Girls in White Dresses

by JENNIFER CLOSE

  It took them al day to get there. They had to fly into Minneapolis–St. Paul International, and then drive three hours to the lake. When they arrived, Button was standing on the porch, waiting for them. “I’m so glad you could join us,” she said to Mary with just a trace of a fake British accent. It

  sounded like she had been practicing the sentence.

  Mary saw that Button was trying to smile but couldn’t quite get her mouth to go the right way. Ken went in to change into his bathing suit and ran down the path to the lake before Mary had even gotten inside. She gave him a look that said, Don’t leave me alone here, but he just cal ed out,

  “Come meet me when you’re ready!” Mary and Button stared at each other on the porch.

  “Let me show you your room,” Button said, and led Mary to a slim rectangular closet off the kitchen. There was a cot set up in there that took up most of the room. Mary put her bag down and tried to seem pleased to be sleeping in an old food pantry.

  “Thanks so much for having me,” Mary said. “I’m so excited to be here. Ken always talks about this place.”

  Button was flustered. “Wel ,” she said. “Wel , how nice.”

  “Do you need help with anything? Dinner or anything like that?”

  “No, we’re al set,” Button said. “Dinner is at six.” When Mary was final y alone in the pantry, she decided to lie down and take a nap.

  “This is my family now,” she thought to herself. “I am going to be legal y bound to Button.” She tried to tel herself not to be so overdramatic, but then she imagined spending holidays with these people and let a single tear slide out of her eye. She was al owed a single tear. She was going to have a mother-in-law named Button.

  The lake was pretty but freezing. Ken took her out in one of the kayaks, assuring her that she wouldn’t die. “Here,” he said, tossing her a life jacket.

  “Put this on.”

  They paddled out to the middle of the murky lake. Mary was in the front because Ken said the heavier person should be in the back. She kept trying to turn around to ask him questions, but when she did the boat wobbled and so she remained looking straight ahead. The paddles were dripping into the boat and a pretty big puddle was gathering around their feet. The only nice thing about being in the boat was that Button was getting smal er and smal er on the shore. Mary was just starting to enjoy herself when she heard Ken say, “Uh-oh.”

  “What?” Mary whipped her head around and the boat tipped to the right. “What uh-oh? What?”

  “No big deal,” Ken said. “But we should start paddling back. I think there’s some holes in the boat.”

  Mary grabbed her paddle and started slapping it in the water. She could hear Ken laughing. “It’s okay,” he said. “I promise, even if the boat sinks we aren’t that far out. We can swim in.”

  When they got back, Button was standing on the shore with her hand pressed over her chest. “Oh, I was so worried!” she said. “What on earth made you think to take the kayak out? We haven’t had those out in years.” Mary thought Button was looking at her while she said this.

  “Mom, we’re fine,” Ken said. He was tal er than his mother, and when he put his arm around her, she looked tiny.

  “Wel ,” Button said. “Wel , I was worried.”

  “I know, Mom, I know!” Ken and his mother walked ahead down the path to the cabin. Mary walked behind them, shivering, with wet feet.

  It became clear to Mary that the Walkers had a routine at the lake and that just by being there, she was disrupting it. Sunday night they went to the Lodge for dinner and had wal eye pike and cheese curds. Monday night was hot dogs on the gril . Tuesday night was taco night. When they went to the grocery store, Mary suggested that they get salmon to gril and the whole family looked at her like she was nuts.

  “We only eat fish at the Lodge,” Ken’s sister said. Mary nodded like this made sense.

  They went down to the Lodge on Wednesday night for bingo. “You know what this place reminds me of?” Mary asked. “The summer place they go to in Dirty Dancing, you know?” Ken’s sister laughed.

  “Dirty Dancing?” Button asked. “What kind of a movie is that?”

  Mary felt as though she had just admitted to Button that she watched hard-core porn, and so she shut her mouth and focused on her bingo cards.

  Ken was in the other room getting his mother a gin and tonic. He walked in and looked around the bingo tables to see where they were sitting. Mary and Button waved their hands at him together. Ken saw Mary and smiled and then started walking over.

