In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  Michelle greets Seth and Marcus, but then turns her sights on Connor. The look in her eyes tells me that she means business. “Listen Connor, I don’t know what effect it seems you have on my girl here, but let me warn now. If you hurt her, I will have your balls. I may not be able to actually kick your ass, but know this, we are all nurses here, and we can make sure the coroner will think you died of natural causes. You get me?” She’s standing with her hands on her hips looking like a pissed off little pixie.

  I stand there gaping at Michelle. She did not just say that to him! Connor smiles his half smile that has his one dimple popping out like it is just begging me to stand on my tiptoes and lick it. He holds his hands up in front of him in a defensive posture. “I get it, Michelle. I value my balls and my life. I don’t want to piss off the two of you.” He says pointing between her and Gabbi.

  “Holy fuck! You three are nurses? You have those little outfits you can wear for us?” Seth asks wiggling his eyebrows. “I wanna play doctor!”

  Marcus, who has been quietly observing the interaction, leans into Michelle whispering “You went and did it now, he’ll be talking about this all night.”

  I noticed Michelle shiver a little, then calm herself, looking at Seth she quips, “You can’t handle this, so don’t even bother drummer boy.”

  It seems that my girls and his guys are going to get along fine. I know this is only our first time really hanging out, but I can already tell that I definitely want to spend more time with Connor, and I think he feels the same way. He doesn’t move more than a few feet away from me when he’s in my vicinity.

  I look down at my watch, it’s already past midnight. “Listen, I hate to sound lame, but I have an early start tomorrow. Connor if you want to hang, I’m sure I can catch a cab or get a ride with Michelle or Gabbi.”

  “Absolutely not! I’ll be the one taking you home, Sweetness. If you’re ready to leave, we’ll leave now.” Connor grabs my hand pulling me against his side.

  My stomach knots at the idea of what Connor may expect when he takes me home. I have been letting him paw on me all night since we got to Silver, and I seem to melt into him every single time his lips touch mine. I hope he doesn’t expect anything from me. As much as I can feel my body craving more of his touch, I know that I certainly am not ready to go there, or if I ever will be. “Yes, I’m ready to go.” I murmur shyly.

  Gabbi skips over to wrap me in a hug from behind, resting her head on my shoulders. “I fucking love you, Nae-Nae!” she squeals in my ear then smacks a loud kiss on my cheek. “I’m gonna hang with Wade for a while, you let Mr. Sex On A Stick take you home!”

  Wade is grinning from ear to ear. Seth is still leering at Michelle, who seems intent on ignoring him. Marcus is watching Connor and I with an interesting look on his face.

  “Night y’all. It was great meeting you guys.” I say to the rest of Shameful Regret, then turn my face to Gabbi, “Be careful, text me in the morning. Love you!” I kiss her back on the cheek.

  Michelle comes over to whisper in my ear “Call me if you need me. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. I love you, and I will kick his ass if you want me to!” then gives me a hug and a smack on the ass.

  Marcus walks up, grabbing Connor’s arm. “A word, bro.” He says pulling Connor off to the side. Marcus starts talking to Connor quietly, and I see Connor’s posture stiffen. Connor looks irritated for some reason, glancing at me then back to Marcus.

  “Do you think I don’t fucking know that?” He bellows. “I know she’s different!” Then Connor stalks back to me, takes my hand, dragging me away. “Let’s go.”

  What the hell was that all about? My guard immediately goes up. I’m not sure I want to be with Connor while he’s pissed off. He’s much larger than me, and I am already nervous about what he may expect when we get back to my apartment, but I follow behind him because he has a death grip on my hand.

  I struggle to keep up as we leave the back corridor into the alleyway we entered Silver through. My foot catches on a crack in the sidewalk, sending me stumbling behind Connor. I land on my knees with a weak cry. “Ow!”

  Connor stops immediately then crouches down to pick me up. “Shit! I’m so sorry, baby! Are you ok?” He tries to grab me to pull me up, but I bat his hands away.

