Love Remains (4 OAKS)

by Gayle Eden

  They stopped at the bottom, standing in the drive, looking at each other, her chin tilted up, and his lashes half-mast against the slant of sun.

  He’d left the cigarette. Now had his hands partly in the pockets of his low-slung jeans. His attention on her face, intense.

  Sage swallowed and wet her lips, ignoring the fact he watched that motion. Ignoring what it did to her.

  He murmured, “We could start over too, Sage.”

  Her skin flushed. “No. we can’t.” She shook her head. “Not the way you’re thinking. We can be mature, civil, maybe friends, for Michael. We can respect each other, on some level. But we can’t go back in time.”

  “I wouldn’t want to, except to have been more honest then. Less of a prick—maybe—even a coward. I hadn’t even spoken to my mother until recently. Although—it was no more her fault my father got drunk, and killed himself in a car wreck, than it was they were divorcing at the time. He wasn’t good to her or for her. And I knew she had every right to leave. I even realized that she wouldn’t put me through tearing me away from 4 oaks and my Grandfather. It wasn’t easy for her to make Carter leave. Life is messy. Hers was. She found happiness, and what she deserved. But it took me a long time to admit all of that.”

  “I’d heard the history, and heard she and her husband were here during the holidays. I’m glad you and she are close now. But you’ve had other relationships with women—”

  “Sex. Not emotions. Just—sex. It’s what they wanted. What I wanted. And all I could offer.”

  She didn’t want to think of sex. Of Kane Croft having sex. Not standing here looking at him.

  Sage hadn’t been with anyone but him, and her ex. The ex hadn’t come close to making love the way Kane had, even the younger Kane. There was no love or emotions there. There was duty, her sense of it, until she just stopped pretending all together.

  But, she said to Kane, “We made Michael in a relationship that only existed in my head, Kane.”

  “That’s not true. I felt more for you—”

  “Maybe. But it ended and we’ve got another history. A separate one.”

  He confessed hoarsely “I still feel something. I always did.”

  She released a breath, afraid of her vulnerabilities where he was concerned. “Let’s focus on Michael. That’s all I can give right now.”

  Sage walked to her car and had the door opened when she felt his hand on her shoulder. She felt him behind her, and smelled his cologne and sun warmed flesh. She sensed his strength and heat.

  Oh, God. It brought back memories she’d fought for too long.

  Her suppressed needs made every sense ultra-aware of him.

  “Thank you, Sage.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  His hand flexed on her shoulder. “I won’t give up this time, Sage. I won’t let either of us—give up.”

  When he released her, she got in and drove off, glancing back to see him standing in the drive. Attending the road again, she realized she was crying and groped for tissue in the console to dry her eyes. Once Michael was there, the town would soon find out everything, and gossip.

  She’d deal with it. She had no choice.

  ~*~

  Kane called Rio and Carter. He asked that everyone be at supper that evening. He figured they knew something was up anyway and that Skye had shared their conversation, even if Jesse hadn’t.

  Before going out to do chores, he put a roast on with vegetables. The whole time he was out on in the pasture, Sage’s image, her story, stayed in his mind. At one point, he sat by the winding stream, cold beer in his hand, cigarette burning between his fingers, and just let it all roll over him. It wasn’t a comfortable or easy to handle landslide of emotions.

  He could see Sage’s raven-lashed violet eyes, her dark lips, and her warm creamy skin. He could see her tears that last day— her young heart behind them, open. He’d never lived with that severing well. Now knowing he’d left her in a mess so young, he felt sweat roll down his spine, the guilt clawing at him.

  The young made mistakes. His Grandfather would have said that.

  But, there’d been times—with other women, times her flushed face and full curves would flash in his mind, and he’d roll away from that female body and have to gather himself. Drink. Yeah, he did that a lot afterwards.

  He looked around the ranch—his salvation. His refuge. His roots. He hadn’t escaped her here either.

