Vampires Drink Tomato Juice

by K. M. Shea

  “Yeah,” I said as Frey escorted me to my next class. “I am peachy keen.”

  “…What does that even mean?”

  “Shut up, Frey.”

  “I can’t tell you how much your kindness means to me,” Frey said with a fake sniffle before dropping me outside my classroom door. “Right, so see you after school. Dave is really excited about this fieldtrip.”

  “What tipped you off? His Chicago Field Museum T-shirt, or the fact that all our Spanish conversations today were based on visiting museums?” I dryly asked.

  Frey rolled his eyes. “Goodbye, Morgan.”

  “Bye,” I said, gliding into my classroom. I pretty much threw myself at my desk, narrowly avoiding plowing over Hunter. After dropping my stuff on the ground, I thumped my head on my desk several times for good measure.

  I would not be stupid! I would not be swayed by a handsome face!

  “Rough day?” Hunter asked.

  I paused the self-abuse and turned to look at my classmate.

  Hunter was pretty hot. I mean, he wasn’t one of those guys every girl falls for, but he had a subtle handsomeness to him. Plus, he was pretty kind, all things considered. Maybe I could force myself to crush on him?

  What was I thinking? I mentally waved the thought away and smiled. “Yeah. Unbearably so.”

  “I’m sorry,” Hunter said with true regret. At least it sounded like true regret. I couldn’t see his eyes because he was wearing his sunglasses inside again. “Anything I can do to help?”

  “I doubt it,” I said, dropping my chin to my desk again. “I’m just going to have to prepare myself. Mentally speaking. Like a samurai before a match,” I decided.

  “Are we talking about a test here or a fencing match?” Hunter asked.

  “Neither. We’re talking about love and war,” I sighed.

  “Oh,” Hunter said, his voice edged with the horror all males hold for the topic of love. “Well, if you needed me to, I guess I could have your love-and-war problem eliminated,” Hunter mildly suggested, as though we were discussing the day’s lunch menu.

  I laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just being dramatic. The problem is me. I have to face my weaknesses. Besides, their rotten personalities should save me,” I reasoned.

  Hunter’s eyebrows pulled together in a questioning v. “If you say so.”

  “I do,” I said, picking myself off my desk. “We didn’t have any homework, did we?”

  “We did. You finished it in class yesterday before we left.”

  “I did? Man, that is great to hear.”

  “Glad I could be the bearer of good news.”

  17

  Fairies in the Field Museum

  “I am so stupid. I am so stupid. I am so stupid,” I sang under my breath as I massaged my temple.

  The fieldtrip hadn’t even started, and I was already regretting that I had proposed this disaster waiting to happen.

  My group and I were meeting in Union Station before we ventured on the bus that would take us to the museum. Almost all my students were there (in fact, everyone was with the exception of Asahi, his would-be girlfriend, and Aysel), but most of them were causing me to experience varying degrees of panic.

  Madeline had done her best to “blend in,” which meant she was wearing pink sunglasses, had a pink umbrella, a white babydoll shirt, a pink jacket, and pink jeans. I was pretty impressed she was wearing pants, but I still wondered what on earth made her wear pink. Not only did she look borderline ridiculous, but rather than blending in, her cotton-candy outfit attracted attention with its blinding color.

  Perseus had swiped a glamour charm from a pal of his, which basically covered him like a cloak and got rid of his horse body...but the charm made him into a girl. He wasn’t taking the sex change very well and kept fiddling with it. I could see his horsey rump twitch in and out of sight as he unhappily twisted the charm necklace. (Might I add, though, that he made a very fetching girl.)

  Flea-less Frank was probably doing the best next to Esmeralda. The pair was talking with the Sphinx, who also had a fairy glamour that made her look like an exotic, Egyptian girl.

  The two dumpy fairies and their plain elf friend were doing…okay…ish. The fairies used their magic to dump their fairy wings, but they had neglected to get different shoes. (Theirs were made of bark.) The only thing the elf did to change his appearance was to wear sweat pants and a hoodie. He had combed his wavy hair straight so it sort of/not really hid the tips of his tapered ears, but he compensated for this by pulling the hood of his hoodie up. He looked like he was drowning in his clothes.