  That really hurt. My right knee landed on a piece of broken glass, ripping my favorite jeans. I lean back on my heels looking up at him. “I’m fine. Just give me a minute.” I take a few deep breaths. “What the hell is wrong with you? Did I do something to upset you?” That has to be the only explanation for Connor leaving so pissed off. Marcus must have said something about me, and Connor can’t wait to get rid of me.

  His eyes look deeply hurt. “What? Lynae, what would give you that idea? You haven’t done a damn thing other than drive me insane wanting to kiss those sweet lips of yours!” Connor sighs, “I’m sorry, let me help you up.” He reaches out for me again, this time I let him assist me to a standing position. Connor looks down at my knees, noticing the rip and the blood dripping down the front. “Damnit! Are you ok to walk? I can pull the car around.”

  I nod my head. It hurts like hell, and my favorite jeans are ruined, but I can walk. My pride has taken more of a hit than my body. I still don’t understand what set him off like that. My mind and heart are torn. I just want to curl up and hide. “I’ll be fine. Just take me home please.” I quietly respond. Connor leads me away without saying anything else.

  We walk the few blocks back to where Connor left his car in silence. He opens the passenger side door for me, I get in wincing in pain as I bend my injured leg. Connor bends down to help me turn my legs into the foot well then closes my door to walk around to the driver’s side.

  I fold my arms over my chest and stare out the window on the way home. I’m really not up for conversation right now. My knee hurts like hell, I’m embarrassed, and Connor’s behavior over the last little bit has me thoroughly confused. I catch Connor peeking over at me during the drive. The radio is turned on to a low hum of background noise, but neither of us is speaking.

  Connor pulls into the parking lot of my apartment complex then shuts the engine off, looking at me like he’s not quite sure what I’m about to do. Part of me wants to run away into my apartment and not look back, but the other part wants to drag him up there and see what his hard body feels like underneath all of those clothes. Wait a minute, what did I just say I wanted? I can feel my cheeks getting red again, so I quickly unbuckle my seat belt and try to make my escape. I need to get away.

  I only make it to the front door of the building before Connor is behind me trying to grab my arm. “Lynae, damnit!” He looks frustrated, “I’m messing this up. I’m sorry, at least let me walk you to your door. I need to make sure you’re ok.”

  “I told you I was fine. Look, I’m tired, my leg hurts, I’m embarrassed and I just want to go to bed.” I snap reaching for the door handle. “Besides, I’m a nurse, I can take care of a little cut. You don’t have to take care of me.” Then I leave him standing there and make my way to the elevators.

  When I get in the elevator, I glance up to see Connor still standing outside the front door. He’s looking right at me. I maintain eye contact with him until the doors close because I can’t look away. I’m sure it is the last time I’ll see him, because after tonight, I can guarantee he won’t want to see me again, that’s for sure. It is probably for the best. My heart isn’t ready to let someone in again. I know that if Connor was to get in, he would completely obliterate my heart, and leave me the moment he knew what I allowed to happen all those years ago.

  Chapter Nine

  Sunday morning breakfast with my father before church is a tradition. He always picks me up, takes me to his favorite little diner for pancakes and eggs, then we go to church together. As usual, John Michaels knocks on my door precisely at 7:30 AM.

  I didn’t sleep well last night because I kept replaying everything over and over in my head. One minute I was the
happiest I had been in ages, the next, I was nervous and unsure of myself again. Hopefully Daddy won’t notice the bags under my eyes, and we can get on with our morning without talking about it.

  John Michaels is a big bear of a man. He can always make me feel better no matter what is going on. “Come here, baby girl! What’s got you looking so down?” Daddy asks pulling me into a huge hug lifting me off the ground.

  I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a big smacking kiss on his cheek. “Just missed you, that’s all Daddy.”

  Daddy’s laugh vibrates through my chest as he sets me back on my feet. “Missed your old man, huh? How about you feed me now. Your turn to pay, baby girl.”

  We always say that we are going to take turns paying for breakfast, but every time I do pay the bill, I find cash laying around my apartment somewhere later in the day. Daddy just can’t let me try to do anything nice for him. I’m still his “little girl” to take care of. I was always closer to Momma growing up, but since she’s passed, I have become the ultimate Daddy’s Girl. He spoils me rotten, and I eat up every minute of it.

