In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  In A Heartbeat

  The Shameful Regret Series

  Liz King

  Copyright © 2013 In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) by Liz King

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual people, alive or dead, business, establishments, locations or events is entirely coincidental. Any reference to real events, business, organizations or locations is intended only to give the fiction a sense of realism and authenticity.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means (electronic, mechanical, photographic, recording or otherwise) without prior authorization in writing from the author.

  Cover designed by S.K. Hartley

  Formatting by M.S. Willis

  Dedication

  To Momma, even though you aren’t here on this earth with me any longer, you are always in my heart, telling me that I can do anything that I set my mind to. I love you so very much and I miss you each and every day. You are my sunshine.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Prologue

  “Matt! Come on! My curfew is in an hour! Maybe if you actually got me home a little before, Daddy wouldn’t be so gruff around you.” I called over my shoulder as I walked away from the movie theater. Daddy didn’t really care for Matt, mainly because he was eighteen, had a car and I was only fourteen. I really wanted Daddy to like Matt. I mean, I was only a freshman, and I had the attention of the best looking guy in the senior class. We had been out on a few dates, so I couldn’t have been happier. Looking back, I probably should have listened to Daddy.

  “I’m coming Lynae. We have plenty of time.” Matt said in my ear as he bent down behind me, pressing his chest to my back. He wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me to his Explorer that was parked around the side of the dark theater parking lot.

  As we got to the passenger side of his truck, he spun me around until my back hit the rear fender. Matt placed his arms up on both sides of my shoulders and leaned down to kiss me. Well, we did have an hour, so we could make out a little. Matt was a great kisser. I had only kissed a few boys, but Matt could make my knees buckle from the first press of his lips on mine, the way he took total control, and sucked on my bottom lip or nibbled on my ear. It made me shiver just thinking about it.

  Matt’s lips began moving over mine as his left hand came down to grip my hip. He was holding me a little harder than he had before and he was pressing his hips in to my stomach. I wasn’t feeling the butterflies that I usually felt when kissing him. Something just felt off, I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach, but I tried to play it off as just nerves from being in a darkened area alone with him. In the next instant, Matt opened the back door to the Explorer and was trying to push me into the backseat. “Come on baby, let’s just sit back here for a bit. You look so good in that dress.” Matt breathed over my lips as he was guiding my body.

  Alarm bells started going off in my head. I didn’t feel safe, something felt wrong. “I, uh, Matt, I just want to go home. It’s been a long week, and I really need to get some sleep tonight, I have to get up early to help volunteer at the church tomorrow.” I tried to push his chest away from me, but he wasn’t having it. When Matt looked down, I saw something in his eyes that wasn’t the same Matt that I had noticed all those months ago.

  “Lynae, you know I would never say anything to anyone. You’re so sexy, and I just need to have you, I can’t wait anymore. I’ve wanted you ever since I first saw you.” Matt said in a low voice as he shoved me into the backseat and crawled over me. My head hit the window on the other side of the truck with a thud and I saw stars in front of my eyes. I tried to pull my knees up to curl into a ball. Matt pulled the door closed behind him, and yanked on my ankles. “Be still! I know you want this! I know you want me just as much.” he growled.

  My heart was beating erratically, I felt like the car was closing in on me. “No! Matt, just let me up, I want to go home!” I tried to unlock the door behind me, but it wouldn’t open. “Let me out! You’re scaring me! I don’t want this!” I pleaded as his hand came up around my throat. He was so heavy! Matt was 6’3’’ and 250 pounds of muscle. He was one of the captains on the football team. My 5’5’’ 130 pound frame was no match for him.

  I began frantically pushing at his chest in vain to get him away from me, I tried to pull my legs back to my chest. I could feel his weight pressing down on me. “Please, Matt! Stop!” I couldn’t breathe. Could anyone see what was going on? Would anyone be able to help me?

  “God, baby. I’m gonna make you feel so good.” Matt’s hot breath in my ear made my skin crawl. “It will be easier if you quit fighting me.”

  I remember saying “No!” I remember saying “Stop!” I remember trying to kick him away. I remember my heart beating in my ears. I remember crying. I remember feeling his hand tighten around my throat, making it almost impossible to take a breath. I remember the sound of my panties being ripped off of me. I remember the pain as my heart was crushed.

  Matt drove me home afterwards as if nothing had happened. I just walked in the house, ignoring Daddy even though he had waited up for me to make sure I got home ok. Momma had already gone to bed, she’d not been feeling well lately. I went straight to my room and crumpled against my door as soon as I shut it. I couldn’t believe that I had let that happen. I was so stupid. It was all my fault. One second I was a carefree girl on a date with the perfect boy, and in a heartbeat, my world was shattered.

