Falling Awake

by T. A Richards Neville

“He’s a nice wholesome boy,” Gracey gushed when he left the room. “And very handsome I must say.” I smiled at her cluelessness. He was anything but wholesome, but I would keep that little bit of information to myself.

  Upstairs, I rummaged through the piles of clothes on my bedroom floor, retrieving a change of clothes and clean underwear, then grabbed my toothbrush and hairbrush from the bathroom. On my way back out, I spotted the photograph of my mom and the dream catcher amongst the mess on the floor, and I quickly grabbed them, putting them carefully into my overnight bag.

  I wasn’t going to Mellissa’s, I intended on staying with Caleb tonight. I couldn’t consider being anywhere else.

  “Bye dad,” I said, entering the kitchen, half-smiling at him. I felt miles apart from him even though were standing so close.

  “Be safe,” he told me gravely. I nodded. “And keep your phone switched on.”

  “I will…Bye Gracey.”

  “Oh bye sweetheart,” she said, elbow deep in cereal boxes and tin cans. I was glad she was here. She was exactly what my dad needed right now, help and a distraction all rolled into one pretty little southern Bell. He was bottom of my Christmas list for sure, but I was glad I didn’t have to worry about him being left on his own.

  I raced out of the house and into Caleb’s waiting truck.

  “I’m staying at your place tonight,” I said with surety. I was telling him, not asking. He looked back at me with his eyebrow raised suggestively, and the tiniest tug of a smile. “Oh you are, are you?”

  “Is that okay with you?” I said, not actually willing to accept no for an answer. I had already made up my mind, regardless of what he said. He was where I felt safe, so with him was where I would be.

  “I think that’s the best idea you’ve had yet.”

  The fall

  I sat on Caleb’s couch in an oversized white shirt, feeling like myself again after a hot soak in his amazing extra-large bath, filled with bubbles. I had forgotten my own toiletries, so I had used his shower gel for the bubbles. The bathroom was filled with the intoxicating, masculine scent of Caleb, making it even more luxurious.

  I washed my hair in his shampoo and conditioner, and smiled at the fact that he even owned conditioner. No the wonder his hair was in such good shape.

  He didn’t own a hairdryer, so my hair was still drying on its own. It felt great to finally have it freed from the tight elasticated band that held it up for so long. “Thanks’ for the shirt,” I said as Caleb emerged from the front door carrying two glasses filled with ice, and a bottle of Jack Daniels. “I should have really made you sleep naked,” He said playfully.

  I eyed the bottle of alcohol in his hands. “To help calm you down.”

  “I am calm”

  “Okay. To help calm me down.” A smile touched the corners of his eyes.

  I laughed and took the glass he handed me as he set the bottle and his own glass down onto the table.

  “I’m just gonna shower quickly.”

  “Sure.” I opened the bottle under his watchful eye

  “Save some for me,” he joked

  “Be quick then.” He hurried off, disappearing through the archway and into the bathroom.

  I poured the silky copper liquid into my glass and took a sip. I didn’t actually like the taste of alcohol, but the hot liquor spread rapidly through my body, heating me from inside, and unwound me immediately. I tucked my legs under me, aware of how Caleb’s shirt had rode up significantly, but I didn’t care. It was Caleb here with me, and it felt acceptable.

  He returned a few minutes later with one hand held up to his head, towel drying his damp, messy hair. His dark grey cotton pyjama bottoms hung low on his hips, and he wore no top. His hard, moist body glistened under the spotlights, highlighting each ripple of muscle under his honeyed coloured skin. He was brilliant. Like the sunlight, he radiated colours of gold, lighting everything up around him, demanding you stop and admire him like he had been sent from the gods themselves.

  He dropped the damp towel onto the table, sat next to me, and poured a drink, swallowing it whole before pouring another. I noticed a small cross tattooed in- between his shoulder blades. It was 3D, and I let my mind wander to where else on his body he might have tattoos.

