In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  Chapter Fifteen

  I flip the lights on then toss my keys onto the kitchen table. “What do you want Connor?” I don’t hide the ire in my voice. I still don’t understand why he was yelling at Wade or why he flipped out on me in the hallway. I cross my arms and wait.

  “Lynae, I’m so sorry for yelling at you. I wasn’t expecting to see you standing there.” Connor’s voice is soft. He sounds contrite. “Please say you forgive me. I know I scared you, I didn’t mean to.”

  “Yes, you did scare me. You scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong. I heard you and Wade arguing. Marcus had said you were upset, and I just wanted to check on you.” I wave my hand in the air in front of me. When I get fired up, I tend to gesture with my hands a lot. I think it has something to do with my Italian heritage. At least that is what Momma always used to say. “I wasn’t sure what you were going to do.”

  That’s the truth too. Deep down I know in my heart that Connor would never lay a hand on me, but for one fleeting moment, I was afraid of him. I could see the coiled fury that was bubbling near the surface. Connor takes a step towards me, I take a step back, bumping into the counter.

  “Sweetness, please.” Connor begs. “I swear on my life that I would never hurt you. I was a fucking ass, I know that. This is just a bad time for me.”

  “Tell me what you and Wade were talking about. Who is Kaitlin? Wade said she is your sister. What happened?”

  Connor’s body goes rigid at the sound of her name. Crap! Is he going to shut me out like he was trying to shut Wade out? I walk over to him and place my hand on his forearm. His body relaxes slightly at my touch. “Kaitlin was my baby sister. She was a year and a half younger than me. She’s dead.” Connor lets out a pent up breath, “And no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  I hadn’t expected that. Connor’s baby sister is dead. I remember him saying something about thinking it was his fault. He couldn’t have been responsible. I know that I don’t really know him that well, but I am certain that he wouldn’t have ever been capable of something like that.

  Connor wraps his arms around my waist pulling me into him. I go willingly. “Please tell me that we are ok, baby. I hate that I lashed out at you. Wade doesn’t know how to let things go, and when I saw you standing there, hell, I don’t know.” He rests his chin on top of my head.

  All the tension that had been coiled in my body was melting away in Connor’s arms. As much as I know I should be cautious with my heart, it calls out for him. I can’t make him talk to me about something that he doesn’t want to, just like he respects my choice not to elaborate on why I, myself freaked out on him twice. “We’re ok. I don’t understand, but we’re ok.” Connor’s arms squeeze me tighter. “You know you can talk to me. I’m here if you need me.”

  “Can I stay? I know you probably want me to leave, but I need to hold you.” Connor breathes into my hair. His voice sounds meek and timid, unsure of himself. He sounds like a lost little boy, not the man that I have been getting to know.

  My heart melts a little more. Connor sounds like he needs me as much as I am beginning to feel like I need him. I lift my head to gaze into those emerald eyes that captivated me the first night I saw him. They look torn and full of regret. My heart aches for him. “Don’t go. Stay.”

  Connor picks me up, carrying me into my bedroom. He sets me down at the foot of my bed, then I’m suddenly nervous. I hope he doesn’t expect anything from me. As much as my body hums with desire when he touches me, I don’t think I’m ready for that. I desperately want to be ready, but I know I’m not.

  Sensing my unease, Connor reaches out, his hand cupping my cheek. “Relax, Sweetness. I just want to hold you. After my behavior tonight, I know you don’t want to be with me like that.” His thumb gently strokes along my bottom lip. “Trust me when I say that I would love to lay you down on that bed and spend hours worshiping your body, but tonight I just want to feel you in my arms. You ground me.”

  A smile touches my lips for the first time in hours. This is the Connor that I feel safe with. This is the Connor that I feel protected by. I stand on my tiptoes to brush a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m going to change. I’ll be right back.”

  I grab a pair of pajama shorts and a cami, my usual sleepwear, then head to the bathroom. As I’m changing, I realize that this is the first time I will have spent the night with someone other than Sly. Maybe I should have chosen a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt instead. Looking down, I see that my shorts are basically just a little longer than boyshort underwear, and my cami hardly covers my breasts. At least it has a built in bra, but I feel very exposed. I comb out my hair and brush my teeth quickly.

