Unsteady in Love: Fairlane Series #3

by Layne, Harlow

  “Well, you tell him that I’m not going anywhere until I see him. I didn’t fly all this way to get turned around at the door. I’ve never flown a day in my life, but I got myself on a plane. For him.”

  “I understand, and I’m sorry. Sergeant Montgomery was in surgery when you were called. I’ll relay your message.”

  “You do that,” I snapped, instantly feeling guilty. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault that Holden didn’t want to see me. If he wasn’t hurt, I would rip him a new asshole for taking at least ten years off my life and then refusing to see me.

  I sat in the nearest chair, determined to not break down, but the moment the nurse stepped in front of me and I saw the look on her face, I crumbled. Sobs wracked my body. I pulled my knees to my chest with my forehead against them. Why didn’t he want to see me? Did Holden not remember me? Did he have amnesia, and that’s why he didn’t want to see me?

  My head popped up to talk to the nurse, but she was already gone. I didn’t blame her. It wasn’t enjoyable to watch someone break down, and I was sure she had to see it more often than not. I had no idea how long I cried before any rational thought came to me. I ran to the desk where I’d found the nurse and started peppering her with questions. “Can you give me updates? Does my husband have amnesia? Is that why he doesn’t want to see me? Because he can’t remember who I am? If that’s the case, maybe if he sees me, he’ll remember?”

  “I’m sorry, but his mental faculties seem to be intact. Right now, he’s depressed, and he wishes to be left alone.”

  “If I can’t see him, can you tell me what happened? What his injuries are if it isn’t amnesia?”

  “I can assure you that your husband doesn’t have amnesia. It’s very common that our patients request no visitors once they wake up. Give him some time, and I’m sure he’ll come around. Right now, though, he’s in a very bad place.”

  “But I could help him if he’s in a bad place. I’ve known Holden since high school, and I know I could help him if he’d only let me.”

  “I’m sure that’s the case, but right now, we have to abide by his wishes. I’m sorry. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if it were you, I’m sure you’d want us to do as you ask.”

  “Yes, of course. I understand you’re doing your job. What I don’t understand is why my husband doesn’t want to see me. All we’ve talked about for the last few months is that we can’t wait to see each other, and now that we can, he’s refusing to see me,” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks as reality set in.

  My husband, the love of my life, didn’t want to see me.

  “Give him time, honey.”

  I didn’t want to give him time. I’d nearly lost my mind more than once as each plane took off and landed, all with the thought that I might lose Holden. I had no idea how injured he was. How could he be so cruel?

  21

  PRUE

  For the past few days, my home was the waiting room of the hospital in Germany. Holden still refused to see me, but I was not going to give up. There was no way in hell I was leaving, even if I had to stay in the waiting room the entire time.

  The nurses had taken pity on me. They’d brought me a blanket, pillow, and scrubs to change into. Every day, they’d let Holden know I was still there, and every day he told them he didn’t want to see me. He’d asked that they didn’t relay any information on him. As they looked at me with pity in their eyes, I stopped asking. With Holden refusing to see me, all I had time to do was think. Think about what had happened and how he was injured. I knew he’d had surgery but not why.

  My imagination had run away from me thinking the worst things possible. I knew it wasn’t good, otherwise Holden would have been taken back to the states. My thoughts ranged from him being only a torso to his entire body being burned. Being burned made sense as to why Holden didn’t want me to see him. Each day I waited, the angrier I got. I had a feeling that was Holden’s intent. He wanted me to get pissed-off and leave.

  But it didn’t matter to me if he was burned all over his body. Yes, Holden was beyond handsome, but I didn’t fall in love with his looks. I fell in love with the man he was, and it was going to take a lot more than him pushing me away to make me stop loving him. If I hadn’t stopped when he left me, I sure as hell wasn’t going to stop now.

  The nurses urged me to leave if only for a few minutes. To get out and take a walk, have a real meal, or a shower, but I couldn’t leave. What if Holden changed his mind and wanted to see me while I was gone?

  After a week, with a crick in my neck, I was over giving Holden his space. I needed to see him. I needed to see him with my own eyes to know that he was okay. After that, I could leave.

  I stopped by the vending machine to grab a bag of chips when I heard Holden’s name. I inched closer trying to hear a little better, but when I turned the corner they were gone. My gaze flicked up and down the hall. No one was around, and I took the opportunity to venture further into the hospital. A nurse passed by, and I held my breath, but she didn’t stop me. No one stopped me as I slowly took in my surroundings and inched down the hallway. At each door, I read the name and continued on until I was standing in front of a room marked H. Montgomery. With shaky hands, I looked both ways, making sure the coast was clear before I turned the knob and slipped inside.

  My breath caught as I took in the man in front of me. His face was bruised and swollen, but underneath it all, I could see my Holden. From what little I could tell, he wasn’t burned all over his body, so why had he not wanted me to see him?

  My eyes scanned every inch of his body, slowly I started to relax seeing his chest as it rose and fell. He wasn’t hooked up to any machines which was a good sign. One hand was bandaged, but not in a cast. An IV stuck out of his other hand. I continued to take him in and stopped dead when his left leg that rested on a pillow stopped halfway down from his knee.

