Vampires Drink Tomato Juice

by K. M. Shea

  “Na-uh. That was mean,” Dave complained after coughing and choking on the thick taste.

  “It was necessary,” I said, still scrubbing my hand on my jeans as Frey handed the balding vampire a mint. “I’ll take my map back now, thank you very much,” I said, tugging my map out of Aysel’s hands.

  The High Elf was staring at me like a dissected animal again, so I decided it was time to collect the gawkers and head upstairs.

  My exhibit of choice was Plants of the World. It was a safe gamble: it involved no blood, no Egyptians, and no historical inaccuracies. All in all, no one could complain. Well, no one except for Aysel.

  “These are made of glass and wax,” Aysel said with distaste as he glanced among the displays.

  “Um, yeah. They’re models,” I said, staring at a beautiful orchid.

  “Why don’t they have real ones?” the snob scoffed.

  “Because real ones would turn brown, dry up, and disintegrate,” I said. (I still wasn’t able to rid myself of the habit of being rudely blunt with Aysel.) “Humans don’t have magic, remember?”

  “Hn,” Aysel said.

  “Um, Morgan?” the drab, hoodie-wearing elf asked as he slunk up to Aysel and me.

  “Yes, what’s wrong?” I asked with a smile.

  “Perseus is, uh, cornered,” the elf said, pointing behind us.

  I turned around to see that girl Perseus was indeed stuck. He was plastered to a glass case, a bench directly behind him, and a group of rambunctious elementary schoolers on either side.

  Again might I remind you that even though I—nor anyone else for that matter—couldn’t see Perseus’ horsey body, it was still there. And that was what had him stuck. He was penned in like livestock.

  “Okay, I’m coming,” I said rolling my shoulders before heading over to the centaur. “Perseus, you don’t need to be so frightened of kids,” I said, wading through the children who scattered like playful puppies.

  “But I could step on one of them,” was Perseus’ surprisingly non-emo, thoughtful reply. (Perhaps the female disguise was wearing off on him?)

  “Pft, they’re kids. They push each other down for fun,” I said, sneaking around him to wade through the kids on his other side, effectively spreading the pack.

  Female Perseus’ button nose wrinkled in disbelief. “I don’t really—,”

  “It’s fine. You can even butt slam them. Just make sure not to be too mean in front of their parents,” I assured him, patting his shoulder before moving on.

  “This is great,” Kadri said with enthusiasm, watching the elementary kids. “I have never been able to observe human education before.”

  “Um, I think the point here is the museum,” Esmeralda said before turning to grin at me. “Thanks, Morgan for bringing us. This is the first museum I’ve been to since I turned vamp.”

  “No problem. I’m glad everyone is enjoying themselves,” I smiled.

  “Humans are quite imaginative and creative,” Asahi said, looking at a flower. “I mean, we magical beings have a wide array of talents, but we tend to stick to our strong points.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Magical beings excel in history and past arts, but we aren’t very innovative. Dwarves will always be forgers; shoe-elves will always be cobblers,” Kadri nodded. “There isn’t a kind of magical being that excels in technology or imagining the future.”

  I was vaguely aware that Aysel ghosted between Asahi and me as I considered my reply. “I’m not sure that’s true. Maybe older generations were like that, but you guys aren’t. Perseus got me a computer fitted with the newest technology. And Kadri, isn’t your desire to work and observe humans part of imagining the future? I mean sure, races will always have specializations. Unicorns will always be the best healers, and sirens will always have fantastic voices. But I think everyone at the MBRC is working towards a new future, together,” I said, staring thoughtfully at the flower in the case as I contemplated Westfall, Perseus’ friends, and the cyclopes.

  When everyone was silent, I jerked my eyes away from the model. “What?” I asked my friends who were staring at me.

  “That was very profound,” Asahi said.

  “Wow. Morgan, you are right!” Kadri smiled.

  “That’s why you’re the teacher,” Esmeralda winked.

  Even Aysel couldn’t find anything rude to say.

  The smile on my face fractured when I heard Madeline say, “Oh, my gosh! Hey, guys, they have dinosaurs!”

