Without You: Book 1 of the Changing Hearts Series

by Yesenia Vargas

  She’d be leaving Saturday. She had to be at orientation and her dorm by 2:00 p.m. And it’d take her almost two hours to get there.

  Part of her had wanted Lucas to drive her, but she had decided it would be a hundred times more difficult to say good bye to him at UGA. And her parents and Jimmy had already offered, and it would be wrong to tell them no.

  Ariana looked down and tried not to think about all of it.

  “This is really gonna suck, huh?” Lucas asked, his hand holding up her chin. They were far enough away that his mom wouldn’t be able to see them.

  She nodded, not wanting to talk right now. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.

  She looked him in the eyes, and he came in for a kiss. A long one but sweet. Like they were telling each other how much they were going to miss each other.

  A minute later, she said, “I don’t have a gift for you. I honestly didn’t know what to get you. Sorry.”

  Lucas hugged her tight. “You’ve been the best present I could ever get. I just want you.”

  ###

  Ariana wheeled her suitcase to her car and adjusted the huge bag on her shoulder.

  “I’ll take that,” Mayra said, grabbing the bag for her.

  Ariana couldn’t even bear to look at her best friend. “Thanks.” Mayra had been just a couple houses down the street for almost as long as she could remember, and now she would be over a two hour drive away.

  “You sure you have everything? Phone charger, toothbrush, ID?” her mom asked, walking behind her with another bag.

  She nodded. Jimmy came out with a couple other bags. That was pretty much it, except for her folded up and packed bed sheets and her favorite desk lamp.

  Jimmy went back in for them.

  She looked at the back of her car, at all of the stuff sitting there. It looked wrong. It was supposed to be in her room, not out here.

  This was really gonna suck.

  And her dad wasn’t here. He couldn’t get off work, but they had hugged that morning. He’d given her some cash and an emergency credit card.

  “Well, this is it, then,” Mayra said, her arms falling to her sides.

  Ariana finally met her eyes for a second, trying to keep the hurricane of emotions inside her at bay. “Good luck with your new job.” She was gonna miss hearing Mayra talk about working at the local burger place.

  Mayra came in for a hug, and Ariana put her arms around Mayra’s neck, closing her eyes.

  “This is gonna suck so bad, Mayra,” she said quietly.

  “I know,” she replied. That was the first time she hadn’t said how great UGA would be. “But you’re gonna be so glad you did this. You’re gonna come back a completely different person. Better. Just watch.”

  They pulled back, and Mayra gave her a smile. “Call me. Like every day. And I’ll do the same. Keep me updated, okay?”

  Ariana tried not to look at the tears starting to well up in Mayra’s eyes because then her own tears might spill over.

  All she could do was nod.

  Mayra finally turned around and walked back to her house. Ariana watched her the entire time, aching for time to slow down just a little.

  Then she saw Lucas’s car pull up. He got out and headed up the driveway.

  For the first time ever, she didn’t see a smile on his face. An attempt at one, but not a genuine one.

  And the look in his eyes…it killed her.

  She met his eyes and walked toward him. She put her arms around his neck, not wanting to let go. But she did eventually.

  “How do you feel?” he asked after saying hi to everyone. He took her hand and led her a few feet away while Jimmy and her mom went inside to grab their things so they could get going.

  She checked her phone. “Okay, I guess. I have to leave in a little bit.”

  They had had breakfast together early that morning, but Ariana had come back home to finish packing and Lucas had gone home to let her get her things done.

  “Last night was fun,” she went on. The movie had been good, but it had been hard to focus. After, though, was what she wouldn’t forget. Ever.

  She touched his shoulders, his neck, his face, trying to remember the feel of his warm skin from last night.

  He put his arms around her waist, slipping them underneath her t-shirt. She felt his fingers press down on the small of her back as he put his forehead to hers. Their eyebrows touched, and Ariana got goosebumps. Lucas came in for a soft kiss. She deepened it, wanting more.

  She heard her mom and Jimmy come back out of the house, and she put her arms around his neck as hard she could. Lucas squeezed her so hard she felt she couldn’t breathe, maybe didn’t want to.

  She closed her eyes, committing Lucas’s smell to memory.

  “I love you so much,” he whispered.

  “I love you too.”

  “You’ll be back before you know it, and I’ll go up there. We will make this work. No matter what.”

  Ariana nodded, not letting go of him.

  chapter twenty-five

  Four weeks later, Ariana finally seemed to be getting her groove when it came to college.

  She and Vanessa, her friend and roommate, arrived at the bus stop, and Ariana grabbed at the straps of her backpack, looking for the East/West bus. She needed to get back to her dorm. Lunch with her friends had been amazing, although she realized from her aching stomach she’d probably eaten too much. She’d walk back to her dorm if it weren’t too far away. Maybe it was time to think about biking to class, she thought as she looked down at the love handle that was forming on either of her sides. Definitely. She smiled, though. She made a note to bring her bike next time she went home to see everyone.

  She’d had a hard time adjusting to the college life at first but had finally made a handful of friends, which was crucial on such a huge campus.