  “Extras in a movie, Morgan. I’m telling you, it works every time,” Frey said, scratching his elbow through his jacket as he watched Dave sashay past.

  The only reply I made was a pained moan.

  “Look on the bright side. At least this got us out of our last class,” Frey offered. Because of the tight schedule we were running on due to the museum’s hours, Frey had Dave write us passes so we could skip our last class and catch an early express train to Union Station.

  “Morgan! Sorry we’re late!” Asahi called as he and a very pretty girl (probably his High Elf crush) hurried towards us.

  Asahi looked a little odd to my eyes because, for once, he wasn’t dressed like a stereotypical Arabian prince. He was wearing khaki pants that were just a touch too short for him, a polo shirt, and a black winter jacket. His ears looked bare without all of his earrings and gems—not to mention he was probably wearing a glamour. His ears looked perfectly normal and not at all elvish.

  His elf friend looked almost completely normal, too. She wore jeans and a blue sweater that she fussed with before twisting into her white jacket. She, too, had normal-looking ears, but she still didn’t look ordinary. If Asahi’s hair was gold, hers was copper. The bright, shiny copper of a new penny. I’m pretty sure it was so glossy, it reflected light. Her eyes were also a hazel mixture of brown and green, but both colors were deep and vibrant. They were shades that humans can’t obtain without colored contacts.

  So, even though Asahi and his girl looked human, their interesting hair color and eye color set them remarkably apart. Just like Madeline’s clothes.

  “Hello, you must be Morgan. I’m Kadri,” the elf girl said, offering her hand to me.

  I shook it, smiling at her. “Nice to meet you. I’m glad you could come with us today, Kadri,” I said.

  “No, I should be the one thanking you. I can’t go out into human public without a guardian around. This is a great opportunity for me! Thank you so much,” she gushed as I wondered exactly what I had signed away in Aysel’s paperwork.

  “You’re welcome,” I said, deciding I liked her. She was enthusiastic like Asahi, and she seemed to be genuinely sweet. (I had been steeling myself for a High Elf version of the Pastels.) “Hello, Asahi. Nice clothes. Where’s Aysel?” I asked, turning to my student.

  “He was right behind us, ah. There he is,” Asahi said, twisting around to point through the crowd.

  Nothing could have prepared me for an incognito Aysel. Nothing.

  Aysel made the transition from High Elf to human perfectly. He looked and dressed like a model, wearing jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt, and a black leather jacket.

  His shiny black hair was pulled back into a low ponytail at the nape of his neck, and although his ears were human shaped, he sported a small silver hoop in one of them.

  After I realized I was mentally drooling, I straightened up and grew significantly irritated with Aysel for looking so hot as a human and with myself for falling for it so easily.

  “Alright, the class is here. Let’s go,” I barked, barely acknowledging Aysel. “Everyone has human money for the entrance fee, right?” I asked. (Yesterday we held an extensive meeting to discuss the museum entrance fee, as well as disguising the magical beings in order to appear in public.)

  After hearing the chorus of yeses, I started out. “This way, guys. Frey and I have already bought your bus pas
ses for the afternoon. Come on,” I called.

  We grabbed CTA bus #1 to State Street, and there we switched to bus #146. Normally, I would have made everyone walk to State Street because it’s not that far away, and Perseus really sucked at getting on busses (just because I couldn’t see his horse body didn’t mean he didn’t have to haul it up the bus steps and down the bus aisle), but the Field Museum closes at 5:00, and I wanted to get there so we had at least an hour and a half, and walking was likely to take forever the way my group gawked at humans.

  “This is it guys, off the bus,” I said when we pulled up to the Field Museum. I popped off first and did a head count as the magical beings followed me. “Great,” I said, shivering in the wind when the bus puttered off. “Let’s get inside. I’ve already ordered our tickets online, so they’ll be waiting for us,” I said, leading the way.