  I paled. “I forgot the Evolving Earth exhibit and the Elizabeth Morse Genius Dinosaur Hall are attached to Plants of the World,” I muttered through stiff lips as Asahi, Kadri, and Esmeralda ambled towards Madeline at the far end of the hallway.

  “Why would that matter?” Aysel asked, staying by me.

  “Because if they complained about the discrepancies in the ancient Egypt display, I don’t want to even think about what they’ll have to say about the dinosaurs!” I moaned before hurrying after my eager students and friends.

  “Oh, my. They’re dead wrong on everything!” Madeline announced in an embarrassingly loud octave.

  “Madeline! Quiet!” I hissed as I stalked into the exhibit.

  “But Morgan, get this! They think dinosaurs died out ‘millions of years ago.’ How ridiculous is that?” Madeline laughed before I managed to get a hand around her mouth to quiet her. But it was too late; her disbelief had already spread through the other MBRC members.

  “These guys are speciesist,” one of the fairies declared. “They only showcase big dinosaurs! What about all the small ones? The smaller dinosaurs are more populous!”

  “Not to mention they’re horribly wrong about their history. They say here humans never lived with dinosaurs. That’s hogwash. Why do they think the dinosaurs decided to go underground in the first place?” Kadri snorted.

  “Why do they have fossils? Fossils are boring. Besides, the real thing is still crawling around under Union Station,” Perseus said, jabbing his (her?) finger at a display case.

  The hoodie elf avoided looking at the dinosaur bones and murmured, “How disrespectful, to disturb the bones of the dead!”

  I moaned and released Madeline as the mothers around us gave me the evil eye and herded their children far, far away. “Guys, be quiet!” I begged. “Come on, don’t you want to see, um, the Chinese exhibit? Or how about a nature walk, or Eskimos?”

  “But Morgan,” Frey said, passing me as he clicked his tongue. “This wouldn’t be a proper, educational fieldtrip if we did not see both the ignorance of humans in addition to their brilliance.”

  We unfortunately spent a lot more time in the dinosaur area than I wanted to, but eventually I did manage to herd them over to see the China exhibit—which they were quite impressed with.

  I had to practically drag everyone out of the museum at 5:00 p.m. We caught the buses back to Union Station—which again was a tricky practice, this time because everyone was so excited about the various humans they saw they just bubbled with information. (The fairies talked about a teenage boyfriend/girlfriend couple they saw for both bus rides. I had seen the couple they were talking about, and nothing about them struck me as being odd or even interesting, but the fairies talked about it like it was the greatest thing since the iPod.) On CTA bus #1, Madeline accidentally gave herself a paper cut with her museum map, and I had to grab her as she swooned. Thankfully, I’ve moved to keeping a stash of Band-Aids in the butt pocket of my jeans ever since befriending the hemophobia-stricken vampire, so I slapped one on her cut before she was able to get a good look at it.

  By the time we reached Union Station, I was exhausted.

  “That was amazing! We need to do it again,” Madeline exclaimed, twirling in a circle.

  “No. No, we don’t,” I said, shaking my head as I passed her.

  “I think we should,” Perseus said with a snort, tossing his head. (The gesture looked fairly funny with his girl glamour still spread on him.)

  “
We could go to Shedd’s Aquarium,” the Sphinx suggested, leading the way to the MBRC.

  “No,” I said, intending to nip this idea in the bud.

  “Really? But we could get a discount,” Kadri said.

  “Huh?” I replied.

  “The aquarium is run by the Lake Michigan mermaid clan—by the way, don’t ever mention Asian carp to them—so we could totally get in for cheap and go behind the scenes and stuff,” Kadri explained.

  Hmm. I always did like the aquarium, and going behind the scenes did sound appealing…. “I’ll think about it,” I promised.

  “Great!” Asahi said, swapping grins with Kadri while the rest of our group members squealed and/or cheered.

  “Okay, we’re here. I’ll see you all in class next week Monday,” I said, stopping just outside the employees-only door that would lead to the MBRC.

  “Yes, teacher!” Madeline said with a mock salute.

  “Thank you again for taking us,” Asahi said.

