In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  I gaze up into his bright eyes smiling. “Ok, I’ll walk you down.”

  Connor puts his shirt back on, but doesn’t button it, and I grab a pair of flip-flops to wear downstairs. When we get to the main door to the building, he turns around to wrap me tightly in his arms. “I’m not letting you walk outside in just this little bit of clothing, Lynae. You’re too damn sexy for you own good.” He places a gentle kiss on my nose. “I’ll call you tonight when I get down there.”

  I don’t ask why he’s going. I gather from the conversation I overheard last night that he is probably going to visit Kaitlin’s grave maybe. I know that they lived in Savannah before moving up here. I do wonder if he will be going to his family’s house, or if he will be staying in a hotel. I have a feeling that he will be doing the latter. It didn’t sound like he wanted to see his family, or if they would want to see him. I wrap my arms around his neck to stand on my tiptoes to place a quick kiss on his lips before he leaves, but his insistent tongue forces its way into my mouth, deepening the kiss. I melt into him.

  When Connor breaks the kiss, he whispers against my lips “Sweetness, this morning was the best morning I’ve had in a long, long time. Thank you for that. I want to have all of you, but only when you’re ready. You should have told me, baby. I wouldn’t have been so forward. I just can’t help myself with you.”

  “I’m glad you stayed. I can’t remember the last time I’ve slept so well. And, this morning was,” I look away, “This morning was wonderful.” I’m almost embarrassed to say what I want to say next, but I decide to say it anyway. “I’m going to miss you while you’re gone.” I don’t know how it is that I’ve grown to feel so strongly for Connor in such a short period of time, but I need him. I feel it in my bones, it is like he is almost a part of me.

  Grabbing my chin with his thumb and forefinger, Connor pulls my face back to face his. “I’m going to miss you too, Sweetness. Trust me. I’d rather stay here with you than go down to Savannah. There are some things I need to do. Besides, I don’t want to monopolize your time. Your friend is here, and I know he wants to spend time with you.” With one last hug that lifts me off my feet, Connor heads out.

  ~

  Sly and Michelle are whispering to each other in the living room when I enter my apartment again. Sly looks at me then walks into the guest room telling me that he wants to go to the beach when Michelle and I get done with our morning run. Sullivan’s Island is one of his favorite places to go when he’s in town because it is one of the beaches that doesn’t get really crowded.

  I quickly change into my running gear, then meet Michelle in the kitchen. She’s already filled my water bottle up, so we are ready to head down to the battery for our jog. I can tell by the look on her face that she wants answers, and she won’t stop until I give them to her. Luckily she waits until we leave to start in on me. I don’t really want to discuss what happened with Sly. He may be my best friend, but he’s a guy. I don’t want to talk about that kind of stuff with him, especially since he is like my older brother.

  I tell her about overhearing Wade and Connor talking in the back room. I omit Connor’s outburst, for fear of her leaving me to hunt him down to castrate him, but I do tell her that we had a slight argument, and that was the tension that Sly had noticed on the way home. I tell her what Connor said about me “grounding” him, and she sighed, making the “he’s so sweet” face. I’m reluctant to tell her about my very pleasant wakeup kiss from Connor that turned into so much more, but I fill her in anyway. I need her opinion. As far as she knows, Michelle thinks that I am a virgin. How could she not? She’s never seen me date, and she knows how timid I am with men I don’t know if I’m not in a work environment.

  “Michelle, I just don’t know what to do. I barely know Connor, but he makes me feel so different. My mind and heart are telling me that it’s ok to want him. I’ve never had these kinds of thoughts before. It’s like when I’m with him, my body comes alive from the slightest touch.” I lean my head back gazing at the sky. We’ve finished our run, and we are sitting on one of the park benches overlooking the water.

  Michelle snatches my water bottle out of my hand to drink the last few sips. She’s already finished hers and thrown the bottle away. “Girl, I can see the way you look at him that you’re falling hard for Connor, maybe already fallen.” She says between sips. “He’s falling hard too. That look in your eyes tells me all I need to know. Just do what feels right to you.”

