Saving Grace

by Merry Farmer

  He gaped, eyes wide with horror. “What girl?”

  “The governor’s daughter.”

  “Which one?” A spark of suspicion shaded his question.

  Grace swallowed, clinging to the last desperate hope that Kinn was bluffing. “Her name is Caitlyn.”

  “Caitlyn.” Danny frowned. His face hardened into fury. “I met her. She turned twelve on the ship. She’s here?”

  Grace nodded, despair swallowing her. Kinn was telling the truth. “He wants me, Danny. He’s wanted me all along. He knew exactly how to trap me and I fell for it. He says if I go to him, then he’ll let the girl come live with us, get her out of harm’s way. But if not….”

  “He can’t be serious.” Danny’s bulging eyes were white-hot with rage and his hold on her was unintentionally painful. “He wouldn’t actually rape a child.”

  “I think he would. I know he would. He’s a heartless, manipulative bastard.”

  She collapsed against him, wanting nothing more than to hold him forever.

  “There has to be a way out of this,” Danny murmured. “We could pack up some things, leave the camp tonight. We can go south down the river. No one has been down there yet. They wouldn’t find us. We—”

  She shook her head and straightened to look him in the eye. “No. I already said I would.”

  “Grace—” The pain in his eyes was unbearable.

  “I love you, Danny. I love you with my whole heart.”

  “I love you.”

  “But it hurts too much. That’s why no one believes in love anymore.” She squeezed her eyes shut, letting tears fall. “It’s too painful.”

  “I won’t let you do this.”

  “I don’t want to. Believe me.”

  “I do, but—”

  “I can’t sacrifice a child because I’m selfish or squeamish. Not even for you.”

  “Grace—”

  “You asked me if I would fight a war for this,” she splayed her hand over his heart, “and I would. You know I would. But I would also fight a war to save an innocent from harm. You would too. You would have fought to save me when I was twelve if you’d known what I went through.”

  He writhed with tension, grimacing with the pain of the truth. “Not like this.”

  “Yes, like this.” She moved her hand to cradle his face. “That’s the whole point. In order for this colony to survive, I have to do what’s best for the whole. So do you. You know that. Kinn knows that. He knows it and he’s using it against me. He’s probably had this in mind from the beginning. I never should have agreed to counsel him in the first place.”

  “No.” He sighed, closing his eyes and pressing his cheek into her hand. “You shouldn’t have.”

  He kissed her. She could still feel anger radiating from him, but with it a crack in his resolve.

  “We will find a way out of this,” he told her in no uncertain terms. “I won’t let him take advantage of you. You’re mine. You always have been.”

  “I know,” she said, heart bleeding. “If there is any way at all to get out of it, I’ll get out. But I won’t save myself at the expense of someone else.”

  “God, Grace. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.” He wiped a wet strand of hair off of her burning face. “Why do you have to be so damn idealistic?”

  He kissed her before she could reply, crushing her against his chest. She looped her arms around his back and returned his kiss with a passion born of anger. All of her earnest hard work, all of her efforts on other people’s behalf, her bid to make the wrongs of her past right, and all she had to show for it was the rape of her freedom.

  Without another word, Danny sank with her to the wet ground, laying her across the cool grass. The rain splashed cold drops against her hot skin. Danny’s body couldn’t shelter her completely.

  “I love you,” he panted. He met her eyes with bitter understanding. “Whatever happens, that will never change.”

  His body covered hers and an eerie peace settled through her. His mouth exploring hers felt right even as the universe careened out of control. She bent her knee as he reached down to run his hand up along her wet thigh, hiking her skirt to her hip and closing over the side of her worn underwear. She rested her hands against his chest as he let her breathe, moving to kiss and lick the rain from her jaw and neck.

  She fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, needing to touch him and feel his heartbeat against her palm. It raced as violently as her own. She belonged to him and he to her. That knowledge calmed her, strengthened her. His hand continued up her side under the wet fabric of her dress. The one bra she had owned had snapped more than a week ago and when his hand closed around her breast she sighed at the intimate sensation. Tears stung at her eyes. How could she have been so naïve?

  He took a breath and pulled back long enough to unbuckle his belt and undo his pants. Their clothes were too wet to peel off completely, but she wriggled out of her underwear in spite of the cotton trying to cling to her. She started to unbutton her dress but didn’t get far before he took her in his arms again, kissing her as if it was the last moment they would have together.

  She stopped thinking as he pulled her soggy skirt up to her waist. His hand smoothed over her abdomen and down her thigh, circling around to test the heated folds of flesh between her legs. His touch was a revelation. Even with her mind shattered with anxiety he gave her pleasure.

  “You’re mine, Grace. You always were and you always will be.”

  He paused, gazing into her eyes. The pain threaded through his love was too much for her. She reached up to hold the side of his face, beyond speech. He bent to kiss her again, tender and gentle, then plunged into her with a sharp release of breath.

  She cried out and her fingers dug into his back as he filled her. Something so wonderful should not break her heart. She closed her eyes and focused on breathing as he thrust. He was trying to be tender, she knew, but frustration made him insistent. Any other day, any other encounter, and this longed-for moment would be a blessing. As it was, the sounds of their passion rang like keening in Grace’s ears.