  Chapter One

  Eight years later…

  Ugh! This headache is killing me! I hate pollen season! My eyes get all puffy and my contacts drive me insane! I already get a lot of eyestrain looking at our monitors in the dark in the procedure labs, and the contacts just add to it. Oh well, I guess it’s glasses for me again today. It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone. I don’t date, even though my girls at work think that I should. They don’t think it’s normal for a twenty-three year old to not want anything to do with a social life. It’s just easier to block out the past if I keep to myself.

  I’m a registered nurse at Mercy General. I work in a cardiac procedure lab there. I love my job. In the lab, we study the heart and its rhythms. I love the control that I can have over the heart rhythm with the stimulator. I know all to well how life can change in a heartbeat.

  I have always wanted to be a nurse, ever since I was a little girl. In nursing school, I dedicated myself completely to my studies. I finished with my Associates Degree in only seven semesters. I did
n’t even take the summers off. This being said, I graduated at the age of twenty. Yes, I know, it was funny to me too that I could administer narcotics, but I couldn’t legally buy alcohol.

  It’s already 5:15 am, I guess I need to get out of this bed and get ready to head into work. I hop in the shower, take care of business and pull my long dark brown hair up into a bun at the back of my head. It’s too long to fuss with this early in the morning, and it just gets in my way when I’m tending to my patients. Mascara and chap stick are the extent of my makeup for work. I throw my clothes on, grab my favorite pair of Danskos, the pink and black zebra print, and head out the door. Out of bed, showered, and dressed in less than thirty minutes. Not bad.

  My mind wanders as I drive down the interstate towards the hospital. It’s Friday, so I know that the girls are going to try to talk me into heading out with them again. I always decline, stating that I’m too tired, or that I have things to do. Cleaning and organizing my already immaculate apartment is something to do.

  I look down at my phone sitting in the cup holder, I know that Sly’s in the central time zone, so its really only 5 am there, but he’s an early riser, so I decide to call him anyway. Sly, short for Sylvester is my best friend. We have been best friends since he tried to get me to play some game with him on the bus when I was eleven and he was thirteen. Some stupid dinosaur something or another, I don’t even remember. I just laughed in his face and we have been inseparable ever since. Sly is the only man besides Daddy that I’ve let get and stay close to me outside of professional relationships.

  “Hiya sweet cheeks” Sly answers on the first ring.

  I love how he is just a much of a morning person as I am. “Hey baby doll! I’m headed into work, what’s your lazy ass doing today?” I ask as I change lanes. I enjoy our banter. We sometimes act like an old married couple. Sly and I never really tried dating. One time we did come close to kissing, but right as our lips were about to touch, we both burst out laughing and knew that it just wasn’t meant to be. He is the brother I never had, and I am like a sister to him. Sly knows almost everything there is to know about me.

  Sly chuckles on the other end of the line. “You know its my 48 hours off, I’m not doing a damn thing. I may head out to the lake today, chill out on the boat, but nothing else. You wanna drive down here this weekend? It’s Labor Day weekend, so you have Monday off, right?” he asks. Sly is a firefighter, so he works twenty-four hours on and forty-eight hours off.

  “Maybe, I’ll see what time I get out of the lab. You know Fridays we are always slammed. Doctor Morrison is always adding cases on. He has been on call all week, so I know he’s got something up his sleeves.” I tell him. Doctor Travis Morrison is my favorite doctor to work with. He’s a great physician, funny as hell, and is like a second father to me.

  Sly sighs and says “Okay sweet cheeks, I know that this time of year is hard for you. Just know that I’m here. I can switch my shifts around if you want to come up tomorrow and stay through Monday.”

  I didn’t even think about it being close to the anniversary of my mother’s death. I have been studying so much for a certification exam and learning new equipment that we just got at work, that it totally slipped my mind. Momma has been gone for four years next week. She passed away right after the beginning of my senior year in high school, breast cancer. I was very close with her. I told Momma everything. Well, I told Momma almost everything. “Thanks baby doll, I’ll text you this afternoon and let you know what my plans are. I may just end up hanging out here, and go see Daddy.” I say hanging up. When I moved to Charleston for college, Daddy sold the house and came out here too. I don’t think he wanted to be in that big house all by himself.

  I turn my radio back on and let the music help clear my mind. Everyone picks on me for my very eclectic taste in music. The play list on my iPod will go from Elvis, to REO Speedwagon and Aerosmith to Linkin Park or Eminem. I listen to just about anything. There is something soothing to losing yourself in the lyrics of a song. I can listen to the same exact song on different days, and I can get a different meaning out of it depending on my mood.

  ~

  I let my mind wander off as I make my way into the parking garage. Sometimes I worry myself wondering how in the hell I make it from point A to point B. I have no recollection of driving these past thirty minutes, but thank heavens the car and I make it there in once piece and we apparently didn’t have any incidents along the way.

