Avow

by Holly Mortimer

  Just then, Aiden poked his head out of the pub door. “Ryan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Someone run over your dog?”

  “What?”

  “Well, not literally, but man, you look like shit. And you’re acting like you wanna kill someone.”

  “It’s possible.”

  “Well, like, I know it’s early, but you look like you might need a drink.”

  “Later, Aiden. Right now, I have to figure out what the fuck to do next. Then, I’ll drink.”

  I pulled the door open to slam it against the wall and walked in to plan how in the hell I was going to find her. She might think she knew best, but she was going to be in for a huge awakening. I had just gotten started winning her back, and I was a very patient man.

  Chapter 18

  Two Months Later

  Chloe

  I pulled into the car rental lot, exactly two months after I had left the very same lot, excited and hopeful and living in the moment. Pulling back in, I was none of these things, but I was getting close to feeling like my old self again. I put the car in park and flopped back on the seat, yawning even though it was only noon. I had been really tired lately and I sincerely hoped that this wasn’t the beginning of another round of cancer hell. I was nervous and needed to see a doctor, thus had cut my UK tour short and arrived back at the Shannon Airport, ready to fly back to New York to see my specialist. I had called the day before and booked myself an appointment for today, shortly after the plane landed at four.

  I grabbed my luggage and rolled on inside, getting in the short line for returns. When I got to the agent, I showed her my paperwork, fished the key out of my purse and looked up to see the agent smiling like she’d just won the lottery.

  “Okay, then, miss. If you would just come with me so I can inspect the car, then we can get you on your way.” I followed her out, dragging my luggage behind me again wondering what in the world had made her so happy today. I stood to the side while she walked around, looking here and there and making whatever notes she needed to make. She ducked down low at one point. I lost sight of her only to see her pop up at the other end of the car waving something in her hand.

  “Miss, I think you dropped something.”

  I didn’t remember holding onto an envelope in order to drop it. “Oh, I don’t think so. Must be someone else’s. Can we just finish up so I can catch my plane to New York?”

  She walked over to me, holding the white envelope up to my face. Well, it appeared I had dropped something. My name was neatly printed on the front of the envelope. “Oh, well, I don’t remember seeing that at any point in the last eight weeks, but alright, I’ll take it.”

  I stuffed it into my purse, figuring I’d have time later to see what was inside. For now, I needed to get a move on. I was going to miss my plane and that wasn’t cool. I needed to continue on my adventure and in order to do so, I needed a quick check-in with the doctor.

  We finished the drop-off, the agent still smiling and humming all the way through. I barely made it to the gate in time for boarding. Settling into my seat, I rested my head against the window and tried desperately to hold the tears in. It had been a while since they had made an appearance. I could have watered a garden for days with the amount of tears I had shed in the first few days after leaving Ryan, but lately, they had only come once in a while. I guess saying goodbye to Ireland wasn’t going to be easy on many levels.

  After takeoff, I drifted off to sleep, snuggling into the plush seating and thankful for once for my father having booked this ticket in first class. I was startled awake when the plane bumped around on the landing and I could hardly believe I had slept the entire flight home. My body must have needed it, but now I was getting super nervous for the reasons behind my exhaustion.

  I stretched and grabbed my bag from the overhead compartment, slung it over my head and moved to get off the plane and find a cab to take me to the clinic. I finally got into one and flopped my head back onto the seat for another quick rest. New York City rushed by and even though I was not entirely happy to be back, it felt somewhat calming to check in with my life. As we approached my doctor’s office, I fished around in my purse to find my wallet where my hand brushed against the envelope that the car rental agent had handed me earlier today. It seemed like a lifetime ago already.

  Curious, I tore it open and all the work I had done on forgetting Ryan Murphy was erased in a flash.

