The Desperate Bride’s Diet Club

by Alison Sherlock

  ‘Good accent,’ he replied, nodding as if in deep in thought.

  ‘Thanks. I didn’t want to come across as rude to Nonna by not speaking any of her language.’

  ‘She’s a pretty good judge of character,’ Mark told her. ‘I heard you telling her about your fiancé. I have to say, it wasn’t how I had imagined him at all. I thought he would be a lot shorter. But I suppose women go for that whole macho, muscly look.’

  ‘When did you see Sebastian?’

  He looked puzzled. ‘At the nightclub on Friday night.’

  ‘That wasn’t Sebastian,’ she told him. ‘That was Edward from my weight-loss club.’

  Mark suddenly broke into a grin. ‘Right. I see.’

  She had to remember to tell Edward that her boss thought he looked macho and muscly. And so he did with nearly six stones lost; he was in great shape.

  ‘So how many people are at this weight-loss club of yours?’

  Violet found herself telling Mark about the various members and how well they had all done until now. Mark walked slowly to allow Violet time to tell him about how they met in her home once a week.

  ‘Sounds like you’ve done a great job with everyone,’ he told her as they walked through the office reception.

  ‘They’ve mainly done it themselves.’

  ‘Don’t sell yourself short,’ he told her. ‘Without having you as the nerve centre, I doubt they would have done so well.’

  Violet stepped into the lift, thinking about his words. Perhaps it was true. Perhaps they had all done better being part of a group.

  As they arrived back in the department, Julie looked up from her desk. ‘Have you heard about our pay rises yet?’

  Mark shook his head. ‘But what I do have is a coffee for each of you, totally free of charge. Plus the new holiday entitlement for next year is in. Apparently, you will all receive 104 personal days next year.’

  Everyone looked at each other in amazement.

  ‘Really?’ stammered Anthony.

  ‘Yup,’ said Mark. ‘They’re called weekends.’

  He broke into a smile as they all groaned.

  Julie sighed. ‘I knew it was too good to be true. Stupid company.’

  ‘I agree, Julie,’ said Mark. ‘And we know you only come in each day to dazzle us with your sunny disposition.’

  He went back into his office whistling a happy tune as he left.

  Wendy was deep in conversation on the telephone. ‘So you’ve found the letter “a” on your keyboard,’ she was saying. ‘But you don’t know how to get the circle around it?’

  She rolled her eyes at Violet as she handed over the coffee. Violet sat down at her desk as the hotline rang out once more and the day swung into action.

  Later, she immersed herself in a relaxing bubble bath reading Isabella’s book. Violet found she had sailed through rules one to four and was now on to Rule Number Five, which was all about beauty.

  ‘Every woman needs a hand with her beauty. Look your best and make the most of your features. Grooming is essential. Get regular haircuts.’

  Violet put the book down on the side of the bath. She hadn’t had a professional haircut in years. She just snipped the split ends off with her kitchen scissors. Anyway, she had never really bothered about her hair. Perhaps she could be brave and get a decent haircut. Perhaps it was time to be a little more adventurous.

  Perhaps it was time to stop hiding behind her long hair and start living, she told herself.

  Chapter Forty-three

  TRUDIE GLANCED ACROSS at the weight-loss-club clients as she sorted out her paperwork in readiness for the weigh-in. Not that she actually considered them as clients once they had handed over their money. This group were more like some kind of weird science project.

  After a pathetic start to their diets, they seemed to have finally realised that their bodies were disgusting and begun to get their act together.

  She picked up on their conversation.

  ‘I had such a hangover,’ the mother Maggie was saying. ‘But Lucy was far worse. Poor kid could hardly get out of bed on Saturday.’

  ‘It was good though, wasn’t it?’ said Kathy the jolly one.

  ‘I wouldn’t know,’ said the male. ‘Bloody meeting went on so long that I missed most of the evening.’

  Trudie bristled. What was this? The fatties heading out together? Fat friends united and all that?

  She walked over to stand in front of them. ‘Sounds like you all had a bit of a party,’ she said with a wide smile.