  Turning out the light, I step into the bedroom. Connor has turned out all the lights in the living room and bedroom except for the lamp on my bedside table. He’s sitting on the side of the bed in his boxers and undershirt. Sweet baby Jesus! My mouth goes dry at the sight of his muscular thighs that are just as magnificent as I imagined them to be under his ripped jeans. I see his tan arms, a little more of that tattoo that I am dying to the rest of and the white undershirt is tight across his broad chest. Oh, how I wish he had taken that shirt off. No! Thank God he kept it on. I may spontaneously combust if I saw him without his shirt on.

  Connor’s gaze rakes over my body. Tingles ignite over every inch his eyes graze over. I notice his eyes linger on my breasts, and my nipples harden in response, pressing against the thin fabric of my cami. Embarrassed, I cross my arms over my chest to try to hide myself as I hurry around to the other side of the bed to crawl under the covers. I lay down on the absolute edge of the bed, pulling the blanket up to my chin.

  “Sweetness, I told you not be nervous. Come here.” Connor chuckles stretching out beside me, reaching over pulling me to him. I’m pressed against his warmth, making my body feel like it’s on fire. “Turn over on your side, babe.” He instructs.

  I roll over onto my side facing the window, my back to his chest. I can feel the heat coming off of him. Connor brings his hand up to brush my hair off my neck, then wraps his strong arm around me, settling his hand low on my abdomen, pulling me tightly to him. Connor lowers his head between my neck and shoulder, placing a gently open mouthed kiss behind my ear.

  How in the hell am I supposed to sleep with Connor lying right against me? My mind is spinning a million miles per hour. My heart thuds in my chest. Part of me wants to turn around, wrap my arms and legs around him and let it all go. The other part remembers the shame and guilt I’ve been carrying around. I could never be enough for him. Connor has been with countless women. I’m broken and damaged. This thought has me curling in on myself a little more.

  “Just relax, Sweetness. I’ve got you.” He whispers in my ear as he slips his other arm under me to wrap me completely. I’m surrounded by Connor. I close my eyes, drifting off to sleep with one thought in my mind. Truer words have not been spoken, Connor has my heart in his hands. I just hope he doesn’t break it. That pain would be far worse than anything else I’ve endured.

  ~

  I wake up lying flat on my back feeling incredibly hot. I feel a warm body next to me. Why did Sly sleep in here with me? He usually just crashes in the guest room. As the sleepy haze clears from my mind I realize that there is a very large hand cupping my left breast. That’s when I remember last night. It’s Connor’s hand holding me. I turn my head to glance at him. He’s lying on his side facing me. One of his legs is draped over my own, pinning me to the bed. I can feel his hardness pressing into my thigh. Oh my! This is an interesting way to wake up.

  Connor looks so peaceful sleeping. His long dark eyelashes rest gently on his high cheekbones. I study the slope of his nose; it has a small ridge, perhaps from being broken in the past. It adds to his ruggedness, not detracting from it. Dark stubble covers his cheeks and jaw. He is unquestionably the sexiest man I have ever seen, but more than that, he looks absolutely beautiful sleeping beside me. His t-shirt has ridden up slightly,
and I can see his hipbone and that “V” cut into his waist dipping down into his boxers. My mind wanders, thinking about finding where that “V” leads. Quit it Lynae!

  Connor’s hand tightens on my breast as he stirs in his sleep, his hips moving into me. Desire surges deep within me and I gasp at the sensations coursing through my body. I feel a tightening pulling low in my belly. Further down I feel a heat rising. This is an all-together new feeling for me.

  His eyes flutter open, catching me staring at him. A lazy smile forms on his lips. “I thought I was dreaming.” Connor’s voice has always seemed sexy to me, but this morning, husky with sleep. It is enough to make me swoon if I wasn’t already lying down. He seems to notice what his hand has a hold of, making his eyes smolder. Connor brushes his thumb over the stiff peak of my nipple, causing me to whimper.