  Dear Chlo,

  Well, if you’re reading this, it must mean you’ve finally brought your car back, safely I hope, and are either getting ready for another adventure or heading back to New York. Yes, I’ve spent the past however long trying to come up with an amazing plan to find you, when the idea came to me while pouring a shot for Aiden. I was so excited that for the first time, I spilled a drink. All over him. You should have seen it, it was amazing!

  So, you left and I get that. But I’m still so pissed. You never let me speak and that’s not cool, Chlo. So now, wherever you are while you’re reading this, you’re gonna listen. It won’t take long, so stop being impatient, like I know you are.

  I love you. That’s pretty much it. When we got married, I took a vow. I promised before God that I would love you forever, in sickness and in health and you took away my ability to prove to you that this hot headed Irish kid could do that. I can love you no matter what is happening. I’m that good, baby. Ha, ha. So, please, give me the chance to love you in health right now. If the sickness comes, I’m in. That’s it. Plain and simple. So, find me, Chloe. Let me know you’re okay before I come barging in on you.

  I paid every freaking agent at the car rental agency to call me when you pick up this letter, so I’ll know when you’ve got it and believe me, I’m coming for you. You better not be with that dick Richard either when I find you! I may be just a bartender, but I can give us a good life, mo chroi. I can.

  Love, Ry

  “We’re here, miss.”

  I looked up at the driver through the river of tears and smiled. I paid and ran out of the cab, excited to get the appointment over with so I could get back to Ireland and Ryan as soon as possible. He was right. Why the hell had I been spending the past two months trying to forget him, when all I needed was to remember? Remember who we were together and why we loved each other so damn much. I had been so lonely and miserable while I was away, trying to convince myself that I was anything but while I traversed the country. Unable to wait, I called him. I knew it was late and he was most likely at work, but I was going to try anyway. Screw being strong for us, I needed him now and I was done denying myself.

  The call went to voice mail. I let him know I was safe, but that I had flown home and was just checking in with my doctor. “And Ryan, I got your letter, obviously. I’m ready. Let’s start this over. I just have to do one thing, then I’m flying back to you. My oncologist, Dr. Carmichael has fit me in today and after I get this appointment over and done with, I’m heading home to pack a bigger bag and book a new flight to Shannon.” I was smiling and crying and nearly missed the entrance to the building. “And Ryan? I love you too.”

  I disconnected the call and focused on the immediate task ahead. I needed to find out what the hell was wrong with me this time, and then Ryan and I could tackle it together and get on with our lives.

  Chapter 19

  Ryan

  My plane landed with the usual terrifying bumps and screeches, waking me from my deep sleep. I had no idea how loud I had snored but I could tell it must have been fairly consistent. The guy beside me was giving me the raised single eyebrow of disdain. Either I’d snored or talked in my sleep. I wasn’t sure which was worse, to be honest.

  Like the complete rebel that I was, I unbuckled my seatbelt prior to the plane coming to a complete stop. My time was getting close to being up. I needed off this plane and in a cab, quickly.

  I turned on my phone while waiting for the plane to taxi, getting a pile of text alerts and o
ne voice mail message. I had no idea what kind of charges I was about to incur, but I dialed that voice mail anyway. My heart jumped into my throat when I heard her soft, soothing voice, letting me know she had finally read my letter and she was coming back to me. Shit, she was coming back to me!

  The problem was, she had no idea I was here. I had to hurry so I could catch her before she got back on a plane. The only information I had to go on was the doctor she was visiting. In the back of my mind, I wondered why she so urgently had to see a doctor, but filed it away as something to worry about later.

  I was finally able to get off the plane and I practically ran to get out of the airport to find a cab. I stopped just before the line up to Google the doctor’s address, then got in line and waited for my turn to get in and go.

  We speeded towards the address I gave him and it took me a few minutes, but I suddenly realized I now had her cell phone number. I quickly pulled up my records and hit send, waiting to hear her voice again for the first time in a couple of months. It went straight to voice mail, which I took as a good sign. If she had left the doctor’s office, I would lose her in all this that was New York City.

