In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  Connor ignores Michelle, stepping closer to me. He sets the giant gummy bear down on the stretcher in the hall then reaches out for my hand. “How’s your knee? Does it still hurt?” He looks down at my leg then back to my face searching for any sign I actually want him here, which I do, desperately.

  “I told you the other night, I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt any more. It was just a little scrape.” My voice comes out a squeak. That was so embarrassing Saturday night. I can’t believe I tripped, then when he was trying to be sweet and help me up, I pushed him away and ran from him. He’s only here to check to make sure I’m not hurt. Connor doesn’t really want to see me again for any other reason.

  I had completely forgotten Michelle was right there beside me. “Excuse me? You hurt her?” she glares at Connor. I’d be afraid of her if I was him, even though he is at least three times her size.

  I grab Michelle’s arm as she takes a step towards Connor. “Hold up, it’s nothing. I fell. That’s all.” I look her in the eyes to show her that I really am fine. “Can you give me a few. I’ll meet you downstairs.” I ask her.

  She huffs out a breath then walks away. I know I’ll have to fill her in on everything later. She won’t let this go. I look back to Connor again. “I’m fine. Now, what are you doing here?”

  “I really did want to make sure you were ok, and I wanted to apologize for being a dick the other night. I shouldn’t have yanked you down the alley like that. Marcus just pissed me off, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.” Connor looks at me apologetically. He really does look like he’s worried I’m still upset about Saturday night. “You shut yourself off, and I wasn’t sure what else to say to you. I wanted to give you some space. That’s why I didn’t call.”

  Well, that answers my next question. I was wondering if he was so worried about me, why the hell didn’t he call? I look back to the roses in his hand and the gummy bear on the stretcher. “I’ve never seen one that big before.” I point over to the candy calling my name.

  Connor’s deep laugh runs through me. What’s so funny? Oh…that could have been taken an entirely different way than I intended it. “Babe, you ain’t seen nothing yet!” He says seductively.

  My cheeks burn furiously as I look down at my feet to hide my face. This man has me so confused, and what’s worse, I feel frumpy in my scrubs standing in front of him. I’ve never cared how I looked at work before, but for some reason I’m feeling like I need to run and hide.

  Connor sets the vase down on the stretcher also, then his large hands are cupping my face, bringing my eyes up to meet his. I can’t look away. His eyes are mesmerizing. They draw me in. “Lyane, do you want me to go? Was it wrong for me to come here?”

  I shake my head “no” because as much as my mind is telling me to just make him leave, that it would be easier on me, my heart is telling me that I am glad he sought me out.

  “Good. I honest to God wanted to call you so bad Sunday or yesterday, but I didn’t want to scare you off. Can I take you to lunch? How long of a break do you get?” Connor’s hands are still cradling my face.

  “I, uh, I only have about thirty or so minutes before I need to get back to work. We can eat in the café downstairs. I’m sure you don’t want to be seen with me looking like I do right now. I’m a mess.”

  Connor takes a step closer to me, leaning down so his face is just inches above mine. “Sweetness, you don’t know how sexy you look right now, do you? For fuck’s sake, I’m hard right now just looking at you. I have been since I first noticed that it was you with Michelle. Those scrubs are better than any nurse fantasy I could have imagined. And these,” He takes one of his hands and pushes my glasses up the bridge of my nose, “Damn, baby. It’s all I can do not to lay you down on that bed over there.”

  How does he do that? One minute he’s talking like the sweetest man ever, the next he is oozing sex. The fact that I kind of love the sex oozing talk worries me. I snap my mouth closed which was hanging open at his blatant words. Also, the fact that I probably wouldn’t stop him from having his way with me on that stretcher scares me to death.

  Connor stands back up, takes my hand, then starts pulling me with him. “Let’s put these up, then we’ll walk down for some lunch. Come on, Sweetness.”