  Tears filled my eyes as my hand went to my mouth. This was why he didn’t want me to see him. Did he think I wouldn’t want him any longer? Did he think I’d be repulsed?

  “I told them not to let you in,” he growled out. I was unsure how he knew I was in the room. He hadn’t opened his eyes and continued to keep them closed.

  “Holden,” I gasped out and ran to the side of the bed where I grabbed the hand with the IV.

  “You need to leave, Prue, before I call for security to escort you out.”

  “You’d really do that?” My chin trembled.

  “I asked to be left alone. How’d you get back here anyway?” He opened his eyes only to turn and look away.

  “I snuck in. It wasn’t my intention.” I shook my head. Who cared? “I was grabbing a bite to eat,” I held up the chip bag, “when I heard your name.” I shrugged. “When I noticed there was no one around, I started to look for you.”

  “Well, you found me and now you can un-find me. Go back to your house and live your life.”

  “My life is with you. When you get better, you’re coming home. I…”

  “I’m never going to get better, Prue,” he interrupted. “This is me now.”

  “Of course, you’re going to get better. You’ll heal. I…know this is a big change, but you’re strong, Holden. You can get through anything. We can get through this.”

  He turned to me, his eyes cold as he spit his words at me. “I don’t want to get through it, and I sure as hell don’t want you to get through this. I never wanted you to see me like this.”

  “Holden, don’t. I love you and nothing can change that.”

  His throat bobbed with emotion as his eyes filled with pain. “Go home, Prue. Start to live your life. When the two years are up, you’ll receive the paperwork to dissolve our marriage. Don’t worry, you’ll be taken care of.”

  “I don’t want your fucking money, Holden. I only want you. You can’t do this to us,” I sobbed out the last few words unable to hold back my devastation.

  “It’s already been done to us. Look at me, Prue.” He slammed his hands down on t
he bed. “I’m never going to be whole again. Don’t you understand that?”

  “Yes, I do understand and I. Don’t. Care. You’re alive, and that’s all that matters.”

  “Please, just go home, Prue. Don’t sit there and look at me with your sad eyes begging me.”

  “You really want me to go home?”

  A tear slipped off my chin and dripped onto his hand. Holden’s gaze followed, and for a moment, I thought he was going to change his mind. Then his face went blank, and I knew I’d lost him.

  “I don’t want you anymore,” he said with his jaw set.

  Standing, I stumbled to the door and looked back one last time.

  “Goodbye, Holden.”

  22

  HOLDEN

  Turning toward the wall, I couldn’t watch Prue walk out the door, even if I had been the one who pushed her away. I tried to get accustomed to the boulder that sat on my chest. Each word I spoke to Prue made it heavier and heavier until it became almost impossible to breathe. When I saw the tears in her eyes, I knew that I had made the right choice in making her go.

  Prue didn’t deserve to have to take care of me, to watch me struggle and learn how to live life again with part of my leg missing. She’d taken care of her father for so long, and I wanted her to be free to do whatever she wanted. Not to be burdened by me and the life she’d lead if she stayed.

  For the past few months, I had been searching within myself to figure out what I wanted to do once I got home. A home I had now given up for a second time. I had thought about becoming a cop in Fairlane or around the area, but now I had no idea what I wanted to do. Being a cop was out of the question, and so was being with Prue. I knew I could always go to college and become an architect like I’d wanted to do back in high school, but I couldn’t imagine spending the next four years sitting in a classroom.

  I was lost in more ways than one, and I had no idea if I’d ever find myself.

  I had to keep telling myself that I had done the right thing sending Prue away, but as each day passed, the hole in my chest grew larger and the boulder became heavier. I started to second guess myself and my choices. If I hadn’t been in the hospital, I would have been in a bar drinking until I was blackout drunk. Instead, all I could do was stare at the walls and avoid the narrowed eyes from the nurses.

  I had nothing to do but think about my situation.

  Before, I thought being separated from Prue was bad, but it was nothing like winning her back only to send her away. The thought of never seeing her smiling face or her beautiful green eyes light up when she looked at me, killed me inside.

  Closing my eyes, I prayed that I would wake up from this nightmare.

  Instead, I was greeted each and every day by the nightmare that had become my life.

  I’d lost a part of me.

  My leg.

  And Prue.

  23

  PRUE

  I cried the entire way home. Two days of gut-wrenching sobs while strangers stared at me, but I didn’t care. My life was over. When I got home, I headed straight to bed where I stayed for the rest of the night. The next day, I called Alex, needing a friend and someone to tell me what to do.

  “Prue?” she answered.

  Alex had once again saved me. She didn’t know the details because I hadn’t known much, only that Holden had been injured and was being flown to a hospital in Germany. She called Josh, who had come by and picked up Atticus while I was gone.

  “Yeah, it’s me.” My voice was nearly gone from all the crying I’d done the past week.

  “How bad is it?”

  “It’s over,” I cried out.

  “What do you mean, it’s over?” she asked, confused.

  “Me and Holden. Our marriage. He sent me away,” I barely choked out.