  For various reasons, I hauled my group all the way around the museum so we entered through the east entrance. We passed by two other entrances to do this, and almost everyone froze in their light clothes. Why did I do this? Because when we entered the museum, Madeline proceeded to ooh and ahh at everything as loud as a yodeler, and she was not alone. I chose the east entrance as our starting point because it was abandoned.

  I left Frey to babysit the group and collect money while I ran up to the desk to claim our basic fare tickets ($12.00 per being with the student discount). I had purchased the tickets the previous night using my gas credit card provided by my parents (Hah-hah. I was going to have to intercept THAT bill before they got it), so issuing our tickets took very little time.

  I grabbed a fistful of maps as the nice museum lady ran down a few of the highlights before I retreated to my group.

  “Here are your tickets. Now go through in an ordinary fashion,” I said, taking the cash from Frey before divvying out tickets and maps. “We’ll be going everywhere together, so keep close to the group,” I said as Madeline went through the ticket line, a nervous, flea-less Frank stepping on her heels.

  “What exhibits do you think we should check out?” I asked Frey, watching our group pass through the line.

  “I prefer the ancient Egypt exhibit, but you’re going to want to limit us. There’s no way we’ll have time for everything,” Frey warned.

  I nodded. “Since we’re starting on the lowest floor, we could swing through ancient Egypt and then head immediately upstairs,” I offered.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Frey grinned.

  “I find your lack of pre-planning appalling,” Aysel said behind us.

  “I told you before, Aysel. I don’t care what you think,” I carelessly said as I stared at the map. I winced when I realized what words came out of my mouth and sneaked a peek behind me to see how angry the High Elf was.

  He looked cross, but not angry. His lips were definitely twisted into a scowl, but that might be because Asahi and Kadri were laughing like great pals behind him.

  When everyone finally made it through, I had to kick them out of the white, marbled entrance area because they kept staring at the museum employees like kids at a zoo.

  I guided the group through the belly of ground level like a border collie with a herd of sheep.

  Madeline and Frank nearly got away from me at the ancient Egypt entrance. Madeline kept walking forward to the Man-eater of Mfuwe exhibit, which featured a man-eating lion, rather than taking the left turn.

  “No, no, no. We’re going this way,” I said, grabbing the girl’s arm before hauling her back to the group.

  “Talk about a rip off. That’s just a stuffed lion,” Madeline complained. “And a shabby one, too! The saber-toothed tigers at the MBRC are way bigger than that!”

  “Come along, Madeline, we’re going to this exhibit now,” I said before pushing the whiny vamp into the Egyptian room.

  Most of the group had already ventured inside. Esmeralda and the Sphinx were camped out in the doorway. The Sphinx looking absolutely horrified as she stared at parts of the exhibit.

  “They’re white. White Egyptians,” she said in a very accusatory fashion as she stared at the various cut outs/displays that held what even I had to admit were very pale-looking ancient Egyptians.

  “But they do have a lot of historically accurate information. Come on, this is obviously a kid-targeted area. Let’s go look at the sarcophagi,” Esmeralda said, patting the Sphinx’s back.

  I heaved a mini-sigh and returned my gaze to the map as I stood near the exhibit exit. As a resident of Oakdale, I had taken enough fieldtrips to the Chicago museums to last me a lifetime. It was better to use this time to plan my next move.

  “Humans are horrible chroniclers of the past,” Aysel announced next to me, his head tilted with arrogance.

  “You can hardly blame them. They don’t know the whole story,” Kadri pointed out. (I had a feeling she was going to become my personal hero.) “Besides, even though they have their inaccuracies, they are vastly ahead of us in technology. One can see it being used in their displays,” she said, motioning at the various interactive exhibits. “We do not have the ability to recreate such technology, and we have magic at our disposal.”

  Aysel narrowed his eyes. “I find that I don’t like you.”

  “That doesn’t much bother me,” Kadri shrugged.

  I snickered under my breath and decided I would have to have a girl talk with her about Asahi. Asahi needed to date this girl! If he was incapable of picking up on/responding to his brother’s malice, he should at least date someone who could handle it for him!