  Here, the memories were sweet, arousing recollections of her eager body and shy sheltered way of trusting him with it. Of that first time—and his feeling like he would drown in her. The twin thorns of wanting her insatiably, yet afraid of the rush of more than lust when he looked at, kissed, or touched her.

  The last time, he hadn’t intended to have sex with her. He had known he was breaking it off. He was in a panic with his emotions. He had lost himself again.

  She’d been—so hungry, passionate, wanting.

  “Fuck.” Kane tossed the cigarette and got to his feet, walking toward the four-wheeler.

  Watching her walk toward the ranch house had been surreal. Her raven hair back, shining in the sun, full curves in jeans and boots, creamy skin flawless, and eyes—those eyes, so full, and yet so guarded. Just being near her, listening, Kane had wanted to grab her and hold her, kiss her and drown in her again.

  Putting the empty in the side pouch, he started the 4 wheeler and headed home, to shower and finish dinner.

  He had a son.

  He had a son, named Michael.

  He and Sage had made him. Somehow, that made him feel closer to her. It made all the feelings clear and real, no longer to be buried.

  ~*~

  After dinner, they were in the great room when Kane stood near the unlit fireplace, poised below their Grandfather’s portrait He told it all, not sparing himself—and also telling Sage’s side of it. He looked at Carter, sitting relaxed on the sofa, his arms around Skye, who was sipping coffee. Then at Rio, Jesse on his lap, leaned back against him. They also had their cups of coffee, but hadn’t taken their eyes off him as he’d talked.

  “She’s meeting her Aunt, who is bringing Michael here. Not to the ranch. He’s—they have to talk first. Naturally, the kid has some resentment. I’ve told her that I want to meet him. She says it’s up to Michael. I have to go along with that—because the boy doesn’t know me.”

  “He’ll want to,” Carter said quietly.

  Kane shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

  Skye leaned up and looked at Jesse. “Let’s go find something to do, and let the brother’s talk.”

  Jesse kissed Rio before she got up, the both of them kissing Kane’s cheek, which surprised him.

  Jesse said low, before following Skye, “I’m proud of you already. Give her time. It will pay off in the end.”

  He didn’t reply, because he hadn’t gone there—hadn’t admitted openly, that he still felt something for Sage.

  “Let’s go outside.”

  Kane nodded to Rio’s suggestion.

  It was a mild night with a high riding moon, and nice spring temperatures. Kane sat on the steps, the other two behind him, leaning against the porch braces, smoking, having their coffee.

  It was Rio, not surprisingly, who said softly, “You should meet him alone first. Somewhere that he’s comfortable.”

  “Yeah.” Kane nodded watching the limbs on the oaks ruffle.

  Carter offered, “Sounds like he’s got a little of you in him, already.”

  “Sage said he—didn’t trust many people.”

  “It’s probably not that.” Rio came and sat beside him. “A lot going on with grownups in his life. He likely internalized it. We all do.”

  Kane glanced aside at him, meeting those see-beyond-the-surface eyes. “I’m not great with people.”

  Rio grinned slightly. “This isn’t just anyone. This is your kid. You remember how I was when Willow forced me to face my responsibility to her as a father—to acknowledge that I was. Michae
l is eleven, and a boy, but he’s a croft by blood. We have our blow ups, but if the old man could get me here, if the three of us could come together here—you can find a way to bond with him. It’ll be a start.”

  Kane looked away. “I never thought about it. Not even marriage after—”

  “—After you let her go?” Carter said.

  “Yeah. I didn’t. And not about kids either.”

  They sat in the night sounds for a while, before Carter asked, “Are you going to let Sage get away again?”

  “I don’t have a choice. All I have is mistakes. I hurt her. I saw it, and felt it then.” Kane unfolded his long frame and stepped down into the yard. He turned and looked at Carter, leaning against the stone porch pier. “She’d never trust me like that again. Never give me that much of herself.”