  In the next instant, Connor has moved so that his laying on top of me, bracing himself up with one arm, the other hand is still gripping my breast. His knees have nudged my legs open, and his hips are pushing down into me. The hardness that I had felt moments before on my thigh feels impossibly harder and is hitting me in the center of my core. My own hips shift up towards him of their own volition. My breath catches in my chest at the sudden friction sending lightening bolts through my body. “Ah!”

  Connor’s eyes are burning into me as his lips come crashing down to claim mine. Connor’s tongue forces my mouth open, then tangles with my own. He groans into my mouth, rocking his hips rhythmically into me. The hand that was cupping my breast has slipped lower to reach under my cami. I can feel his calloused hands gliding over my abdomen heading back towards its previous location. My own hands come up to grip tightly onto his shoulders. I don’t know if I want to pull him on to me or push him off.

  When his hand reaches my breast again, this time there is no barrier. Connor gently pulls my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it. His lips leave mine to travel down my neck towards my collarbone then back up, leaving a trail of wet kisses. “Oh God!” I moan, arching my back to press my chest harder against him.

  Connor shifts his weight onto his elbows, his other hand now free to slip the strap of my cami off my shoulder. His mouth follows the path of the strap. “Your skin tastes just as sweet as your mouth.” His hips continue to rub against me. My hands glide down over his back then make their way under his shirt, reveling in the feel of his taut back muscles and smooth skin.

  I can feel a tightening sensation building deep. I feel like a wire strung too taut that will break at any moment. Connor’s stubble grazing over the skin on my chest is causing an exquisite friction. I look down to see him taking the top of my cami between his teeth, pulling it down to expose my breasts. The cool air of my bedroom hits them, but the coolness is quickly replaced by the scorching heat of his mouth and tongue as he pulls one hard peak into his mouth, laving it with his tongue. My nails dig into the flesh of his lower back causing him to groan. The vibrations of his body make me throw my head back as far as I can push it into my pillow.

  The building sensation is making me feel like I’m flying higher and higher. The moment that Connor’s teeth sink into my nipple, I fall over the edge. I see bright flashes of color behind my closed eyelids; my heart feels as though it will beat right out of my chest. I moan in ecstasy. Connor releases my nipple to cover my moans with his mouth. I don’t know how long I lay there writhing; I just know that I have never felt such pleasure before in my life.

  As I come down from my incredible high, I open my eyes to see Connor watching me intently. “Good morning, Sweetness.”

  Oh! My! God! I feel my face flush. I scramble to pull my cami back over my exposed chest. I’m so embarrassed all of the sudden. What did I let happen? I completely lost control of myself. Connor leans up, grabbing both of my wrists in his hands. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  “I, uh, I.” I don’t even know what to say. I can’t tell him that was the first time I’ve ever climaxed. I can’t tell him that no man has ever touched me like that before. He was touching me for the sole purpose of making me feel good, and man, did that feel really good. I didn’t feel embarrassed while it was happening. I was so lost in the moment, but now, I realize that I got that excited by just him sucking on my breast and grinding into me. He probably thinks I’m pathetic. I look into his eyes, but I don’t see disgust there. I see longing and passion. I quickly look away.

  Connor releases one of my wrists to bring his hand up to cup my cheek, turning me so that I’m facing him again. “Lynae, are you a virgin?”

  Silence is my reply. I don’t know how to answer that. I’m technically not, I guess. I may not have wanted that night to happen, but I was foolish enough to allow it to happen. It was my fault. I can’t tell him about that night. He will never want to touch me again, and I desperately want him to touch me again, even though my emotions are jumbled right now. I know that just moments ago, being with Connor, letting him feel me and hold me like that, felt right.

  “Baby, why didn’t you tell me?” Connor gently asks. I still don’t respond. My voice has completely disappeared. Connor chuckles, “Lynae, you are going to have to speak to me, or I’m not gonna let you up out of this bed.” A wry grin creeps up on his face, “Actually, that sounds like a perfect idea to me.”

