Avow

by Holly Mortimer

  He stood there and stared at me, not giving me anything back from my temper tantrum. “Who is he?”

  “What? Who?”

  “Your new guy. Who is he, really? Why was he handpicked by Daddy?”

  “Ryan, don’t.”

  I turned to walk back to the car and he grabbed my arm as I tried to whip by. I slammed to a stop, but still couldn’t face him. “Chloe, please. Talk to me.”

  I felt the wind pick up again and saw the clouds gathering to warn us of the approaching storm. “Richard works for my father. We were friends for a while, then it just became…” I paused, searching for the words to describe our relationship that would slowly push him closer to the edge, “…more.”

  “More? Since when is more enough for you? Since when did you give up on your dream of wanting everything?”

  I felt the tears stinging behind my eyes again. Damn, he still, after all this time, knew me so well. I yanked my arm out of his hand and dove into the car, avoiding answering his question. He was right. I wanted everything, but Fate was a huge fucking tease. She gave me everything ten years ago, then took it all away after only one night. Now, all I could have was enough.

  Ryan deserved more than enough. He deserved a lifetime of everything. I no longer had much of a functioning reproductive system. I could probably never give him the large family he had always talked about. He would never be happy with just me. He had so much love to give a child and being married to me forever would only make him end up resenting me. No, I had to steel my resolve and get him to sign those papers and I had to get a move on. The longer I stayed here, the more his nearness affected me. The more I wanted to tell him everything and throw it all to the mercy of the ocean.

  He got into the car and, without looking at me, threw it in reverse and we were gone. We didn’t speak for a good while as we headed back in the general direction of the pub. We suddenly turned into a long, narrow drive, winding our way up into the side of a hill, until we finally came to a beautifully restored house overlooking Brandon Bay.

  We parked and the door to the house flew open and a gorgeous little girl came running out. Her dark, curly hair flying in all directions bounced along with her strides as she raced to Ryan’s side of the car. He jumped out before she could get to him and she launched herself into his arms, spinning and flying in the air, squealing in delight.

  Well, if life had ever wanted to sucker punch me right in the gut, it seemed today was my chosen day. However, its plan had backfired. Seeing him with this little girl only solidified things for me. Whoever she was, they meant something to each other. I could see it in their eyes.

  Ryan held her and walked around to my side of the car. I got out and noticed a young woman standing just inside the doorway, watching the whole scene go by.

  “Chloe, I want you to meet Claire. This is my cousin Brennan’s daughter. We’re all taking turns watching her while they are off on their honeymoon.”

  “Uncle Ryan, when is it your turn? Aunt Keeva is no fun.”

  The woman who must have been Aunt Keeva, barked out a laugh and turned to head back inside. “She’s all yours, cousin. I’m off duty for a few.”

  “Claire, I’m on duty later this week, but I heard that Uncle Aiden is on for dinner and a sleepover tonight, so you’ll be sure to have a good time, my love.”

  She didn’t look so sure, but then seemed to realize there was another person there. “Who are you?”

  Before I had a chance to say anything, Ryan jumped in. “Claire, this is Chloe. Chloe is my wife.”

  Claire’s eyes went round as saucers and her mouth formed a perfect O. I tried to sideline this conversation before it got awkward. “Well, Claire—”

  Ryan turned and headed towards the door, cutting off my reply. I fisted my hands and reluctantly followed the two of them inside the amazing house. It was a century home, with large wooden doors and big, oversize windows. The house itself was made of stone, worn down over what must have been hundreds of years of ocean abuse.

  I stepped over the threshold into the house and took a moment to pretend this was our life. He had set Claire down onto the kitchen island and they were sharing a private joke of some sort as they both were giggling.

  His cousin, who I assumed was Keeva, came towards me with open arms. “A wife! Ryan, what the fuck?”

  “Swear jar, Aunt Kee,” yelled Claire.

  “I know Claire bear, but come on, this is huge!”