  After settling into the booth at the diner, he turns to question me again. “Look, Kara Lynae, I know when something is bothering my child. I also know that this is more than just it being what week it is too.” Daddy reaches over the table to take my hand in his. “Talk to me, baby girl. You know I’ll do whatever I can to fix it.”

  I look up at my father, the man I trust the most in this world. His kind eyes and warm smile instantly lift my spirits a little, especially when he calls me by my full name. “Ok, Daddy. I went on a date last night and…”

  Daddy cuts me off. “Where is this ass, and how hard to I have to kick it? Can’t have anyone hurting my baby girl.” He says gruffly.

  “It’s not like that, Daddy. He didn’t do anything bad to me, and I’m probably not going to see him again.”

  “Then what’s the problem? You’re upset, so he had to have done something.”

  “The problem is I thought he was someone I could actually like, but my nerves got the best of me, and one of his friends said something to him, then when he tried to apologize for making me feel bad, I told him I was fine, and I left him standing at the front of the apartment building.” I know what I just said doesn’t really make any sense to my father, because as I look back on the events of last night, they don’t even make sense to me. God, I’m a mess.

  Daddy shakes his head laughing at me. “Just like your mother. Stubborn as ever. I can tell just by listening to you, that this boy is already inside your head.”

  What on earth is he talking about? And Connor is certainly no boy. He is all man. “Huh? I’m confused.” I tilt my head to the side.

  “Exactly like your mother.” Daddy pats my hand then looks over to the waitress that has come to take our order. He tells her what we both want, because he knows that we will just get the same thing we always do without even looking at the menu, then returns his gaze to me. “This was the first time y’all went out?”

  I nod my head yes. I’m getting all bent out of shape for my first date ever in over eight years, and I’m not going to be seeing him again, so why do I feel like I’ve lost something? I know why. It’s because for a brief moment in time, Connor opened a part of me that had been locked away behind the walls I built around my heart.

  The waitress brings our coffee then scurries back to the kitchen. Daddy shakes his head. “Baby girl, don’t worry about it. You’re a smart cookie. If he doesn’t see that, it’s his damn loss. Now, let’s not worry about any of that mess, it’s time to eat.” Our food arrives before I’ve barely taken a few sips of my first cup of coffee.

  “Thanks, Daddy. You really are the best!” I say digging into my walnut and blueberry pancakes with way too much butter and syrup.

  “I know.” He responds, and just like that I’m feeling better, and ready to go on with our day.

  ~

  We decide to visit the aquarium and walk along Waterfront Park for the afternoon. I don’t think that Daddy wants to be alone. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Momma’s death. Even though it’s been several years, it doesn’t get any easier. We stop to sit on one of the bench swings to watch the sunset. I can’t believe we spent the entire afternoon and evening walking around. Daddy and I usually part ways after church, but I think he could tell that I needed some time with him as much as he needed to spend time with his only child.

  “Sara loved being near the water. She always hated that we were so far away from the beach back home. I offered to move back out here quite a bit, even had a job opportunity come up the summer before you started high school, but she didn’t want to uproot you and make you start high school without your friends.” Daddy says as we rock back and forth.

  My legs lock up instantly, halting the swing midway through its pass. I could have left Alabama before I started my freshman year? I could have had a fresh start here in Charleston? No Matt? That night would have never happened?

  “You alright there?” Daddy’s voice is filled with concern. He’s looking at me, and I realize that he has no idea what this information does to me.

  I try to shake off the unease that has crept through my body. “Yeah, of course. I can’t imagine leaving Sly sooner than I did when I moved out here for nursing school.” I start rocking the swing again, hoping that Daddy buys my lie. Well, it’s not totally a lie. I would have hated not having Sly in my life longer, but to think about what my life could have been like if I had never met him, that could have set my life in a much different direction.

