Letting Loose

by Joanne Skerrett

  “Okay. How should I react? Fire her for doing her job?”

  “She’s…she’s intruding…” I realized that I was starting to sound like a whining witch. So I stopped. “You’re right. It’s just that I’m not used to all this attention. Everywhere we go people stop to say hello. They know about me even before I’ve met them.”

  He stretched out his arms across the top of the couch, and I sat next to him. “I told you, Amelia. This is a small place. You can’t really hide much here.”

  “So much for my little fantasy of us being marooned all alone on a tiny deserted island.”

  “I can arrange that,” he said, pulling me closer to him. “There’s another island not too far away from this one. It’s completely deserted…but I hear there are really big snakes there.”

  I elbowed him. “You can have that one all to yourself.”

  “I can’t believe tomorrow’s my last day here,” I complained. It had all gone by so fast, yet I felt that I’d been in this safe, comfortable place with Drew forever. I could even allow myself not to care that he was ignoring me for Australia vs. Nigeria. I lay against him, exhausted but happy. So much had happened over the week. I’d climbed mountains, swam in the ocean, snorkeled, met so many interesting people, and been lulled to sleep by the sounds of a waterfall. This had been probably the most magical week of my entire life.

  I woke up at four A.M. My head was in Drew’s lap, he was snoring, and the TV was on. I looked around for a few moments, confused. I could already hear at least one bird chirping. The sun would start peeking from the mountaintops pretty soon. I’d make him a big breakfast, and hopefully we could go bathe under the waterfall after he took the dog out for its run. I’d just nap for a few more minutes.

  I woke up again to the phone ringing; the sun was shining brightly through the windows. What time was it?

  “Hey, Mom,” Drew mumbled sleepily into the phone. It was seven-thirty.

  Drew handed me the phone and closed his eyes. “Hello?”

  Vanessa sounded perky. “Hi, Amelia. Since it’s your last day here, I wanted to do something special. A friend of mine, an American expat, has a great place out in Portsmouth. I was thinking we could all go out there for the day. The beaches there are just marvelous.”

  Drew was barely awake; his eyes were closed. But I could tell that he knew what Vanessa had asked me. Did I have permission to say no? I poked him in the ribs. “Drew, do we have to go to this place?” I whispered, my hand over the receiver.

  He shrugged and opened his eyes. “Do you want to go?”

  A more appropriate question would have been did I want to say no to Vanessa. I didn’t.

  “Wonderful!” she sang. “Why don’t you and Drew meet us here in a couple of hours?”

  I poked him again. “We’re going to Portsmouth.”

  He groaned and pulled me toward him, but I pulled back.

  “Why didn’t you tell her that we wanted the day to ourselves?”

  “I didn’t know if you’d want to go,” he said.

  It sounded like a lame excuse to me. I disengaged from him and reluctantly went to get ready for another day with Vanessa.

  Her friend turned out to be another version of her, only male. He was a professor at Ross University Medical School with a flamboyant manner that made me wonder whether he was gay. I didn’t dare ask anyone. His home was far from humble; it was almost as large as Vanessa’s and very overdone. But I liked him; he reminded me of my dentist, a beautiful man who loved to tell stories and be the center of attention. Drew was very formal with him, dropping his easygoing manner, and that made me suspect even more that Guy was gay.

  Vanessa had filled the two-hour drive to Portsmouth with oodles of inane conversation that I’d tuned out after a while. Stella, her daughter, would meet us for dinner, and that turned out to be a fun thing. Stella was hugely funny when her kids were not around. “I warned you your hair would just frizz up in this weather,” she laughed when she met us that evening at Guy’s house. “I don’t even try with mine,” she said. “I just let it go wild, like a burning bush.” She ran her hand through her massive head of hair that she wore in two-strand twists.

  I have to get rid of my perm!

