A Reason to Sing

by Michelle Lindo-Rice

  She felt strong hands massaging her shoulders and tensed. For a minute, she welcomed Ryan’s presence. Megan rested her head on his stomach.

  “I’ll take care of everything, Ryan said, rubbing her back. “Go ahead and let it out.” His gentle words made anger surface.

  Megan shoved him away. “It’s your fault Jackson’s gone,” she raged. “You think you can take his place? You’ll never be the man he was. And where do you get off telling people we’re engaged? I wouldn’t want you if you were the last man on this earth.”

  Ryan’s harsh intake of breath was the only response. He gave her space but kept a firm hand on Cooper who was now bouncing on the bed and chewing on the sheet.

  “Thank you for watching Cooper, but right now I need you to leave. I need you out of my life. I don’t know why you keep coming around. You’re all up in my business, and I’m sick of it.”

  “You need me,” he said in a way that made Megan think he meant the opposite; that he needed her. “Cooper needs a daddy.”

  “Daddy!” Cooper yelled. He looked up at Ryan and stretched out his hands.

  It was too much. “He’s not your daddy,” Megan said.

  But Cooper called out to Ryan again.

  Ryan picked up Cooper. “Dada’s got you,” he said, cuddling him close.

  Megan’s mouth dropped open. Ryan had a steel heart. He had killed her husband and now wanted to claim her son. “Get out,” she said. “Leave.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “I belong here. With you.”

  A thousand comebacks were about to hit her tongue when she looked down and noticed Ryan was wearing two different shoes. She squinted to make sure. Yep. They were definitely not the same. Expensive, but as different as night and day.

  And that was the funniest thing she had ever seen. Megan chuckled and pointed, “You’re wearing two different shoes.”

  Ryan looked down. “I—um—I was getting dressed when you—”

  Megan cut him off with a snicker. “They’re also different colors. One’s black and the other is brown.” Her shoulders shook with mirth. She realized that her laughter held a touch of hysteria, which scared her, but she couldn’t control herself. She cupped her mouth and tried to stop laughing. Her body shuddered and tears ran down her face.

  Ryan’s eyes were wide. He looked scared.

  And that only made her crack up even more.

  “I think I’m losing my mind,” she giggled. “I can’t stop laughing.”

  “Megan, control yourself,” he said. His face paled and his eyes narrowed.

  Is that concern? Or is it pity? Megan didn’t know, but the thought of the indomitable Ryan looking so frightened was funny enough to dissolve her into another fit of laughter.

  “I can’t help it.” She hiccupped. “I must be losing my mind.” She held her stomach and laughed…until she cried. Megan felt her mind disintegrate. Her heart raced. She bit her lip and sniffled. Maybe she was going insane, because at the moment, her emotions were out of control. She closed her eyes and lowered her head as the tears fell.

  Ryan rested a hand on her shoulder. “Holy Father, You are the Great Physician and Healer Divine. I come to You on Megan’s behalf. I believe You have the power to keep her stable. I ask You, Lord, to cover her under Your wings. I rebuke the plan of the adversary. Dispatch an angel to thwart the plans of the enemy. Soothe her, comfort her, and let her feel Your presence.”

  Megan felt God in the room. She whispered, “Hallelujah.” Her heart calmed.

  Ryan touched her head. “Satan is like a roaring lion, but You are the Lion of Judah. Take the shrapnel of her mind and piece it back together again. Right now, in the name of Jesus. No weapon formed against her will prosper. I declare it so in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.”

  Megan’s reason returned. She opened her eyes and looked at Ryan as if she had never seen him before. Cooper had fallen asleep in Ryan’s arms. Her brows furrowed. Who was this man? One minute he was an egotistical beast, and the next he was her prayer champion. It made no sense. She tapped her chin. The devil knew how to pray…

  “Megan? Are you all right?” Ryan placed Cooper on the bed and bent over to peer into her face.

  She nodded. “God is good.”

  His shoulders relaxed and he wiped his face. “Whew. I’ve never prayed like that in my life. Thank God for healing.” His eyes seemed filled with wonder. “What are you doing to me, woman?”

  Megan shook her head, eyeing him suspiciously. He is a murderer…but he prayed for her with authority, like he was Moses or the prophet Elijah. What a contradiction. She didn’t get it. Her brows furrowed. Why would God…?

  The doctor entered, interrupting Megan’s internal battle. He introduced himself and then asked about Ryan.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Ryan said.

  She wasn’t about to argue, especially after the prayer he had made on her behalf. Megan gestured to the doctor to speak.

  “Your scans all came back fine,” he said. “You had a panic attack and possibly a mild case of vertigo. There is some fluid in your ear which might have contributed to the wooziness.”

  “A panic attack?” She sighed. “But it felt like it was something more…serious. I thought I was having a heart attack.”

  “A panic attack is a physiological representation of a mental state,” he said. “When you feel the attack coming on, my advice is that you need to breathe, relax, and remain calm. And, no driving for the next two weeks.”