  Maggie shuffled in her seat. ‘It was Lucy’s leaving do.’

  Ah yes. The moody teenager had left the group. Trudie had been amazed that Lucy had actually hit her target of nine stone the previous week. Nobody had ever reached their target before, in any of Trudie’s classes.

  ‘Where did you go?’ asked Trudie.

  ‘Zizzi’s and then The Zone,’ replied Kathy.

  ‘What a shame,’ cooed Trudie. ‘I’ve got tickets to the VIP room there. If I’d have known you were going, I could have met you there.’

  The silence rang out as they realised how rude they had been by not inviting her. She was their class leader, for God’s sake. Not that she would have been seen dead near this lot in public. But it was the principle of not being invited.

  ‘Well, we’d better see how much damage all that pizza has done to your diets, hadn’t we?’ she said before nodding at Violet. ‘You first.’

  The bride-to-be followed her over to the scales.

  ‘Eleven stone and eight pounds,’ Trudie told her. ‘You only lost one pound this week.’

  She knew they wouldn’t be able to keep up their rate of loss for too long.

  Trudie pasted on a pity smile. ‘Anyway, it could be worse.’

  Violet sighed. ‘How worse?’ she muttered.

  Trudie frowned. ‘I don’t know. It’s just an expression.’

  She watched Violet shuffle back to the chairs. She had nothing for her. No words of encouragement for any of them. What was the point? They were the ones who had let themselves get in that state, weren’t they?’

  Edward came over next to be weighed.

  ‘Fourteen stone and eleven pounds,’ she told him.

  He smiled at Trudie. She didn’t like it when people smiled at her unexpectedly. It unnerved her.

  ‘Upped the running at the gym,’ he told her, still smiling as he walked away.

  I hear what you’re saying, she thought. But I really don’t care.

  What was it with men and gyms? Trevor was going through a health kick as well. He was there all the time. Every evening and every weekend too.

  Not that Trudie minded. He was finally getting toned and had lost that bit of paunch that she had nagged him about. But she would like to see him at least one evening a week. But no, he didn’t come home until eleven o’clock at night and then went straight to bed.

  Then he had hurt his back and wasn’t able to perform his sexual duties in the bedroom on the one night designated per month. Apparently he’d damaged his back lifting some weights. Men were so stupid sometimes.

  Maggie came over next.

  ‘Twelve stone and thirteen pounds,’ said Trudie.

  ‘I’m down into the twelve-stone area,’ beamed Maggie.

  She seemed to be pleased that she was still so gross.

  Finally, the last weirdo came up to be weighed.

  ‘Thirteen stone exactly,’ she told Kathy. ‘Perhaps you should try a bit more exercise to speed up your weight loss.’

  Kathy shrugged her shoulders. ‘If God had wanted me to touch my toes,’ she told Trudie, ‘He would have put them higher up my body.’

  Then she walked away.

  Trudie rolled her eyes. She only had one nerve left and they were all getting on it.

  Chapter Forty-four

  MAGGIE SIGHED. ‘I have an empty nest,’ she told the group, once they were safely out of Trudie’s clutches.

  Violet, Kathy and Edward nodded with sol
emn faces.

  But then Maggie’s face lit up. ‘It’s fantastic!’ she told them. ‘No rows. No thump thump of music through the floorboards upstairs. I don’t have to watch Hollyoaks any more and can have Radio Four on instead without my daughter declaring it soooo boring.’

  There had been a few tears for both Maggie and Lucy but they had managed to pull themselves together.

  The house had seemed strange at first but then Maggie discovered that empty nest gave her and Gordon all sort of opportunities. They could now have an uninterrupted candlelit dinner at home followed by an extremely early but very sexy night under the covers. Since losing weight they had both found their sex drives improved dramatically and some of their new moves were causing Maggie’s face to blush just thinking about it.

  Thankfully her mobile rang before her thoughts betrayed her.

  ‘Hello, love,’ she said into the phone. ‘I was just telling everyone how much I was missing you.’

  Maggie gave everyone a big grin and a wink.

  Lucy was sitting in her room in the halls of residence.