  Her body adjusted faster than her mind, accepting him with greedy pleasure. She dug her fingertips into his back as they rocked together. She hitched her knees higher along his thighs, held him with her whole body. But all she could think about was how much it would hurt when Kinn did this same intimate thing to her, how much pain it would cause. To Danny even more than to her.

  With a deep groan, Danny tensed as his seed spilled inside of her. He buried himself deep, then relaxed.

  For a moment neither of them moved. They lay entwined, panting to catch their breath. Danny’s weight crushing her was exhilarating. She wanted him with her, inside of her, forever. Her heart crumbled when he eased to his side, holding her still. She kept her leg clasped over his hip and when he blinked away the rain to look into her eyes she smiled from the bottom of her heart, choking on the pain she could see in his soul.

  “That was not what you deserved.” He stroked her flushed cheek.

  She shook her head, swallowing her grief. “It was far more than I deserve.”

  He kissed her, drinking the rain from her lips. “You’re wrong.”

  She’d been wrong about so many things. She had one last chance to make it right.

  Chapter Ten – The Other Side of the River

  The rain had let up only a fraction as Grace and Danny walked back to camp, but it washed the mud away to the point where they merely looked like two shell-shocked refugees stumbling home. It wasn’t far off from how Grace felt.

  “I’m not letting you do this,” Danny said after a long stretch of silence. “Especially not now. I’m not letting you go out there alone.”

  Grace drew in a shuddering breath, wiping hair out of her face with the hand that wasn’t holding Danny’s. “You have to let me go. I was the fool. You have to let me at least try to put things right.”

  “But not alone, Grace, not anymore. I’m going with you. We can
negotiate together to bring Caitlyn here.”

  Grace shook her head. “He’ll stop you, you know he will. He’ll figure out we’re—” She pressed her lips in a tight line. “It will just make things worse.”

  “Worse?” He tugged her to a halt, facing her. “What could possibly be worse than letting him molest you?” He turned away, unable to say more, face red with fury. “I should never have let you take the lead.”

  “It won’t come to that,” Grace insisted. A kernel of hope stirred in her chest. “We have too much to offer in trade. Seeds, tools, tents. Everything in the treasure chests if we have to. They don’t have any of that. And women,” she let her growing confidence carry her on before Danny could interrupt. “We have the ability to at least talk with Brian to get Kinn what he really needs.”

  “By what? Giving up everything that we need to survive? Where will that leave us?” He shook his head, taking her hand and walking on. “We’re through negotiating. All that talk of yours about not choosing a side back there? Well, we’re choosing a side now. Our side.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Once we rescue Caitlyn. No more contact with the others. Let them sink or swim on their own.”

  “Danny, we can’t—”

  “I didn’t risk everything to see you end up in someone else’s bed, Grace.”

  As soon as the words were out he winced. He wiped the rain off of his glasses, took a breath, and said, “I know you care about everyone on this moon, and that’s admirable. But they will destroy you if you give too much of yourself. Believe me, I know. It’s time to forget the Project.”

  “You know I have. I’m thinking of all of our futures here.”

  “No, Grace. You’re not. If we isolate ourselves we’ll be fine for a long time. Years, decades. Those treasure chests, the survival book, they contain everything we need to start a colony on our own. We won’t have to worry about genetic abnormalities for a few generations. By then, with any luck, our children and grandchildren will have solved this conflict and come together.”

  “But Danny, throwing problems on our children and grandchildren’s shoulders is what got Earth into the mess it’s in now. It’s the reason The Terra Project was created.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  “Then what was?”

  He didn’t answer. His expression hardened in a mask of guilt.

  Grace let go of Danny’s hand. She watched him as they walked. His secrets were becoming overwhelming. Icy dread crept down her back with the raindrops. Every one of Kutrosky’s dark accusations swirled in her mind. The man she loved was a dangerous man.

  As they headed into their sodden camp, Carrie jumped up from the collapsed front of the tent she now shared with Sean. The canvas had caved in, but Carrie ignored it to come after them. Sean left his repairs and jogged after her.

  “What happened?” he demanded, eyes hard with worry. “I thought I was right behind you but when I got here they said you hadn’t made it back.”

  Grace couldn’t speak.

  “We took a detour,” Danny answered for her, a sharp edge to his voice.

  “You look terrible.” Carrie placed a hand on Grace’s arm and bit her lip as if it were her own fault.

  “I’m fine.” Grace shrugged her off.

  Carrie opened her mouth to reply but snapped it shut and looked to Sean before going on. “Sean told me that Kinn said something to upset you.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Grace pushed past them and up the slope to her cave.

  Danny broke off to head to his laboratory. “I’ll get my things.”

  “Where are you going?” Sean called after him.

  “I’m moving in with Grace,” he answered without looking back.

  Grace’s heart thundered against her ribs.

  “Wait!” Carrie caught up with her, marched by her side. “So Danny’s finally moving in with you?”

  “Yes.”

  Her friend’s face split into a grin that was at complete odds with Grace’s mood. “It’s about damn time.” She stopped Grace and gave her a bear hug. “Oh Grace, I’m so happy for you.”

