In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  “Damn man! Connor gets all the play!” Wade sulks up to pry Gabbi off me. “I’d love to be in the middle of you two. I can tell Connor to take a hike tonight ladies!”

  Oh good Lord! What Gabbi sees in that man is beyond me, but she looks happy, and that is all that matters to me. Wade is obnoxious, crude and an impossible flirt. Gabbi is too, so I guess that makes them a good match.

  “Why don’t you go on out front with Sly and Michelle? I have to talk to Wade and Marcus about a few things. Ok, babe?” Connor asks.

  Seth perks up with the mention of Michelle. “Who is Sly? Did Michelle bring a date?” He looks like a lost little puppy at the prospect of her being here with another guy.

  Ignoring Seth, I spin around in Connor’s arms. “Yeah, baby, no problem. I kiss him softly on the lips before I turn to drab Gabbi out front with me.

  Connor smacks my behind when I walk away from him. “I love it when you call me baby!” he calls out; I give him a wink over my shoulder.

  As he did last Saturday, Connor has reserved a table directly beside the stage near the doors. This is great because it means we don’t have much of a crowd to fight through to find where we will be stationed while Shameful Regret performs. It is awesome to not have to worry about where we will be, and trying to have someone constantly at our table on the lookout for our belongings. I recall Michelle and Gabbi complaining about that all the time on the nights that they had gone out and I refused to go.

  I spot Sly immediately. He’s hard to miss. Standing a solid 6’2’’ tall and weighing close to 220 pounds of pure muscle he doesn’t blend into a crowd. Short spiky hair and bright blue eyes make him an instant magnet for the throngs of women at the club tonight. Michelle must have wandered off to the bar because I don’t see her, and if she were here, I’m sure that Sly wouldn’t be surrounded by the three girls who are wearing barely enough fabric to cover their assets. I raise my eyebrow at him in question. His response is his dazzling smile and a wink. He excuses himself form his admirers and comes my way leaving the girls pouting pathetically. Gabbi has wandered off in search of drinks and Michelle.

  “There’s my girl!” Sly holds his arms open for me and I go into his embrace willingly. “Rocker Boy too busy with his backstage groupies to have you hanging around?”

  “It’s not like that, Sly!” I huff. “You don’t know him.”

  “And neither do you. You just met this guy last week and you already seem like a different person.” Sly counters.

  I look up at my best friend. “Yeah, Connor does make me feel different. He makes me feel like it’s ok to live. I’ve been hiding for so long. I can’t do it anymore.” Crap! I didn’t mean to let that much slip out of my mouth. I quickly look away. Sly can always see right through me. “Let’s just go over to the table. I wanna be up front when Connor comes out.” I start walking away.

  Sly can sense my reluctance to continue that line of conversation, so he follows behind me, letting the subject drop. Michelle and Gabbi saunter back over with shot glasses in their hands. “Lemon Drops!” Michelle exclaims passing them over to us.

  “Damn women and their girly ass drinks.” Sly groans as he tips the shot back with a sour face.

  This is my first shot. I’ve only ever really drunk wine, but the last few drinks that Michelle has ordered for me have all tasted pretty good. So, here goes nothing. I throw the shot back letting the tart lemon flavor glide down my throat. It’s much stronger than the lemontini that she gave me last week, but it is still quite yummy.

  “That’s enough for you, Sweet Cheeks.” Sly comes to stand behind me, wrapping his harms around my shoulders so they are resting under my neck across my collarbone. I relax into him, bringing my hands up to grip his strong forearms. Sly is like my own personal security blanket. I notice Michelle starts dancing around to the beat of the music, Sly keeps a watchful eye on her. She is like the Energizer Bunny, she doesn’t know how to sit still.

  The guys start to make their way on stage with the same dramatic flair as the last time I saw them. Wade makes obscene gestures with his tongue, although this time, they are directed more towards Gabbi. Marcus walks out with a wink and a wave in my direction, but Seth has to be the obnoxious one. When he comes out, he yells out “I love you, Nae-Nae!” then points to Sly when he notices his arms around me. “Get your hands off my piece of ass!”