  ‘Put me on speakerphone,’ she told her mum.

  The phone crackled at the other end and suddenly she could hear everybody.

  ‘Hi, everyone!’ called Lucy. ‘I’m back!’

  ‘You’ve only been gone a couple of days,’ came back Kathy’s voice.

  Lucy giggled. ‘I know! But it’s going so quick.’

  She was loving college life. She was sure the classes were going to be brilliant, she had made loads of new friends and even the tiny little single room she was living in was just perfect for her.

  ‘How are you finding London?’ asked Edward.

  ‘It’s fab,’ Lucy told him. ‘It’s also noisy, dirty and just a little bit scary. But mostly it’s great. The uni is brilliant. Everyone’s so cool.’

  A lot of the other students in her class were also from outside of London so everybody was in the same excited frame of mind.

  ‘Plus a lot of the galleries and museums are free. It’s great.’

  ‘You should go to the Victoria and Albert,’ said Kathy. ‘They’ve got a great fashion collection.’

  ‘We’re going on Saturday,’ said Lucy.

  ‘What about the weight?’ asked Violet. ‘Are you keeping healthy?’

  ‘Yes, sir! Mum gave me a set of scales to take with me and I checked this morning. I’m still dead on nine stone.’

  ‘Well done,’ said Violet.

  There was a communal kitchen down the hall where Lucy was going to rustle up healthy pasta dishes for herself and some of the other girls. They couldn’t believe she had lost three stone and had ever been that big. She had even found herself advising them on what meals to cook for themselves.

  ‘What about exercise?’ asked Edward.

  ‘I’m walking everywhere,’ Lucy told him. ‘It’s free, isn’t it? We even walked all the way round Regent’s Park last night and that’s, like, huge.’

  ‘Who’s we?’ asked Maggie.

  ‘Just me and Todd,’ said Lucy, before clapping a hand over her mouth in horror.

  ‘Todd, eh?’ cooed Kathy over the airwaves.

  ‘Good to speak to you all,’ said Lucy, suddenly in a big hurry. ‘But there’s somebody at the door. Gotta go!’

  ‘Bye!’ they all called out, except her mum who called out, ‘I love you.’

  ‘Love you too, Mum.’

  And then she hung up.

  Lucy flopped back against her pillows, sighing at herself. She knew they were gossiping about her and Todd back at Violet’s house.

  But what was there to gossip about? She had bumped into him almost as soon as she had arrived in London: it turned out that he was living just down the corridor from her. So naturally they were going to see each other most days. That was cool. It wasn’t like he was anything other than a friend, was he?

  Lucy chewed on her lip, wondering whether he would be at the student bar later that evening. Just for a friendly chat, of course.

  Kathy turned to Maggie with raised eyebrows. ‘Todd?’

  ‘Canadian artist,’ said Maggie. ‘Very cool, apparently. But very nice.’

  ‘Aw!’ said Kathy. ‘Ain’t young love grand?’

  ‘She wants you to keep texting her your measurements,’ Maggie told Violet, thinking about her wedding dress.

  Violet nodded.

  ‘They must be changing on a weekly basis,’ said Kathy.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want to meet up with Lucy before the Christmas holidays?’ asked Maggie. ‘She’s a bit nervous that you won’t like the dress.’

  Violet shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’m sure the dress will be lovely,’ she said. ‘I trust Lucy’s taste.’

  ‘And she wanted to know what you’re doing with your hair on the day?’ said Maggie. She was still worried about Violet’s complete lack of interest in her wedding dress.

  ‘Actually, I was going to ask if anyone can recommend a decent hairdressers?’ said Violet.

  ‘Toni and Guy at the top of the high street,’ said Kathy.

  Violet bit her lip. ‘Isn’t it really trendy in there?’

  ‘Why?’ asked Kathy. ‘What were you hoping for? A shampoo and set?’

  Violet managed a small giggle.

  ‘Have you asked Edward about the DIY?’ Maggie asked Kathy.

  Kathy shook her head.

  ‘DIY?’ said Edward, looking at them both.

  Kathy was suddenly on mute so Maggie spoke for both of them.