  Without warning, she wrapped me in a hug, shaking and swinging me from side to side, until I thought I might puke.

  “Keev,” Ryan said. “Let go. You’re scramblin’ up her insides, hmm?”

  Keeva immediately released me and it took a moment for the world to come back into focus. “Sorry,” she quickly said. She stuck out a hand for a proper introduction. “I’m Keeva. Ryan’s cousin. Brennan’s sister. And you, you’re Ryan’s heretofore unknown wife.” She placed her hands on her hips. “Huh, who would a guessed, what with his oodles of female admirers.”

  “Keev—” Ryan might have been actually growling.

  “Ha!” I pointed my finger at him. “I knew it!”

  He winked at Claire. “Now ya see, Clairey. This is why a man should always think twice about being caught in a whirlwind that is three women against one poor little ol’ man.”

  I could see Claire didn’t know what to make of this whole insane situation. Hell, I didn’t know what to make of it either. On one hand, seeing Ryan totally in his element with this adorable child completely cemented my belief that he needed to let me go so he could find someone else to marry and have children with. However, at the same time, seeing him so obviously in love with Claire, easily falling into a loving and fun vibe with her, I couldn’t help fall a little deeper in love with this man. A part of me, well, if I was being honest, most of me, wanted nothing more than live happily ever after with him. But, I knew how that sad tale would end. So, it was time to get us the hell out of here.

  “Ryan, don’t you have to get back to the pub to relieve Aiden?”

  He smiled and hauled Claire up off of the counter and tucked her into his side. “Right you are, wife of mine. Let’s get moving.” He turned to Keeva. “Have you got her seat all ready?”

  “It’s at the door, Ry.” She moved to kiss Claire goodbye and I knew this was all part of his evil plan. He was going to use his secret weapon, something he knew that would get me right in the kisser. His knockout punch was a sweet seven-year-old named Claire.

  He moved past me as if this was just another normal day in the life of Chloe and Ryan, and he leaned down to give Keeva a quick kiss on the cheek and walked out the door. I was immobile. Lost in a dream. It was as if I was staring at our whispered fantasies from our youth come to life, except for the fact that this wasn’t our life. He looked so at ease with his niece and that was so freaking sexy to me.

  He stopped and turned when he noticed I wasn’t following him. “Chlo? Coming?”

  I took a deep breath. I couldn’t walk back to the village, it was way too far, so I guess I was riding with them. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

  Keeva wrapped me in another one of her bone crushing hugs. Before she could let me go to breathe, she whispered in my ear, “I don’t know where you’ve been for the past few years, but welcome to the family.”

  I walked out to the car without responding to her and trying not to feel anything at all. I needed more than ever to become immune to Ryan and his big, amazing family. Who appeared to show love and support to strangers and loved ones alike.

  I got into the passenger seat, applauding myself for walking to the actual passenger side this time, and buckled in while Ryan sorted out Claire in the backseat. Their easy going banter told me he had done this before and they were more than just relatives. They cared for each other and must have spent a lot of time together. Most likely because Ryan worked for her dad and spent most of his time at the pub.

  He finished buckli
ng her in, hopped into the front seat and took off for Murphy’s.

  Chapter 7

  Ryan

  Shit, I was nervous. This entire day hadn’t gone anywhere near to plan. I purposefully left my ace in the hole until the end to see if she could work her magic. I was running out of time and I needed all the help I could get before I threw Chloe against a wall and kissed her senseless to get inside her head.

  “Uncle Ryan?”

  “Yes, Claire bear?”

  “Can I just work with you at Murphy’s instead of going back home with Uncle Aiden?”

  “Maybe for a little while, but Uncle Aiden has to take his turn watching you just like the rest of us. He’s on duty tonight whether you like it or not.”

  She put the full pout on and crossed her arms, sending the clear signal of a pissed off woman. Sneaking a sideways glance, I saw that Chloe was practicing the same stance, except she was also chewing the corner of her lip. Tough crowd.