  “I’m sorry you had to hear all that tonight,” he said, sitting back. A lock of hair flopped over his forehead, and settled over his long eyelashes.

  “Did you know?” I asked, taken aback by my own abruptness. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. He looked at me like he was thinking of the most suitable answer. “Not everything,” he said, and then took a sip of his drink “It wasn’t my place to tell you anyway.”

  “I know. I wouldn’t have expected you to,” I said, swirling the whisky around in my glass. “I’m just glad I know. I feel like I’ve just woken up.” I looked up, and he was watching me closely under hooded eyes. “Does that sound weird?” I asked.

  “No it doesn’t. That’s how you made me feel when I first saw you. Like I had just woken up and realised there was life going on around me, and I had slept through it.” He threw back his drink and dropped his glass to the table with a clatter. “If the circumstances were different...”

  “Don’t,” I said holding up my hand. “Please don’t. I can’t have that conversation right now. I’m still digesting everything else that’s happened.” He gave me a look that brought my whole body out in goose bumps, and leaned back in the sofa, draping his arm over the side.

  “Where did she die Caleb?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, but the way he said it told me otherwise. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he knew more than he was letting on.

  “Has my dad told me everything?”

  “I’m sure he would have.” He was being vague, too vague.

  “I saw a picture of her for the first time, when I found my dad’s stash in the attic. She looked just like me. Same hair, same eyes.” I got up and went into Caleb’s bedroom to get the picture of my mom out of my bag.

  “Here.” I handed him the picture. I could have sworn he stiffened when I gave it to him, but it was too sudden and brief to be sure. I was seeing things.

  “People always tell me how lucky I am to have such flawless skin and beautiful hair. My best qualities, they say. Like there’s nothing else about me. My dad said I can thank my mom for that. He said I’m all her, and the only thing he gave me was a mechanical hand.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “What’s not?” I looked at him. He held the picture, staring at it. “Your hair and skin. They’re not your best qualities.”

  “They aren’t?”

  “No.”

  “Okay…” I didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. “Don’t you like my hair? I was smiling, but I couldn’t help feeling insulted.

  “Your hair’s fine.” My hairs fine? Definitely an insult.

  “But your eyes are incredible.”

  “Oh.” My cheeks flamed instantly

  “I don’t know why anyone would say otherwise.” He placed the picture gently onto the table. My mom’s face was smiling up at us.

  “Your eyes reflect everything. Light, and dark at the same time. You carry the whole world in those eyes.”

  “How can someone carry the world in their eyes?”

  “You’ll see.” His mouth curved into a smile at the edges. “I want to show you something,” he said, putting his drink down and getting up. “Go and get dressed.”

  “But it’s four am,” I protested. “It’s practically the middle of the night.”

  “It’s almost dawn actually,” he corrected me. “So go on, get dressed. You’ll want to see this.”

  ***

  Fifteen minutes later, I was dressed in my white converse, leggings, and a faded denim shirt.

  “Seriously, drink driving?” I asked, smirking at him.

  “It’ll take a lot more than two glasses of whisky to intoxicate me,” he said earnestly. I didn’t think for a second he
was telling anything but the truth, and I knew I would never see a drunken Caleb; he took protecting me way too seriously. I sometimes wished he would loosen up a little bit.

  We stepped out of the truck, into a small car park at the edge of a woodland, and we followed the footpath through the trees. We came out onto a low sloping rocky area, home to a quaint white wash lighthouse. He’d brought me to Whale Watch Park.

  “Are we going to see whales here?” I asked, unable to hide the excitement that crept onto my delighted face.

  “Hopefully.” His expression was unreadable, with the hint of something secretive hidden beneath it. He’d changed into a pair of white and grey high tops, scuffed blue jeans, and a long sleeved white baseball tee, with baby blue sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was dry now, unlike mine, which was still slightly damp to touch.

