Without You: Book 1 of the Changing Hearts Series

by Yesenia Vargas

  Ariana laughed as she pictured Mayra running away in such a situation.

  She picked up the round plastic container and opened it up. There were a bunch of tiny pills around a wheel. She noticed different colors. Mayra must have already taken some of them because there were some missing.

  “Those are birth control pills. I still take them in case because they take a few weeks to start being effective. I got a bunch of these at a free clinic. I can take you if you want. I could just give these to you but you should go and get checked.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Basically, you get a check-up down there.”

  She blinked and asked. “Really? Doesn’t my mom need to take me, though?”

  “Uh uh. You can go by yourself or even with Lucas. They won’t say anything.”

  Ariana nodded. “Let’s go tomorrow.” She also made a mental note to someday very soon have the talk with Lucas. She still wasn’t sure about discussing it with her mom. She didn’t want to risk getting in trouble. Everything was finally going okay, and she didn’t want to mess that up. But she did want to be ready in case she and Lucas became ready to take the next step.

  chapter fourteen

  Ariana held the wheel of pills in her hand. Then she felt the bracelet on her wrist, remembering the moment Lucas had put it on her. She was in her room, standing in front of her dresser.

  The lady at the clinic had been really nice and explained just how the pills worked. She admitted to herself that she had no idea when she would have sex with Lucas. They’d never talked about it. And they still hadn’t taken things too far. They kissed. A lot. Hands went to other places, but for the most part, they hadn’t gotten crazy. She smiled, realizing she liked that about Lucas.

  Things with Carlos had gotten serious pretty quickly. She shuddered at the thought of having stayed with him. She hadn’t even considered taking birth control then.

  Now, though, things were different. She and Lucas were savoring their relationship, taking things slow. Partly because they didn’t get to see each other that much, but she kind of liked that. She had time to focus on her classes and get the grades she wanted, and Lucas had to work and keep up with school. Not to mention helping out at home.

  She had no idea what that moment would be like. When Lucas would see her naked. When she’d see him naked for the first time. But now she knew, that whenever it happened, it could be special. And they’d be able to completely enjoy it.

  She swallowed the month’s first pill and hid the bag of birth control pills deep in a drawer.

  The lady had given her enough for six months.

  She still contemplated whether she should have told her mom about it, but she shoved that thought aside, deciding she’d tell her some other time, when it felt right and she and Lucas were getting closer to taking things that far.

  ###

  Ariana shivered in the cold. She and Lucas were outside her house.

  He had swung by after work to see her for a bit. It was wet and cold outside, Ariana’s least favorite weather combination. Her parents were inside watching TV. They had just had dinner.

  She wrapped her arms around herself, but Lucas snuggled her, wrapping his arms around her from behind. They leaned against his car.

  That was her parents’ rule. They weren’t allowed to be in his car alone while he came over, but it was still better than sitting awkwardly in the living room.

  She wondered what it would be like to be in college together. Do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. She couldn’t wait.

  “So how was work?” she asked before other kinds of thoughts began invading her mind.

  “Boring. As usual,” he said, resting his head on top of hers. “It was so slow. Weekdays always are.”

  “Hm,” she said, closing her eyes.

  “But at least I got to work on homework when the manager was in her office. So when I get home all I have to do is shower and eat. And go to sleep.”

  “You haven’t eaten?” she asked, turning around. “You should have said something. Duh. I should have offered.”

  Lucas turned her around and wrapped his arms around her once again.

  “Nah. This is better.”

  She smiled and put her hands on his arms. They had on jackets so she couldn’t feel his warm skin. She turned around, and without letting go of each other, she kissed him on the lips. She needed to feel him. Because soon he would be gone.

  A few minutes later, they pulled apart.

  “So have you started applying to colleges yet? You’re going to apply to UGA, right?”

  He looked down before looking at her.

  “I guess I’ll apply, but I don’t think I can go anywhere other than the community college here,” he said.

  “Why not?” It didn’t even come out as a question. She knew the answer.

  “One, I can’t afford it. I’d have to find a new job, and even then, it won’t be enough, even with financial aid. And you know I can’t leave. I help my mom with the rent and bills. I can’t do that if I have to pay my own rent and bills.”

  She fought the tears at her eyes. “I know. What are we going to do?”

  She couldn’t bring herself to say out loud the rest of what she was thinking. What were they going to do if they couldn’t be together? Would they have to break up?

  “I know I can’t ask this of you,” he looked down as he said it, “but have you considered going to school here? With me? We’d be able to be close to each other, stay together.”

  She sighed. “I don’t know. I really want to go to UGA. I mean, I guess, if I don’t get in, then yeah. I’ll stay here. I just wish there was a way for both of us to get what we want.”

  She thought for a moment. “What if you applied for scholarships?”

  It was his turn to sigh. “I only have okay grades. And that still wouldn’t help my mom.”

  Now the tears were at her eyes. She bit her lip, forcing the frog in her throat to leave.

  Lucas grabbed her chin and lifted it so she was looking at him.