  If only it were that easy.

  “I’ll make sure she does that,” Ryan said. “I’ll hire you a driver.”

  “I’ll use a cab if I have to.”

  He folded his arms. “Then I’ll cancel all my plans and drive you myself.”

  Megan gritted her teeth. And the beast was back.

  The doctor looked at them and smiled before looking at Ryan. “She’s lucky to have you.”

  “No, I’m the lucky one,” he said. “My life hasn’t been the same since I met her.”

  Megan rolled her eyes. Her life hadn’t been the same, either. She was pretty sure Ryan was the cause of her panic attack. In less than 48 hours, he had upended her stable existence. Even now, he was a force and commanded the room. Megan’s shoulders slumped. She experienced a minute of doubt. How could she fight such a powerful man? She needed Ryan out of her life.

  He seemed to read her mind. “Now that I’ve found her, I’m never letting her go.”

  His words made her straighten. Her chin rose. Those sounded like fighting words, and Megan had never backed away from a fight in her life.

  She didn’t intend to start now.

  Ch. 10

  “At least let me see you inside,” Ryan said, holding the car seat outside Megan’s front door.

  Megan shook her head.

  The pulse in his temple throbbed, but Ryan said nothing.

  She had turned down his offer for an early dinner and had sat in the back next to Cooper.

  “I’m on the Forbes list and I own a Fortune 500 company. I’m not a chauffeur.”

  “Get over yourself,” she had said before getting into the car. “I would’ve taken a cab, but you insisted.”

  Megan didn’t want to feed Ryan’s twisted vision of them being a happy family. He needed to understand there would always be boundaries between them. A dead husband, for one. Watching his jaw clench and the barely-contained fury in his eyes made her glad she had accepted his offer.

  She undid the bottom lock of her front door and stepped inside, keeping her body in the doorway.

  He lifted an eyebrow. “You’re really not going to invite me in?”

  Megan straddled Cooper on her hips. He felt heavy, but she wasn’t turning her back to go put him down. Ryan would follow her inside and she wasn’t having that.

  “While you were being discharged, I received word some important papers I’ve been waiting on are ready so I need to head to New Hampshire. I need to make sure you and Cooper will be a
ll right before I leave town. Please let me stay with you until you’re settled for the night. What if you pass out?”

  She could tell he was used to having his way. Too bad, so sad. “You don’t need to make sure we’re all right. Weren’t you the one who prayed up a storm for God to cover me? Don’t you believe that God answers prayers?”

  He nodded. “I do.”

  “Then God’s got me.” She slammed the door in his face.

  Her conscience shivered at her nasty remark, but Megan ignored it. She was grateful for the healing prayer, but gratitude didn’t override common sense. She couldn’t trust Ryan even when she had her eyes on him. She had enough sense to know that.

  “Now if I could slam him out of my life—that would be perfect.” She squinted. His words came back to her. Did he say he was leaving town? “May he leave and never come back,” she said. Megan settled Cooper into his playpen, slinked onto the couch, and closed her eyes.

  Then they shot open.

  What did I see outside? I was so intent on getting inside and away from Ryan that I…

  “No. No. No!” Her heart pounded. “Please let my eyes be deceiving me.”

  Megan scooted off the couch, raced to the front door, and threw it open.

  Her mouth dropped. “What happened to my car?”

  Fury filled her being. She held onto the door to keep from passing out before scurrying over to the vehicle. Someone had broken into her car. She looked around to see if anyone lurked about before opening the rear door and looking inside. “I can’t believe this.” Glass splinters were everywhere. The leather seats looked damaged. How had she missed this when she first arrived?

  She poked around to see if anything was missing. Everything seemed intact, but she couldn’t be sure. Megan checked out the front of the car but saw nothing else amiss.

  She slapped a hand on her head. The construction workers! One of them must have broken the window. “They could have at least sealed the window with plastic or something,” she fumed. “I can’t believe this.” Ryan. He must know something.

  Megan ran into the house to get her cell phone. She checked on Cooper, who was still asleep, then returned outside and called Ryan. She saw a huge scratch on the paint and ran a finger over it. This was Jackson’s third baby after her and Cooper. Megan gulped as tears threatened to spill. Since she’d met Ryan it seemed she was either crying or on the verge of crying about something.

  “Megan?”

  Megan jumped. She had forgotten she had made a call. “I’m here.”

  “Oh, I was saying hello but you didn’t answer,” Ryan said. “Are you okay?”

  Megan tried to control her fury. She wanted to lash out at Ryan, but he might not be to blame. “Do you know what happened to my car?”

  “It’s not fixed?”

  So he did know. She placed a hand on her hip and let loose. “What do you mean by it’s not fixed? What happened to my car? And why didn’t you have the decency to tell me?”

  “You weren’t supposed to come home to that,” Ryan said gently.

  I know he’s not trying to soft-answer-turn-away-wrath me. She tapped her left foot and willed herself to remain calm. Breathe. Relax.