  Walking into the hospital I make my usual greetings to the patient transporters and various employees I see every morning on my way in. This is my safe place. I can come in, do my job, and blend in. I can focus on helping heal others and it makes me feel like I have accomplished something worthwhile. I make it up to my floor, stash my belongings in my locker, change into these hideous hospital scrubs and make my way into the lab.

  “Nae-Nae!” I hear as soon as I walk in the doors. Great, Michelle seems to have stopped for Starbucks on her way in this morning. She is probably the only other person that is as wide awake as I am in the mornings, but give that girl caffeine, and she is a ball of energy on Red Bull!

  I come in, grab my scrub jacket from the back of the chair, it’s freezing in here even though it’s the middle of summer, and look at Michelle. She’s my best girlfriend. I met Michelle in nursing school, and we both decided that we had to work together no matter where we ended up. We’ve helped each other study, pass finals, and we sat for our licensure exams together. I don’t know what I would do without her in my life, especially since Sly stayed back home in Birmingham. “Hey, Michelle, where’s mine?” I ask, knowing that she wouldn’t deprive me of the nectar of the gods that is coffee if she was going to get some for herself.

  Michelle smiles her devious smile that means she is up to something. “I’ll let you have it on one condition.” She holds up her hand as I open my mouth to say something, “You are going out with me and Gabbi tonight. There is this new band that is supposed to be really hot playing at Metro tonight, and you are going Nae-Nae!”

  Sweet Jesus! I really have no clue where in the hell Michelle came up with the Nae-Nae thing. It drives me batshit crazy, but because I love her, I won’t stop her. Some of the doctors tried to call me that, but they got my death glare, and learned quickly not to push that button.

  “Come on Michelle, you know that clubs really aren’t my scene. Just give me my damn coffee, woman!” I reach out for my cup as she pulls away giving me that look that tells me I’m not getting out of this that easily. I don’t want to go. Being in a crowd like that makes me uncomfortable; I don’t want to be in a dark enclosed space, it brings back too many memories for me. A chance to lose myself in some new music for a few hours does appeal to me though.

  Gabbi walks in behind us and Michelle looks over my shoulder. Gabbi fit into our friendship seamlessly. She was in hospital orientation with us and we immediately hit it off. “Gabbi, tell Nae-Nae that she is going to Metro with us tonight, and we aren’t taking ‘No’ for an answer. She has blown us off way to many times.” She pouts looking from Gabbi to me.

  Even when Michelle and I were in nursing school, I never went out to parties or anything. I didn’t feel like I could let my guard down to get to know anybody else, especially men. Every man I met reminded me of him. I was content to stay home, study, and maybe talk on the phone with Sly for a few hours. It had been years since I had wanted to actually go out on the social scene. I only went to my senior prom because Sly came to the door and dragged my ass upstairs and made me get dressed in a dress that I didn’t know Daddy had gone out and purchased for me with Sly’s help.

  “Fine! I’ll go, just will you please just give me the damn coffee!” I sigh turning my head to look at Gabbi, who has rested her chin on my shoulder. Gabbi lets out this annoying girly squeal then holds up a brown bag for me. As I grab it and look inside, I realize that resistance was going to be futile. If they didn’t talk me into going just to get them to let me have my coffee, Gabbi was hol
ding my number one weakness in her hand. She handed over a large bag of gummy bears. I will do just about anything for gummy bears.

  I snatch my coffee and bag of candy and walk the rest of the way into the lab to look at the schedule board. Only three procedures are scheduled for today, so hopefully it won’t be that bad of a Friday. I notice that Dr. Morrison hasn’t added any additional procedures on yet. Fingers crossed he won’t.

  Michelle and Gabbi skip in behind me and start getting the supplies needed to get our day started. Right before Michelle goes into to procedure room, she turns to me and says, “Lynae Michaels, you will be coming over to my apartment after work this afternoon, and we will be doing your hair and make-up. This messy bun, geek chic thing works for the hospital, but we are going to show off that rocking body that I know is under those scrubs missy!”

  Great! This is going to be a long night! What did I agree to tonight? I just need to remember that I’m going out for a night with my girls, I can drown myself in the beat of the music and just be me. I shoot a quick text off to Sly, telling him that I’ve been roped into going to a club with Michelle and Gabbi and that I won’t be heading back home tonight. His response makes me smile.

  Sly: Have fun sweet cheeks! Shake that ass for me!

  Chapter Two

  Surprisingly the workday goes pretty quickly, and for probably one of the first Fridays in a very long time, we actually leave the hospital a little after 3:30 pm. The day was also a nice day, all the procedures went perfectly, and we only had to do the already scheduled patients. Dr. Morrison joked that all of the patients must have studied because there weren’t any complications, and everything was just like it is in a textbook.