  I chatted with her as Drew talked with another older man at the dinner table, who seemed to be giving him political advice. We’d had hardly a minute alone the whole day and I missed him desperately. Once we’d gotten to Guy’s place, it was lunchtime. He then took us on a tour of Portsmouth and the medical school, which attracted students from all over the world it seemed. Then it was back to Guy’s place for dinner. Before I knew it, I was packing in my room at Vanessa’s house.

  Drew knocked, then walked in smiling sheepishly. “You’re mad, aren’t you?”

  “Nope,” I said. I was disappointed that we didn’t spend the day alone, but I was not angry about it. Portsmouth had been interesting; it was nothing like Roseau. The university gave the city an even more laid-back feel, and the international students made it as cosmopolitan a city as could exist on Dominica.

  He sat on the bed. “I can’t believe you’re leaving already.”

  “The week did fly by.”

  “We’ll have to do it again soon.”

  “That could get expensive.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that.”

  I wanted to find the right words to say, but they would not come. What had happened this week between us? We’d made a connection, but could it go anywhere with all those miles between us?

  “I wish you could stay here tonight,” I said.

  “My mother wouldn’t…”

  “I know.”

  “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said, holding me tightly.

  I couldn’t sleep that night; I only felt relieved when traces of sunlight peeked into my room. Vanessa was aflutter as usual, making sure that I did not forget anything.

  “Amelia, I hope we see you again very soon,” she said as Drew piled my stuff into his truck. I thanked her for her lovely hospitality and allowed her to squeeze me to her. “Make sure you come back,” she said again.

  “I will,” I told her.

  On the way to the airport we did not say much. “I wish we’d slept together last night,” he said and took my hand.

  “Me too.”

  “I think I’ll miss that most,” he said. “Being next to you.”

  The main road to the Melville Hall airport was deserted this early in the morning, and several times we stopped to let some goats cross or we had to drive around a recalcitrant cow who’d decided to park itself in the middle of the road. I’d miss this place. And, yes, I’d miss being next to Drew, too.

  “I’ll come visit you,” he said after a long silence. “That’ll make us even.”

  Was he afraid as I was that this was doomed?

  The last thing he said to me before I boarded the plane was, “We’ll find a way to make it work. I promise.”

  I wanted to believe him.

  I believed him.

  I did.

  Chapter 17

  On the flight back, I tried to look forward to my life as I’d known it: I’d return to school the next day and face Treyon and his friends, who were probably thinking up new ways to torment me. I wondered what trouble Ma and Gerard had stirred up. Had Whitney joined Al Qaeda or the Taliban without me around to keep her in check?

  My vacation glow began to dissipate in the immigration line at Logan Airport as I waited behind a couple of girls who had boarded the plane with me in Puerto Rico. They were teenyboppers, with freshly braided blond hair. They were snapping gum and gossiping about their spring break and who had been with whom. Ugh! How could I possibly face my students tomorrow? I needed another week just to reacclimate to being in America.

  It was cold. Freezing. We must have had a snowstorm while I was gone because there were huge piles of snow plowed off to the sides of the road. The cab driver was in a foul mood, and I was relieved because I did not feel lik
e talking.

  Thankfully, James and Kelly’s VW was not outside the house. My mood had dipped so low that I wasn’t sure that I wouldn’t snap at them. I missed Drew. I missed being in his house. The sound of the waterfall. The green of the trees and the brightness of the flowers. Even Vanessa, with her dignified, meddling kindness. When could I go back to Dominica?

  The house was dark and I went straight to my room, ignoring the pile of mail in the foyer. Before I could pick it up to dial, the phone rang.

  “Amelia.” It was him.

  “Hey, I just walked in.”

  “I figured. I timed you. I miss you already.”

  I sat on the bed and pressed the phone to my ear.

  “I wish I had stayed.” I didn’t care how impractical it sounded; it was the truth. So sue me. I was an emotional blathering idiot. But the last place I wanted to be was in this old, cold house.

  “Sonny wishes you’d stayed, too. He misses sniffing you.”

  That made me laugh. We talked for a bit, mostly about my flight and Vanessa’s over-the-top good-bye. I had gained something quickly only to lose it as quickly. And Drew could sense it.