  We sit in silence for a few minutes. Michelle starts squirming in her seat. She looks like she wants to say something, but is afraid to. She starts chewing on her top lip. “What’s wrong? You look nervous.”

  She turns on the bench to face me, pulling one of her legs up to tuck under her other leg. Grabbing my hand, Michelle looks me in the eyes. “Ok, Nae-Nae, promise me that you won’t be mad at me. You know I love you, right?” She begs.

  I’m getting worried. Michelle has always exuded confidence and poise. I’ve never seen her look anxious in all the years that I’ve known her. I give her hand a gentle squeeze. “Of course I know you love me. I love you too, I could never be mad at you. What’s up?”

  Michelle removes her hand from my grip, bringing both of her hands to cover her face. “I slept with Sly last night!” she groans through her hands, bending down to bury her face in her lap.

  “Oh, is that all?.”

  “All you can say is ‘Oh, is that all’? Lynae! You aren’t mad?”

  I wrap my arm around her, pulling her into my side. “Michelle, I have seen you two flirting with each other for years. I was wondering when you would finally act on it.” I laugh. “Of course I’m not mad.”

  “Really? We were both worried that you’d hate us.” Michelle’s face looks relieved.

  “Yes, I have wanted you two to get on with it for ages. You both bicker like a couple anyways, and you’re perfect for each other. Maybe now I can get him to move his ass out here.”

  Michelle smiles and I see all the tension leave her body. “Thank God!” she lunges at me to hug me, practically landing on top of me, pressing my back down into the bench. A couple of guys running slow down to look at what I’m sure looks like a girl on girl makeout session as Michelle kisses me on the cheek repeatedly telling me how much she loves me.

  “I love you too, Michelle, not get off of me! Let’s head home so we can go to the beach.” I see the guys still watching us over their shoulders. One of them runs off the sidewalk and trips. “Serves you right for spying on me and my girlfriend!” I holler at him. Michelle and I start jogging back to our car in the opposite direction in a fit of giggles.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Michelle and I spent all day yesterday at the beach with Sly. He had pulled me aside to talk to me about him and Michelle, worried that I would be upset. I told him that I had been expecting them to get their act together for a long time, and that I was happy for them. He seemed very relieved. They are my two best friends; I want them to be happy. Connor only texted me once last night, just to tell me that he made it down to Savannah and that he and Wade would be back in town this afternoon instead of waiting until Monday morning to come home. He asked if he could see me today, and of course I said yes. Sly was joining Daddy and I for our usual breakfast, but I thought that Connor would like to come over for dinner. I figured I could cook a big meal since Sly would be leaving first thing in the morning, and I enjoyed my days spent with Daddy.

  Daddy has taken to calling Connor “Rocker Boy” since that is how Sly keeps referring to him. I am anxious for Daddy and Connor to meet, but excited at the same time. I lean against the counter in the kitchen watching Sly and Daddy yell at the television. They are watching some football game; I’m not even sure what teams are playing. “Pass the damn ball already!” Sly shouts. Sly was a wide receiver in high school, and the son that my father never had. He tried to teach me to play sports, but I wasn’t very coordinated back then. I’m still not.

  The dinging of my phone d
iverts my attention. Wiping my hands on my towel, I pick it up. It’s a text from Connor.

  Connor: Sweetness, be there in about 15 min. Wade with me. Insists on coming over. That shithead. Missed you.

  Great! At least I’m cooking a lot anyway. I planned on sending some home with Sly in a cooler and a few plates for Daddy. I guess not now.

  I’m making stuffed shells, Sly’s favorite. The recipe is super easy, just time consuming. I’m wearing Momma’s apron that she always used to wear when she cooked. I tend to be a bit messy while I’m stuffing the shells, and marinara sauce gets everywhere. I turn my attention back to the kitchen island and stove top to finish putting dinner together, still laughing at Sly and Daddy talking to the television like the players can hear them, and will actually do what they say.

  About fifteen minutes later, I hear knocking on the door. Daddy gets up from the couch to answer it. “I guess that’s Rocker Boy.” He says coming through the kitchen.

  “Daddy, be nice.” I scold over my shoulder as I hear him open the door.

