Letting Loose

by Joanne Skerrett

  “I still want to see the boiling lake,” I said, knowing that I was way too tired to even attempt that.

  “Maybe when you come back,” Drew said. “That’s an even rougher hike. A lot of climbing and crawling involved.”

  Climbing and crawling? “I’ll cook dinner for us tonight,” I said. That was something that I could do without fearing for life and limb.

  Daphne and her students had begun to climb again. “They’re going to the very top?”

  “Looks like it,” Drew said. “Daphne does this all the time, though. She’s an athlete.”

  Wow, I thought, enviously. She didn’t even look tired. The kids followed after, laughing and joking and she played right along with them. I really needed to get myself in shape; a bunch of 12-year-olds had just kicked my behind!

  Later that evening I was making tarragon chicken, when Drew asked whether I would mind Vanessa coming over for dinner. “Here?” I asked. No! No way! I was just about to light some candles! No way!

  He’d just come in from taking the dog for its run, and he was all sweaty. How did he have the energy to run after all the hiking we’d done today? I wanted to rip off his sweaty T-shirt. “Yeah, she’s probably lonely up there all by herself,” he said.

  This was maddening! Tonight was supposed to be The Night. On the long drive home from Morne Trois Pitons, or the mountain with three peaks, I’d devised a plan. Cook him a nice dinner and then let nature take its course. So far, it had worked out well. I’d showered and put on my flowery, flirty Tracy Reese dress. I was chopping vegetables and letting my imagination run wild, getting used to the idea of just the two of us in this house, in the world really, and he wanted to bring his mother here? Tonight? I wanted to scream No! Instead, I said, “Sure, that would be nice.” Aaaargh!

  She was there within the hour, riding in on a cloud of Chanel No. 5. “Oh, that smells marvelous,” she said. “You must really know your way around a kitchen, Amelia.”

  Grrrrr…

  I sat across from Drew, and she sat next to him. She talked a lot, mostly about island politics. Apparently, the prospect of Drew joining the prime minister’s cabinet was not as far-fetched as he’d made it sound. Matter of fact, Vanessa sounded as if it were a done deal. “So, you see, Amelia, he’s going to do really important things for his country. It’s too bad more young people like him don’t come back home instead of making America and England even richer than they already are.”

  I nodded. I liked Vanessa, I kept telling myself. She was a hip, pretty, loving mom. One I’d wish for myself. But she needed to leave us alone!

  She continued her speech about responsibility and giving back to the community. I dug at the chicken, which was pretty good if I did say so myself. I wanted to be alone with Drew. I had cooked this meal, wanting him to compliment me on it. Hoping we’d wash dishes together after we were finished and then go straight to bed and have roof-raising sex. The waiting was killing me and it looked like it wasn’t over. She was spoiling it. Go away, Vanessa. Go back home to your lovely Barbie mansion and play with your makeup or something.

  The night seemed to drag on as Vanessa made endless small talk. I told her about hiking, leaving out the parts where I was panting for breath and near death, and running into the grammar school students. She gushed about all she’d done to make the school what it is today. At that point I stretched my foot under the table hoping to play footsie with Drew but what I felt was the pointy end of a pump that was promptly pulled back. Her eyes registered surprise.

  “Oh, sorry,” I said. “I was just stretching my legs.”

  She didn’t look convinced. She cleared her throat and stood up. “Let me help you put those away,” she said of the dishes.

  “Oh, no, that’s fine. Drew and I will do it.” I couldn’t imagine her ruining her delicate French manicure by doing dishes. I’m sure she didn’t expect him to take her up on the offer, however.

  When I said Drew and I, her left eyebrow rose and her eyes clouded over with some sort of veiled warning. I made a mental note: Never refer to yourself and Drew as if you were a couple. Vanessa obviously was not ready for that.

  “Yeah, we’ll do it, Mom,” he said. “Besides, you should get going before it gets too dark.”