  Luckily for Seth, he ducks before Connor can hit him this time. He quickly retreats to his drum set towards the back of the stage while Connor glides to his microphone stand, his eyes raking over my body. He is noticeably tense, but relaxes when I step out of Sly’s arms. He touches below his left eye then points at me mouthing the word “Sweetness” and I practically melt into a puddle on the spot.

  Shameful Regret’s set is just as amazing this time as it was the last two times I saw them. They even sing some of the new material that I heard them working on this week. I don’t think I will ever tire of listening to Connor’s voice. The deep richness combined with his intense gaze is a potent mixture.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Marcus and Seth come out from backstage as soon as the set is done. I look beyond them searching for Connor, but he isn’t there. “Great job tonight, guys.” I say to Marcus when he walks up to give me a hug hello. This is new. I guess he’s talking to me again. “Where’s Connor?”

  “He’s still dealing with some shit with Wade. He’ll be out in a bit.” Marcus still has his arm around my shoulders. “Just warning you, Nae, he’s not going to be in a great mood. Let’s head to the bar and I’ll buy you a drink.” He says trying to steer me away from backstage, which was the direction I was heading. Marcus has taken to calling me “Nae” now. I’m not sure I like the nickname, but it’s much better than what Michelle and Gabbi have everyone else calling me.

  I let Marcus buy me a coke at the bar; I don’t want to have another drink. I have to drive us all back to my apartment after all. Sly comes to join us and sits on the other side of me. I introduce them, then turn around to watch the backstage entrance. I hope Connor is alright.

  While Marcus and Sly are deep in conversation, I slip away to search for Connor. I can’t explain it, but I have this feeling that he’s upset, and that he needs me. I hope my gut instinct is right, I don’t want him thinking that I’m just checking up on him.

  When I walk back towards the hallway I left the guys in before the show I hear raised voices. I stop where I am to listen, trying to decide if I should go on, or just head back. Connor and Wade are arguing. Connor sounds truly angry.

  “Listen, I know damn well that tomorrow is Kaitlin’s birthday. Fuck! I think about her every damn day. It’s my fault all that shit happened. Don’t think that they let me forget it either. They don’t want me around, so I’m sure as hell not going over there for them to piss all over me!” Connor growls.

  “Dude, I’m just saying that Dad would like you to come by the house. You can swing by before they get there. Don’t shut him out too just because they treat you like dog shit. It’s not you’re fucking fault! How many times do I have to tell you that.” Wade’s voice is loud, but he’s trying to remain in control.

  Who is Kaitlin? Are they talking about Connor’s parents? I know that he said he didn’t have a relationship with them to speak of, but he didn’t really elaborate. I can hear the pain in Connor’s voice. It breaks my heart to hear him hurting, but I’m scared at the same time to hear him so angry.

  I hear the sound of a fist hitting a wall. “Just leave it the fuck alone! I’m not going. It is my fault. Now fuck off!” Connor comes barreling around the corner right into me, knocking me flat on my ass.

  Wade comes directly behind Connor, stopping abruptly when he sees me looking up at them from the floor. “Shit! Nae-Nae, you ok?” he asks.

  Connor immediately leans down pulling me roughly up into his arms. Without saying a word, he carries me into an office down the hall from where he and Wade were arguing; kicking the door shut with is boot. He drops me
down onto of the desk then takes a step back. His chest his heaving, his eyes are blazing. He looks furious. “What the fuck are you doing back here, Lynae?” He yells.

  I instinctively try to scoot back on the desk. I pull my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. “I, I was worried, and I..” I can’t seem to from words. My heart is beating erratically. My eyes dart around the room looking for a way to escape. Connor is blocking the only door. “I’m sorry.” I try to say, but it comes out as a muffled sob as I break down into tears. My fear is overcoming me. The walls are closing in; I’m finding it hard to breathe. I’m starting to get lightheaded. I start to shake my head crying “No!” over and over again.

  I feel warm arms wrapping around me. I struggle to pull away. The arms grip me tighter. I hear what sounds like a door banging open against a wall. Wade’s voice breaks through my clouded head. “Dude! What the fuck?” I lift my head up to see Connor’s green eyes staring back at me. He’s face is blurry through my tear filled eyes.