  “I’ll see you soon, okay,” he said.

  “Soon?” We hadn’t made any concrete plans, and that had plagued my thoughts during the seven-hour flight. He’d said we didn’t have to make any promises until we’d both had a chance to “digest” what had happened. Things had obviously changed on his end.

  “This morning I booked a flight. I’m coming to Boston in a month.”

  “You are?”

  “Yup. I figured I could take care of some business and spend some time with you. Kill two birds with one stone.”

  I was tired, emotional, and badly in need of a hug or a Snickers bar, so I said, “Oh, God, Drew, I love you.” The words hung in the air like a hawk waiting before it swooped to devour its prey.

  There was silence on the other end. “I can’t wait to see you,” he said.

  I bit my lip and clenched my fists. Oh, Amelia, you’ve done it now.

  I made a quick excuse to hang up. Then I screamed loudly at the room.

  Then a key turned in the door. Oh, no. They were home, and I was not in the mood to face anyone.

  “Ames! Ames!” Kelly called out.

  She knocked on my door and ran into my room, not waiting for me to even answer.

  “Oh, look at you! You look all tan and slim. My goodness, what did you all do down there all week? How was it?”

  I couldn’t help laughing as I hugged her. I guess I did miss Kelly. James stood by the door smiling. “Did you guys hit it off?” he asked.

  “Yeah, we did. I had a really great time.”

  “A great time? Tell me all about it,” Kelly said, sitting on my bed and giving James a look that told him to get lost so us girls could talk.

  I forgot about how tired I was and told Kelly about how Drew and I basically spent the whole week doing everything but having sex. Her eyes popped when I told her I’d climbed Morne Trois Pitons and that I’d gone snorkeling. It occurred to me that I’d stepped out of my usual boring repertoire and it felt good to talk about it, even about Vanessa. “Sounds like James’s mom,” Kelly said.

  “She’s a trip. But I miss her, too. Isn’t that weird?”

  “So what’s gonna happen now, girlie?”

  I shrugged. “He’s coming to visit in a month, I think.” I didn’t tell her about my passionate outburst. I would take that to the grave with me.

  “Wow. This could be serious, huh?”

  “I think so. Is that bad?”

  “No! Not at all. It’s a good thing…If you move there, James and I will have someplace warm to visit every year.”

  “Right,” I laughed. “We’ll have to find some way to make it work or we’re just going to have to end it when it becomes too big of a pain.”

  She looked at me, thinking. “Well, how did you like the people? The culture?”

  I told her that it felt strange to be in a country full of black people but to still feel that I was an outsider. That I’d loved the people’s politeness and kindness but was a bit put off by their assumptions that I was a rich American.

  “So, would you move there if he asked you to?”

  I knew that question was coming. And I had pondered it all week long, but I still didn’t know the answer. “I don’t know, Kelly. I had fun down there and it’s all so perfect. Drew’s perfect. His family is perfect, except for Vanessa. I could just see us having this perfectly happy life down there. But I don’t know if I could leave my life behind. You know? My mom, Gerard, Whitney. Whitney! I need to call Whitney.”

  “You could always come and visit your family and friends anytime you want, Ames.”

  “I don’t know. I have strong feelings for him, but I don’t even know if they’re real. Or if I’m just infatuated…”

  “You’ll find out in a couple weeks when the glow wears off.”

  “I guess I will.”

  “Oh, not to steal your moment in the sun, so to speak, but we have big news,” she said, her face lighting up. “I’m pregnant!”

  My hand went to my mouth. “Oh my God, Kelly. Congratulations! When, how far along?”

  I immediately thought: What would happen to me? They would have to get their own place. We couldn’t all live in this apartment, with a baby. So I’d have to find new roommates or get my own place. Oh, why now? Why did they have to go and get pregnant now?

  “Kelly, that’s so great,” I said as she told me that she was only nine weeks along.

  “And we’re starting to house hunt,” she said, searching my face.