  She looked at me and laughed. “He’s always worrying about me, Amelia.” Then to him: “Drew, I can take care of myself. Sam is a perfectly good driver.”

  “Mom, he’s ninety years old.”

  Vanessa giggled. “See how he worries about me?”

  Oh, give me a break, I thought, as I rolled my eyes on the inside but smiled at her dutifully.

  “So, you’re staying here tonight?” she asked.

  “Yes, I am,” I said, trying my best to sound confident though my insides were churning. I could just see the wheels turning in her head and I waited for the lecture. Instead, she said, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched her get into her car with her octogenarian driver. When she left, we stood at the sink, our favorite place in the whole house, I was starting to think.

  “You and your mom are really close.” I was trying to be tactful.

  He shrugged. “I’m the youngest, the only one who doesn’t have his own family and kids, so she still treats me like a baby.”

  “And you like it,” I said, only half teasing him.

  “Sometimes,” he said.

  I looked at him to see if he was joking, but he didn’t seem to be.

  “What about you and your mom? Talked to her lately?”

  “Not really. I want this week to be a real vacation…no contact with the civilized world.”

  He furrowed his eyebrows. “Civilized world?”

  Oh, shoot. I’d said something wrong. “You know what I mean, Drew.” I elbowed his side to make sure he knew that it was just a slip of the tongue.

  “It wouldn’t be a good idea to keep making jokes like that.”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “I know that. But think before you say something like that next time. It’s really offensive to people here when Americans think of our country as uncivilized.”

  I felt like an idiot. How did I let that slip out? “I’m sorry. I feel, like, terrible.”

  He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

  I opened my mouth to say something but then the doorbell rang. It was almost ten P.M. “Who could that be?”

  He went to the door, and I heard voices negotiating. I tried to get as close to the conversation as I could; all I could hear was some woman profusely thanking him and a child’s voice laughing. What was going on? I backtracked into the kitchen as I heard him close the front door. He walked into the kitchen carrying a toddler, a boy, of about 7 on his back.

  “Amelia, this is Jimmy, my favorite neighbor.”

  “Hi, Jimmy,” I said in my friendliest voice. The kid eyed me suspiciously and didn’t say hi back. How does one interact with a 7-year-old? I wasn’t too sure. I like babies, tiny ones, but once they got to the toddler stage it was a different story.

  “May I have something to drink?” Jimmy asked, looking at me.

  “Say please, Jimmy,” Drew said, and Jimmy obeyed. I hopped to the fridge to get Jimmy some juice.

  “Trudy got called into the hospital and Darren’s gone to St. Lucia for the whole week so they’re strapped. His sitter’s sick.”

  Trudy and Darren were Drew’s neighbors; they lived about a half mile down the road. I’d never met them, though I’d heard a lot about them. They were both medical doctors, who seemed to be gone a lot.

  “So, he’s staying here tonight?” I asked, proffering my best I’m-accommodating smile.

  “He sure is,” Drew said, setting Jimmy down on the floor. He held out a hand in my direction. Oh, right. The juice.

  “You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Me? No, of course I don’t mind. I love kids.” I do. I really do.

  “Good, he should be asleep withi
n the hour.”

  But Jimmy seemed to develop a raging case of insomnia, and he kept us up until three A.M. After the 300th game of hide-and-seek I surrendered. “I’m going to bed,” I yawned.

  Drew yawned, too. “I’ll be there in a second. He’s about to nod off.”

  I looked at little Jimmy as he watched cartoons wide-eyed and attentively. It was a minute past three in the morning. This kid was diabolical! Why couldn’t we have just been firm and told him that it was way past his bedtime and that he needed to go to sleep so we could have sex?

  “Night, Jimmy,” I said. He didn’t look away from the television, nor did he acknowledge that I’d just spoken. Stuck-up little brat!

  I kissed Drew on the forehead.

  “I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he said.

  A few minutes later I was out cold.