  Carter’s brow rose. “You’re different people. Mature, grown, more experienced. You can’t be the cowboy who charms a shy little catholic girl this time. There’s something to be said for attraction, and seduction, between two mature and fully-grown adults. My guess is, you have to let her know who you are now. The real you, Kane. You gotta let her in places you’ve closed off before. You gotta know her too. Don’t be such a hard ass. Lighten up sometimes.” Carter grinned. “Make her want you.”

  Over Kane’s snort, Rio stood, and muttered, “This is going to be interesting. Kane talking about something besides cows and horses, and learning to relate to a kid. Let alone, trying to seduce a woman for a change.”

  Laughing, Kane retorted, “I knew one of you would find something to get on my ass about.”

  “We’re just getting started.” Carter grinned and looked at Rio. “By God. This could actually make Kane human—and tolerable.”

  Kane laughed with them.

  Before Rio and Jess left, Rio said, “I’m moving in with Jesse, so there will be plenty of room in the ranch house if the kid takes to you. And if—anything else develops.”

  “That’s too far ahead to contemplate.”

  Shaking his head, Rio grinned at him. “He’ll love 4 oaks. You just gotta make him fall in love with his Dad too.”

  Watching them leave, hearing Carter and Skye in the kitchen through the open window, Kane drew in a cleansing breath and whispered, “That—will take a miracle.”

  Chapter 4

  It became so explosive and draining, inside the hotel room, once Michael arrived, that Sage finally left to give him space, to decompress. Lord knew, she needed to. There had been tears, anger, accusations; because he felt she kept things from him that he should have been told. And, she had.

  Walking to the outdoor Café, she ordered a latte and sat at one of the tables— shaky, from not enough sleep. Her nerves on edge because telling her son the truth—which he deserved. It had been hard. And letting him vent, harder.

  He’d threatened, at one point, to never speak to her again. He’d said he was calling Aunt and moving back with her, for good. She’d talked about Kane, about 4 Oaks, and tried to explain young mistakes—and the circumstances. Michael was mature, much more than she’d been at his age.

  He had wanted a dad, she realized. He felt rejected by her ex. He would never understand his grandparents feelings either. He still had a lot to deal with.

  Wearing denims and a tank T-shirt and her sneakers, Sage’s hair was bunched up with a clip, because she’d hardly paid attention this morning, after finding him brooding and not speaking to her.

  Michael had her black curly hair, but Kane’s tall lanky build—and his green eyes. Because he was on the cusp of puberty, he had all the signs of being square jawed, broad shouldered, and a strikingly handsome man. His mouth was a little fuller, his nose more Roman, but he looked enough like the Crofts, like his father, so that anyone who knew them could guess. He was only five foot and seven inches now. However, there wasn’t doubt he’d someday reach Kane’s height, or be taller, since her own father was six foot four.

  His style of clothing at the moment was stylish jeans and graphic T-shirts, the kind of sneakers that most hip kids wore—but styles that would only set him apart from the western/cowboy crowd his age.

  Because of the divorce, the different life they had, and his DNA, he was highly intelligent but could be stubborn. He was more silent, accessing, and not openly trusting of just anyone. His past two years spent in Rhode Island with her Aunt, he’d attended a private school. Sage would prefer he experience public school, because private schools didn’t help blending in with one’s peers outside it. However, he was ahead of his peers intellectually, so it was the best course for him.

  She had wanted to save up, to have the ideal life, house—and everything, ready for him. Now, she knew that Michael just needed her to be there for him. He just wanted normal life too.

  Half way through her coffee, Sage saw her son crossing the town traffic. He wore a button up chambray shirt, hip jeans, and his sneakers. His hands were shoved deep in the front pockets, shoulders a little hunched, in that teen way he sometimes walked. His black hair was tossed by a wind. He’d obviously spotted her, and was headed to the table.

  Outwardly relaxed, she mentally braced when he reached her. Michael stared at her before seating himself opposite on the bench seat. Hands out of his pocket, he reached for her coffee, taking the lid off, drinking a long drink.

  Eyes then on the table, he fiddled with the lid, and muttered, “I want to meet him.”

  She swallowed. “I’ll call him.”