  “Do you like her?” Asahi whispered on my other side before gently tugging me away from his arguing friend and brother.

  “I love her. And I barely even know her!” I promised the bright elf as we stared at a recreation of an ancient Egyptian boat.

  “Good,” Asahi said, relaxing. “I was hoping you would,” he said, twisting around to smile at the still arguing High Elves.

  “So, you introduced her to Aysel before you came? How did that go?” I asked, leaning against the railing to take a photo with my camera phone.

  “Quite well. Kadri does not appear to be remarkably affected by Aysel,” Asahi said.

  “Yep. That’s for sure,” I agreed. “Are you going to ask her out?”

  Aysel’s face flushed up in that adorable blush of his. “If you mean will I try to court her, I believe the answer is yes.”

  “Aww, good luck!” I said, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” I said, turning around to join Asahi in observing his sibling and love interest.

  Kadri had, by now, realized we were gone and was watching us with a questioning look. Her eyebrows were slightly drawn together as she narrowed in on me, probably trying to gauge whether I was competition or not.

  I decided to answer her question and bodily pushed Asahi towards her. “Go get her, tiger,” I drawled.

  Asahi laughed and glided towards his date, causing her to give me a blinding smile.

  Yep. We were going to be friends for sure.

  “Morgan,” Frey said, popping up next to me. “Madeline is getting nauseous because Esmeralda has got her cornered in the mummy section where they talk about removing the brains ‘n stuff. Would you come get her? I don’t want her barfing in here.”

  “Coming,” I sighed.

  A teacher’s work was never done.

  After I hustled Madeline into a blood-and-guts-free zone, the rest of the ancient Egypt tour went well. When everyone was finished, I ushered them upstairs to the main level.

  I let everyone gawk at the stuffed elephants and Sue—the T-rex skeleton—while I planned our next move and tried to ignore Aysel, who seemed keen on following me and making disparaging remarks about everything.

  “Imbeciles,” Aysel said, scoffing at the drab fairies and elf, who were staring at a young mother pushing a stroller.

  I ignored the remark and instead wondered if I should just take the group upstairs an
d work our way down, or remain on the main floor for the rest of fieldtrip. Frey’s voice interrupted my musings.

  “Dave, you’re drooling. You have to drink some tomato juice,” Frey said, his voice growing in volume.

  I looked up to see Dave wipe his mouth off on his sleeve.

  “I won’t drink it. I’m fine!” the balding vampire insisted.

  “Oh, look, someone’s bleeding,” Frey said, pointing over his shoulder.

  “Where?” Dave demanded, whirling around.

  “SEE! You aren’t fine!” Frey shot.

  “That was unfair,” Dave protested.

  “When was the last time you had tomato juice?”

  “I’m not telling!”

  “Dave, you have to drink it to satisfy the vamp in you.”

  “No, no, no! I don’t!” Dave insisted, pouting.

  The argument was starting to draw stares.

  “Yes, you do, Dave,” Frey growled.

  “Make me!” Dave challenged.

  “Okay, intervention,” I said, shoving my museum map into Aysel’s hands. “Hold this,” I added before walking up to the arguing vampire and werewolf, remembering how I saw Frey as a transformed werewolf right after a conversation very much like this one.

  “You’ve got his thermos?” I asked Frey, stopping short of the pair.

  “Yeah,” Frey said, holding it up. I took it and unscrewed the lid, wrinkling my nose at the foul smell. (I couldn’t blame Dave for not wanting to drink this stuff. It smelled horrible.) I passed Frey the cap and approached Dave with the open thermos and a smile.

  Dave eyed the thermos and wiped sweat off his large forehead. “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Being a teacher,” I said with an angelic smile before I sprang. I grabbed Dave by the nose, pinching it shut for him, and tilted the thermos into his open mouth. “Drink it,” I hissed. “Or you’re going to get us thrown out.”

  Dave gargled and gagged for a second before swallowing. He took several swigs before I released him and stepped backwards.

  “That was awesome,” Frey laughed as I handed him the thermos and wiped my germy Dave-nose hand off on my jeans.