  Daddy pats my knee. “I still hate that he didn’t come out here too. That man is like the son I never had. He’s a good friend for you. I’m glad we didn’t move. He’s been good to you.”

  “He misses you too, Daddy. Trust me. I’m still working on getting him out here permanently. Michelle and I are tag teaming him next weekend when he comes out for a visit. His schedule changed, so he’s coming out a weekend earlier. He’s driving over Friday morning, but leaving Sunday. Maybe he can come to breakfast with us before he heads back.” I say hopefully.

  “Alright, kiddo. Let’s head on back.” Daddy stretches as he gets out of the swing. “Oh! It’s hell getting old! This body is creaking more and more each day!”

  I don’t know who he’s calling old. Daddy will only be turning fifty-three this year. I really wish he’d start dating again. He’s far too young to be alone. I know, I of all people shouldn’t be saying someone needs to date, but I have my reasons. “Come on, Old Man!” I kid as we head back to the parking garage. It really has been a great day just hanging out with him.

  Chapter Ten

  I spent Monday just lounging around the apartment. I talked to Sly for a few hours on Face Time, but I didn’t change out of my pajamas. I spent the entire day watching some of my favorite movies and baking. I did talk to Daddy briefly, but he seemed to want to get off the phone quickly. It was nice to have a lazy day to myself. I was surprised that I didn’t hear from Michelle or Gabbi since Saturday night, but it’s already Tuesday morning, so it’s time to head back to work.

  I’m sure we will be super busy since the lab was closed for Labor Day, but that’s ok with me. I’d rather be busy. It makes the day go by a lot faster. With my hair thrown up in its usual messy bun on top of my head and my scrubs on, I make my way out of the locker room. The great thing about wearing scrubs is, it feels like I’m still in my pajamas. I have my glasses on again, and two pens stuck in my bun. Travis likes to pick on me, saying it’s my “Sexy Librarian” look. I don’t see it, but whatever. I’m all about comfort at work.

  “What up, bitch?” I hear Gabbi’s high-pitched squeal as soon as I walk through the doors. “Did you have fun with Mr. Sex On A Stick?”

  Shit! I honestly hadn’t thought about Connor since breakfast with Daddy on Sunday. My mind was too occupied with other things. Just hearing the name Gabbi refers to him as has me remembering the feel and taste of his lips on mine. Damnit! I can’t
do this. I’m not going to see him again, so what’s the point? “No, he took me home, and I haven’t heard from him. Guess I’m not his type after all.”

  Michelle and the rest of our coworkers saunter in. It seems like everyone is dragging after the three-day weekend. “Nae-Nae! Why didn’t you call me Sunday or yesterday? Stay in bed with Connor?” She smirks.

  “No, she said the dumbass dropped her off then never called her! The prick!” Gabbi answers for me reaching for the coffee she just brewed.

  I get a sympathetic look from Michelle, then I walk around her to start getting set up for our first case of the day. I’m not in the mood to discuss things.

  ~

  The first four hours of the day fly by. Before I know it, it’s already lunch time. Michelle and I are walking out of the double doors that lead into the hallway cracking up laughing at some of the stupid stuff Travis was telling us about what his kids did to him this weekend when we see a large bouquet of flowers and what looks like a giant gummy bear in cellophane coming down the hall in the arms of a large man. We can’t see the person’s face due to the way he is carrying the vase of multicolored roses, but tingles prick my spine. This person seems almost familiar to me, then he lowers his arms, showing his face. Holy shit!

  “Sweetness, I was hoping I would surprise you, but seeing you dressed like this is a surprise for me. Damn, baby.” Connor’s rich makes me weak in the knees.

  I look down at myself. My scrubs are wrinkled from being under my lead apron, my hair is a mess, and I have on no makeup at all. I look completely different than the previous three times he’s seen me. He must think I look like a hot mess. “Uh, Connor, what are you doing here?” I manage to ask once I get my wits back about me.

  Michelle takes a defensive posture beside me. She’s not happy that I don’t seem happy to see him. “What the fuck did you do that you have to bring her flowers and candy for?” She says crossing her arms over her chest tapping her foot.