  He nodded and then looked around, and muttered, “We won’t have anything in common.”

  “Maybe. You never know.”

  He glanced at her. “He’s a cowboy.”

  “Rancher, cowboy.” She nodded. “They’re cool here.”

  His green eyes rolled a moment, making her smile for the first time in hours.

  He turned on the bench, his lower back against the table. Finishing her coffee, he watched the street, and then uttered, “You came here to hook up with him.”

  “No.”

  He grunted. “Whatever.” Then looked over his shoulder at her.

  “I’m sorry, Mike.” She put all of her love for him in her expression.

  “Your parents are messed up.”

  “Yeah. Some parents are like that.”

  “I’m not going to forgive them someday when they’re old.”

  She smiled a little. “They’re old now, Mike. They’re just, unforgiving. They wanted a perfect, obedient, daughter. I want to be a normal teenager. Not that I thought I’d meet a guy like Kane.”

  He studied her expression the way young boys do, and said, “You still got a thing for him. You can say what you want, but you could have moved anywhere.”

  “I don’t want to fight anymore. Whatever it takes to make you forgive me—”

  “I do.” He said that grudgingly. “Just don’t get your hopes up—about me and him.” He looked away.

  She didn’t expect him to concede easily. He wanted people to prove themselves. He hadn’t had much family.

  He got up. “Think I’ll check out this hick town.”

  “Just be careful.” She stood. “And there are cool places here. A mall a few miles out.”

  “Yeah. Great.” He smiled short and then sauntered off.

  She watched him cross again, and then head up a street, towards the stores. Getting up, she ordered another coffee, stronger, and sat there drinking half before she called Kane’s number.

  “Yeah, Kane here.” His drawl sounded too good over the line.

  “It’s Sage.”

  “Hey.” He said something to someone or something, then said back to her, “Hold on a sec. I’m just leaving the barn, heading in after feeding.”

  “All-right.”

  There were muffled sounds, and then he was on again. “Okay.”

  “Um. Michael wants to meet you.”

  “Great.” It sounded like he released a tense breath. “I’ll come in to town. Should I take him to the mall or—”

  “He’s
just walked up the street. Maybe you should…I don’t know, Kane.”

  “You sound tired.”

  “It hasn’t been an easy few hours.” She told him some of it. The exchanges between herself and Michael. His arguments, and resentments. The things she’d expected. “He thinks I kept details from him on purpose. Because he hasn’t had anyone but Aunt, my Uncle and me. That’s a hurtful emotion he’s carrying around. He was brooding this morning, so I came here, to the café, to give him space. That’s when he came and found me, said he’d meet you.”

  “Let me get showered. I’ll be in town in a half hour.” He was walking through the house because she heard the sounds of the outdoors fade. Kane offered, “The town’s going to talk, Sage. But, I don’t want you to worry about it. It’s none of any one’s business. If things work out, I’ll make damn sure people know my feelings on it.”

  “I don’t care about gossip right now.” She didn’t. She was too worried about him, and Michael, and what that meeting would be like.

  “I’ll swing by the hotel. See you in a bit.”

  She murmured okay and got up, checking to see where Michael may have gone. On her way to the hotel, she called his cell. “He’s coming to town—Kane. He’ll be at the hotel soon. I’m going to shower.”

  “I’m headed back.” He clicked off.

  At the hotel, she did shower and pull on a summer blouse and skirt, putting her feet in flat sandals. Sage tied her curly hair back then put on minimal mascara. She opened the hotel door, and was standing in it, leaning her shoulder against the facing, and watching Michael, who sat on a bench a few feet away. There were small bushes and flowers planted around it. But, he was staring off toward the road and traffic, his arms spread along the back of the bench, spine slumped and knees apart.

  Kane’s pickup swung into the lot.

  Intending to join Michael, she changed her mind, realizing Kane could see her as he exited the cab, and that he probably noticed Michael too.

  Her son didn’t stand up or change his posture, but she could almost feel his braced tension.