“Where are we going?” I asked, running my fingers through my knotted hair. Logan’s unkempt hair looked deliberate, like he’d spent hours styling it that way.
“Radio station interview,” he replied. “It will be quick, show time’s in a few hours.”
I nodded and drifted back to sleep against his shoulder until the loud sound of hands pounding on the van woke me. We were surrounded by fans as we pulled into the station’s parking lot. The security guards held the fanatical girls back and helped the guys run from the car to the building. Trina and I stayed outside and wandered away from the station, taking a walk around the lot.
“I wish I had more alone time with Logan; it’s the only thing I’m looking forward to after the tour ends,” I said.
“Yeah, and even then, alone time will be few and far between,” she replied.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He didn’t tell you?”
I stopped in my tracks and turned to face her. “Tell me what?”
Her eyes darted away from my glance. “He was supposed to tell you.”
“Obviously he didn’t if I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
Grabbing my hands, she broke the news quickly. “They’re staying in LA when the tour ends.”
“What?” I shrieked. My legs shook and I dropped to my knees, scraping my skin on the hard pavement.
She kneeled down and wrapped her arms around me. “I thought Logan told you last night! I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head back and forth in disbelief. Covering my eyes with my hands, I tried to hold back my tears.
She grabbed me tighter. “They’re not coming back to Boston with us. The record label got them an apartment in LA so they could stay and do more press, a music video, and be near their new recording studio.”
I couldn’t look up at her, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe.
Grabbing my shoulders, she shook me back to reality. “Lacey?”
“I can’t…I can’t,” I whispered.
“We’ll get through it together,” she said, stroking the back of my head. “And Griffin said they’ll visit as often as they can.”
My body went numb. I didn’t want to believe it. “I was so ready for the tour to be done, to get away from everyone and just be us…”
“I know, me too.”
The tears wouldn’t stop streaming down my face, and my breath escaped me.
“Lacey, you need to calm down, you’re hyperventilating,” Trina said. “I’m not letting you pass out in the middle of the parking lot.”
She hooked her arms underneath me and pulled me up back on my feet. I leaned against her for support, and wiped my face with the back of my hand. I didn’t even want to think about how much of a train wreck I probably looked like. Trina handed me a few tissues she had in her purse.
“Griffin had to spend two hours consoling me, so don’t feel bad,” she said.
“I can’t go back to Boston without him.”
Trina grabbed my hands and looked me straight in the eye. “I’ll be in the same boat as you so we can go through this shit together, and we’ll help each other out, okay?”
It wasn’t fair, I finally had my first real boyfriend and I only got to spend a couple months with him. I wanted to go on a normal date with him, introduce him to my future college friends, and maybe even my family. How would any of that be possible when he would be miles and miles and miles away?
Would he even want to try a long distance relationship? With all the models and actresses and other Hollywood-type girls that would be around him all the time, why would he want to be tied down to one girl?
The guys ran out of the station quickly, and there was no time for them to sign autographs for the fans waiting outside. Robyn rushed us all in the van, and I sat in the back with Trina. I didn’t want Logan to ask me why I looked like I was run over by a truck. Thankfully, we arrived at the venue quickly and the guys immediately went inside to start their soundcheck. Trina and I pulled the merch from the bus and set up our table. My heart ached as I watched Logan on stage. It took all my strength to stop from bawling my eyes out again. I focused on his voice to help ease the pain.
Logan took a seat at the edge of the stage and waved me over after the first song ended.
“Hi,” I said, quietly. I couldn’t look up at him, it was too difficult.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
Trina ran up beside me. “I thought you already told her about LA,” she explained.
He jumped off the stage and slid his strong arms around me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to see you upset, so I just kept putting it off.”
My eyes welled up with tears for the hundredth time since I’d heard the news. “It’s okay, I’ll be alright.”
His soft lips brushed against my forehead. “We’ll talk more about it later, okay?”
I nodded and kissed his cheek.
“Please don’t let this ruin your night; we only have one more after this one!” he said.
“Okay,” I replied. I was afraid to keep my mouth open for too long, fearing I’d start sobbing uncontrollably.
“Good, see you after the show.” He climbed back on stage to finish soundcheck.
I focused on setting up the merch table to take my mind off of my depressing thoughts. The doors opened soon after and the fans ran in. The club was jam packed, but it was hard for me to feel excited.
Grabbing me by the arm, Trina pulled me out from behind the booth to dance with her. She was probably hurting just as much as I was, but we danced and sang to Lansdowne’s songs at the top of our lungs, letting the music overcome us. Logan’s voice echoed through the building and the music beat through my body. He was right; I needed to stop freaking out and cherish every last moment of this tour.
After the concert ended, Trina, Robyn and I went back to the hotel and ordered pizza for everyone. The guys met us in our room and devoured the slices.
Logan pulled me over to the couch in the corner of the room. “I’m really sorry about how you heard the news about us staying in LA. I wanted to be the one to tell you, but I couldn’t find the right moment to say it.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling.” I recalled how hard it was to find the right moment to tell Ryan about Jenna and Jeff.
