The Seven Secrets of Happiness

by Sharon Owens

  ‘Oh, right.’

  ‘Needless to say, I’m keeping the house in Muldoon.’

  ‘Now wait a minute. I’m totally broke here.’

  ‘Not for much longer. I’m keeping the house because I love where it’s situated. And there’s no way I’d get permission to build something that big ever again. You couldn’t get permission for a small shed round there nowadays. The planners have gone all hard-line. So I’m keeping the house, but I’m giving you the lion’s share of our savings.’

  ‘Oh, right,’ she said again.

  ‘I have the cheque here in my jacket pocket. All you have to do is sign some papers and we won’t have to see each other ever again. Okay? Not as a married couple, I mean. You’re always welcome to visit me as a friend. And Ruby says to say hello, and you’re welcome to visit her any time also.’

  ‘You mean Ruby’s not over here with you? You came here on your own? How did you manage it all?’

  ‘I’m not completely dense, Emily,’ he sighed.

  ‘Well, this is something I definitely wasn’t expecting. Where are these divorce papers? Let me see them.’

  ‘Not here. We have to go to this address,’ he said, showing her a page in his address book. ‘It’s a lawyer’s office. They set it all up for me at the solicitor’s, back home.’

  ‘Is this some sort of a trap, David? If I go to this place, will I be arrested?’ she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

  ‘No, I promise you. It’s all very straightforward. We’ll be divorced within six months. And you can have the money today.’

  ‘How much?’

  He told her.

  ‘That’s very generous of you, David.’

  ‘I know it is.’

  ‘But why are you giving in so easily?’ she asked, mystified.

  ‘Because I’m tired of failing you,’ he replied sadly.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’m so tired, Emily. I just want a rest,’ he said simply.

  ‘Oh, I see.’

  ‘I don’t want to spend the time I’ve got left in this world fighting and arguing with you or anyone,’ he said simply. ‘I’ve got better things to do.’

  ‘There’s no need to be hurtful, David,’ she began.

  ‘I’m not trying to be hurtful. You started this. Is that really all we had, Emily? Hurt and boredom, a forty-year sentence of hurt and boredom… Not a real marriage at all… Just a low-level conflict punctuated with the odd bust-up? Not to mention your various disappearances.’

  ‘David, please don’t do this…’

  ‘Ah, fine…You were right to leave me, Emily. Really you were. Otherwise we would have gone on the same way until either I keeled over with a heart attack or old age. Or you did. That’s not a life.’

  ‘It wasn’t that bad.’

  ‘It was. It was only our marriage vows that were keeping us together. Not love.’

  ‘Do you think so?’

  ‘We never laughed together enough. I mean, we never really laughed enough at all. Until our sides ached…’

  ‘We had a few laughs,’ she said hopelessly.

  He looked at her levelly.

  ‘I’m sorry, Emily. I give in. It’s over.’

  ‘You’re calling my bluff,’ she said.

  ‘No, I’m not.’

  ‘Yes, you are. You’re trying to frighten me into coming home with you.’

  ‘No, honestly I’m not. I don’t want you to come home with me. I’m having the house redecorated anyway. It’s all ladders and dustsheets at the moment.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The wallpaper was steamed off last week. All the walls are being re-plastered and painted white. Oak floors will then be laid and stained dark brown. And I’ve bought a rocking chair to go by the fireplace in the kitchen. You know how you always hated rocking chairs? You said they reminded you of the famine? Well now I’ve got one.’

  ‘My chintz curtains, though? My lovely floral sofas?’

  ‘Don’t worry. They’ve gone too… but only into storage. I’ve put them, and all of your other stuff, into a storage place for you in Belfast. It’ll be safe there for one year and then they can either sell it on or dump it, that’s up to you. I’ll give you their business card later at the lawyer’s office.’

  Then he went up to the counter of the diner and asked for a double cheeseburger with extra onions, extra pickles. And a large helping of fries.

  ‘Have you gone mad?’ Emily asked when he came back and sat down to await his meal.

  ‘No, hopefully not. But I’ve quit smoking and I’m eating healthier foods these days. Mainly healthier foods anyway. This is my one treat of the week. I’m allowing myself one treat every week and this is it. Well, I am in New York. So I’ve got to have a burger, haven’t I?’