  ‘We need some shelves putting up in the shop. And my husband is useless with that kind of thing so we were wondering if you could give us a hand?’

  Gordon wasn’t at all useless at DIY but a little white lie wouldn’t do any harm. Maggie had realised that Edward and Kathy needed a good shove in each other’s direction.

  ‘Of course,’ said Edward. ‘Just let me know what it is that you want.’

  ‘Kathy can do that,’ said Maggie, trying not to smile.

  Edward nodded whilst Maggie kept her eyes on her mug of tea, determined not to lock eyes with Kathy whom she knew would be scowling at her.

  Kathy was indeed scowling at Maggie. But only inwardly. On the outside she was all smiles and jolliness. Until Maggie came up with an excuse to stay behind to talk to Violet, leaving Kathy walking down the street alone with Edward.

  ‘So, about these shelves …’ said Edward, eventually breaking the silence.

  ‘It’s not important,’ said Kathy.

  ‘How about Sunday? The shop’s closed then, isn’t it?’

  ‘It really doesn’t matter.’

  Edward stopped walking and grabbed Kathy by the arm. ‘OK,’ he told her. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ stammered Kathy.

  He had such kind eyes. And that breadth of shoulder and rib cage made her heart sing. This was bad. She had enough on her plate without having a crush on Edward as well.

  Edward released her and dragged a hand through his hair. ‘Have I done something to offend you in any way? Because I’ve been racking my brains and I just don’t know what’s changed between us. But something has.’

  Kathy’s insides clenched. She was an idiot. And, apparently, not quite the fine actress she had considered herself to be.

  ‘It’s fine,’ she told him. ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’

  Edward stared at her. ‘Isn’t that what people say when they’re breaking up with someone?’

  Kathy bit her lip and couldn’t think of anything to say.

  ‘I thought we were friends,’ Edward told her. ‘I was enjoying your company.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Kathy. ‘Look, forget about it. I’m an idiot. An emotional wreck. Who wants company with that?’

  ‘I do,’ said Edward.

  God, this was terrible. He must think her a total headcase.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Kathy, dropping her head. ‘I never meant to upset you.’

  ‘How sorry?’

&
nbsp; Kathy lifted her head up to look at Edward.

  ‘Are you so sorry that you’ll be my date for the end of cricket season do? It’s in two weeks’ time.’

  His date? Kathy gulped.

  ‘Otherwise I’ll have to take one of my sisters and that would be really embarrassing.’

  Edward was smiling at her but Kathy’s brief smile had dropped. So the only reason he wanted her to go with him was to stop him looking like some saddo? He was desperate so he thought of Kathy? Charming.

  ‘It’s a fancy-dress party,’ carried on Edward, seemingly unaware of the pain his words were causing. ‘So you don’t have to wear a posh frock or anything.’

  And now he was saying that she didn’t own any nice clothes? Was that because she was still fat?

  ‘You could just go as a witch,’ said Edward, whose smile was beginning to falter. ‘Or something like that.’

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ snarled Kathy.

  She walked away, hoping he wouldn’t see the tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Edward sighed as he watched Kathy hurry away.

  His confidence was soaring as the stones dropped off him and he toned up. He knew he was looking good and was even aware of a couple of girls in the office starting to flirt with him.

  Trouble was, Kathy had slunk into his heart when he wasn’t watching and now he realised he didn’t want to lose her.

  But he seemed to have got it all wrong again.

  There was every possibility that the party would turn into a horror show.

  Chapter Forty-five

  VIOLET WAS TRYING to feel confident as she swung the salon door open.

  ‘Hi!’ said the skinny teenager behind the reception desk with a wide smile. ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘I’ve got an appointment booked in the name of Saunders.’

  The girl tapped her computer screen a couple of times. ‘Violet? OK. Take a seat. Sarah will be along soon.’

  Violet glanced at the other customers as she sank on to the long leather sofas in the waiting area. To her surprise, there was a broad range of ages and types, from yummy mummies and their perfect children to white-haired pensioners. The catwalk models she had assumed would be there were nowhere to be seen.