  “Oh my God, Lynae. Baby, I’m so sorry. It’s ok. It’s just me. I didn’t mean to yell. Please talk to me.” Connor is trying to talk calmly to me while he’s stroking my hair. He’s looking from me to Wade, then back to me again. “Baby, it’s ok. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Nae-Nae, honey, do you need me to go get Gabbi or Michelle?” Wade asks gently. He’s come to sit on the other side of me. He glares at Connor, “What the hell did you do to her, man?”

  I continue to stare at Connor. He doesn’t look like the same man that was yelling at me just moments ago. His entire countenance has changed. Before he was frightening making me feel like I couldn’t breathe, now he looks like the frightened one. The way he is tentatively stroking me, makes me feel like he is afraid to touch me because he thinks I may shatter. “Sweetness, please say something.” He begs.

  When I feel like I can talk without my voice cracking, I turn towards Wade, who is looking at me expectantly. “No, I don’t want them to know about this. Please, don’t say anything.” I really, really don’t want Wade to go out there saying that I had a meltdown. Not only will Michelle freak out, but I don’t want to have to deal with Sly. He will kill Connor if he thinks he hurt me in any way, shape or form.

  “If that’s what you want, Nae-Nae. I’ll do whatever you need. Are you ok?” Wade’s voice is soft and gentle, like he’s talking to a child.

  I nod my head as Wade reaches out to wipe away a tear. I didn’t know that he could be so caring. The few interactions I’ve had with him, he seemed like a douche that was only out to get laid and annoy the hell out of me. “I’m ok.” I take a deep breath in and release it. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

  “I’ll take you, Sweetness.” Connor insists as I release my grip around my legs to lower them over the side of the desk. He stands up to allow me room to maneuver my feet to the floor. Connor keeps his arm around my shoulders as if he thinks I may fall.

  My body is still coiled tightly. My back feels rigid, my shoulders drawn up. “I really just need a minute to myself, please.” I say looking down at my feet. I feel Connor’s gaze boring into me, but I can’t look at him. I feel his fingers dig into my shoulder a little harder, I whimper.

  Wade steps in, taking my hand, “Come on, Nae-Nae. I’ll walk you out, then we will go find the girls.” He looks to Connor, “You go on out, tell them she’s fine. I got her man.” Then Wade guides me out of the room. Suddenly, for some reason, it’s not bothering me anymore that Wade is calling me that ridiculous nickname. It’s comforting.

  While we are walking down the hall, Wade steers me down a different direction than towards the main room. He’s taking me to the staff restrooms. I’m grateful for this. I don’t want anyone else to see me like this, I’m sure I look like a mess. I can feel that my eyes are puffy. I glance up to Wade, “I wasn’t trying to listen in on y’all. Marcus said that Connor was upset. I got worried, that’s all, I promise. I’m sorry.” I sniffle again. Great, I need to get this crying under control.

  “Honey, Connor wasn’t mad at you. He’s just,” he pauses, “He’s sensitive about that subject. It’s personal. He didn’t hurt you, did he? I swear, he may be family, but I’ll kick his fucking ass if he hurt you.” Wade opens the door to the ladies’ room, and I duck under his arm. “I’ll be right outside this door. I’m not going anywhere, darlin’.”

  I look back at him, “Wade, who is Kaitlin?” I have to know. Is she an ex? Did she break his heart? He said that he thinks about her everyday. What happened that he blames himself for?

  “You need to talk to him about that, honey. Kaitlin was his baby sister.”

  Was? What does he mean by that? When I open my mouth to ask him, Wade takes the hand not holding the door open and pushes me inside, then closes the door behind me.

  Looking in the mirror, I take stock of my appearance. My eyes are red, my mascara has pretty much disappeared, my cheeks are flushed. I grab a few paper towels to wet in an attempt to clean my tear-streaked face. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to explain this to Michelle and Sly. They will see straight through any kind of lie I throw out there. I know I need to apologize to Connor also.

  Making my appearance as presentable as possible, I leave the bathroom. Wade is leaning against the wall messing with his phone. He looks up smiling at me. “Just texting Gabs that we are on our way out. She says that you need to get your ass out there to save Michelle from Seth. He’s getting grabby with you not out there for him to assault.” I appreciate his trying to lighten my mood. He knows I need to get myself together to face everyone.

  “I guess let’s go save her then.” I reply hoping it sounds light and upbeat.

