In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  “Baby girl, it’s nothing for you to worry about. I just told him that if he hurt my little girl that he would regret ever being born. I would make certain that he would feel such agony that he would beg for a quick death. That’s all.” He replies with a smile.

  “Daddy!” I swat at his arm. “I told you to play nice!”

  “Kara Lynae, you are my world. I am supposed to protect you from all the bad things. This is the first guy you have shown any kind of real interest in. I see the way you look at him, and I know that your heart is already involved. Deep too. I just wanted to make sure that he knows how precious you are, and knows not to mess with my baby.” He hugs me tightly, kissing me on the forehead when he releases me. “By the way, he looks at you like that too. He gets my approval as long as you’ll let him hang around.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Watching Shameful Regret practice and hanging out with the guys afterwards has become routine, and now that Wade has filled the other two in on my “wicked ass cooking skills” we aren’t allowed to have takeout anymore. I’ve actually come to love spending time with Wade, Seth and Marcus in the evenings, but I enjoy the quiet time after the guys leave so that Connor and I have time to get to know each other a little better. His possessive tendencies are less when we are on our own, and he seems to let his guard down a little.

  Connor is still intense, even when we are alone. My heart and body always seem to be on high alert when he is around. Tingles run up my spine when he walks into a room. I can sense him before I see or hear him. My heartbeat picks up at just the sound of his voice. It’s like my heart is calling out to him.

  Every time he kisses me or touches me, my body aches for more. I am beginning to want him more and more. The fear that used to overcome me is starting to slowly dissipate. I’m not having flashes of the terror that I had before when Connor would touch me in a certain way. He also seems more aware of how he touches me. Since that morning after he stayed with me, Connor has been trying to push our physical relationship, but only little by little. He told me that he respects my “virginity.” I haven’t told him anything to make him think I’m not a virgin. I can’t bring myself to tell him about my past. The dreams have stopped coming at night, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I want to move on and put the past behind me. I don’t want Connor to know because I’m afraid that if he does find out what happened, that he will be disgusted with me and not want me. I desperately want him to want me.

  I’m cleaning up the mess of a kitchen that is in Connor’s apartment after dinner. I swear Wade and Seth are worse than children. They took off back downstairs to mess with the their instruments as soon as they finished eating. Marcus and Connor insisted on staying behind to help clean, but I told them that they would just get in my way more, especially with Connor not being able to go more than a few minutes without touching me in some way if he is in the same room as me. I sent them back downstairs to work on one of the new songs that they are having trouble getting right. Connor says he can’t seem to get the lyrics to work with the beat. I don’t quite understand how they come up with their songs, but I think that their current project already sounds amazing.

  I have my iPod in my back pocket with my earbuds in while I’m cleaning. I’m dancing around the kitchen singing along to my Heart’s Greatest Hits Album, and I’m leading right into the second refrain of Alone when Seth startles me by grabbing waist and swinging me around as he sings along.

  Seth swats my ass after I shriek and elbow him in the ribs. “Damn girl, I need to learn to watch out for you!” He grunts. “We heard you singing up here, and I had to check it out!”

  “You scared the shit out of me! Don’t ever do that again!” I glare at him shaking my kitchen towel at him, pulling my earbuds out. “What do you mean you heard me?” I’m embarrassed. I thought they were practicing, and couldn’t hear me, even though I left the door at the top of the stairwell leading down to the garage open.

  “Nae-Nae, you have a great voice. You should come sing back up for me. I’d love to get you alone, but I’m pretty sure that Connor would murder me dead.” Seth cocks a sly grin at me. “I was just coming up for another enchilada. Any left?” he asks patting his flat stomach.

  I smile. Seth is such a flirt. He knows that it pisses Connor off when he messes with me, much like it does when Wade gets flirty and grabby with me, but I know they are harmless. “No, dear, you guys ate it all. I was hoping to have some leftovers to take to work tomorrow for lunch. Pigs!” I try to hit him with the dishtowel, but he’s just out of reach now.