  “Oh,” Button said, “He saw you first. I guess you’re his number one girl now.”

  For a moment, Mary thought she had heard wrong. And then for another she was just too creeped out to answer. Final y she said, “I’m wearing a pretty bright color. It was probably just easier to see me.”

  Ken’s siblings didn’t cater to Button the way that he did. They were perfectly nice to her, of course. They just didn’t watch her every move to make sure she was okay at al times.

  “Maybe it’s because he’s the oldest,” Isabel a said to her on the phone. Mary had driven into town and cal ed Isabel a from a pay phone. She had no cel service in Cable and she needed to talk to someone before she lost her mind.

  “Maybe,” Mary said.

  Every year, Ken’s family took a picture in front of the lake. This year, Mary volunteered to take it and Ken said, “No, you should be in it.” Button straightened her shoulders and Mary said, “How about I take one of just you guys and then one with me?” Button smiled at her.

  On the plane ride home, Mary counted the mosquito bites on her legs. “Twenty-three!” she announced to Ken. “No, wait—twenty-four!”

  Ken laughed. “I told you that you shouldn’t have gone running without bug spray on. You didn’t believe me.”

  “I just thought I would be faster than the bugs,” Mary said.

  “I’m glad you got to see the lake,” Ken said, and Mary smiled.

  “Do you think we’l be able to go next year, with the honeymoon and everything?” Mary asked. “I’m not sure I have enough vacation time.”

  “We’l work it out. Even if you can’t make it, I’l have to sneak away for a few days to get up there.”

  “It’s a long trip for just a few days,” Mary said. Ken patted her knee.

  When they got married, Button cried. Mary was pretty sure that they were sad tears and not happy tears. “You’re crazy,” Ken said. “My mother adores you.”

  Ken danced with his mother and it was the happiest she looked al night. Mary stood near her for a little while at the reception, and when a waiter passed with a tray of shrimp, Button said, “You know that Ken can’t eat shrimp, right? He breaks out in hives.”

  “Yes,” Mary said. “I know.”

  “Oh, okay.” Button seemed relieved. “I just wanted to make sure. I just didn’t know why you would ever serve shrimp at your wedding if you knew your husband could break out in hives.”

  Mary went to the bathroom and locked herself in the handicapped stal . She stood in her dress and breathed deep breaths until she heard Isabel a walk in.

  “Mary?” Isabel a cal ed. “Are you in here?”

  Mary unlocked the stal and stood there. “Button,” she said.

  Isabel a nodded. “Harrison’s mother told me last weekend that she thought polka dots were out of style.”

  “So?” Mary asked.

  “I was wearing my pink-and-white polka dot dress,” Isabel a said.

  “Okay,” Mary said. “Okay.” She and Isabel a walked back out to the reception.

  When Mary found out she was pregnant, Ken cal ed his mother right away. “She’s crying,” he mouthed to Mary. Mary smiled.

  They al went out to dinner to celebrate. “We should know the sex of the baby soon,” Mary said.

  “Oh no! You’re going to find out?” Button looked horrified.

  “Yeah, we thought it would be nice to prepare.”

  “But i
t’s the greatest surprise of your life. Why would you ruin that?”

  Mary didn’t know what to say.

  “You’l have to move out of that neighborhood,” Button said. “You can’t have a baby there. It’s rather sketchy.” The neighborhood they lived in hadn’t been sketchy since the seventies. Now it was stuffed ful of Starbucks and Baby Gap and no one in their right mind would cal it sketchy.

  “Maybe,” Ken said. “We’l think about it.”

  “Have you thought of any names?” Button asked. Mary knew she was trying to be nice.

  “We thought maybe Parker if it was a boy. And if it’s a girl, we like Lola.”

  “Lola? You can’t cal a baby Lola! It sounds like a prostitute.”

  “Mom,” Ken said, laughing. “It doesn’t sound like a prostitute.” Mary stayed silent.

  “What about Brittany or Tiffany?” Button offered, looking at Mary. “Or Mandy or Christina?”

  “Maybe,” Mary said. “We’ve got some time to decide.”