  ‘Where are you staying?’ she asked.

  He told her.

  ‘How long for?’

  ‘Just for tonight. I’m going home tomorrow morning.’

  ‘Why not stay a while longer? See the sights?’

  ‘I don’t want to see the sights, Emily. I don’t like crowds, queues, trains, noise or museums. You know that.’

  ‘Fair enough.’

  They sat in silence then for a few minutes, each lost in thought.

  ‘Here comes my burger. That was pretty quick! Are you having any lunch yourself?’ he asked. ‘My shout.’

  ‘I’m not hungry,’ she said, beginning to cry.

  ‘It’ll be okay, Emily,’ he told her then. ‘Please don’t cry. You know this is for the best. We should have talked things over ages ago, maybe even away at the very beginning. We should have split up decades ago, I daresay. I blame the church, not you or myself. It made our generation frightened of thinking for ourselves. We knew we weren’t compatible, but we were afraid to admit it to everyone. Even to ourselves, Emily.’

  ‘Yes. It’s true. I just feel so scared now it’s finally happening,’ she confessed.

  ‘You’ll be fine. You can come back to Ireland if you like? Open your own business if you want to? Live near Ruby in Belfast or wherever you fancy.’

  ‘But not live with you?’

  ‘No. I don’t think so.’

  ‘Why not, David? Would you not give me another chance?’

  ‘No, Emily, I can’t do that.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because I can never forget what you said to me the day you left. About me being boring. I can never forget that. I am boring, Emily. But that’s just the way I am. I don’t want to change and I don’t think I can change. I like living by myself now; it’s very peaceful. I’ve taken up fishing and joined a cookery club.’ He decided not to tell Emily he was very fond of one particular lady on his cookery course. Nothing had happened yet so there was no point in throwing another name into the mix.

  ‘But that all sounds great,’ Emily said.

  ‘It’s okay,’ he admitted. ‘We only meet every other Saturday now, but it’s enough for me.’

  ‘Why didn’t we do this years ago?’ she wondered. ‘Join clubs? Travel a bit?’

  ‘We were too shy,’ he said flatly.

  ‘Yes. I suppose we were.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Have you told Ruby you’re divorcing me?’

  ‘Yes, I’ve told her that we are getting divorced. A mutual decision. You know it’s what you wanted too. It’s not just me. You started it, remember? But it’s for the best, Emily.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose. What did Ruby say?’

  ‘She said it was okay with her.’ He sprinkled more salt on his burger. ‘Jesus, but this is a big burger. Talk about value for money, hey. I’ll not eat for a solid week when I get home. It’s lovely though; I can’t fault the taste of it. Lovely bit of beef…’

  ‘I don’t believe you, David – what you said about Ruby. She just said it was okay if we split up? Just okay?’

  ‘Yes, she was very calm about it, Emily, if you must know. She said if she could survive losing Jonathan she could survive anything
. I mean, we’ll still be her parents, won’t we? I mean, we’re not divorcing Ruby… She’s seeing someone now, you know. A lovely chap called Tom Lavery. She probably told you about him already? We had dinner together last week in the hotel. They drove down to visit me. He’s very protective of her. Not quite the looker that Jonathan was, of course. But she’s very settled and content with him all the same. I hope they get married some day. Marriage seems to suit Ruby. Even if it never suited you and me, huh?’

  ‘Oh my God,’ Emily sighed. ‘The two of you have clearly been doing just fine without me. You’re cooking in a club. And fishing. And doing up the house. And Ruby’s seeing another man. And it sounds pretty serious.’

  ‘Isn’t that what you wanted? For both of us to get on with our lives and give you a rest?’

  ‘No. I mean, yes. I mean, no.’

  ‘We’re not cutting you off, Emily. You’re free to come home and see Ruby and myself any time you like. I’m only here to tell you, in person, that our marriage is officially over.’