  I show him to our break room to put the flowers and giant gummy bear up. When I open the door, I’m met with three pairs of expectant eyes wanting an answer to who the gorgeous man standing behind me is. Gabbi is speechless, which never happens. Travis is staring at me with his fork paused midair, and Joe, one of my other coworkers is looking beyond me to check out Connor with lust in his eyes. Joe and I must have the same taste in men. “Hey guys, I’m eating downstairs today. I’ll be back in a bit.” I say as I set my stuff down, then I quickly shut the door behind me. I’m not in the mood for introductions and besides, I’m sure Gabbi will fill in the other two on who my “friend” is.

  After going through the line in the café and taking a seat in a corner booth, I finally speak to Connor again. “I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore after the way I acted the other night.” I say between sips of my tea. “I thought I had upset you. You were so pissed when we left Silver.”

  “Not at all. Damnit, I’m always fucking things up.” Connor shakes his head at me putting his sandwich back down on his plate. “Lynae, I wasn’t pissed at you at all. Marcus just said something that made me mad, and I lost my temper. I hate the way I dragged you out of there.”

  “I’m not good with this type of thing.” I say pointing between the two of us. “I haven’t been on a date in a very long time.” I sigh. “Does Marcus have a problem with me?”

  Connor’s eyes pin me to my seat. “I have a very hard time believing that you don’t date. You’re fucking stunning. And to answer your question, no, I think Marcus has an issue with me trying to be around you.”

  Ok, so I’m totally confused. Marcus doesn’t know me at all, so why would he be upset if Connor and I get to know each other. I think back to what I heard Connor shout before we left Silver. He said something about knowing I’m different.

  When Connor can tell that I’m still befuddled, he continues. “Look, Lynae, I’m usually an ass. I’m a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy, but for some damn reason, all I want to do is protect you, from what, I have no fucking clue. Marcus knows how I am, and I think he could see that you’re different from my usual type. You actually have substance to you, and he was just warning me not to hurt you.” He pauses, “And, you really remind him of someone. I know that I should just go, and leave you alone, but I can’t.”

  Wow. I hadn’t expected that. I guess I knew that Connor wasn’t one to settle down, but I didn’t expect him to be so forthright with how he usually is. He says he knows that he is no good for me, but he can’t leave me alone. This thought makes my insides tumble and warm. I apparently have just as much of a pull on him as he does me. I reach my hand out to take his that is sitting on the table. All I can do is be honest with him. “Connor, I can’t explain it, but I feel there is something different about you. I’ve never been able to be comfortable around men, but when I’m with you, I feel safe.”

  Connor looks down at our hands. It’s the first time I’ve been the one to reach out and offer any kind of physical contact to him. The look in his eyes when they come up to meet mine tell me that he can see that this is a huge step for me. “Sweetness, I don’t know what happened, or why you feel scared.” I try to open my mouth to tell him I’m not scared, even though it would be a lie, but he interrupts me. “But I promise you, there is no reason to feel that way with me. Like I told Marcus, I know you’re different. I know we’ve known each other for what really adds up to only a few hours, but I feel different when you’re around. I like it, and I want to keep that feeling. Please forgive me for being a dick. I’d like to take you out again. This time just us. No clubs, just us. I want to get to know you.”

  If it weren’t for the table over my legs, I’m sure I would be floa
ting right out of the booth. Connor saying that he wants to get to know me, even though he can sense my hesitancy makes me want to chip away at those walls a little more. I do feel safe with him. He makes me feel like it’s ok to be me. “I’d like that.” Then we finish our lunch making plans for him to take me out to dinner tonight, then maybe just watch a movie. He wants a quiet evening without any distractions.

  Chapter Eleven

  Dodging questions left and right from everyone in the lab wasn’t easy. Gabbi tried to talk me into letting her come over to do my hair and makeup again for my date tonight with Connor, but I managed to talk her out of it. Michelle still seemed a little pissed at him for “letting me fall” Saturday night. I don’t think she really believes that I fell. I have a suspicion that she thinks he did something to me. Travis was nosey as ever. His views were that if it were his daughter, it would take more then candy and flowers to make up for not calling. I quickly told him that not only does he not have a daughter, but it was none of his business. Joe seemed to be the only one who thought a quiet evening was a good idea, but I think he was thinking of other ways to spend the evening instead of watching a movie.