  She still remembered getting on the wrong bus the first day, even though she had done a complete walkthrough of her schedule the day before. Not fun walking in late to class at all. At least the professor hadn’t made a big deal out of it, except for saying hi to her in front of the three hundred person lecture class.

  “So do you have a ton of reading to do tonight?” Vanessa asked. They were both wearing strappy sandals and shorts with t-shirts. It was sweltering outside. Ariana couldn’t wait to see the campus in the fall.

  “Yep. You?”

  “Tons. History is killing me.”

  Ariana nodded. “Me too.”

  “I’m so behind. I heard some people saying the readings aren’t even on the tests.”

  “Really?” Ariana replied. “Don’t know if we should risk it, though. We should see what the first test is like first.”

  “When is it again?”

  “Like two weeks,” Ariana said as the East/West bus pulled up. They got in line to get on.

  “No freakin’ way. Already?”

  “Um, yeah,” she replied, climbing the steps. She walked down the aisle and took one of two empty seats. She chose the one by the window. She liked to people watch. There were several dozen students milling about, walking to class or a dining hall, even the occasional professor or T.A. heading to the next class.

  She wondered what Lucas was doing right now. She took a deep breath and focused on their last time together, besides saying goodbye. It was still too painful to think about that.

  Next, she wondered about Jimmy and how his day had been. He was probably gearing up for basketball season with Ryan.

  That was going to kill her not being able to go to most of his games. She had made a promise to him, though, to make it some of them. She had to.

  Mayra. How was she holding up?

  She hadn’t talked to her in a few days, even though they’d said they’d talk or text every single day.

  Same with Lucas.

  It hadn’t happened. Between their completely different class schedules, his work, her new friends and making time for studying, and Mayra’s new job. It was impossible to keep up.


  She had to call them tonight, though. Had to. And her parents. Although she could count on her mom to call every other day at least.

  She sighed.

  College was amazing. She never imagined it to be this fun meeting new people, studying together, going to the dining hall at two in the morning, and just learning.

  But she also never thought it would be this hard leaving everyone behind.

  ###

  “Whatcha thinking’ about?” Vanessa asked.

  Ariana kept her gaze out the window as they bumped along to their dorm.

  “Who did you leave behind?” Ariana asked.

  Vanessa had moved here too. From several hours away, though.

  “An ex-boyfriend, who I don’t miss,” she emphasized. “And some friends. My family. I keep in touch, but I like it here a lot better.” She could feel Vanessa’s eyes on her. “Do you miss yours? Your family and friends?”

  “Yeah. My boyfriend. My brother, my best friend. I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school, but those three are just…”

  Vanessa nodded and gave her a half hug as best as she could on the crowded, moving bus. They hadn’t talked a lot about their loved ones before. Just the now.

  “For me, it’s my sister. She’s older than me by two years and pregnant. It’s hard being away from her and not seeing her cute belly grow.”

  Ariana turned to her and smiled. Vanessa was the first to go to college in her family too.

  A few minutes later, she and Vanessa were going into their dorm room.

  She set her stuff down on her desk and climbed the ladder up to her bed. She needed a few minutes of quiet with her eyes closed to process the day. Those classes were long, and she was still kind of full.

  Vanessa headed off to shower. “Be back later.”

  “’Kay,” she replied as Vanessa closed the door behind her.

  She got up and grabbed her phone from her desk, her arm barely reaching it from on top of her books.

  She looked at the time. 3:47 p.m.

  Lucas would be out of class and heading home if she remembered correctly. She dialed.

  Two rings later, “Hey, babe.”

  “Hey,” she said with a smile. “I miss you.”

  She heard his sigh on the other end. “I miss you too.”

  “How was your day? Are you heading home or to work?”

  “Home then work. It was good. Not too much homework and no tests on the radar yet. You?”

  “Tons of reading to do and a test in two weeks. First one.”

  “I know you’re gonna rock it. Because that’s you do.”

  Ariana’s heart skipped a beat. “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

  “I wish I could do more than kiss you right now.”

  Again with the heart skipping.

  “Did you eat?” she asked, staring at the ceiling just inches from her face.

  “Not yet.”

  “I did. At the dining hall. It was officially awesome. I think I’ve already gained the freshman fifteen.”

  “No way. Seriously?”

  She laughed. “Maybe. Is that a problem?”

  “Not at all. Just means there’s more of you to love.”

  She could see him doing the wink he always did. “That’s what I thought,” she said, and he laughed.

  She sighed. “When do I get to see you? This weekend?”

  She had gone home a couple of weeks ago but had hardly seen him because of his work schedule.

  “I have to work pretty much the entire weekend. This other girl has the flu or something so we’re having to fill in her hours until she comes back.”

  “Okay. Not this weekend. Not next weekend because I’ll have that test. I guess we can talk next week and see if maybe the next next weekend…”

  She tried not to sound too hopeless there.

  “Maybe I can come up there. I haven’t gone yet. You could show me around.”