  “Hi, mo chroi. It’s me. I got your message and funny thing. I’m here in New York. The agent at the car hire told me you had dropped off the car and you told her you were going to New York. I got a flight out as soon as I could and, well, now here I am. I’m on my way to you, so don’t leave that doctor’s office. I’m coming for you. And Chlo? I love you too.”

  I watched as the city flew by, nervous as all hell. My legs were bouncing and I kept turning my phone on and off, checking to see if she had replied while I wasn’t paying attention. Finally, we pulled up to the address. I paid the cabbie and took off running, with my overnight bag flung behind me. It was late. Getting on six at night. I wasn’t sure doctors even worked that late, but figured what the hell?

  I scanned the list of businesses and names that occupied the various floors and suites in the building until I hit pay dirt. I found him on the fifteenth floor. I jumped into an open lift and hit the 15 with more force than necessary. As with most elevator rides, it felt like minutes, but in reality was only a few seconds until the doors opened onto floor fifteen.

  I stepped out into the deserted corridor and followed the signs to the correct office. Doctor Carmichael. Oncologist. Shit, seeing it there, written under his name really hit home just how sick Chloe was. I opened the unlocked door and thanked my stars that he was still open for patient visits. I looked around. Not a soul inside. No reception, and no waiting patients. I heard voices down the hall to my left. Screw it. It might not be her, but I had no other options.

  I quietly crept towards the voices, feeling totally stressed that someone was going to find me and jump to the entirely wrong conclusions. I finally came to a door that was slightly ajar, but not wide enough that I could easily make out who was in the room. I prayed it was Chloe, as I stood there like a stalker listening to their conversation.

  “How sick have you been feeling?”

  “Well, it wasn’t too bad, but recently, I’ve been nauseous all day, every day.”

  It was her. I would know my girl’s voice anywhere. I danced around inside my head, trying to decide if I was going to barge in, or knock or what.

  “Well, that’s to be expected in your condition. You should take it easy, but try not to worry too much. Your body has been through a lot, but you’ve made it out stronger. This is just a blip and will be gone before you know it.”

  Was she sick again? What the hell was I going to say? Ah, hell. There was nothing for it. I was just going to have to knock and barge in at the same time. I knocked on the door, while pushing it inwards, coming face to face with the woman I had been searching for. “Chloe.”

  “Ryan!” She threw her arms around me. “What are you doing here? Oh my God!” I felt her heat against my face and her heart beating up against mine as I crushed her to me.

  A discreet throat clearing came from behind Chloe, breaking us apart so she could introduce us. “Ryan, this is my doctor, Dr. Carmichael. Doctor, this is my, um, well…” she looked at me, “…ah, well, this is my ex-husband, I guess?” I felt the anger churn deep within my gut. Why the fuck I had finally signed those damn forms at the worst possible time was beyond me.

  I held out my hand to shake his and tried to move this little welcome meeting along. “So, Chloe, is everything alright?”

  She and the doctor shared a private look and I might have started growling, I’m not sure. My memory is really foggy about that night.

  “I’ll give you two some privacy,” the doctor said as he left the room.

  “Okay, Chlo, you’re scaring me half to death. Why are you here?” I framed her face in my hands, suddenly remembering it had been a couple of months since I had last touched her. “God, Chloe. I’ve been waiting to see you and touch you for so long. I can’t believe we’re standing here.”

  She looked up at me, not really giving me anything. Her eyes looked anxious and she was chewing her lower lip, leading me to jump to the worst conclusions. “Sweetheart, what is it? Please, tell me. I can handle anything you have to give me.”

  “Well, maybe not this.” I let her go and she turned away, wringing her hands. She suddenly spun around and blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

  The noise in my life faded away and those two words floated towards me and I couldn’t help but freak the fuck out. “What? Chlo— What?”