  Chapter 16

  He was already a star politician; it was in the way he talked and that genial familiarity he had with everyone. He loved people and they loved him. All the tourist guides knew him. They came up to shake his hand as if he were some kind of celebrity. Like he was their great hope. Their Bill Clinton. I felt as if I were intruding. Everywhere we went, they called out to him and he waved to them from his truck as if he were royalty. When I commented on it, he shrugged it off. “People here are just like that.”

  Yeah, whatever. They’re in love with you, I thought. The people always gave me a sideways look and then smiled dismissively, like I didn’t matter. Like I might as well disappear standing next to him.

  “Drew! Drew!” A middle-aged man called out from the sidewalk. He was among four older men sitting at a rickety table outside a storefront, playing dominoes and smoking cigars. I wished I knew how to paint. That scene was just so quaint.

  “Ninian, man, what you up to, fella?” Drew broke into his deepest Dominican accent, the one he used when he talked to “his people,” the one that made me feel left out and out of place. Why can’t I be less selfish? Why does this even bother me?

  “Man, I waitin’ for you to make your move. Bring some jobs down here for us, man!”

  “I hear you, man,” Drew laughed.

  “These guys are crazy,” he said as he accelerated.

  I paged through a brochure that identified all the marine life we would be seeing on this diving trip. Actually, Drew would be diving; I would be snorkeling. I was really excited because, of course, I’d never done anything like this. I’d slept late into the morning, missing a chance to say good-bye to sleepless Jimmy. “He said you were pretty,” Drew said as we ate breakfast together. Somehow I didn’t believe that sleepless Jimmy would have said that about me. I hoped I’d never have to see that kid again.

  “Seems like people are pinning their hopes on you.”

  “You think so?”

  “Hell, yeah. It’s great. I think you’d make a great leader. Plus, you don’t really have a choice; Vanessa would kill you if you didn’t take the job.”

  He laughed. “My mother likes you, you know.”

  “She does?”

  “She really does.”

  Then why won’t she leave us alone? “Okay. I like her too.”

  “She’s used to me always being there for her. I think she’s a little jealous you’re taking up some of my time.”

  “I’m only here for a week. She’ll have you back and all to herself in two days.”

  “Are you being sarcastic?”

  “No.” Was I?

  “Okay. You’re going to love Castle Comfort,” he said. “I’ve been diving up here for years, and each time I go down I see something new. I just wish you could come down with me.”

  “Maybe some day I’ll get certified…” I really didn’t mean that. There was no way I was going deep down into the ocean to see some fish. What if I got swallowed by a whale? Like Jonah. Or bit by a shark? I could just imagine my mother’s reaction: Who do you think you are going scuba diving? You deserve to get your butt bit by a shark.

  Ten minutes later, we’d gone our separate ways, though we were in the same body of water. But I didn’t dwell too long on the fact that Drew had left me. I was so entranced by what I saw. I was being timid as usual, preferring to stay only about seven feet down. Soon I began to recognize the marine life from the slide brochure and I forgot all about Drew. I identified two types of crab: rough box crab and ocellate swimming crab. Then there were the scary Southern stingray and Viper Moray, the ominous and gray-spotted sharptail eel, and an orange octopus. When I saw the beautiful angel fish with a blue halo around its yellow body I thought I was hallucinating. The blue light reflected around the fish’s body was so spectacularly unreal, like brushstrokes in a modern art painting.

  A huge school of soldier fish swam by, making me jump. I didn’t want to come up. I forgot how uncomfortable, how fat I’d felt, as I’d stood next to that European tourist in the bikini, who was now only a couple of inches from me snapping pictures. Oh, shoot! I’d left my camera in the car. No one would believe that I’d gone snorkeling. No one! But there I was. Doing it all by myself. This was too much fun.

  Drew was waiting for me when I came up. “You finally decided to come up?”

  “I saw all these fish!” I told him all the ones I could identify and remember.

  “You’re not going to remember all those names two hours from now.”

  “I will! I wish I’d done this sooner. I wanna go down again!”

  “You could always come back. Dominica’s not going anywhere.”