  “It’s just that Uncle Aiden is sooooo boring. All he ever does is text and talk to girls. It’s just gross.”

  I laughed and couldn’t really find an argument to that point. Aiden had no clue how to be with kids, even though he thought he had it all handled. I saw Chloe hide a smile behind her hand and my dick stirred in response. It had been a long fucking time since I had made my wife smile. It would be worth all the time apart to see it every day.

  “Well, Claire, Aiden is up to bat and that’s something you two will have to deal with. You can stay a wee bit with me, but I’ve got work to do tonight and I can’t be watching out for you all the time.”

  “What about your wife? She’s a girl. Maybe she can watch me?”

  “Her name is Chloe, love, and I’m not entirely sure she would be able to keep up with the likes of you.”

  Chloe turned to me with fire spitting out of her eyes. “I know what you’re up to Ryan Murphy and you might as well just stop while you’re remotely ahead. I’ve moved on. We’re over and you need to sign the divorce papers. Tonight.”

  It was hard, but I kept a polite smile on my face. “Claire, love, I think Auntie Chloe may just be up to accepting your challenge. You wouldn’t say no to this poor little girl, now would you dearest?”

  That one was a risk, but I knew if anyone could break down Chloe and get her to remember what she loved about me, it was Claire. I needed to get them to spend some time together and I knew that Chloe wasn’t a bitch. At least, she wasn’t the last time I saw her. She couldn’t be totally immune to Claire either.

  Chloe’s face was red and if I didn’t know she was healthy as a horse, I would be nervous for her to have heart failure right here in my tiny car. She turned to face the back and gave me the evil double eye on the way by.

  “Claire, what kind of fun should we get up to, tonight? I’ve got a few hours I can devote to irritating your Uncle Ryan if you’re up for it? Let’s make a list when we get back to the pub, okay?”

  I could see Claire in the rear view mirror barely containing her excitement. She was getting a reprieve from another boring night with Aiden and the opportunity to get into mischief. She was on cloud nine, if the squeals and bouncing from the back seat were any indication.

  “Okay, Aunt Chloe. I’ll get some paper and a pencil from daddy’s office when we get to the pub.”

  Chloe turned back around to face the front, trying hard to ignore me on her way by. “Wipe that smug smile off your face. I didn’t do it for you. I did it because I know what it’s like to be babysat by someone who has no interest in you at all.”

  I wisely kept my eyes on the road, working on keeping my poker face in check. We had finally made it to Murphy’s. I parked the car and before she could get out, I grabbed Chloe’s arm. “Stay just a minute, will you?”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve something I need to talk to you about and I just need to deliver Claire inside. Will you wait a minute?”

  As I was getting used to, she looked like she wanted to do anything but. Still, she must have decided to give in as she gave me the slightest nod, letting me know I was slowly inching my way to the finish line. Or at least that’s how I interpreted it.

  I got out and unbuckled Claire, who was eyeing me with a maturity that shouldn’t be present in a seven-year-old. She grabbed my hand and we walked around to the rear entrance of the pub.

  “Uncle Ryan?”

  “Yes, love?”

  “Why doesn’t your wife want to be married to you?”

  “Oh, but she does, Claire. She’s just forgotten that fact.”

  She looked up at me like I had lost my marbles, and it could have very well been true. “Did she hit her head and start forgetting things?”

  “No, she did not.”

  “Then how did she forget?”

  “That’s what I intend to find out. Now, run along and make your list. Aiden will see to you until I come back inside.”

  She skipped ahead, seeming to have forgotten her concern. I called Aiden over to the end of the bar. “I’ll be right back in, yeah? Just have one last thing to do. You okay?”

  “Besides the fact that my brother will be able to tell which shifts I helped out with due to the glass breakages and the extra beer needing to be pulled, sure.”

  “Jesus. Just, try not to get into too much more trouble. And watch Claire for a bit? Chloe is going to care for her tonight on your behalf, seeing as Claire says you’re a poor excuse for a nanny.”