  The sound of Sly’s ringtone chiming on my phone draws my attention away from Seth pouting like a five year old. I look at the clock on the microwave, it’s only 8 PM. He’s on duty for the next forty-eight hours, so it’s unusual for him to be calling me. He never calls me when he is on duty. I’m instantly worried. “What’s wrong?” I quickly answer. Seth stops his rummaging around the kitchen, looking my direction when he hears the concern in my voice.

  “It’s Mom. She’s had a heart attack. They are taking her in now for emergency bypass surgery. I need you here, Lynae.” Sly’s voice sounds anxious and scared.

  Sly’s dad left when he was little, so he grew up with only his mom, and she is his world. Gina is a wonderful woman. When Momma died, she stepped in to help take care of Daddy and I, and made sure that I had a woman around to talk to if I needed anything. Of course, with me not dating, I really didn’t need womanly advice, but Gina was always there for me. She is as much a part of my family as Daddy is.

  “Oh my God! Sly!” I sit down at the kitchen bar on one of the stools. “Gina will be fine. I know it. She’s a strong woman. I’ll leave tonight. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I look up to see Seth walking quickly down the stairs calling Connor’s name. “I’m at Connor’s, I have to run by my place to grab some clothes, but I’ll be there in few hours.”

  “It’s late, just come first thing in the morning. I don’t want you driving this late after working all day.” Sly says sternly.

  Shaking my head even though I know he can’t see me through the phone, I get up to find my shoes and grab my purse off the couch. “I’m leaving now. I’m coming tonight. I’ll be fine. Coffee is my friend.”

  As I’m getting ready to head towards the stairs to leave, Connor strides towards me, taking the phone out of my hand. “Sly, what’s wrong?” I’m irritated at Connor for butting in, but when I see his concerned expression, I let my ire go a little. I watch him listen, nodding his head. I can’t hear what Sly is saying. Connor listens for a few minutes then responds, “I’ll drive her out there. Yes, I agree that she doesn’t need to be heading out alone tonight, I’ll drive.” He looks at me standing there with my arms crossed over my chest tapping my foot. “I’m sorry to hear about your mom, but we’ll be there soon. Let us know how things go.” He pauses to let Sly say something. “Alright man, don’t worry, I got her, you worry about your mom. I’ll call you when we get closer to town.” Connor ends the call, then hands my phone back to me.

  “I am perfectly capable of driving myself to Birmingham, you know.” I glare at Connor.

  “Sweetness, I know that. I also know that you didn’t get to bed until close midnight last night, you got up at the ass crack of dawn this morning, and that it’s a long drive out there. I’m going with you. End of story.” Connor walks past me into his bedroom. I stay standing in the living room watching him. He’s grabbing a duffle bag and is stuffing clothes into it. “And don’t give me that look either. Sly loves you and wants you to be safe and I lo-“ he stops himself, “And I want to make sure you get there ok. Besides, I slept most of the day anyway.”

  I’m at a loss for words. What was he about to say to me? I know that I’ve been feeling my heart open up to him, but there is no way he could possibly think he feels that strongly for me. I shake it off; I don’t have time to think about that right now. Sly needs me. He’s right, I’m already exhausted and I’m not really up to driv
ing several hours alone in the dark. “Fine. But we are taking my car, and I’m driving the first few hours. Hurry up, I need to go get some clothes for myself too.”

  I send a quick text to Michelle and Gabbi letting them know what’s going on while Connor drives us back over to my apartment. Then I call Carmen, my nurse manager to tell her that I’ll be needing a few days off to attend to a family situation out of town. Luckily Carmen is super understanding, and two of our doctors are on vacation. It’s been pretty slow in the lab, so it won’t be any trouble for me to take some time.

  I run up the stairs to my apartment bursting through the door. As I head into my room to get my things together, I hear Connor opening and closing cabinets in the kitchen. I quickly throw a few pairs of shorts, some camis, and underwear in my weekender bag then run in the bathroom to pack my toiletries. My mind is racing as I run around my room trying to make sure I’m not forgetting anything. I guess Connor and I will just stay in Sly’s living room while we are in town. He told me a few weeks ago about his new roommate, a paramedic that works at the fire department, was staying in his guest room until he could find his own apartment. If Connor doesn’t want to do that, then we could always go to a hotel. I’m not sure how comfortable I would be staying in a hotel with him, but he did stay the night in my bed a few weeks ago, so really, what’s the difference? Get it together Lynae! I’m going to be there for Sly and Gina, not some romantic holiday.