Grabbing both of my hands in his, he spoke to me in a serious tone. “This isn’t goodbye, okay? I’m going to fly out to Boston all the time.”
I nodded and kissed his soft lips. I knew it wasn’t goodbye, but it wasn’t what I wanted. Not knowing the next time I’d see him frightened me. I threw myself into his comforting arms, and wished the fear and pain would go away. He pulled me in closer to his warm body, and I nuzzled my head against his chest, listening to his steady, strong heartbeat.
Chapter 20 – Los Angeles
After weeks of ups and downs, love and war, and countless hours of hard work, we were finally at the final tour stop, Los Angeles. I’d always wanted to visit LA, go to Disney Land, take the Hollywood Walk of Fame and spot the celebrity houses, but there was no time to play. Thanks to the insane California traffic, we only had a couple hours to kill before the concert began.
Peering through the bus window, I eyed the familiar line of girls waiting outside the theater.
“Let’s take a picture under the marquee,” I said to Trina.
“You’re such a dork,” she replied, grabbing her camera.
We left the bus and I searched for a non-crazy looking fan to take our picture.
“Lacey!”
Squinting through the crowd, I searched for the voice screaming my name.
“Lacey!”
I practically fell back onto the ground as Devin jumped up and tackled me with a huge hug.
“Oh my God! What are you doing here?” I asked, hugging her back.
“I couldn’t miss the last show! I flew in this morning and I’m staying with some friends here tonight.”
“That�
��s awesome! Trina, you remember Devin,” I said, introducing them again.
Trina lifted her head and smiled. I knew she didn’t like Devin, but I hoped she would at least pretend to be nice. Devin took our picture in front of the venue, and then Trina took one of me and Devin too.
“So what’s been going on lately? I need the scoop,” Devin said.
“Ugh, too much, I’ll fill you in later, if I talk about it now I might start crying.”
“What? What’s wrong?” she asked, concerned.
“There’s just a lot of stuff going on…I promise to tell you another time.”
She nodded.
“We gotta start setting up the merch booth…for the last time,” I said, frowning. “I’ll find you later.”
Trina walked back to the bus, not waiting for me to join her. I wished she didn’t have such a problem with Devin, but I wasn’t going to start drama on our last night. I grabbed some boxes from the bus and we set up the merch table inside. The theater was huge, and old, with intricate artwork on the walls and ceiling. Breathing in the musty smell, I locked it into my memory as best as I could.
Trina led me outside to watch the media vans pull up. All the local news stations were there, apparently Lansdowne’s single had gained huge momentum on the radio lately, and they were becoming really popular! This was Logan’s time to shine, he had worked so hard for this band, and now he was finally getting the fame and recognition he deserved.
We stepped back inside to watch the band tune their instruments and warm up their vocals. I inched closer to the stage, keeping my eyes on Logan as he bounced his microphone stand from one hand to the other like a seasoned pro. His hair glistened under the bright lights, and his body looked amazing in tight black jeans and a fitted white t-shirt.
Trina elbowed me in the arm. “No crying or I’ll kill you.”
I nodded and laughed. “I’ll try my best.”
Logan waved down to me and smiled. I blew him a kiss and my eyes began to sting. I blinked the tears back in, they weren’t allowed to come out, not yet!
He tuned his bass and did his “check one, twos,” into the microphone for the sound tech.
I waved goodbye before heading back up to the merch booth with Trina to make sure everything was ready before the doors opened.
“I know last shows are a bummer, but the after parties are always the best,” Robyn said, trying to cheer us up.
The after party would probably be the death of me. I hated goodbyes, and it would be even harder saying goodbye to my tour family.
The doors opened and the fans rushed in to grab their spots.
“I don’t want the show to start,” I said.
“I know; can we just rewind the past few weeks? I’d do it all over again, well, except for the whole getting in a fight with Griffin part,” Trina responded.
“Yeah, we’ll just skip over that. Never happened,” I said, waving my hand in the air.
“I still can’t believe we got paid for doing this.”
“Seriously, I would have done it for free. Best summer job I ever had,” I said.
The lights in the theater dimmed, and the spotlights turned on. I never grew sick of seeing the same show night after night; in fact, it was like my first time every night. The chills I felt from the first concert in Boston swept over my body again.
“Hello Los Angeles!” Logan yelled. “Are you ready to rock?”
The crowd screamed louder than I ever heard before, and that was all it took to get my tears flowing. “Got a tissue?”
“I’m gonna kill you!” Trina screamed.
I wasn’t crying from sadness; I was proud, and happy, and overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. We crept closer inside the venue to an open space near the bar where we could dance and sing with the rest of the crowd. We were their number one fans by far. No one could love Lansdowne’s music as much as we could, and no one could understand it like us. Their music was our life, and Logan’s voice made everything feel just perfect.
As they wound down to the end of their set, we ran over to our booth, sweaty and out of breath.
“Don’t end, don’t end, don’t end,” I muttered.