  She was smiling and crying and I knew I had to pull it together. I gathered her up and gently lifted her and spun her around. “Shit,” I dropped her back down. “Are you allowed to do that? Wait, back up. I thought you weren’t able to get pregnant.”

  “Ryan, why don’t I bring the doctor back in and he can run over everything we’re going to have to know.”

  I ran my hand through my hair, shaking it out nervously. “Sure, yeah, sounds good.”

  I had a ton of questions and I was already completely scared out of my mind. I always knew I wanted to be a dad, but I had kind of resigned myself to not going there with Chloe. This news had me questioning all sorts of things.

  The doctor came back in and we sat down. I grabbed a hold of Chloe’s hand, more for myself than for her. The doctor ran through the basics but I couldn’t get a few critical questions out of my mind.

  “Okay, so obviously Chloe has defied the odds and gotten pregnant. How is this pregnancy going to affect her cancer? Could she die from having this baby?”

  I felt her squeeze my hand ever so slightly and knew that this must be on her mind as well.

  “She may very well have a completely normal pregnancy. As of right now, her cancer is officially in remission. You missed that amazing piece of news that came with this discovery. What the future holds, no one knows, but as long as she is followed closely by her doctor, she should make it through just fine. The only problem I can see is that Chloe has told me she is moving back to Ireland. I’ll have my receptionist work on finding suitable doctors for her that are as close to you as I can find.”

  “That won’t be necessary. I’m moving here.”

  “Ryan, no! You’re not moving here. You heard him. I’m going to be fine.”

  I turned to look at her square on. “Chloe, you also heard him say he’s concerned you won’t have the right doctors immediately available. If we stay here, you will. It’s simple, really.”

  “Oh? Is it? It’s my body and I say we’ll be fine. I don’t want to raise this child in the States. I want it to be our Irish baby. We made it in Ireland, you’re Irish, your family is there and they’re amazing and I love you. Lots of women with cancer, or who are in remission, have babies in Ireland. I won’t be the first.”

  “But—”

  “Nope, we’re not going to argue this here, okay?” She effectively shut me down, while turning back to face the doctor. “Thank you, doctor. Please contact me with the references you come up with as soon as you ca
n and Ryan and I will meet with your suggestions once we arrive back home.”

  She tugged on my hand to get me to move, but as usual, I was a few steps behind her. “Chlo—”

  “No, Ryan. Come on, let’s talk about this at my place while you help me pack.”

  I reluctantly followed her out, thanked the doctor and rode the elevator silently, trying really hard to come to terms with all that had just happened to us.

  We walked outside, still not talking, and Chloe hailed a cab for us. I got in, grabbed her hand again and sat back while she gave the driver directions. We both stayed quiet, seeming to be on the same wavelength when it came to us talking about the baby. We would be waiting until we were in a private area and then, she better sit down. I was putting up a fight.

  We arrived at her flat, heading up to the spacious one bedroom that must have cost her or her dad a small fortune. As soon as the door shut, she spun around, backed me up against the door and kissed me like it was our last few precious moments on earth.

  Chapter 20

  Chloe

  He was thinking too much. I could see it clear as day. He was going to try to make me stay here and that just wasn’t part of my Life Plan, Part Two, The Baby Years. Nope, he and I were going to raise this baby in Ireland, with his loving family surrounding us. Not here, in this huge city, where no one cared about us, or would be there to help him, should this life one day take a left turn and leave Ryan alone to raise our child. We needed to go back, and if I was going to use sex to convince him of this, then so be it. I would accept that hardship. We would both benefit from this argument.

  I pushed him up against the wall, fitting myself into him as best I could. He was trying to hold me off, and I knew he was afraid he would accidentally hurt me. I was so much stronger than he gave me credit for. Hell, I was creating another human. That wasn’t ever supposed to happen, and my body was strong enough to defy cancer. Multiple times. A little aggressive sex wasn’t going to even make a dent.