The Seven Secrets of Happiness

by Sharon Owens

  ‘God, no,’ he agreed, playing along.

  ‘It would be an utter betrayal of the sisterhood,’ Ruby said firmly.

  ‘Yes… She’d be very upset as well,’ Tom said, nodding wisely.

  ‘And we mustn’t upset a pregnant woman,’ Ruby said.

  ‘No, we definitely shouldn’t do that.’

  ‘Seriously, I wonder if Jasmine will go on working after the baby comes,’ Ruby thought aloud. ‘It might not look so good having a pram parked by the changing-room curtains. Or maybe it would!’

  ‘I’m sure she’ll be able to work part time when the baby comes,’ Tom said. ‘Unless she decides to be a full-time mum.’

  ‘I don’t know. I can’t see Jasmine turning into an earth mother.’

  ‘She might do,’ Tom said.

  ‘I suppose anything’s possible,’ Ruby said doubtfully, thinking of Jasmine’s beloved high heels and impractical mohair coat. ‘It’s not that she won’t love the baby, Tom. She will adore the baby! It’s just I can’t see her giving up the shop altogether. She always said she loved working in the shop…’

  ‘She can work part time then?’

  ‘Okay, okay, I know I’m fretting. I’ll miss her so much if she doesn’t come back, that’s all.’

  By the time Ruby came rushing into the maternity unit in early November it was all over. And Jasmine had safely delivered an eight-pound baby girl. She hadn’t decided on a name yet. She was quite keen on Harlow, she said, inspired by the name Nicole Richie had given her daughter. Mark thought Amy was a lovely name, but he also worried the name was too closely linked with the singer Amy Wine-house. Sam and Vicky thought Kylie was a great and bubbly sort of name. But, again, Mark felt that Kylie wasn’t quite unique enough. And of course Mark’s conservative parents favoured the classic names like Alice, Beatrice, Charlotte and Victoria. Everyone knew that Jasmine would be the one to choose the new baby’s name in the end. After all, she’d been the one in labour for fourteen hours.

  ‘She’s absolutely gorgeous,’ Ruby sighed, touching the baby’s tiny pink hand with the tip of her finger.

  ‘Isn’t she?’ Jasmine said proudly.

  ‘Just perfect. Where’s Mark?’

  ‘Working again this afternoon. But he’ll take a couple of days off when I go home from hospital. When we go home. Me and the baby… My daughter!’

  ‘Any idea when you’ll be going home?’ Ruby said, sitting down on a comfy chair beside Jasmine’s bed. And whispering so she didn’t wake the baby.

  ‘I have no idea,’ Jasmine replied. ‘We’re going to stay at Mark’s house until we buy a new place.’

  ‘I think that’s wise. I mean, I know your apartment is nicer, but it is on the fifth floor.’

  ‘Yes, Mark’s place is only a little house, but we’ll look for something bigger as soon as we can. I mean, I know he’s only just starting out in his career, but I’m sure we’ll get a big enough mortgage. And Mark says he’ll take whatever price he can get for his current house, you know, just to get the deposit together. We were talking about it last night. Mark said he’d rather not sell the house to a landlord because the street is mostly retired people and young families. But if nothing else turns up he might have to reconsider.’

  ‘Okay.’ Ruby just nodded. It wouldn’t be easy house hunting with a new baby and Mark’s very demanding job. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ she added.

  ‘Will you come with me? Looking at houses?’ Jasmine asked. ‘I can look at some on my own, Mark says. If he’s too busy, I can start the ball rolling. Will you come with me though? You’re the expert on houses.’

  ‘Surely I will. I’ll start collecting brochures right away. Thank God you can drive, Jasmine. That’ll make life so much easier for you.’

  ‘Mum said she would mind the baby any time I ask her,’ Jasmine said, suddenly tearful. ‘Isn’t she a sweetheart?’

  ‘She is indeed. She’s so good to you, Jasmine,’ Ruby said wistfully.

  ‘Is your mum ever coming home again?’ Jasmine asked gently. She usually kept off this thorny subject and Ruby hadn’t volunteered an update for ages.

  ‘Who knows.’

  ‘Are you still raging at her?’

  ‘Not any more, no.’

  ‘That’s good,’ Jasmine said quietly, suddenly all aware and terribly defensive of the mother-daughter relationship.

