outskirts of the city. It makes metal fittings for heavy machinery. A number of Asian families moved in as both men
and women were needed for jobs on the assembly line. Then a big food chain set up a distribution centre here, and there were more jobs available, and last year a computer software business began operation—more jobs, but this time for skilled workers and technicians. The owners are a group of Australian-Chinese businessmen who decided the area had more growth potential.'

  'So the immigrant population has mushroomed in a very short time,' he said, crossing to the window and staring out towards the lake.

  'And we've been slow to catch on to the change,' she admitted. 'A big organisation like this, that's doing well enough, doesn't change direction quickly.'

  'Unless someone stirs them into action,' he said. 'A fighter like you!'

  He turned back towards her and she knew the moment had arrived.

  'Is Julia my child, Katy?' he asked.

  She frowned at him. She'd expected many questions, but not that one.

  'Of—of course she is,' she stuttered. 'You worked out the dates! What did you think? That I'd been having an affair with someone else while we were lovers? Is that why you were so upset last night? Is that why you walked out? How could you possibly believe such a thing?'

  Her anxiety had peaked and she let the words lash out at him, hoping they were hurting him as much as his shock assumption had hurt her.

  'You weren't pregnant,' he pointed out. 'We did the test. You were sick, but you said the other day that it was Giardia...'

  The words faltered. She couldn't see his eyes but knew they'd be dark with the pain and confusion she could hear in his voice.

  'We made love that morning, before you left, if you remember...'

  Now her own voice stuck, because it had been a strained, sad-angry kind of mating and she'd always felt children should be conceived in love.

  She tried again, remembering the theory she'd worked out—months after the accident—when she'd begun to suspect there were two changes occurring in her body, not just one sickness that came and went, draining her energy and dulling the pain of Jake's loss.