  “You really think they’re going to give you the weekend off?” she said before he had hardly finished his sentence.

  “Um, so not a weekend. Maybe weekend day? I’ll ask at work.”

  She thought about the hassle it would be for him, his mom, and his sisters. He was supposed to help take care of them.

  “It’s okay. I can go there. We’ll work it out.”

  “Okay. I love you. Hey, I have to go. I only have a few minutes to eat before I have to leave again for work. I’ll talk to you later?”

  “Yeah. Love you.”

  “Hey,” he said right before she was about to hang up. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  Next, she tried Mayra.

  After calling three times and not getting an answer, she settled for sending a text instead.

  Hey bestie. I miss you. Call me later.

  She sighed, climbed down, and began the night’s readings.

  ###

  It was finally Christmas break. She was free, at least until January 3rd, when classes started back up.

  Her final exams were finished and hopefully aced. She’d be able to check online in a week or two.

  It was time to go home.

  And she couldn’t wait.

  She had seen her family and Mayra a grand total of four times in the past almost five months. It had sucked.

  She had seen Lucas a grand total of three times. That had sucked more.

  Especially since they hadn’t been talking much lately. It was as much her fault as it had been his.

  As the semester had passed, they had talked less and less. School had gotten hard for both of them. Ariana’s classes were really challenging, and she didn’t want to settle for getting anything less than all As. Lucas, meanwhile, had seemed like a zombie last time she had seen him a month ago. She tried to remember the last time she spoke to him. It had to have been at least two weeks, and they hadn’t talked more than a few minutes.

  She had also missed almost all of Jimmy’s basketball games. Mayra had sent her a few video clips, but it was nowhere near the same as being there to cheer him on. She was so excited that she was gonna be able to make it to his last game before he got out of school for Christmas break.

  Ariana packed a few last things into a huge shoulder bag before looking around. Her charger. She unplugged it and shoved it into the bag. She had all of her toiletries and her pillow.

  Vanessa came in. She set her keys down.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come home with me a few days?” Ariana asked.

  “Nah. A few days of quiet will do me good. And I have plans to hang out with Nick. No worries.”

  Vanessa wasn’t going home right away. She had met a guy on campus. Someone in her chem class. Ariana had seen him on Twitter. He was pretty hot. And smart, from what Vanessa had told her. He had offered to tutor her, although it sounded like they had been doing more than tutoring lately.

  Ariana hugged Vanessa, not letting go for a few seconds.

  “Well, take care. Have fun but not too much fun.”

  They laughed.

  “I promise I will. Or won’t,” she replied.

  “Let me know if you need anything,” Ariana said, emphasizing that last word. “I’ll be back in a flash, or if you do decide you want to come spend time at my house, you’re always welcome.”

  “Ditto,” Vanessa said. “Stay safe. Text me.”

  Ariana nodded and grabbed her bag and phone. All her other stuff was already in her car downstairs.

  She walked out and quietly let the door shut behind her, making herself slow down and enjoy the walk down.

  ###

  A few hours later, Ariana was finally home. In her room. On her bed.

  She hugged it and breathed in, closing her eyes. Seeing her parents and Jimmy had been just what her heart needed. It had proved impossible not to shed a few tears, especially when she saw how Jimmy had changed a little bit more since she had last seen him.

  He still had one more week of school left, but Mayra and
Lucas were supposedly already out of school like her.

  Jimmy came into her room, jumped, and landed on her bed.

  “Hey,” she said with a smile.

  “So you’re coming to my game later, right?”

  “Duh,” she replied, making room for him. “I’m already thinking of where I want to eat after.”

  He lay down beside her.

  “So how are you and Mayra doing?” She studied his face for any hint of bad news. There wasn’t any.

  He stared at the ceiling. “We’re doing pretty good, actually.”

  She thought for a minute. “You guys have been together almost a year, right?”

  He nodded and looked at her. “Like eight months.”

  Lucas and Ariana had been together for over a year now.

  They’d seen each other for a few hours a few days late on their one year anniversary two months ago. It had felt a little forced, and it was evident that Lucas had been really tired.

  She hoped things would go better this time. She needed him. She remembered all the times they’d gone out last year, walking together, laughing. Things were so different now.

  “How are things with Lucas?” Jimmy asked, finally breaking the silence.

  She sighed. “Okay, I guess. Could be better. I’m just glad we’ll spend more time together over the break.”

  “I bet you will,” Jimmy said, putting his arm around her.

  She tried to smile but decided to text Mayra instead. She at least needed to see her best friend tonight.

  chapter twenty-six

  A few days later, Ariana finally sees Lucas on his day off.

  She had seen him the day after she had gotten back, but it hadn’t gone that great.

  Lucas had been in a rush as usual, this time to take his sisters to karate practice. They had taken a hit financially when his mom had lost her job, but he insisted on letting his sisters have a better childhood than what he’d had. His mom had found another job after a week or so, but she had to work more hours to make the same money she had made before, which already hadn’t been enough.

  Lucas was back to working full-time while going to school full-time and helping out at home.