  “Yeah, it was fantastic. Thank you so much,” Kadri added.

  “You’re welcome. If we do make another fieldtrip in the future, I hope you can come, Kadri,” I said, winking at Asahi.

  “Thanks! I can’t wait to go to the aquarium!” Kadri chirped.

  “Ah—but I didn’t say we would for sure go there—” I started, but Frey cut me off.

  “Come on, Morgan. You’re a big softie. We all know you’ll cave, so just admit it and get it over with. Dave and I still have to report to his teachers, so you’ll be riding the train home alone. Is that okay?” the werewolf asked.

  I rolled my eyes, waving goodbye to the fairies and elf who moved through the employees-only door with Asahi and Kadri. “I’m a big girl, Frey. I can take care of myself.”

  Frey looked unconvinced.

  “Are you joking? I’ll be riding a train! It’s not like someone will kidnap me,” I complained.

  “Bye, Morgan,” Esmeralda and the sphinx called.

  “Bye guys. Goodbye, Perseus,” I said. The female impersonator waved before diving through the open door, ripping his glamour necklace off as he went.

  “Oh, Esmeralda—” Madeline said, hurrying after the dark-haired beauty, also disappearing into the magical hallway.

  “Right, well…don’t talk to strangers. Or anyone who smells suspicious,” Frey warned.

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course, Frey.”

  “Come on, Dave. I wonder what your instructor will have to say about that little temper tantrum you threw in the museum,” Frey said, turning to the balding vampire.

  “Do we have to tell him?” Dave whined, wringing his hands.

  “Uh, yeah! He’s hilarious when he yells at you. Bye, Morgan. See you Monday,” Frey called over his shoulder before disappearing through the door with Dave.

  “Thank you for inviting me along. It was really interesting,” Frank said, itching at his flea collar. (I was grateful to see he was still wearing it! Thank goodness those things last longer than a month.)

  “You’re welcome, Frank. I’ll see you Monday?”

  The nervous boy nodded before casting an anxious glance at Aysel and slinking through the door, leaving me alone with Mr. Snobbypants himself.

  I decided Aysel intended to lecture me about something. Why else would he hang back when his beloved brother had already skipped off with his soon-to-be girlfriend? “Yes, Aysel?” I asked, turning to face the incredibly handsome High Elf.

  “Your classroom technology needs have been met?” Aysel asked, a look of cold superiority settling over his face.

  “Yes. Some centaurs got me hooked up,” I nodded.

  “You will be taking the…advanced-placement group on another extracurricular activity?” Aysel questioned.

  “Probably,” I sighed. “But not for a few weeks. Maybe over Christmas break,” I pondered. “Don’t tell me you want to come with?”

  One of Aysel’s dark eyebrows arched up. “Hardly,” he said. “I merely want to make sure you remember that you should be focusing on my brother’s education, not these parasites.”

  “With the exception of Dave, Madeline, and Esmeralda, you can’t call them parasites. And I am, too, focusing on Asahi—but his desire for education might not be as pure-hearted as I thought,” I frowned before remembering who I was talking to. “What I mean is, shouldn’t I help as many MBRC members as possible?”

  “You are being paid to tutor my brother. You are not an actual MBRC employee; therefore, MBRC members do not concern you,” Aysel said, moving so he could lean against the station wall. (It was unfair that he could be so elegant and still so masculine.)

  “That’s just plain mean, not to mention selfish,” I blurted out. Rather than clamping my mouth over my hand like I usually do, I decided to go ahead and spill my guts. He hadn’t fired me yet, so I was probably okay. (Besides, something told me that Asahi’s affection for me neutralized any desire Aysel had to get rid of me.) “How can you claim to be a part of a society that integrates magical beings with humans when you won’t even let them integrate with each other?”

  Aysel narrowed his beautiful moon eyes. “I am only following the thoughts of our leadership. The MBRC Administrator also believes that we should concentrate on the beings that show the most promise.”

  “Yeah, well your administrator is a real ass,” I snorted, watching several pasty guys in suits pass us. (A vampire coven maybe?)