  “We’ll figure it out,” he said, hugging her. “I promise. I can’t lose you.”

  “And I promise that if we can’t,” she said, hoping he heard her from being buried in his chest, “I’ll stay here with you.”

  “It’s okay.” He hugged her back. “There’s no point worrying about all this right now anyway.”

  She thought about that. It was already early December. She’d find out in a matter of days if she got in early to UGA or not.

  ###

  Ariana blinked her eyes awake and immediately froze. She was staring at the ceiling but not really looking at it. There were a gazillion things flashing in her mind.

  It was December fifteenth.

  She was supposed to find out by today at 4 o’clock if she had gotten in to the University of Georgia early or not.

  Her stomach felt queasy as she decided whether to check the status of her application before she went to school or not. She slowly sat up and gripped the edge of the bed. The carpet felt fuzzy and soft under her feet.

  Ariana knew that if she didn’t check now, she wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else besides wondering if she got in. On UGA’s decision about her, if she was worthy enough, basically, to go there.

  She sighed and went over to the computer on her desk. She typed in her username and password.

  Wrong. She sighed as she racked her brain for the right ones, and her fingers clicked at the keyboard again.

  She was in.

  Ariana paused the cursor over the See My Status button. There was zero indication of whether she’d actually find out. Maybe it’d just say it was still processing.

  Yeah. That’s probably what it would say.

  She clicked and waited a several seconds for the page to load, tapping her fingers restlessly.

  Then it appeared.

  And her heart stopped, and her mouth fell open all the way.

  Status: Deferred.

&nbs
p; ###

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Lucas asked later that day. They were at her locker. They had a minute or two.

  Ariana couldn’t decide if getting deferred was as bad as just getting plain denied. That’s how it felt right now.

  “Hello?” he said.

  She looked at him and then away. How was she supposed to say it out loud?

  This sucks so bad, she thought.

  She sighed. “I found out about UGA today.” She still didn’t look at him.

  “And?” Lucas pressed. He actually sounded excited for her.

  She felt his realization as the seconds passed and she didn’t say anything else.

  “Hey, it’s okay. You can apply somew—”

  “I didn’t get denied,” she interrupted.

  “So you got—”

  “I got deferred,” she said, finally looking at him.

  He opened his mouth then closed it. Then tried again. “That’s—what does that mean?”

  “It means ‘we’re not sure, send us more info, and we’ll think about it and let you know in April.’”

  “Oh. Well, that’s not so bad at all,” Lucas said, putting his arm around her. They began walking to Spanish. “I bet you a hundred dollars you’re gonna get in. In fact, they’re gonna beg you to go there.”

  She smiled. He had a point. This wasn’t so bad after all. She was just gonna have to wait.

  Maybe this was even a blessing in disguise because she had more time to figure things out with Lucas and she wouldn’t be locked into attending UGA.

  ###

  I miss you.

  Ariana smiled and texted Lucas back. It was Christmas morning, and her family was getting ready to open presents. Just a week ago, they’d been gathered here celebrating her dad’s birthday. She loved the holidays. So many good things.

  Later, Lucas would be over for dinner, but they’d decided to spend the morning with each of their own families. Tomorrow, though, she’d be meeting his family for the first time. He had finally convinced her to come over, and she decided it was time to meet his mom.

  Jimmy ran into the living room in just boxers and a t-shirt and jumped onto the couch where their dad was sitting. Ariana, thankfully, was on the floor next to the Christmas tree.

  “So who’s ready to open presents?” he said in English. Her mom came into the living room from the kitchen. Unlike everyone else, she was nicely dressed compared to the rest of them in pajamas.

  Some of their extended family would be over later, but for now it was just them. Just how Ariana liked.

  Ariana looked at the presents gathered around the tree. There were a few big presents, but most of them looked like clothes.

  “Let’s start opening presents,” her mom said, sitting down next to her dad.

  Jimmy began passing out presents until everyone had their small pile.

  “Ariana, you want to go first?” Jimmy asked.

  “Nah. You go. I want to see what’s in that big box in your lap.”

  He smiled. “Well, if you insist.” He wasn’t even done with his sentence before he started ripping the wrapping paper off of that very box.

  “Oh my G—“ Jimmy managed before he literally fell over and clutched at his chest. Then he was back up and feeling every inch of the box. It was the latest version of his video game system. “This just came out. It’s like four hundred dollars.”

  Ariana smiled, wondering what she had gotten. She looked at her parents, who had their arms around each other and were smiling.

  “Open it,” her dad said.

  Jimmy ran for some scissors and was back in a flash, pulling the controllers out. Next, he unwrapped a couple of games. “So that’s why you wanted Ryan to come shopping with us a few weeks ago. And then sent me to go get you like a dozen things at the store.”

  Their mom smiled, and Ariana laughed.

  “Ryan is so coming over later.”

  He unwrapped some clothes, which he set aside.

  “You’re next, Ariana.” The video game system was still in his lap. He had his arms around it, as if he was afraid it might disappear.

  She started with the small presents. Clothes, a couple of gift cards to stores at the mall, and a new hair straightener. She’d had hers for ages.