  ‘She loves me in her own way,’ Ruby said sadly. ‘It’s just that she has to do something independently now. Something for herself, you know? And I sort of understand that need. Sort of… So anyway we’ll keep in touch and she’ll come home again when she’s good and ready. Hopefully… And if she just goes on travelling forever, well, I guess I’ll just have to respect her wishes.’

  ‘You’re very wise, Ruby.’

  ‘I don’t know about that.’

  ‘You’re only four years older than me, but sometimes you feel like a second mother to me.’

  ‘Thanks, Jasmine. I think that’s a compliment!’ Ruby laughed.

  ‘Oh, it is, definitely,’ Jasmine said quickly. ‘No use in the two of us being total eejits. One eejit is more than enough in any friendship.’

  ‘Okay then.’

  ‘How’s your dad these days?’ Jasmine asked suddenly.

  ‘It’s funny but I think Dad is getting used to the peace. That’s my only worry now. He doesn’t talk about Mum any more when we chat on the phone.’

  ‘You mean he might not want your mother to come back?’

  ‘I’m not sure, no. He seems very happy on his own. Content, you know?’

  ‘Oh dear. Out of sight, out of mind, huh?’

  ‘I know,’ Ruby sighed.

  ‘Isn’t it funny, Ruby? The current generation of over-sixties, I mean? All out ballroom dancing like Theodora Kelly. And gallivanting like your mother. And spending the kids’ inheritance, some of them? SKI-ers, they’re called.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Ruby nodded. ‘Spending the Kids’ Inheritance.’

  ‘What’ll be left for you if your parents split up?’

  ‘I don’t know or care really. I just want them to be happy.’

  ‘Huh, you’re far too nice. I’ll be getting one sixth of a terrace in Sandy Row when my parents kick the bucket. Or maybe even less than that if they count in all the grandchildren.’

  ‘Never mind that now. You did bag a doctor, didn’t you? You jammy cow.’

  ‘Yes, I did, didn’t I?’ Jasmine giggled. ‘But I do love him madly,’ she added. ‘When he came into the shop that day, I had no idea that he’d done so well for himself. I just thought how good-looking and sexy and nice he’d become. I do love him for himself, you know.’

  ‘I know you do,’ Ruby said, smiling brightly at Jasmine and then marvelling at Jasmine’s gorgeous baby daughter once again.

  A nursing assistant brought them tea and biscuits then and for a while the two friends just sat gazing at Baby Crawford’s exquisite rosebud lips, long fluttering eyelashes and perfect round cheeks.

  ‘She’s so beautiful,’ Ruby sighed. ‘I thought babies were supposed to be all red and wrinkly and screaming the house down when they were born.’

  ‘Not all of them,’ Jasmine said smugly.

  ‘Was it sheer agony?’ Ruby ventured.

  ‘Not really,’ Jasmine said sheepishly.

  ‘Seriously, Jasmine, was it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Liar.’

  ‘It wasn’t easy,’ Jasmine admitted.

  ‘How sore was it exactly?’

  ‘I’m not telling you,’ Jasmine said, sipping her tea demurely.

  ‘It’s a conspiracy,’ Ruby said, leaning back in her chair.

  ‘No, it isn’t.’

  ‘Yes, it is. All new mothers clam up about the birth. Just so you don’t deter the rest of us poor suckers. Are you being kind? I wonder. Or do you just want us all to suffer as much as you did?’

  ‘You forget the pain, Ruby. Immediately afterwards, you forget all the bad stuff,’
Jasmine admitted shyly.

  ‘Oh my God, so it was agony?’

  ‘Ruby, look, don’t torture yourself. I’m not going to dwell on the details of it. She’s here now and all I want to do is get a house bought so you and me can decorate the nursery together. And go for lovely long walks in Ormeau Park, and take hundreds of photos, and all of that caper.’

  ‘Yes indeed,’ Ruby said brightly. She didn’t like to point out to Jasmine that she still had a shop to run. Single-handedly now, possibly. She daren’t mention hiring a new assistant in case Jasmine was offended.

  ‘It’ll be so weird, won’t it? Me, a mummy?’ Jasmine sighed.