  We walked past Lime Kiln Lighthouse, and Caleb held my hand as he guided me carefully down over the jutting rocks to the water’s edge. A small rowboat sat bobbing gently on the calm blue waters tied onto a large rusting hook that was pounded into the rocks.

  “Are we getting in this?” I asked

  “Best way to see the whales,” he said, stepping into the boat and holding his hand out to me. I took it sceptically. There was something terrifying about getting into a tiny wooden boat and going out into the middle of the ocean, possibly becoming surrounded by, or even eaten by giant mammals that could crush you with the flip of a gigantic tail.

  “Is this safe?” I asked, sitting down on one of the benches with my back to the sea, facing Caleb.

  “Would I put you in danger?”

  “I guess not.” I wasn’t one hundred percent convinced though. He leaned over and untied the rope, winding it together and dropping it onto the floor of the boat. He picked up two oars and began rowing as the boat slowly moved further out into the water.

  The sky was dishwater grey, and the only noise came from the early morning seagulls trawling eagerly for fish. The waters were still as he rowed us further and further out, and I couldn’t see any sign of whales being out here.

  Finally, he put the oars down and settled his eyes on me. I looked around me, breathing in the salty sea air. I’d hardly been aware that this time of the morning existed before now.

  “So, you’re an angel,” I said, bringing my focus back to Caleb.

  “Fallen angel. I’m not an angel anymore.”

  “Not yet,” I said curtly, and he just nodded.

  “Even though I know everything you tell me is the truth, I still can’t believe it. I mean angels-” I laughed. “They don’t exist. They’re not real.” I let my eyes wander over his body. “And yet, here you are as real as this day, sitting here opposite me.” I couldn’t remember my life before he existed in it, I felt like I’d barely lived at all.

  “Were real alright. There are more fallen here, and I know it has everything to do with you. A small island like this offers nothing for us, there’s no reason for them to be here aside from their interest in you,” he said, his expression sober.

  “Last night was too close. That fallen angel, Michael – he’s not dead, we can’t die. And the rest of them, they aren’t dead either. They will come after you again if they want to.”

  “I’m safe now though, you saved me.”

  “You’re safe now. How long until someone else comes after you? Never mind those idiots.” He was becoming irate. “You’re not safe until I find out who’s behind this. You’re not safe at all, do you understand that? Don’t ever act like you are. Always be on your guard, trust no one, don’t go anywhere on your own. Promise me?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I promise.” His tense body calmed visibly under my words and he nodded. “Good.”

  A still silence settled between us.

  “Tell me why you fell? I asked him, even though I wasn’t very hopeful of an answer.

  “I can’t.”

  “You can’t, or you won’t?”

  “What does it matter?” His grey-green eyes were keeping something hidden that he didn’t want me to find out and it made me want to know all the more what it was, even if I wouldn’t like the answer.

  “It matters to me,” I said. “I want to know everything about you, and you know so much about me already. I deserve to know Caleb.” His expression shifted significantly, as if he’d given in and he began to talk.

  “I fell because I thought the grass was greener. I wanted to do whatever I wanted, with no rules. Live like a human. So I left heaven for good.”

  I arched my eyebrows, “And?” Surely there had to be more to that story.

  The archangels ripped my wings out during the fall as punishment, so there was no way of me getting back in, and now, I’m considered the enemy. I committed the worst kind of treachery. I don’t know how long it took me to fall, but it felt like weeks, months even. Then eventually it ended, and I got what I wanted.

  “So where do Drake and Ressler fit into all this?”

  “They followed shortly after.” He squared his shoulders and looked out into the distance. “At first it was fun, different. The women, freedom, life in general. It was great. But it didn’t take long for trouble to find us. Living with so much freedom always ends badly. We could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, and we did. I took what I wanted, who I wanted. I’ve killed people Pria. More people than you can count on both hands. Some didn’t even deserve it. I didn’t know my own strength when I first fell. I had no idea how to control it, supress it.”