  “Babe, I think I got this coffee thing working right, I’m not sure, but I grabbed some snacks too.” Connor calls out from the kitchen.

  I have to laugh to myself at the idea of Connor trying to work my Keurig coffee maker. He’s trying to be thoughtful even though I was a bit bitchy towards him back at his place when he first insisted that he was coming with me, or rather taking me. “Thanks, hun.” I yell back to him from the bathroom. I shut my mouth quickly when I realize that I responded with a term of endearment to him. He’s been calling me “Babe” or “Sweetness” since he first met me, but I’ve not done that much before, and I hope he doesn’t notice. His bellowing laughter tells me that he did notice.

  “Hun? I like it! Now come on.” He walks into my room, picks up my bag from my bed then holds his hand out for me. “I’ll let you drive for the first hour or two, but the minute you start to feel tired, let me know. I’m used to running on not much sleep.” Connor leads me out of my bedroom to the kitchen. I notice that he has filled one of my tote bags with a box of cookies, a large ziplock bag of gummy bears and some chips. “I know your sweet tooth, and I don’t think there will be any stores open on the way for food. I hope I fixed your coffee right, Babe.” He kisses me on the top of the head then goes to grab some sodas from the fridge.

  I feel lucky to have Connor in my life right now. He is caring, thoughtful and seems like he wants to keep me safe. Another little piece of the wall around my heart breaks off with his actions. Until just a few weeks ago, my nights were spent alone during the week, and the weekend nights too. Yeah, I saw Michelle every Saturday morning for our runs, but she was always going out on dates just like Gabbi. Sly would come into town as often as he could, but that gets expensive. Now I have Connor and I even claim the rest of Shameful Regret as part of my circle of friends that I see everyday.

  “Come on, Sweetness. Let’s go.” Connor takes my bag from me and the bag of snacks and drinks he put together to carry down to my car. I add cream and sweetener to my coffee before following him out the door. It’s going to be a long drive. I’m really glad he is coming with me. I wouldn’t be looking forward to several hours alone in my car with only my singing to try to keep me awake.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The drive to Birmingham was pretty uneventful. I only convinced Connor to let me drive for about three hours before he made me stop for him to take over. I’m actually glad that I did, because I ended up falling asleep almost as soon as I buckled my seatbelt in the passenger side. I wake up to Connor gently rubbing my thigh. “Babe, we’re about thirty minutes outside of town. I need you to call Sly to see if he’s still at the hospital.”

  I look over at Connor. He looks tired, but still looks absolutely gorgeous. He didn’t shave yesterday morning, so his stubble is even thicker now. It makes him look dark and dangerous, much like he looked the first night I saw him. “Hi.” I mumble sleepily. I uncurl my legs and stretch my arms above my head; my shirt rides up exposing my midriff. Connor moves his hand from my thigh to my abdomen, pulling my shirt back down. His eyes look heated when he glances over at me.

  “Sweetness, don’t distract me like that when I’m driving.” He smirks. “I don’t want us to end up in the hospital right along with Gina.”

  I chuckle as I raise my seat back to a sitting position. I pull my cell phone out of my purse to call Sly. He picks up on the second ring. “Hey, baby girl.” He sounds exhausted. “Mom came out of surgery ok, she’s in the ICU now.” Sly says through a muffled yawn.

  “Why don’t you head on back to the house? We can meet you there.” I tell him. “It sounds like you could use the rest.” I can just picture him sitting in the cramped waiting room chairs, afraid to leave in case something happened to Gina. He’s just as stubborn as I am.