  ‘Not at all. You’ll be the gold standard that all yummy mummies will aspire to,’ Ruby said, patting her friend’s hand enviously. ‘You might have to swap those five-inch heels of yours for beaded flip-flops, mind. But you’ll still look totally amazing.’

  ‘Ruby?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Can I still work in the shop on Fridays and Saturdays?’

  ‘Of course you can.’

  ‘Mum said she would look after the baby so I could still get out of the house sometimes… Mum says it’s important to keep one foot in the door of the workplace, or else you become a baby bore and a social outcast.’

  ‘Okay then. We can’t have you becoming a social outcast. It wouldn’t suit you! I’ll struggle on as best I can between Mondays and Wednesdays, shall I? Maybe I’ll close the shop on Thursdays actually? Have a day off myself.’

  ‘Yes! We could make Thursday our Ladies Who Lunch day? And Mark says that if I’m going stir-crazy at home I can always put the baby into a good nursery and go back to work full time. Even though it would end up costing us more than I earn… But obviously I’m going to try to look after her myself first.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘And my dad says babies do best when they stay with their mothers.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘But Mark’s parents are all for working mothers. They think I should do some childcare courses and open up my own nursery. They say there’s a shortage of good nurseries in Belfast and everywhere.’

  ‘Okay,’ Ruby said again. She thought the idea of Jasmine running her own nursery was slightly ambitious to say the least, but she decided to say nothing for now. Wait and see how Jasmine got on with one child initially, she told herself. She must remember not to interfere too much. Anyway, your own life was so much simpler when you didn’t interfere in other people’s.

  ‘What do you think I should do, Ruby?’ Jasmine asked suddenly.

  Ruby bit her lip. She mustn’t say the wrong thing.

  ‘Oh God, don’t ask me for advice,’ she muttered, blushing slightly. ‘What would I know about babies?’

  ‘But you’re so clever and everything.’

  ‘Not where babies are concerned. I haven’t a clue about babies.’

  ‘Fair enough… It’s just so hard to decide.’

  ‘Give it a few weeks, yes? See how you feel?’

  ‘Yes, okay. I’ll see how motherhood agrees with me.’

  ‘Good girl.’

  ‘It’s funny how being a mother reduces you though,’ Jasmine said quietly.

  ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘Well, you become so dependent on other people. Before this one here came into the world, I needed nobody to help me. I had my job and my lovely flat. I could come and go whenever I wanted. I could sleep with any man I wanted. Or just stay in bed reading magazines on my days off. Now I need Mark to support me financially. And he’ll get a major say in where we live. And I need Mum and Dad to babysit. And I need you to give me some hours in the shop that suit me and the baby… I feel like a great big fucking burden.’

  ‘Don’t swear near the baby, Jasmine love. You don’t want her first word to be a naughty one, do you?’

  ‘You see? I can’t even swear now. My life’s not my own any more,’ Jasmine complained. ‘I have to be a proper goody two shoes from now on, don’t I?’

  ‘Relax, pet. Your life is your own. That’s just the hormones talking.’

  ‘Ah, fuck it. Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that! Oh well, I’ll just have to do my best, I suppose.’

  ‘Yes,’ Ruby agreed.

  ‘I’ll tell you what else I’ve changed my mind about,’ Jasmine said quietly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Casual sex. I’ve gone right off it.’

  ‘Well, you are a married woman now, Jasmine. You can’t be having one-night stands any more, can you?’

  ‘No, not for me, silly. I love Mark now! I meant casual sex in general.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yes. After what I went through in there last night,’ Jasmine said, nodding towards the delivery room, ‘I’ll never be able to read about casual sex or see it on the telly or in a film ever again without wincing. I reckon ninety-nine per cent of men just aren’t worth it, basically. It’s just five minutes in bed for them, but it’s life and death for the woman.’

  ‘I knew it was agony,’ Ruby smiled.

  ‘Yes, well.’

  ‘But Mark and the baby are worth it, aren’t they?’ Ruby asked hopefully.

  ‘Yes. Just about.’

  ‘Oh, come on, let’s pick a name,’ Ruby said brightly. ‘What about Harlow? That was your favourite, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, but everyone’ll be choosing that name now. Five years from now there’ll be five girls called Harlow in every Primary One class in the western world.’

  ‘I suppose.’

  ‘And Kylie’s a no-no for the same reason.’

  ‘Yes, I agree. Kylie Crawford doesn’t sound right anyway.’