  “That’s great,” I said. “It’ll be great to have this place all to myself,” I joked.

  But we both knew that I couldn’t afford the rent on my own. Darn. This could have been great news. For someone else. Now I had huge decisions to make. The glow was fading quickly.

  I fell asleep exhausted, feeling bad that I did not call Whitney, but I just did not have the energy. Luckily, I had prepared my lesson plan on the plane. My eyes closed as soon as I hit the pillow.

  The next day, the sky looked ominous and it began to rain as soon as I pulled into the school’s parking lot. I hadn’t even brought an umbrella. Sheesh! What a nice welcome back, I thought as I raced from my car to the building. I could feel my hair flatten with each raindrop that landed on my head. I would look a mess. An absolute mess!

  My first period was boisterous and I sat back and let the students go crazy for a good fifteen minutes. I just sat there and looked at them, screaming at one another, throwing things, dozing, eating, bopping their heads to some inaudible hip-hop beat. It didn’t really bother me. They’d settle down sooner or later; I wasn’t going to hurry them along. I was hanging on to my glow for dear life; I wouldn’t let them spoil it. But then the door to the classroom opened and Mr. Bell walked in with two official-looking people.

  I straightened up immediately and tried to get the attention of the students who were oblivious that the principal had just walked in. The bedlam continued and I tried to smile at Mr. Bell. Sure, I’m in control here.

  “Ms. Wilson,” was all he said, reproachfully.

  He said something to the two middle-aged white women, who were wearing suits and unflattering black pumps, and they walked out of the class but not before he looked back at me with a look of such sheer and utter disappointment that I almost cried. My vacation glow began to flicker again.

  The day only got worse as Lashelle showed everyone her engagement ring. For someone who drove such a monstrous SUV, her boyfriend sure gave small diamonds. Someone told her that she was all “blinged up now.” I thought, Ugh! But I congratulated her. I couldn’t focus on Lashelle and her good news. I’d just been admonished by the principal for not taking control of my classroom. “This is not Meadow Academy,” he reprimanded me. Yeah, no need to remind me of that, sir. But thanks.

  The rain came down hard and heavy and splashed into my shoes as I
walked to my Beetle at the end of the day. I had missed my car and I’d wanted to take it out for a long drive the day I returned home. My plan had been to drive down to Providence to Nordstrom after school, but the rain had ruined my plans.

  I called Whitney as I waited for the engine to warm up and for the parking lot to clear up. She sounded down.

  “What’s wrong, babe?”

  “Nothing. Tell me all about the trip. How was the sex?”

  “That’s the punch line, girl. There was none!” I told her about the week, not sparing any detail, but her response was cool. I was expecting screams and squeals. Whitney always said she would “go crazy” when I finally found a decent guy. But I was getting none of that from her.

  “Okay, Whitney, tell me what’s going on.”

  She sighed. “He’s gone.”

  “Who’s gone?”

  “Max.”

  The terrorist? Well, I wasn’t surprised. God help us all, though.

  “What do you mean gone?”

  “I mean, he’s vanished. He’s left school, his job at the lab. He’s just gone.” Poor Whitney, she was a magnet for the freaks who loved to hit and run, and this Max dude was no different.

  “Maybe he’s just out of town.”

  “No,” she sounded exasperated. “I spoke with his boss at the lab. They think he’s gone back to Tunisia. But they don’t know why.”

  That was strange, but then again this was a guy who could talk about proteins for hours on end. “Maybe he had a family emergency….”

  “I don’t think so, Amelia. He hates his parents. He’s not close to any of his brothers or sisters.”

  I didn’t have any ideas. “So what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I could try to get over it or try to find him.”

  “I think you should just forget it. Find someone new. He’ll probably resurface in a month. He probably just needed a break or something.”

  “I don’t think that’s what it was. I have an idea, but I know you’ll think I’m crazy.”

  Oh, no. “No, I’m not going to think you’re crazy.”

  “Remember when I first met him you were worried that he could get in trouble for not reporting himself to Immigration?”