  “How strong are you? Like superman strong?”

  He let out a grunt of laughter. “Superman’s not real.”

  “Angels weren’t real a few hours ago.”

  “Fair point,” he said with a smirk. “I’m a lot stronger than humans put it that way.”

  I looked out to where he did. The sky had grown lighter, and the burnt orange sun sat low peeking out above the horizon, casting orange and pink ripples over the water.

  He was silent, probably giving me a minute to absorb what he was telling me. I thought hard about it and I really wasn’t sure how I felt at the fact that he had killed people, a lot of people. If I was honest with myself, I was finding it hard to picture him in that light. I’d always felt there was something dangerous about him, but I was sure even he had limits. I merely gave a meek smile and he continued, not needing me to confirm what he already knew about himself. Despite where he had come from, he was definitely no angel.

  “The grass wasn’t greener I can tell you that. Trouble followed me like a shadow. I couldn’t escape it. In the end I looked for it, there was nothing else to do. I was lost and fed up. I fell for freedom and lust, but I was missing the one thing that life is supposed to be all about- love. I didn’t have the one thing that made a human, well human. Then I saw her, and I knew I’d found what was missing.”

  “Who?” I asked, stunned at the turn of the story.

  “She was laughing with another girl coming out of her house. I knew for the first time, that this was what it was to be alive. Everything else disappeared. She was the only thing that existed. I knew she was important, my body felt it, and my heart felt it. It took all my restraint not to run over to her, take her in my arms, and ask her if she’d missed me as much as I had missed her. She wouldn’t have had a clue who I was. I was no one to her, how could you miss someone you’d never met? But I had missed her. I was sure fate had brought me to her. She was the reason I fell. ”

  His words danced around in my brain jumbling themselves up as I worked hard to string his sentences together, and make sense of what he was saying. He already loved someone? I was too shattered to respond. This could not be happening to me. His one love was here, and I would lose him. My heart was pounding hard in my chest as anxiety took over me, then the sound of his voice overrode my thoughts.

  “She was wearing light pink jeans, and a white vest with DKNY written on the front, in big black bold letters. Her chocolate hair blew in the breeze, long waves cascading down her back
and her eyes…they were like liquid caramel. She really did fit the description of good enough to eat.”

  He inadvertently licked his lips.

  “She was laughing about someone called Leo who had been driving a car with the friend she was with in it, and how he played the imaginary drums to his favourite song.”

  I watched the scene in my mind. Mellissa ended the date as soon as he dropped her home. Playing in a make believe band was totally unacceptable as far as she was concerned. Especially when she was sitting right there next to him. She called me up afterwards, and we laughed for hours, then the next day she came over, and we laughed again at how she died in embarrassment, and never wanted to see him again.

  I saw his lips moving but he was making no sense what so ever.

  “That was me,” I said dumbfounded. This didn’t make any sense. Caleb wasn’t even here then. I was only just about to turn sixteen. It was over a year ago.

  “I watched you every day, until eventually Leah saw me. I didn’t even know she was on the island, and her being here was a warning sign. She told me that she could feel something brewing, and you were the centre of it. She said she would make sure I got my wings back if I promised to protect you, and so I agreed. It was the right thing to do. You live and I go back where I belong.”

  He made it sound so simple the way he spoke. The word’s rolled off his tongue as if they meant nothing at all.

  “How does she even know it’s got anything to do with me?

  “She kept her ear to the ground, simple as that. All the whispers can’t be wrong.”

  “It doesn’t mean they’re true either,” I argued.

  “Isn’t the fact that a bunch of fallen angels took you, and tried to kill you, not enough for you? He was getting mad.

  “But they’re wrong,” I simply said. “They’ve gone to all that trouble over the wrong person. You know that.”

  “What if they haven’t though?” he said, lowering his voice and leaning forward with his arms on his knees. Wow where had this come from.

  “What do you mean?”