  Sly yawns again. “No. I’m good. One of the nurses brought me a pillow and a blanket. I slept for the past four hours on the couch in the lobby. You two can come see her, then we will head home. Johnson is off today, so he’ll be asleep in the spare room when we get there, but you and Connor can crash in my room. I’ll take the couch.” I can hear him groan as he stretches. “And I’m not taking no for an answer. Y’all been driving for hours, you need some decent sleep.”

  I don’t even bother arguing with Sly. Like I said, he’s incredibly stubborn. I tell him that we will be there in a few minutes, and give Connor directions to the hospital. Connor stops to put gas in the car before we make our way over. He said he didn’t want to have to worry about it after leaving the hospital for the morning.

  ~

  Connor holds my hand all the way up to the waiting room. He only let go long enough to open the doors in the parking garage and main hospital. I love that he always has to be touching me in some way. Even if it is only resting his hand on my leg, or arm around the back of my chair if we are sitting near each other. I feel comforted by his touch.

  I run straight over to Sly and wrap my arms around him in a big hug when we walk in. He looks beat. I know that I would be in the same shape had it been me waiting around for news about Daddy. I spent many a night watching over Momma when she got sick. It’s hard to feel so helpless for those that you love. Connor stands back to let Sly and I have our space. He’s still getting used to my relationship with Sly, even though I’ve told him over and over that Sly is basically my older brother for all intents and purposes. “I missed you!” I say into his chest because he hasn’t let me out of our embrace yet. “Can I see Gina?”

  “Missed you too. Yeah, let’s go to the desk. I told the nurses that my sister was on her way. They said only family was allowed back there. Mom always thought of you as a daughter anyway, so, for all they know, you’re my sister.” Sly lets me go, then looks over towards Connor. “Thanks for bringing her, man. I appreciate you being here.”

  Connor reaches out to shake Sly’s hand. “No problem. Happy to help. I’m glad that your mom got through surgery ok.” He walks over, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side. “I’ll wait here, you go check on Mrs. Watts.”

  Sly and I go through the double doors leading to the ICU. Gina is in Bed C, and we walk right in. I’m not surprised to see that she is still on the ventilator and has a chest tube. Bypass surgery is a major surgery. Gina looks so weak and frail. It makes tears come to my eyes. She has always been such a strong woman, and to see her like this, breaks my heart for her and Sly. I know that she will pull through though, she has to. Birmingham Regional has some of the best cardiac surgeons around. She couldn’t be in better hands.

  I walk over to
Gina’s bedside and take her hand in mine. “Hey, woman.” I say gently. “You know, you don’t have to go and have all this mess happen to get me to come visit. You know I love you, all you have to do is ask.” I try to keep the tears out of my voice. I feel like I need to be strong not only for her, but for Sly as well.

  Sly comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. “I know, right. I told Mom that she needed to quit being so dramatic.” Sly is trying to keep it together. “The docs said that they would take the her off the ventilator later today. You ready to head over to the house? I know y’all need some sleep.”

  We sit beside Gina for a few more minutes. I look at all the monitors and machines trying to figure out what’s going on. Her vital signs look great, and I know that she will be well taken care of. When we walk back out to the waiting area, Connor has fallen asleep with his head propped up on his hand. He looks so adorable sitting there. I almost hate to wake him up, but I know that we will both rest better in a real bed.

  “Baby, come on.” I gently shake his shoulder. The sleepy grin he gives me when he cracks his eyelids chips off a little more of the wall around my heart. “Gina’s doing good, lets go to Sly’s to get some sleep.”

  “Ok.” Connor mumbles, then takes his usual possessive grip on my hand as we all walk out of the hospital to the cars in the parking garage.

  Fortunately the ride to Sly’s house is quick. Connor refused to let me drive, and I can tell that he is about to fall asleep again. As soon as we walk in the door, Sly directs us to his room saying that he is just going to catch a few hours of sleep on the couch, and that his roommate, Johnson, is still asleep in the spare room. Apparently he just came off of a forty-eight hour shift not long before Connor and I got to the hospital, so we won’t see him until later in the morning. That’s fine by me. I’m not really in the mood to socialize right now. I just want a pillow, a blanket, and Connor’s arms around me.