  Banging around in the kitchen draws my attention to my closed bedroom door. Shit! Sly is here. Did he hear me? I’m not sure exactly how loud I was. And Michelle is probably here by now too for our morning run. How in the hell am I going to face Sly if he heard me? What am I going to say to Michelle when she sees Connor coming out of my room? Wait a minute. I’m a damn adult. It doesn’t matter. This is my apartment, and I can do whatever I damn well please! Oh, who am I kidding. I will be mortified if they heard me!

  “Good morning, Connor.” are the first words I can manage to form.

  “She speaks!” he laughs rolling off of me to lie on his side. “Seriously though, are you ok? I didn’t mean to push you too far. I couldn’t help myself. You are even more sexy in the morning than you are the other times I’ve seen you. And the fact that you don’t seem to notice it…well, Sweetness, that just makes you that much more irresistible.” Connor places a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Let’s get up. I actually have a few things I need to do today, and I have a feeling that we are about to be interrupted soon anyway.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  As if on cue, Michelle bursts through the door in her running gear. “Nae-Nae! Get your ass…Oh shit! I’m sorry!” she screams when she sees Connor’s back to her, then she runs back out the door.

  I roll over onto my stomach groaning as I bury my head in my pillow. Connor laughs, rubbing his hand up and down my back. “Told you we were about to be interrupted. Come on, Sweetness, you can’t hide in here. She knows you’re here, she knows I’m here.”

  I draw my knees up, basically sticking my rear up in the air, then pull my head out of the pillow to turn my head to face Connor, who is grinning like an idiot staring at my ass. When I realize what a view I’m giving him, I quickly sit back on my heels. “Ok, let’s go.” I move to get out of bed when Connor grabs my arm again pulling me down beside him. He leans over me and places a slow, sweet kiss on my lips.

  “Now you can get up. Let me put my jeans on then I’ll meet you out there. I’m still waiting on him to settle back down, and that’s not gonna happen with your sweet ass in those little shorts.” He lays back on his back, lacing his hands behind his head as he watches me dart of out the bedroom.

  Walking out into the living room feels like I’m facing the firing squad. Michelle is sitting on the couch nervously biting her nails, but jumps up as soon as I shut the door behind me. Sly is pacing in the kitchen. He looks nervous too. “Morning, y’all.” I try to sound casual.

  “Don’t you ‘Morning’ me you little hussy!” Michelle runs over, grabbing my arm to pull me into the kitchen and away from my door. “So, Connor stayed the night, huh? Did you?” She waggles her eyebrows up and down.
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br />   I look between her and Sly. “Obviously he stayed the night, otherwise why would he be here this early.” I snap, cutting her off. I don’t know why I’m feeling so defensive. “But no, we didn’t do anything.” That’s not at total lie. Michelle was asking if we had sex, which we didn’t. So therefore, I’m not lying. And it doesn’t matter if I am lying, this is my apartment, and I can do what I want.

  At the insinuation of sex, Sly starts coughing. Michelle shoots him a look but he’s looking anywhere in the kitchen but her. His cheeks are flushed, and I notice that Michelle’s face is a little red too when she looks away from Sly. I wonder what that’s about. Sly turns to me, “Lynae, why did Rocker Boy stay the night? You looked like you were pissed at him last night.”

  “No, we’re fine. Just a misunderstanding.”

  “Uh huh. Didn’t sound like much of a misunderstanding this morning, Lynae.” Sly smirks. “You know that the guestroom bed shares a wall with yours. And they ain’t that thin either.”

  My face flames at his comment. I duck my head in the fridge, looking for what, I don’t know, but anything so I don’t have to look at him. Sly comes up behind me rubbing my back, but I quickly shrug away from his hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Connor opens the door to my bedroom, walking out with all the confidence in the world. He’s pulled his pants back on, but he is still carrying his button down shirt from the night before. He looks delicious in his low jeans and tight white undershirt. “Sly, Michelle.” He gives them both a nod then slides beside me at the counter. “I’m gonna get going, Sweetness. I know you want to spend some time with Sly while he’s here, and I actually am going to drive down to Savannah for the rest of the weekend. I’ll call you tonight, but I won’t be back in town ‘till Monday morning.”