  I ended up texting Connor asking if it would be ok to just order takeout and stay in. I felt like staying on my own turf would help ease my nerves, and this would give us time to really talk. He agreed and offered to pick up a few calzones from one of his favorite pizza parlors on his way over tonight. He actually should be here in few more minutes. I shower and change clothes when I get home, but I leave my glasses on. Instead of drying my hair, I let it dry naturally in loose waves. I want to go for comfort, and let him see me for who I am. If that isn’t enough, then so be it.

  The knock on the door startles me from my musings even though I am expecting him. Connor was still in the same clothes I saw him in at the hospital. Loose fitting jeans with a few rips in just the right places and a fitted forest green t-shirt that really brings out the color of his eyes. It should be illegal for anyone to look that good in just jeans and a shirt. It has to be that smirk he seems to always have when I am caught just staring at him, and that damn dimple that makes me want to stand on my tiptoes and lick it.

  “I brought a cheesecake too. I recall you enjoyed the one we had the other night rather well. This one is an amaretto one. I hope you like it.” Connor glides past me into the kitchen to set the food down on the counter. It looks like he brought a bottle of wine too.

  My cheeks flame at the reminder of my reaction to the cheesecake on Saturday. Well, more so the words he said to me, about him wanting me to make those sounds when he was making me feel as good as the cheesecake did. “Thanks. Let me get some plates. Do you want to eat in here? Or, we could eat in the living room. I don’t mind.” I’d much rather relax on the couch or the living room floor. It was a long afternoon at work, and I would love to sit on the nice fluffy cushions instead of the kitchen chairs.

  “That sounds fantastic. Here, let me help.”

  I pull two plates down from the cabinet, then show Connor where the wine glasses and corkscrew are for him to pour the wine. He’s kicked off his shoes and is padding around my apartment in just his socks. For some reason, this sight is incredibly sexy to me. He looks so at ease in my space. We head into the living room with me curling up in the corner of the couch and Connor settling on floor in front of me. His back is leaning against my knees.

  Dinner is delicious. The calzones he brought are the best I have ever had. They have just the right amount of ricotta cheese and a great marinara dipping sauce too. Connor keeps trying to be funny by continuously pulling it away form me so I have to reach over his shoulder to get to it. It feels so easy and relaxed.

  Our conversation covers the basic get to know you topics. We talk about Daddy moving out here with me when I started college so he wasn’t alone since Momma was gone, a little more about my friendship with Sly. He notices more of my pictures in the living room, and he is curious about if Sly and I ever dated. Connor also asks about how long Michelle, Gabbi and I have been friends. He says that he loves that I have such close friends locally since he can tell how much I obviously miss Sly being close to me. I learn that he and Wade are actually cousins, so that explains the family resemblance, and that he formed Shameful Regret his senior year in high school, still with all four original members. Connor is Sly’s age, so he is three years older than me. Connor also told me that he doesn’t have a relationship with his parents. That subject seems a little touchy, so I don’t pry.

  “I’ll just set these in the sink. Are you ready for dessert or do you want to wait a bit?” Connor asks taking our dishes into the kitchen. Throughout the meal he hasn’t let me get off the couch. He fills my water and wine glasses for me when I need more, and now he’s clearing away our mess.

  I watch him work in my living room and kitchen. It feels odd but completely normal at the same time. It’s almost like he is meant to be here. “I don’t think I could eat another bite right now, that food was amazing.” I say stretching my arms over my head. “How about we pop a movie in, and we can have the cheesecake in a little bit?”

  Connor saunters back into the living room. Damn, he is just too hot for his own good. My eyes travel from his face that has just the right amount of stubble along his jaw to his broad chest. The way that shirt clings to his body; I can see the definition of his muscles. How I would love to feel that hardness beneath my hands. He notices me blatantly checking him out. “See something you like, Sweetness?” He drops to his knees on the floor in front of the couch, pulling my legs out from under me to stretch out on either side of him. Connor runs his hands up my thighs until they are gliding over the sides of my hips.