  Emily ordered more coffees and they sat again in silence for a while as David finished his meal, just listening to Tom Petty on the radio and watching the shoppers going by their window. Rich old ladies with fur coats and too much make-up on them. Blonde young things with tiny dogs in cute baskets. Gay couples casually holding hands in a way they never could back home in Ireland. Homeless men shuffling in tattered shoes, muttering to themselves. Businessmen talking loudly on tiny mobile phones. Tourists who were blocking the pavements as they took photographs of the tallest buildings.

  ‘David?’ she asked suddenly.

  ‘Yes?’ he said.

  ‘Did you ever love me?’

  ‘Yes, of course I did. That’s a silly question.’

  ‘But not any more?’ she asked.

  ‘Not in the same way, no. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Why not? Do you mind if I ask you why not?’

  ‘I’ve already told you why not. I can’t love a woman who finds me boring.’ He smiled sadly at her. ‘I can’t love a woman that left me on my own for all this time with barely a few phone calls. I can’t love a woman who didn’t answer even one of my letters. That would be pathetic of me, Emily. And I’m not pathetic. I might be boring but I’m not pathetic.’

  ‘I see. Have we really been apart for so long?’

  ‘Christ, yes! Years! Doesn’t that show you how weak our marriage was? You didn’t even miss me very much, obviously. You’d rather stand on your feet all day long in a busy bakery, and live in some tip, than live with me, Emily. Jesus Christ, now that I’ve finally opened my eyes and given you a bloody divorce, don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind?’

  She was on fire with embarrassment now. This was too real, too raw.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said simply.

  ‘It’s okay, it’s not your fault; it just didn’t work out… I’ll miss the good times though,’ he said, sensing her shame. ‘We had some good times, didn’t we? With Ruby, when she was little?’

  ‘Yes, we did. Ruby was a lovely little girl, wasn’t she? I’ll miss the good times too. David?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Thank you for coming to New York to say goodbye to me. I took you for granted all these years and I’m sorry about that… Shall we go and sign those papers now?’

  ‘Okay,’ he agreed, dabbing some ketchup off his chin with a pink paper napkin. ‘I’m stuffed.’

  ‘And then maybe afterwards we could just go for one last walk together?’

  ‘Okay. If you like.’

  ‘Yes. We’ll go shopping and buy a nice gift for Ruby. You can take it home with you tomorrow. What about a nice leather handbag from Bloomingdales? She sent me a lovely bag and I’d like to send her one.’

  ‘Okay. And I’ll give you the cheque after we’ve signed the papers. I’ve been told that’s the right way to do things. It must be properly witnessed, do you see? They won’t ask about your status here. But the divorce and the settlement will be final now. You understand that? The house and what’s left in my personal account are mine for keeps. This is the end of it.’

  ‘Okay,’ she nodded sadly. ‘I won’t trouble you any further after today. I didn’t mean to hurt you, David. Do you know that? I never meant to make you feel pathetic. I’m very sorry if that’s the way I made you feel.’

  ‘That’s fine, Emily. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. We were never suited, that’s all. We were never suited to one another. I never meant to make you feel bored. I’m very sorry about that too. I was only trying to keep you safe.’

  ‘I understand that now.’

  ‘And the very best of luck to you in the future, Emily. And all of that auld shenanigans! You know the score? Whatever you decide to do and wherever you decide to live… Good luck to you. And I mean that most sincerely, Emily.’

  ‘Thank you, David. And good luck to you too. And I mean that.’

  ‘We’ll go to your bank before we go shopping, by the way. I don’t want that cheque to get lost,’ he said, and they both laughed.

  ‘Sensible to the last, that’s you,’ she said affectionately.

  ‘Yes, that’s me,’ he agreed, nodding back and smiling.

  They shook hands tenderly across the spotless pink Formica table in Harry’s Original New York Diner.

  And so forty years of marriage came to an end.

  45. The Seventh Secret

  Ruby made up her bed with pretty new sheets and opened the bedroom window to let in some fresh air. She dusted the dressing table and emptied the wastepaper basket into a bin bag. She vacuumed the cream carpet and tidied away two shopping bags from the local Faith shoe store. She loved this bedroom, she thought to herself. She loved the emptiness of the room, the feeling of space. The spotless carpets and the tiny scented heart-shaped cushion hanging on the door handle. She loved her cute kitchen and her handy slow cooker, and her elegant bistro table and chairs and her pink ceramic biscuit jar. Would she be able to give up her cosy little sanctuary and share her life with a man again? she wondered now.