  Button nodded. “Wel , if you name her Lola, then maybe I’l cal her something else.” She looked pleased, like this solved the problem. Mary tried to catch Ken’s eye, but he was looking at his cheeseburger.

  “She wants her grandchild to be a teenybopper!” Mary said. “Brittany and Tiffany? What kind of names are those? Those are pretend names that you gave your pretend children in second grade!”

  “Real y?” Isabel a asked. “I always went with Brandy at that age.”

  “Isabel a.”

  “Sorry, okay. So she has bad taste in names.”

  “Bad taste? She wants her granddaughter to be a teenage singer who wears leather pants and vows to stay a virgin before getting pregnant at seventeen.”

  Mary started to cry and Isabel a patted her back. “Maybe it wil be a boy,” she offered.

  The baby was born with al of his fingers and toes, which made Mary happy. She hadn’t been that worried, but there’d been one night before she knew she was pregnant when she and Isabel a had drunk enough wine for a smal country. And so, when she was able to count everything for herself, she was relieved.

  He was a chunky little baby and they named him Henry, after Ken’s dad. Mary knew it made Ken happy and also she liked the name Henry. Mary liked to hold his feet and put them in her mouth.

  He had light blond hair and blue eyes, like Ken. Sometimes when he was concentrating on going to the bathroom, it looked just like Ken when he was working on a case he thought he was going to lose.

  “He’s the cutest baby you’ve ever seen, right?” she asked Ken.

  “Yes,” he said. “I think he is.”

  Button came over the day they got back from the hospital. “I just can’t wait to see him!” she said to Mary when she walked in.

  “You could have come to visit in the hospital,” Mary said.

  Button shook her head. “No,” she said. “I remember how it is. You need some time alone to get it together. My mother-in-law stormed into the hospital right after I had Ken, and it was just too much! People didn’t do that in those days.” She leaned down to whisper to Mary. “Between you, me, and the lamppost, my mother-in-law was a little bit of a terror.” She winked at Mary.

  Henry waved his hands and feet in the air. “Oh!” Button cried. “Look at those feet! Don’t you just want to eat them?”

  “Al the time,” Mary said. She leaned over and smiled at Henry. “Look who it is,” she cooed at him. “Look who came to see you! Grandma Button is here.”

  “I think he needs to be changed,” Button said. “It’s the kind of thing you should do right away.”

  Mary picked up the baby and brought him to the changing table. She started to wipe him, but Button came over and edged her out.

  “No,” Button said, grabbing the wipe from Mary’s hand. “You want to do it like this. Here, let me show you. Go like this.”

  J esus is coming.”

  And then: “Jesus is coming, folks, you should be ready.”

  Isabel a looked down the subway platform to see if she could find the man who was trying to tel her about Jesus. She couldn’t see anyone, which made her nervous. His voice boomed around her: “Are you ready? Jesus wil know if you aren’t ready.” It was Friday night and Isabel a just wanted to get home. Lately, she’d had the feeling that someone was going to push her onto the track while she waited for the subway, and just because this man was talking about Jesus didn’t mean he wouldn’t be the one to do it.

  “Wil you be ready when he comes? Wil you be ready?” the voice echoed down to her. Isabel a shivered and hoped that the train would come soon.

  The whole week, things had been off for Isabel a. New York, it seemed, was out to get her. It started on Sunday, when a crazy bearded man spit at her on the street and cal ed her a cunt. Monday, while she was watching TV, a giant roach the size of a smal dog crawled out from behind the bookshelf and died in the middle of the room. It shook and gyrated and then final y stopped moving. Isabel a thought it might have had a seizure.

  Tuesday, there was the situation with her underwear. Her laundry was delivered to her door that night. Usual y this made her feel wonderful y organized and put together—for only a dol ar a pound, she could drop off al of her dirty laundry and have it delivered clean and folded the same day

  —but this time, as she unpacked the bag, she found a pair of underwear that didn’t belong to her. It was a large, flesh-colored, silky pair of underwear with a rose on the waistband. She held it between her thumb and pointer finger like it was dirty, although she realized it must have been cleaned and washed with her things. Her dog, Winston, sat and stared at the underwear, his head cocked to one side, trying to figure out why Isabel a was holding it in the air.