  “Thanks, Mom and Dad,” she said. She looked at her big present. She wondered what it was. It wasn’t as big as Jimmy’s, but hopefully it was something just as good.

  She’d splurged on an eReader a few weeks after her birthday, so she doubted it was that. Besides, the box was bigger.

  She tore at the wrapping paper carefully at the places her mom had folded and taped it together. When it was unwrapped, she set aside the paper and bow. She tried not to squeal because she realized what this was.

  “A laptop?” she asked. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked up at her parents.

  “For school, when you go to college. You’ll have your own. Later, we can buy you the printer to go with it,” her mom said with a sparkle in her eye.

  Ariana got up and hugged her parents.

  “How did you guys afford all of this?” She indicated the pile of stuff on the floor. Expensive stuff. They’d never had a Christmas this good.

  Her mom looked at her dad before answering. “I got a promotion at work. That’s why I’ve been putting in more hours. Part of it is that I’ll be getting a Christmas bonus from now on.”

  “Sweet,” Jimmy said, his mouth slightly open. “Does that mean you make more money than dad now?”

  Her mom laughed. “Maybe.”

  “In this day and age, that is perfectly normal,” their dad began. “Aqui no es como en Mexico.” Nope, it wasn’t like in Mexico at all. Ariana’s mom kissed him on the cheek.

  “Next thing you know, Dad’ll be the one cooking around here and doing the laundry,” Jimmy said as he took his huge pile of stuff to his room.

  ###

  It was later. It was time to meet Lucas’s family for the first time. His mom and two sisters.

  She wondered what she should say after greeting them, and if his mom would like her.

  “What are you thinking about?” Lucas asked her as he squeezed her hand. They were almost at his house. Her parents had trusted them to go alone.

  She glanced out the window before turning back to him. “I just…want to make a good impression.” She smiled as butterflies danced in her stomach.

  “You will,” Lucas assured. “You’re smart, nice, everything my mom could want.”

  They pulled into his driveway and got out of the car. “This is it.”

  They walked towards the front door. It was smaller than her house but homey. Her heart warmed at the handful of toy cars out on the front lawn, the kind she, Jimmy, and Mayra would ride down hills when they were in elementary school. “Those used to be so much fun,” she told Lucas.

  “Still are,” he replied as they walked in.

  There were even more toys in the living room, and she saw his sisters dressed up but watching Christmas movies. His mom walked in from the kitchen. Ariana smiled when she saw his mom smile. She held out her hand as she came closer.

  “Mucho gusto. Yo soy Ariana,” she said. She remembered to not have fishy hands.

  “Es un placer. Yo soy Marcela. Lucas se la pasa hablando de ti pero no me dijo lo bonita que eres.”

  Ariana blushed and looked at Lucas, who shook his head. Aw, he talked about her to his mom.

  “Come in,” she said and closed the front door.

  She ushered them into the kitchen, and they took a seat. Lucas stood back up. “Want something to drink?”

  “Water, soda, juice?” his mom finished in Spanish. She already had the fridge open.

  “Um, water please,” Arianna said, looking back and forth between them.

  Lucas’s mom closed the door and went to the dishwasher for a glass. The house was silent except for the sound of the TV and the occasional laughs of his sisters. His mom set the glass of water down in front of her, and sh
e said thank you before taking a few sips.

  “Lucas says you’re graduating this year too,” she said, leaning on the counter.

  She nodded. “I’m really excited.”

  “Any idea what you’re gonna do after?”

  “College. I’ll be the first in my family,” she said with a smile.

  “That’s so good. I wish I’d had that opportunity when I was your age. Lucas will be the first too.” She sat down across from them. “Tell me about your family. Are your parents still together?”

  She glanced at Lucas, who was looking down at the table but caught her eye for a brief second. “Yes. They’re very supportive. My brother too.”

  “That’s so good. I’ve been a single mom most of Lucas’s life, but he’s really stepped up and helped out.” She smiled at him. “I can’t wait to see him in college and have a career.”

  “Me too.” She also smiled at him, especially when she saw him smiling too.

  “Lucas says you’re really smart. He’s so lucky to have met such a nice girl. I can tell you’re a good person, good for him.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that. “There aren’t many like her,” Lucas said with a laugh.

  “Lucas works so hard to make a little money and do well in school, but I’m glad he has someone else there for him too.”

  “He’s a really good guy,” she said.

  Lucas’s mom smiled one more time before getting back up to stir something on the stove. “Are you hungry? I was just making some flautas. I’m just about finished.”

  “Sure. Need some help?” She got up and began walking towards her.

  “No, no, no. Please sit down.” His mom waved her off. Ariana smiled and walked back to her seat. She liked it here.

  Lucas stood up instead. “I’ll grab the plates and stuff.”

  One of Lucas’s sisters wandered into the kitchen. “Mami, I’m hungry.” Ariana loved her long, brown hair and green eyes. They caught each other’s eyes and the little girl, around eight years old, smiled before running and hiding under the table.