  A man with a broken heart like Tom Lavery… A man who might rescue another dog from the dogs’ home some day soon? A man who wore muddy boots and muddy jeans and muddy jackets to work? A man who would never forget his first wife…

  But then she thought of his tenderness towards her when they were cuddled up in bed together. The way he was always so gentle and yet so intense and the way he always held her close to him after they made love. Caressing her shoulders and kissing her face softly. Perhaps they could make it work, she decided. Perhaps they really could give each other some comfort and friendship and even fun and good times. But love? Could she ever say the words I love you to him? She did love him. But was it the same sort of love that she’d had for Jonathan? Could she really and truly find enough space in her heart for another man? She’d be seeing him again at the weekend and she sensed he’d probably want to ask if they had a future together…

  ‘Well, that shop won’t open by itself,’ she said briskly, checking her watch. Some days Ruby wondered what she’d have done without her beloved little shop to keep her busy.

  However, Ruby was amazed when she went downstairs to open up her shop and found Mrs Kenny standing there on the doorstep.

  ‘Mrs Kenny, is anything wrong?’ Ruby asked worriedly.

  ‘Not at all. I just wanted a wee word with you,’ she said sheepishly.

  ‘Well, surely, come in,’ Ruby said, unlocking the door and switching on the lights.

  ‘What a gorgeous place,’ the older woman said.

  ‘Thanks, it’s not bad,’ Ruby smiled. She was glad the heating was on the timer and the shop was cosy and warm already. ‘You take a seat there on the armchair and I’ll make us a cup of tea.’

  ‘Okay.’

  Mrs Kenny perched politely on the edge of the sumptuous chair, nervously clutching her handbag to her chest as if it contained her life savings.

  ‘Right, what can I help you with?’ Ruby said when she
came out of the kitchenette a minute later with two mugs of tea.

  ‘Are you on your own today, Ruby?’

  ‘Yes, Jasmine works part time at the moment.’

  ‘Oh right, that’s great because I wanted to talk in private about Tom.’

  ‘Tom?’

  ‘Yes, I think he’s going to ask you to marry him, Ruby dear.’

  ‘Well now, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised,’ Ruby said lightly, even though her heart was soaring.

  ‘Ruby, I just wanted to ask you to give him a chance. He’s a good man, better than most.’

  ‘I know that,’ Ruby smiled.

  ‘And he would never, ever, in a million years, treat you badly.’

  ‘I know that too,’ Ruby said, nodding.

  ‘Yes, of course you know that. The two of you were made for each other. So you’ll say yes?’

  ‘I don’t know, Mrs Kenny. I’ll have to listen to my heart, if and when he asks me,’ Ruby said carefully.

  ‘No, that won’t do at all, Ruby,’ Mrs Kenny said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’ll have to make up your mind in advance. Don’t you see? That’s why I came here this morning, to give you more time.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yes. Because if you hesitate at all when he asks you, he’ll think you don’t want to marry him. He may not ask again, do you see? He’s a very proud man, Ruby.’

  ‘But, Mrs Kenny, I’m still in mourning for my husband, Jonathan. Well, I know I’m seeing Tom. And I do love Tom… But in my heart I still love Jonathan too.’

  ‘Listen to me now, love, because I’m an old woman and I’ve collected up a bit of wisdom over the years. You’ve got to let go of the past, Ruby. You don’t have to forget the past, or pretend it never happened. You just have to keep moving onwards and keep looking to the future.’

  ‘Well, thanks very much for the advice, and for the advance notice of Tom’s proposal… How do you know he’s thinking of proposing, by the way?’ Ruby said.

  ‘It’s the cottage. He said he might not be living there much longer.’

  ‘I see.’

  Both women sipped their tea thoughtfully. Then Mrs Kenny got up and began walking around the shop, glancing into the various cabinets and wardrobes, and admiring the clothes and scarves. When she got to the glass case beside the window, she was very taken with the last handbag in Ruby’s collection, the purple one.