  “I should have asked him to move in a lot sooner,” she conceded with a sigh. She wiped hair out of her face and rubbed her forehead as she continued walking, a headache forming behind her eyes.

  “Yes, you should have,” Carrie agreed. She glanced over her shoulder to where Sean had gone back to trying to re-erect their tent, a swirl of conflicting emotions creasing his brow.

  “Okay, so Sean says there’s going to be another mission out to Kutrosky’s camp tomorrow.”

  “Not tomorrow,” Grace corrected her with a snort. “The day after.”

  “All right, the day after. Whatever. Grace, you have to let me come with you.”

  “Fine,” she gave in without an argument.

  “No, I’m serious,” Carrie continued as if Grace had told her no. “I…I need to be there.”

  “Okay,” Grace said without glancing up as they reached the mouth of her cave.

  Carrie paused at the entrance, shifting her weight to one hip and frowning. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” Grace still couldn’t meet her friend’s eyes.

  “Spill it.”

  “There’s nothing to spill.”

  “Oh no you don’t, Grace Hargrove. You can’t pull that shit with me. You’re my best friend, like a sister to me.” She crossed her arms. “It’s that meathead, Kinn, isn’t it? He upset you.”

  “What makes you think that?” Carrie’s concern chipped away at Grace’s raw nerves.

  “You’re not yourself.”

  Grace huffed a bitter laugh. “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

  “Excuse me.” Danny surprised Carrie as he strode into the entrance, scooting past her with a backpack over his shoulder and a large basket that was covered with a damp hide in his other arm. He took his things to a far corner of the cave, out of Carrie’s view.

  “I’ll just leave you two alone to get settled then.” Carrie shuffled down the slope, frown deepening.

  “Thanks,” Grace called after her. “And Carrie…I’m sorry. We’ll…we’ll talk later.”

  Guilt for being so short with her friend gnawed at her, but it was only a drop in the bucket of everything that was drowning her.

  She moved deeper into the cave. It was only about ten feet by ten feet with odd juts and angles in the walls that served as shelves. The ceiling was low, but it was dry and retained heat without getting smoky. For the time being it was her home.

  She stared helplessly at her bed, the bear skin Kinn had given her on their first day. He’d planned his betrayal from day one and she’d fallen for it.

  “Get out of your wet clothes,” Danny directed her as he bent to add more wood to the dying fire near the front of the cave. “We’ll warm up, maybe have something to eat, and then we’ll meet with Sean and Beth and the rest of the camp to discuss what to offer Kutrosky.”

  “So you agree with me then?” she said as she moved to undress.

  “No, I do not,” he clipped, unbuttoning his wet shirt. “But I know you. You’re not going to choose our side until the others are at least halfway taken care of.”

  He wasn’t happy with it. She should have been pleased with the fact that he was willing to support her even though he didn’t agree, but too much doubt and too many kinds of dread hung over her.

  She stripped off her wet clothes and handed them to Danny so that he could drape them over the rope she kept strung from one end of the cave to the other. He removed his clothes and hung them alongside hers. She rummaged through her things for her spare dress, handing him a chamois to dry off with. Everything was done in silence.

  She finished dressing first and sat on the bear skin to watch him. He’d put on dry pants but knelt, shirtless, by the fire, searching through the basket for a reasonably clean shirt that was still in one piece. She trusted Danny with her whole heart in spite of the w
arnings and disagreements. He was intelligent and experienced, he cared about her like no one in her life ever had, and now he was as physically fit and attractive as anyone else in The Terra Project.

  Except that he wasn’t part of the Project.

  “Danny?” She tilted her head to the side as all of her thoughts and worries coalesced. He raised his eyebrows to let her know that he was listening, like he always did, like nothing had changed. “The Consistory isn’t a myth, is it? You’re involved with it somehow.”

  He froze. A deep flush stained his cheeks. Slowly, he swung around to meet her eyes. His silence was all the answer she needed.

  She went on. “Why would a colonization project need a geneticist if we were all supposed to freely choose our mates in the new world? What could you have done other than watch? You were there, but not to contribute your genes and add generations to the settlement along with the rest of us. Why?”

  He stared at her, his stricken silence the loudest proof he could have given her of everything Kutrosky had hinted at.

  “What was the Consistory?” she asked in a whisper.

  He turned away from her, searching in his basket until he found a shirt he liked. Face grim, he put it on then sank to sit on the bear skin facing her. He took her hands.

  “The Consistory was the core of The Terra Project, the real reason for its existence. And it had nothing to do with colonization or pioneering or freedom.” He explained. “And yes, I was a part of it.”

  Relief stronger than anything Grace could have imagined poured through her. Truth at last. “What was it then?”

  He hesitated, jaw flexing. “Have you ever wondered how you, how anyone, was selected for the Project?”

  “We were picked for our overall health.” She shrugged. “For our family medical histories, our genes, fertility, intelligence, our areas of expertise. Everything that would be needed to create and sustain a vital civilization.”

  He nodded in agreement. “What do you know about the veal industry?”

  “Veal?” She balked at the apparent change in topic. “Nothing.”