  “What are we doing next?”

  “Lunch? I know a really cool place. It’s not fancy, though.”

  As long as Vanessa’s not there, then it’s perfect, I thought.

  Gravel and sand crunched under our feet as we walked over to a small shack with a blue wooden sign that said CLARA’S. There was smoke pouring out the back, and I could smell barbecue something or the other. I was ravenous.

  “Miss Clara!” Drew made a loud entrance into the tiny place, which was basically four rickety tables under a corrugated iron roof with a door leading to what I guessed was a kitchen in the back. The only other person in the restaurant was a young, bored-looking pregnant girl. She couldn’t have been more than 16.

  “How are you, Melody?” Drew asked her. Did he know everyone?

  “I’m fine, Mr. Anderson,” she said, sounding weary.

  “You’re almost there,” he said, looking at her belly.

  She touched her bump. “Two more weeks. I can’t wait.”

  “Then you’re going back to school next term, right?”

  “Yes, Mr. Anderson. I’m going back,” she said.

  A massive woman came in from the back room, with a wide smile on her pretty face. She had to be Melody’s mother.

  “Eh!” she exclaimed. “Boy, where you been? So long I waitin’ to meet your friend!”

  She looked at me and I couldn’t help but mirror her smile. “Hello,” I said.

  “Hello, Amelia.” She came up to me and took my hand in both of hers. “I heard a lot about you. This boy here trying to keep you all to hisself.”

  I didn’t know what to say.

  “What you got to eat?” Drew asked.

  “That’s all he cares about,” Miss Clara said. “Food. I don’t know where it all goes, though.” She shrugged and disappeared into the kitchen.

  “Are you all related?” I asked him.

  “Nah, she used to cook for my folks back when my dad was alive.”

  A few minutes later, we sat at one of those rickety tables with huge plates of steaming barbecue chicken, fried plantains, and rice and beans. Oh, it was so delicious!

  “Eat up. Eat up,” Clara said, patting me on the shoulder. “You American women are so crazy with your diets and whatnot.”

  If only she knew. But I ate until I couldn’t eat any more, which surprisingly, was less than the usual amount. I was actually leaving food on my plate. Had my stomach shrunk in the last few days? I watched Drew enviously as he dug into
his food. I was too full for dessert.

  “So you’re leaving us already?” Miss Clara brought out two slices of black cake.

  “Yes, I go back to school next week,” I said.

  “My daughter wants to be a teacher, too,” Clara said, gesturing to Melody who was talking on a cell phone, watching a small black-and-white television, and rubbing her belly at the same time. “I don’t know how she’s going to do it in her situation. But God is good.”

  “She can do it. She will do it,” Drew said quickly. “Melody is smart. One mistake is not going to change that.”

  Miss Clara smiled. “See, that’s why I like to keep this boy around me. If it wasn’t for him I would have killed that girl when she came home with that belly….”

  Drew looked at me apologetically. But it was okay. I was enjoying this: Great food, an optimistic mother who still believed in her pregnant teenage daughter.

  An hour later, we piled into the Range Rover, and I waved good-bye to Miss Clara. “Make sure you come back, Amelia!”

  “I will!” I yelled back. “Thanks for lunch!”

  The house was sparkling clean when we got back that evening. Even Sonny, who preferred to spend his days rolling in dirt and chasing any stinky creature he could find, looked clean and happy. My clothes, which I had left askew in Drew’s room that morning, were hung up neatly in his closet.

  “The housekeeper was here,” I said.

  “Uh-huh,” he said, turning on the TV. There was a huge soccer match that he’d warned me he would be watching.

  “I thought you said she only came a couple times a month.”

  “She does. She’s probably just curious about you.”

  “So she came back an extra day?”

  He shrugged. “It happens. She’ll have something to gossip about. What’s the big deal?”

  What’s the big deal? Would she be gossiping about the fact that I leave my stuff lying around? That my panty size is L7?

  “Drew, you’re so laid back about this.”