  “Wha…what? That doesn’t make sense. He worked so hard to get you back. Tell me everything,” she demanded softly.

  I told her everything from the time I’d gotten to the hospital until the moment I left Germany.

  “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. I think Holden needs more time to come to terms with what happened to him. It can’t be easy to wake up with half your leg missing.”

  “I know, but I don’t know how to convince him that I don’t care about his leg. How do I get him to come home when this isn’t really even his home? I just assumed he would be moving to Fairlane when he finally got out. He had asked if he could visit, but now I don’t know.”

  “From everything that you’ve told me, I think he was planning on staying. Does he have a house somewhere else for him to go to when he gets stateside?”

  “Not that I know of. I mean, he has the money to do whatever he wants. He could have bought three houses since I left.”

  “I seriously doubt it. You’ve got to get him to Fairlane,” she said, determined.

  “How am I going to do that? He’s an adult. I can’t make arrangements for him and expect for them to be followed.”

  “Does he have any way to communicate? A computer or phone?”

  Good question. I knew absolutely nothing.

  “I should have stayed in Germany, but after what he said, I was too upset to think clearly. I could have ambushed him when he was leaving.”

  Alex laughed. “I don’t think that would have worked the way you’re thinking. Maybe you can call and see where he’ll be sent once he’s back. He’ll have to go through therapy and learn to walk again. He won’t go straight home wherever that is.”

  “So, you’re saying to stake my claim there and make him come back to Fairlane?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying. If it was the other way around, he would throw you over his shoulder and manhandle you into doing what he wanted. Well, I don’t know that Holden would do that since I don’t really know him.”

  “Luke wouldn’t do that,” I told her knowingly.

  “No, he wouldn’t,” she laughed. “I’ve read too many romance novels.”

  “You can never read too many romance novels.” I leaned my head back and let out a frustrated breath. “God, I don’t know what to do. Tell me about Hawaii. I need to hear something good.”

  “Are you sure? Because,” she sighed, dreamily, “it’s perfect here. If I could, I’d live here. You know I love the beach.”

  “I do. I know if you could have, you would’ve moved with your friend, Taylor to Florida.” I laughed for the first time in days.

  “There was no way Decker would have ever let me move, but you’re right, I would have.”

  “Tell me what it’s like there.” I needed to get my mind off Holden.

  “It’s beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. The water is so pretty, and everything is so green. We’ve ventured to a few waterfalls. The best word to describe it is paradise. Mason and I spend half the day at the beach and the other half exploring.”

  “Is Luke sad that he’s missing out on a lot of it?”

  “A little bit, but he understands that the beach can’t entertain Mason for the entire time he’s here. I would be perfectly fine spending all my time there though.” She laughed. “I wish you could come to the wedding, but I understand why you can’t.”

  “I hate that I’ll probably have to miss it now that I’ve gotten over my fear of flying, but…”

  “Don’t worry about it. If you need me to come home, I can. I feel bad that I’m here in paradise, and you’re going through hell.”

  “Do you think Holden will change his mind?” I asked, afraid to hear her answer, but also hoping she would put my fears at ease.

  “I truly think he will. He just needs time. What would you do if you lost a limb? He’s looking out for you. He knows how much you loved your dad and how hard it was to take care of him. He doesn’t want to do the same thing to you.”

  “I have loved Holden since I was fifteen years old. For years, I thought I’d never see him again, and then he shows up out of the blue. I tried so hard to not let him in, afraid that he’d hurt me, and what
happened?” I closed my eyes as a single tear slipped down my cheek.

  “Honey, he was already in, you were just denying it to yourself. You never stood a chance.”

  “But what if he’s serious and never wants anything to do with me again?”

  “From what you’ve told me, I don’t think that’s the case. He loves you, and I’m sure he always has,” she tried to reassure me.

  “It would be so much easier if he had a phone or a computer so I could talk to him. I just wish I could talk to him, just once.”

  “I know, sweetie. Get him a phone or computer when he gets back. That way you can communicate with him. It might make it easier for him to talk to you if he knows that you can’t see him.”

  “Thank you, Alex. I feel like my brain is mush from all the crying I’ve done this week.”

  She made a sad noise on the other end of the line. “If you ever need to talk, call me day or night. I’m here for you.”

  “I know you are. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re a Godsend.”

  “I’m happy I could help. Do you feel any better?”

  “Sort of, but not really.” I laughed. “I’m going to call Josh so I can pick up Atticus. I miss him and hopefully, his cuteness will make me forget about Holden for a few minutes.”

  “You’ll be lucky if Josh gives him back. The couple of times I’ve talked to him, he talked all baby talk to Atticus. I think he loves the mutt.”

  “Atticus is easy to love. He’s so damn cute and cuddly, but I’m not letting Josh have him.” I laughed and grabbed up my keys. Josh wasn’t keeping him for another minute.

  “I have to agree from the pictures you’ve sent and posted online. Plus, what Josh has sent.” She giggled madly. “I’m just kidding. He hasn’t sent any pictures, but he did seriously talk all gaga at him.”

  “Go enjoy paradise, and I’ll talk to you later. Thank you again for everything.”