  ‘I’ll have to have a good long think about it,’ Jasmine sighed.

  ‘Yes, you will.’

  ‘But Harlow is a gorgeous name, isn’t it?’ Jasmine yawned.

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  ‘Really nice…’

  Then Ruby slipped Jasmine’s teacup gently out of her hand as Jasmine yawned prettily again and drifted off to sleep.

  44. The Odd Couple

  When she looked up from the cash register and saw her abandoned husband standing silently at the bakery counter, Emily Nightingale almost fainted with shock.

  ‘Christ preserve us!’ she said loudly.

  ‘No need to faint, it’s only me. That yellow dress really suits you,’ he said, smiling gently.

  ‘Oh my God.’

  ‘Hello, Emily.’

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she gasped, nervously glancing over her shoulder in case the supervisor was watching from the office window. They weren’t supposed to receive social visits at work. ‘Don’t you dare make a scene in here,’ she hissed nervously.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he said calmly. ‘I won’t make a scene. I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m not a scene-maker by nature.’

  ‘Then what are you doing here?’ she repeated, cold sweat beginning to pool on her neck and collarbones with the worry and anticipation of what lay ahead.

  ‘I came to New York to say goodbye to you,’ he said simply.

  ‘Goodbye?’

  ‘Yes, goodbye. We were married for forty years, Emily. I think that warrants a face-to-face goodbye, don’t you? And this is it. You didn’t think our marriage would just fade away, did you?’

  ‘Well, yes I did.’

  ‘No, there was a formal wedding ceremony and there has to be a formal ending. So it’s goodbye then. I’m sorry you weren’t happy being my wife. I did my best to be a good husband and a faithful companion to you. But clearly I got it wrong. Spectacularly wrong.’

  ‘Is there a problem here?’ asked the bakery supervisor, who’d just come out of his office and noticed the lengthy queue forming behind Emily’s current customer.

  ‘Hello, I’m Emily’s husband, David Nightingale. I just came to tell my wife I’m going to grant her the divorce she asked for,’ he said, offering his hand with a little flourish.

  The supervisor shrugged his shoulders and shook David’s hand w
armly. He was divorced himself.

  ‘Not an easy thing to go through,’ he said kindly. ‘It was less traumatic having my kidney tumour removed last year than it was getting divorced. And she got the house. And the dog.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ Emily said again, closing her eyes with sheer embarrassment.

  ‘Well, you wanted a divorce, Emily. So I’m giving you one now. What’s the matter? Don’t you want it all out in the open? I thought you were tired and bored of hiding away in our big house behind the trees?’

  ‘David, would you shush!’ she hissed.

  ‘We are getting divorced,’ her husband told the other customers who were standing close by.

  ‘Good luck to you, buddy,’ said one man. ‘But is there any chance I could get some bread around here?’

  The other customers just rolled their eyes and looked at their watches. Divorce was not big news here in the Big Apple.

  ‘Take five, Emily,’ said the supervisor. ‘Actually, take the rest of the day off,’ he added, reaching for an apron from the rack on the wall. ‘But be here tomorrow morning, nine o’clock sharp, yeah?’

  ‘Okay, thanks,’ Emily said, fetching her purse and coat and hurrying her soon-to-be-ex-husband out of Sunnyside Bakery.

  ‘I can’t believe you just did that,’ she said, almost in tears. ‘A simple letter would have sufficed.’

  ‘No, it wouldn’t. I’m here now so let’s talk.’

  They walked down the street together and went into a small diner that Emily liked. It was all chrome stools and pink curtains. The tables were very clean and the water was nicely chilled.

  ‘Two coffees, please?’ she called to the waiter.

  The waiter immediately brought them over.

  ‘Have a nice day,’ he said, smiling, as David paid him and left a large tip on the saucer. ‘Thank you, sir.’

  Emily and David nodded, but did not smile back.

  ‘This is a silly bloody stunt you’ve pulled,’ Emily said at last.

  ‘No, it isn’t.’

  ‘You have no intention of divorcing me. I’ve been waiting for ages to hear from your solicitor.’

  ‘I have. It will happen. I’ve already started the proceedings. We’ve not lived together for some time, Emily. As you might have noticed? It will only be a formality at this stage of the game, or so I’m told.’