  In the end, she threw it out. She thought of returning it but figured the cleaners wouldn’t know who the owner was anyway. It was such a smal thing, but it made Isabel a feel sick, like someone had broken in and touched al of her underwear. It didn’t make sense, she knew. After al , she paid these people to wash her underwear. She did it on purpose. But it stil left her uneasy, the thought that people’s personals could get mixed up so easily—that someone else’s underwear could find its way into her drawers.

  On Wednesday, Isabel a found a whisker on her chin. She hadn’t noticed anything strange that morning, but when she touched her face that night, there it was: a coarse black whisker. When had it had time to grow? “This is not right,” Isabel a said to the mirror as she plucked the whisker out.

  “This is not right!”

  “What?” Harrison asked from the other side of the door.

  “Nothing,” Isabel a said.

  Thursday, Isabel a found out that Beth White was getting a divorce. She couldn’t believe it. It left her unsettled. Beth and Kyle had gotten married five years ago, in a perfectly bland New Jersey wedding where they’d had a DJ instead of a band and served chicken instead of steak. They weren’t the kind of couple you looked at and thought, “Now, that’s what love looks like” or “That’s what I want to have someday.” But they were a couple that was compatible in a very ordinary way, and Isabel a had always thought they were a good fit.

  Isabel a had been one of Beth’s bridesmaids, and she remembered how Beth was so bloated the day of the wedding that her dress wouldn’t zip.

  Isabel a had known Beth for twelve years, and for ten of those years, she’d been with Kyle.

  “I’m moving into the city,” Beth said when she cal ed Isabel a.

  “Oh,” Isabel a said. “Great. What about the house?”

  “We’re sel ing it. Didn’t Lauren tel you? I asked her for some real estate advice and she recommended someone to us. I’m getting out of this godforsaken suburb. We can hang out al the time!”

  “Great,” Isabel a said. “Great.”

  Friday, Isabel a’s boss asked her to type up some notes. It was a job Isabel a used to do when she was Snowy’s assistant, but she’d been promoted to assistant editor over a year ago. So when Snowy w
alked by and dumped notes on Isabel a’s desk, she was thrown. Was she being demoted or had she imagined her promotion in the first place? Had time gone backward? She stared at the notes for a while, and then put them in a neat little pile in the corner of her desk.

  “Did you know that Snowy asked me to type up her notes?” Isabel a asked Cate.

  “She does the same thing to me,” Cate said.

  “Doesn’t she know that she has two new assistants?” Isabel a asked, and Cate shrugged.

  “Probably not,” she said. “The woman is bat-shit crazy. Plus,” she said lowering her voice, “I heard she’s worried about her job.”

  “Isn’t everybody?” Isabel a asked.

  Cave Publishing was in trouble. The CFO had been sending around e-mails that referenced the economy in vague terms. He used words like

  “cutbacks” and “accommodations,” but no one knew what he was trying to say. Cate was convinced that they would al be fired soon.

  “It’s just a matter of time,” she kept saying to Isabel a. “Make sure you have money saved. This shitbox of a company probably won’t even give us

  decent severance.”

  By the time Isabel a made it to the subway station on Friday, she felt defeated. It was so hot that she was sure she was going to melt. “Jesus is coming,” the voice said. Isabel a wiped the sweat off her forehead. She thought she might faint.

  Isabel a went home, turned on the air conditioner, and lay down on the bed. Maybe, she thought, things just seemed worse because of the heat. It always made people agitated when it got this hot—the air seemed to stick in the middle of the buildings and that made it hard to breathe. There was no such thing as a breeze in New York, and the whole city started to smel like garbage. That’s al it was, she decided. The weather. She tried to stay completely stil . The air conditioner whirred in the window. Soon the sweat started to evaporate and she started to feel better. Harrison was away on a business trip for a few days. Isabel a decided that she would order Thai food for dinner and stay in. She might feel better for now, but it was safer to stay in the apartment. No sense in going out.