  My entire body is on fire. Every inch of where he touches me tingles with electricity. My breathing hitches and I begin to feel dizzy. “Um, what movie do you want to watch?” I try to distract him and get my mind off the fact that he is kneeling between my legs and he smells utterly delicious.

  Connor’s hands are splayed across my hips with his thumbs drawing small circles over my exposed skin where my shirt has ridden up. I feel a strong ache forming deep within me. It is an altogether unfamiliar longing. Connor begins to move his hands further up my ribcage. “I’m content to just watch you for a little while, Sweetness.” He says leaning forward, as his lips gently caress my collarbone up to my neck.

  I moan as my head tips back to rest against the cushions of the couch. Connor’s stubble scrapes along my skin making a magnificent friction. My hands find their way into his dark hair that is just long enough for my fingers to run through tangling at the nape of his neck. It’s soft and silky in my hands. I feel Connor’s body pressing into mine, his hands inch closer to my breasts, grazing the bottom of them underneath my shirt and my body stiffens. He feels it too. He pulls away to look at me, “Babe, what’s wrong?”

  My eyes stay tightly shut and I shake my head. I’m afraid that if I open my eyes, the tears will come. “Nothing.” I push against his shoulders to get him away from me. “Excuse me.” I quickly run into the bathroom in my bedroom shutting the door behind me.

  The face I see looking back at me from the mirror is pale and wide eyed. My heart is beating erratically in my chest. Nobody has touched me there before since that night. I know that it was Connor’s hands on me, but I still panicked. This is twice now that I’ve freaked out on him. He is going to think I’m completely insane.

  “Lynae, babe, please tell me you’re ok in there.” Connor calls through the door. “I’m sorry if I was moving a bit fast. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

  Deep breath, Lynae. “Sorry. I’m ok. Just felt a little funny. I’ll be out in a minute.” I splash some cold water on my face. I need to go back out there and face him, even if it’s just to see him walk out the door again.

  When I open the door, Connor is sitting on the foot of my bed. He stands up immediately. “Babe, I am so sorry.” Striding towards me, he places his hands on my cheeks looking directly into my eyes. �
��What did he do to you?”

  His question is the last I expected to hear. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try to look away from those piercing emerald pools. I can’t let him see. I can’t let Connor know.

  Connor’s hold on my face tightens as he steps closer to me. He lifts my face up so I have no other choice but to look at him. “I will never intentionally hurt you, Lynae. I promise you that.” His thumbs wipe away the stray tears that I didn’t know were escaping my eyes. “I don’t know what he did to you, or what happened in your past, but I’m not him, and I will not make you do something you’re not comfortable with.”

  I sniffle and nod my head. “Connor, I…” my voice cracks.

  “Shh…you don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t really know me, but I’d like to get to know you.” Connor releases my face then takes my hand leading me back out into the living room. “Let’s watch that movie. I’ll protect you.”

  And that is exactly what we do the rest of the evening. Connor holds me close in his arms as we watch Grease. His warm embrace erases the anxiety I felt only moments before. I really do feel safe and protected by him.

  Chapter Twelve

  The rest of the week goes by pretty quickly. I am so excited that Friday is finally here because that means Sly will be waiting on me at the apartment when I get home. He is driving in today while I am at work, then leaving to head back Sunday evening. I missed him, and I haven’t talked to him as much throughout the week as I normally do because I have actually spending my evenings with Connor.

  My panic attack on Tuesday night didn’t frighten Connor away. If anything, he seems even more intent on getting to know me. Connor and I spent the last two days texting when I got a few minutes break in between patients, and he would be waiting on me when I got finished at work. He apparently makes his own hours at the garage he works for because he and Wade co-own it. They share an apartment that is directly above the garage, and they use the extra space behind the shop as a practice area for Shameful Regret. Connor and I went out to dinner Wednesday night, but took take out back to his apartment Thursday night.