  Aysel grew absolutely livid. “DON’T insult him,” he hissed, rocketing off the wall to leer over me like a wolf on a sheep. “A mere human like you could not possibly understand the thousands of issues our administration deals with. If the Lake Michigan mermaids aren’t fighting amongst each other, the goblins are demanding more import rights, and the wind fairies are dabbling with airport traffic.”

  I sensed this wasn’t just about tutoring Asahi anymore. “Hey, I didn’t insult the MBRC itself—I think it’s doing a lot of good. Dave has been getting a lot better at playing human after just a few weeks. I just think the whole survival-of-the-fittest thing is a sucky attitude that you guys obviously don’t closely follow. I mean, hello, you’ve met Madeline right?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aysel hotly promised.

  “You’re right. I don’t. I’m an outsider who sees issues—like the millionaire cyclopes whose needs are being ignored—and I fix it. I start a class and loads of magical beings attend it because they don’t have a clue what it means to be human,” I sneered, standing on my tip toes to try and shorten the distance between us. (Oh dear, even I knew I was getting catty.)

  “You insolent ingrate!”

  “Condescending prat!”

  “Ill-bred dolt!”

  “Stuck up brat!”

  “Excuse me.”

  “WHAT?” Aysel and I growled together, turning on our interrupter.

  It was one of the waxy-looking guys in the suit. He was wearing sunglasses, was bald, and would have been a shoe in for the FBI or something if it weren’t for his purplish complexion. “Sorry to interrupt, but we’re running on a tight schedule. We were waiting for you to leave, Miss, but it doesn’t appear that your argument will be ending anytime soon, so I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to take you with,” the suit guy said to me as several other suit guys gathered behind him.

  “Huh?” I said.

  “Run!” Aysel hissed.

  “Too late,” suit guy said, throwing what looked like a fist full of glitter in my face. I felt my body go limp, and I crashed to the ground in a heap before my eyes closed, and I abruptly and inexplicably fell asleep.

  Magic, was my last coherent thought before I slipped off.

  18

  In Which I am kidnapped

  When I woke up, I was splayed out over a couch. It was a really nice couch with cushy pillows. I actually forgot why I was asleep in the first place and snuggled deeper into the fleece blanket that was tucked around me.

  Someone shifted nearby, and I rocketed upright, my hair st
icking out at funny angles as I wrenched my neck to get a good look at my surroundings.

  I was in what appeared to be a warehouse. It smelled faintly of motor oil and was decorated mostly in cement and metal. There were a few grimy windows, but I couldn’t hear cars or any sounds of industry and traffic. I say appeared, though, because the ceiling wasn’t very high, and the place was heated.

  Aysel was sitting on a couch not far from mine. A blanket was neatly folded on the cushion next to him, and there were two bottles of water and an unopened sandwich by his feet. He was writing in a notebook, his fancy black pen moving a mile a minute. He flicked his eyes up and noticed I was awake.

  “Feel free to eat,” he said, motioning at my couch with the hand that held the pen. “They haven’t poisoned it or anything,” he said as I peered over the edge of my couch to see that I too had a sandwich, water, and—oddly enough—a Twinkie.

  “What happened?” I asked, combing my hair with my hands. That was when I noticed the tether. A metal, silk-lined bracelet was fastened around my wrist, and some sort of leather leash was attached to it, looping over the top of my couch. I lurched forward on my knees to peer over the back of my cushy furniture, following the leather line. It was tied around a metal support beam directly behind my couch, but the leash had enough length in it that I could probably go sit by Aysel if I wanted to.

  “We have been kidnapped,” Aysel announced in a clipped voice before he began writing in his notebook again.

  “We? WE?” I shouted. “It’s YOU! YOU got yourself kidnapped and me along with you!” I groaned. There was never any question in my mind that someone would kidnap Aysel. The bratty elf probably had it coming—I bet he insulted a fairy politician to his face or something. The question was why did I get dragged into it?

  Rather than deny my accusation, Aysel nodded. “That is correct.”

  I scratched my head and arranged my fleece blanket around me, smugly noticing that Aysel had a tether too, and his was much shorter than mine. It was right about then that the situation hit me.