“Tonight’s the last show of our tour,” Logan said to the crowd. “You guys have been a great audience, and we hope to come back soon. But before we go, we want to thank our label and our amazing crew, especially Robyn, Trina, and Lacey. Couldn’t have done it without you guys.”
The audience clapped and screamed. When the last song started I heard Trina sniffle. “You’re such a hypocrite!” I yelled, throwing my arm around her.
She shrugged her shoulders and we laughed and cried together.
When the show ended, the fans ran up to buy merch, and we were in a selling frenzy for over an hour, selling out of most of the items by the end of the line.
After the last fan left the building, Trina and I rushed backstage and knocked on the dressing room door.
“Just in time,” Ryan said, letting us in. “We’re having a toast.”
Robyn handed out shots of tequila. “Don’t tell the label I gave this to you!”
Logan raised his shot glass in the air and placed his other arm around me. “To the best tour and the best friends I’ve ever had.”
The shot burned as it traveled down my throat.
Robyn passed around another round. “Again, don’t tell!”
I raised my glass this time. “I just wanted to tell you guys…” Logan rubbed my back with his large, comforting hand as my voice trembled. “I just wanted to say that I love you all, and this was the best summer of my life.”
“Salute!” Logan yelled.
“I’ll drink to that,” Trina said.
The second shot felt like a raging fire, but my heart burned more; this would be my last night with Logan for who knew how long.
We left the guys and packed up the boxes at the table, bringing them back to the bus with the cash box. I slipped out of my t-shirt and jeans into a cute, summery dress, and freshened up my hair and makeup before heading to the club next door for the after party. Trina and I met up with Devin outside and took her in with us, letting some of her friends in too.
We were led to a roped-off, VIP area. Trina looked over at me with a silly grin on her face and wrapped her arms around me. I couldn’t believe how far we’d come; from sneaking into the first Lansdowne show, to legitimately being with the band at a party in Los Angeles, it was pretty insane.
The guys met us at the bar later on in the night and handed us more drinks. “To Lacey and Trina!” they yelled, and chugged down their beers.
Trina clinked her plastic cup to mine. “To us!”
I glanced around at my circle of friends, in awe of how close we’d all become in such a short amount of time. When we were all together, I felt more at home than I ever did back in Massachusetts. Going back to Boston felt wrong, but unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice.
Grabbing me from behind, Logan leaned down to kiss my cheek. “We made the rounds with all the important people here, wanna split?”
I hooked my fingers through his belt loops and pressed my body close to his. “What do you think?”
“Anyone else heading back to the hotel?” Logan asked.
“Sure, we’ll join you,” Griffin said, grabbing Trina’s hand.
We snuck out the back door and our driver met us at the end of the street. The sidewalk was crowded with fans and paparazzi. The guys agreed to take some photos while Trina and I hung back; I didn’t want to end up in any more tabloids, once in my life was enough!
After we arrived at our hotel, I hugged Griffin goodbye in the lobby in case I didn’t see him in the morning. We parted ways to get to our rooms in separate towers. Before I had a chance to sulk, Logan picked me up in the elevator and slammed me up against the mirrored walls. His hands grabbed at my body and he smelled like an intoxicating mix of sweat, cologne and alcohol. Why did he have to stay in LA? Why?
He carried me into the room a
nd threw me down on the large, plush bed. Tearing off his tight t-shirt, he jumped in bed next to me. I reached over to touch his chest, and slid my hands down his torso, unbuckling his leather belt.
“Is this really our last night together?” I asked.
“No, I’ll visit you every chance I get. I promise,” he whispered. His lips grazed my ear as he spoke, and his soft kisses continued down my neck and across my collar bone.
I held in my tears and closed my eyes, taking in every last touch, kiss, and sound.
Wrapping his arms tightly around my body, he kissed my lips with intensity.
“I love you,” I said, staring deeply into his icy blue eyes.
“I love you too.”
Chapter 21 – Return To Boston
I held it together until we stepped on the plane. Trina tried to force a Xanax down my throat, but I managed to calm myself down without medical intervention. I attempted to sleep the whole way home, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to turn around and go back to LA.
My parents picked us up at the airport, and they had a million and one questions to ask.
“What was the best city you went to? Did you meet any celebrities in LA? Did you make enough money to get you through the whole school year?”
“I don’t know, no, maybe,” I replied. “I’m really tired. Can we talk about this later?”
“Sure, honey,” Mom said. But, I didn’t want to talk about it later. I didn’t want to think about it at all.
We dropped Trina off at her house and I helped bring her bags inside.
“This was incredible. Nothing will ever top this summer,” Trina said.
I nodded, and blinked back my tears.
“Love you,” I said, hugging her close before getting back in the car.
As soon as I got home, I ran up to my bedroom and called Logan. I missed him so much already, and a full day hadn’t even passed since I last saw him. How would I live without seeing him every day?
The next few weeks were a blur. I attended my orientation for college, picked out my classes, and before I knew it my parents were driving me back to Boston to move into my dorm.
Merch Girl Page 16