  “Good afternoon, Sir. It’s very nice to meet you Mr. Michaels.” Connor’s rich voice reaches my ears making my heartbeat pick up. Jeez! I just saw him yesterday morning, but it feels like forever since I talked to him.

  “Hot damn! It smells good in here! Where’s my Nae-Nae!” Wade bursts into the kitchen past Daddy and Connor with no manners whatsoever, wrapping his arms around my waist spinning me around. One of my hands is holding onto a cooked shell, while the other is covered in ricotta cheese.

  “Damnit, Wade! Put me down! You’re making a mess!” I squeal trying in vain not to let the ricotta cheese drop all over the kitchen floor. “I’m serious!”

  Sly has come into the kitchen too, trying to figure out what I’m hollering about. He starts laughing at my reaction. Daddy is laughing too. The only ones that seem upset by Wade acting up are me and Connor. Connor doesn’t like it when any man is touching me. He got that possessive look in his eye Friday night when Sly had his arm around me, and he knows that we’re just friends.

  “If you don’t put her down right now, Wade, I swear to you, I will hurt you.” Connor’s stern voice makes Wade comply.

  “I was just messing with our girl here.” He smacks my ass as I walk to the sink to wash my hands.

  “I’m so sorry Mr. Michaels. My cousin has no concept of manners.” Connor apologizes to my father, shifting uncomfortably.

  Daddy, still laughing reaches up to grasp Connor’s shoulder. “Son, call me John, and don’t worry about it. The look on my baby girl’s face was priceless. She hates it when people mess around in her kitchen. She’s so much like her mother, especially when she gets fired up.”

  Listening to Daddy reminisce about Momma makes me a little sad. He’s right though, Momma and I used to love cooking together, and she would always kick Daddy out of the kitchen. He’d try to sneak in to steal “samples” of whatever we were cooking. He would call it “quality control.”

  “I’m sure Mrs. Michaels was a wonderful woman. She would have to be to have produced such a beautiful daughter like Lynae here.” Connor says smoothly coming over to wrap his arm around my shoulders kissing me on the top of my head.

  I start to turn around to hug him back, but I’m distracted by the sight of Wade sticking his fingers in my bowl of stuffing for the shells. “Get your ass out of my kitchen! Now!” I swat at Wade’s backside with the kitchen towel that is draped over my shoulder. “All of you! Out!”

  “You know you love me!” Wade laughs running away from my attempted assault.

  Sly grabs Connor’s arm, “Come on, Rocker Boy. You’ve not seen Lynae when she’s in cooking mode. You need to watch out for flying utensils.” He says attempting to pull Connor out of the kitchen. Wade and Daddy have already retreated to the couch.

  Connor shrugs out of Sly’s grasp. “I’ll take my chances. I don’t think this little thing could hurt me if she tried.”

  “Suit yourself, man.”

  Connor comes back to stand behind me at the kitchen island, gliding his arms around my waist, his hands sitting low on my hips. He kisses my shoulder then nuzzles his face into my neck. “I missed you, Sweetness.” He inhales deeply. “You smell so good. Like coconut and mint.” He kisses my neck. “Anything I can do to help?”

  I grip onto the edge of the counter in front of me and lean my head back onto Connor’s chest, trying to stifle the little whimper that escapes my lips. This man can make me come completely undone. “I missed you too. How was your trip?” I say breathlessly.

  Connor tenses slightly when I ask him about Savannah, but shakes it off, returning his attention to my neck and earlobe. “Don’t wanna talk about it. Wanna talk about how good you taste.” He whispers tracing the shell of my ear with his tongue, then drawing my earlobe between his teeth, tugging gently.

  What was I doing? Oh yeah, making dinner. Who the hell needs dinner? I’d rather let Connor continue to do what he’s doing right now. I remember yesterday morning. The intense “good morning kiss” that he gave me.

  Daddy’s voice makes me remember that he is only a few feet away while I feel like I could melt into a puddle at Connor’s touch. “Rocker Boy, get in here so I can talk to the man that is trying to molest my daughter when she’s supposed to be cooking her old man some dinner.”