  “Connor has issues, but he really is a great guy. I’ve seen the way he’s been with you. I think you’re good for him, Lynae. Don’t let tonight drive you away. He doesn’t open up easily, but I can see him opening to you.” Wade slings his arm around my shoulders as we walk towards the main area of the club.

  I look at him incredulously raising my eyebrow. Who knew Wade could be such a teddy bear. He seems like a jackass, but when it comes to his family, he seems to really have a heart of gold. I think I’m happy to see him and Gabbi together. I’m also glad that Connor has him in his life. If what I recall hearing about, who I think are his parents, it sounds like he needs stable family around. “My, my. Wade, you do surprise me.”

  “What? Nah, Nae-Nae. I’m still the dumbfuck that loves to drive you insane. Don’t go telling anyone I’m anything different now, you hear?” Wade gives me a gentle squeeze when we come to the door leading out to our table. “Put your game face on, I don’t want to have to run away hiding if Connor thinks I upset you more.”

  When we get back to the table, only Gabbi and Seth are sitting there. I can see Michelle and Sly off on the dance floor. I swear, those two really need to get their act together and tell each other how they feel. It’s obvious in the way they look at each other. I crane my neck looking through the crowd trying to find where Connor has gotten off to. I’m not sure that I really want to face him right now, but I’d like to make sure he is ok. After all, that’s what the hell I was trying to do in the first damn place.

  One look at my face has Gabbi losing her carefree smile. She looks at Wade tilting her head to the side asking what’s wrong without voicing the words. She knows that he was the one I was with for the last little while. I see Wade shaking his head out of the corner of my eye. That seems to satisfy Gabbi; because she grabs her powder compact out of her clutch then walks up to me attempting to fix my face quickly. “There, all better. Can’t have Crazy Ass One and Crazy Ass Two going psycho on you tonight.” She smiles at me reassuringly.

  Crazy Ass One and Crazy Ass Two? She must be talking about Connor and Sly. I know that Sly is definitely a crazy ass when he thinks someone is messing with somebody he cares about, and from his behavior tonight, I’d definitely classify Connor as a crazy ass. “I’m good, Gabbi. Thanks, doll. I got lost backstag
e, and your loverboy found me.” Please take the hint that I don’t want to talk about anything. Please!

  I’m saved from Gabbi’s inquisition when Marcus and Connor come up to the table, followed shortly there after by Sly and Michelle. Connor glances at me, but doesn’t say a word. Marcus gives me a knowing look before giving an evil glare back at Connor. “Nae-Nae! I’m ready to head home if you are!” Michelle slurs. She’s had a few drinks in my absence it appears.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty tired. Come on.” I start heading back towards the back entrance. “It’s faster to just go through here.” I continue on without looking back to see if anyone is following me.

  When I get to my car, I realize that Connor has my keys. I gave them to him to hold onto since my outfit didn’t have any pockets. He walks up directly behind me clicking the keyless entry remote, then opens the passenger side door indicating that he wants me to get in. “I’m driving.” He says quietly. I don’t argue, I hop up into my Escape, buckling my seatbelt facing forward. We have to wait a few minutes for Michelle and Sly to meet us. Michelle is hanging onto Sly so much that he is practically carrying her.

  The ride back to my apartment is quiet and tense in the front seat, but flirty in the back seat. It looks like Sly has had a few drinks tonight as well; he and Michelle look quite cozy snuggled up together. When Connor pulls into a parking spot, I immediately hop out before he has a chance to open my door for me. The tension is unbearable. I can’t take the stifling atmosphere.

  Michelle crawls out of the back seat with a giggle and Sly right behind her. “I’m gonna walk Michelle back to her building. I’ll be back in a bit. Love you, Sweet Cheeks!” Sly pulls me in for a quick hug before he starts leading Michelle off in the darkness.

  I hold my hand out to Connor, silently asking for my keys. Instead he takes my hand in his and starts walking me into my building. He doesn’t let go when he opens the door, nor does he when he pulls me into the elevator. Connor still hasn’t said a word to me since we got to my car in the parking garage downtown. He only hands my keys to me when we reach my door. I unlock it and walk in. I’m about to shut the door when he comes in behind me, closing and locking it behind himself. When I turn around, he’s leaning against my front door. I can’t quite figure out how to take the expression on his face.