  He looked completely offended and I’m not sure at which accusation. “What! Poor excuse for a nanny? I’m an awesome baby sitter.”

  “No you’re not,” came a tiny voice from the direction of the office.

  “Am too!” Aiden childishly yelled back at her.

  I laughed and turned to go, wondering how this last ditch effort was going to turn out. She seemed determined to shut me out, but she should know better than to tell an Irishman no. It only made us try harder.

  I went back to the car but she had already gotten out. “Damn you, Chloe.” I spun around in a circle trying to find her. “Where have you gone to now?”

  I stopped my ridiculous spinning and finally saw her. She had crossed the road and was standing at the edge of the ocean, gazing out at the churning waters beneath her. The view was one I would never tire of. You could see clear across the bay to the rolling mountains that met the sea on the other side. Her wild, dark hair was lightly dancing in the breeze and her arms were slightly spread at her sides.

  As I approached her from the side, I could see her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly parted. She looked like a tiny sea witch from childhood stories, taking in all Mother Nature had to give and using that energy to harness the ocean’s magic powers. Out here, she looked like the girl I married straight out of high school all those years ago. Back in the car, she had looked tired and frail. I fell a little farther in love with her, there in that moment at the edge of the earth.

  Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t acknowledge my presence, so I lifted a hand to gather her hair in and pulled her by her neck towards me. I wrapped my other arm around her waist and before she could protest and close her mouth off to me, I fused my lips to hers. Her soft gasp opened her mouth even farther so I could remind her tongue who it belonged to.

  Her hands came up between us to push me away, but I was done being patient and kind. I needed to push her and this might not pay off, but at least I would be able to remind her of the cravings we once had for each other and then maybe, maybe, she might just want to stay here with me again. Forever.

  Her soft sigh encouraged me to slide my hands out of her hair and onto her face, resting on her cheeks, angling her head to the side so we could fit perfectly together and I could get access to all her parts. It seemed that this was the point she remembered her mission and pushed with all her might against my chest.

  “Ryan.”

  “Mo chroi.”

  She pushed again, but I wasn’t giving in to
her. She wasn’t going to walk away this time. We had to have it out. Right here, right now. I grabbed her wrists to hold her to me.

  “Ryan, please. Let me go.”

  “Not happening. I waited a long time for you to come back to me. For you to give me something, an indication as to why you up and left me the day after we were married. But nothing. Not a single thing, Chloe. I think I deserve some sort of explanation from you. You owe me a least that much.”

  We stared at each other, neither wanting to give the other the advantage for fear of seeming weak. I used to think she was strong, but had since changed my mind. I suspected she was controlled resolutely by her dad, and that the night we ran away together was some sort of unusual act of rebellion that I got caught up in. As soon as the light of day hit, she remembered who paid her way in life.

  “You’re right,” she whispered. “I owe you more than an explanation, but know it’s just not entirely possible. Yes, I left. Yes, it was a horrid thing to do, but there are things that you don’t know about. Things I can’t tell you that made me understand that you and I…we never had a chance.” She angled back from me causing me to try to hold her tighter. Her hands slid up my chest and landed on both sides of my chin.

  “Ryan.” Tears started falling like a lost river down her face.

  “Don’t cry, my love. We’ll figure this out.”

  “No Ryan. We won’t. Don’t you see? You need to move on. I have and it’s time for you to stop living your life dreaming the same dreams we had when we were kids. You need a wife who will give you a family. Christ, live in the same bloody house as you, not on a different continent. You deserve so much more than what I can give you. I made a mistake ten years ago. I never should have gone through with it. We both would have been better off being apart. I realized that the next day.”

  Then she delivered her killing blow. “I don’t love you. I can’t love you. I love another and it’s time for you to love another too.” She raised herself up on her tip toes and placed a whisper soft kiss on my cheek. “You deserve so much more than me, Ryan. A lifetime of more.”