  “Go on. He won’t bite.” I nudge Connor with my hips in the direction of the living room. “I can’t concentrate with you in here anyway.”

  Connor squeezes me tightly, then kisses my neck again before letting me go to sit with the guys on the couch. I look over my shoulder as he settles in the oversized chair across from where Daddy is sitting, he looks terrified. I laugh to myself. This big tattooed mechanic rocker is afraid of my Daddy.

  As I continue to prepare dinner, I smile at the sounds of laughter and easy conversation coming from my living room. The two most important men in my life and the man that is quickly becoming a part of my heart seem to be getting along quite well. Even Wade seems to be fitting in. He is such a pain in the ass, but I’ve only had to throw two wooden spoons at him when he kept trying to sneak in to steal food.

  Watching Sly and Connor interact more and seeing how Connor is starting to feel at ease with Daddy warms my heart. I feel like this is how my life is supposed to be. I feel like I can finally be free and just be myself. It’s ok to let people in. I’ve had these walls built up for so long, but with every smile and wink that Connor throws my way when he catches me watching him, I feel parts of that wall coming down more and more.

  Connor doesn’t bring up his trip to Savannah again. I know from his demeanor when he talked about it Friday night and yesterday morning that this isn’t a subject he wants to discuss. I don’t want to push. I hope he can open up to me and let me in, but I also know how hard it can be to let it out. I’ve been keeping my guilt and shame bottled up for eight years. I know that I don’t want him to know about my past, so how can I expect him to tell me about his.

  ~

  Wade and Sly help to clear the dishes away from the table while I head to the refrigerator to pull out the angel food cake I made. I know, I have such a sweet tooth, but I work out all the time. Between my kickboxing classes in the evenings, and my weekend runs with Michelle, I burn off all the calories, and I rock my curves. Connor comes up behind me while I’m bending down looking for the fresh strawberries I want to slice up to go on top. “Can’t I just have you for dessert, Sweetness?”

  I’m about to turn around to respond when Daddy walks into the kitchen. “A word, Connor.”

  Connor straightens up quickly. “Yes, sir.” Then turns to follow Daddy into the guest room.

  I’m nervous. I wonder what that’s about. They seemed to be getting along so well before and during dinner.

  Sly walks up, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “Don’t worry, Sweet Cheeks. I don’t think John will kill him. He just wants to make sure that Rocker Boy knows not to hurt you.

  I lean my head back in
to his chest. “I know, but it still scares me. I want Daddy to like Connor. I know you’re on the fence about him, but if he is going to be a part of my life, you two need to learn to deal with it, just like I have to deal with Wade over there picking at my cake!” I glare at Wade who freezes trying pinch off a corner of the angel food cake. “Don’t think I can’t see you from this angle!”

  “Oh damn! Nae-Nae, come on. Just a little piece! Connor has been pissy ever since he picked me up yesterday morning! Savannah was hard on him. I need something to cheer me up.” Wade whines.

  I know I shouldn’t ask about Savannah, Connor seems to not want me to know about his past, but if he was hurting, I want to make it better. “How so?”

  “Nope. Not getting you two in another fight. Not going there. You’ll have to ask him about that.” Wade shakes his head adamantly.

  Sly bows his body up. “Fight? What the hell do you mean another fight?” He directs his question at Wade, and not me.

  I tug on his arm to get his attention. “It was nothing. We are fine. I told you that yesterday. Drop it.” I look to Wade. “I’ll ask him about it later, but he doesn’t seem to want to talk.”

  Wade looks like he’s about to say something when the guest room door opens back up. Connor walks out in one piece, and so does Daddy. That’s a good sign. No bloodshed. Daddy clasps Connor on the shoulder smiling. “Just take care of my baby girl, and you won’t have to worry about anything.”

  “Yes, sir. I promise.” Connor nods his head, coming over to me, pulling me into his side. “I promise that I’ll do whatever I can to make sure that Lynae stays happy.”

  “Whipped!” Wade snorts then returns his attention to the cake.

  Connor and Wade leave after helping Daddy and Sly devour the entire cake. I barely got one little slice for myself. I wait for Sly to head into the guest room before I walk Daddy out. “What did you talk about with Connor?”