  “I’m so sorry. When you left in the ambulance, Cooper locked himself inside the car. I had to bash the window in to get to him. I panicked, but you weren’t even supposed to know about it.”

  She ran her fingers through her hair and resisted the urge to scream. “Are you trying to blame the damage you made to my car on Cooper? He’s a year and a half.” She returned her hand to her hip. “And why didn’t you just ask him to open the door?”

  Ryan chuckled. “Funny thing is, he did open the door, but it was after I had already broken in. I didn’t even know he was that smart. He probably should be in school.”

  Megan clenched her teeth to keep from saying that Cooper had been in school. Her heart ached when she had to pull him out of the exclusive Jack and Jill daycare, but food and shelter took priority. Megan hoped to get a job, but then how would she afford daycare until she got paid? She could put him in the preschool at A Better Life. It was free to church members, although she hadn’t been there since Jackson died. She had pushed everyone away during her grief. Megan admitted she blamed God a little. Why didn’t He make her enter the walk-in closet sooner? Maybe she could have saved Jackson...

  “That window should have been repaired,” Ryan said. “I left explicit orders for it to be fixed. Before I leave for New Hampshire, I’ll deal with the body shop. I’ll have someone tow it tonight.”

  Megan spoke through gritted teeth. “I must not be communicating or you’re a blockhead. What you should be doing is apologizing, not getting mad that the glass wasn’t fixed so you could hide it from me. There’s is a huge scratch which means it will need a paint job.”

  “I’m sorry,” Ryan said. “Although I was more concerned about Cooper’s wellbeing than a piece of metal.”

  Megan cupped her mouth to hold her sob. “That was all I had left of Jackson, and you call it a piece of metal. Now it’s ruined! You’re clueless.” She swallowed. “I’ve got to go.”

  Ryan was saying something about getting her a driver, but she ended the call. Her cell rang but she let the call go to voicemail and turned off her phone. Megan trudged into her house. The weight of the past few months pressed down her shoulders. Even after all the crying she had done earlier, she needed another good cry.

  “This man has done nothing but cause me pain,” she said. The urge to hurt him in return was strong, but she couldn’t let this man change who she was. She was and always would be a child of God.

  Megan lifted Cooper out the playpen. He yawned and opened his eyes. His sleepy smile soothed her heart. If it weren’t for Cooper, she might not get out of bed in the morning.

  She headed down to the basement and eyed her guitar. She needed to sing. She needed to release some of the pent-up feelings inside. Instead, she placed Cooper next to her and opened her Bible.

  Megan recited some of the Psalms. Every time she read them, she wondered about what David must have been facing to write such passionate words. It was as if he had looked into the future and knew she would one day need these words. They comforted her. They gave her strength. She closed her eyes, poured her heart out to God, and released tears that cleansed her soul. The lyrics from “Never Alone” teased her mind, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn’t put them to tune.

  She tilted her face upward. “I miss Jackson. I miss his corny jokes. I miss his touch. I can’t sleep at night. I wake up reaching for him, but he’s not there. I’m mad at him. Mad that he left me here.” She lowered her head. “I know I’m not alone, but I feel alone. I’m taking care of Cooper all by myself. My marriage should have lasted a lifetime. Instead he’s gone and I’m here struggling.” She rubbed her hands down her face. “It’s too much. I need someone here to help me.” Megan thought of Ryan and made sure she clarified to God specifically what she didn’t want. “I don’t need a stalker, I need a friend. A real one. I know I have You, but I’m just saying...” She bit her lip. “I hope I don’t come off as ungrateful…”

  Cooper touched her arm. She looked over to see he was wide-awake. “I hungry. I want eat,” he said. Her heart warmed at Cooper’s attempt to make a complete sentence. Her heart ached that Jackson wasn’t there to hear him.

  Megan jumped up to meet his needs.

  She could only hope God would meet hers.

  Ch. 11

  “I know who you are.”

  Brian had just stepped into Kyle Manchester’s swanky office, located in the Upper West Side of Manhattan, when Kyle uttered those words. Brian clasped his leather folder holding his resume and his recommendations. Was this interview over before it began?

  Kyle came around his desk to shake his hand. He looked up at Brian and squinted. “You look nothing like him.”

  Brian straightened. His hand connected with his father’s for the first time. This moment was surreal and
he wanted to savor it, but Kyle was already pulling his hand away. Brian released a breath he hadn’t realized he held. He had just shaken hands with his real father. He struggled to maintain his composure and appear indifferent, but he just shook hands with his real father. Brian observed the other man on the sly. He hoped to spot similarities between them.

  Kyle lifted an eyebrow. “Are you all right?”

  Brian swallowed. “I’m nervous to meet you.” Nervous was an understatement. His forehead perspired, and he wiped it with the back of his hand.

  “Don’t be,” Kyle said, flashing a bright smile. “I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else.”

  Brian chuckled, but his laughter sounded forced. He had to relax. After Kyle pointed at a seat, Brian lowered himself into a chair, unable to take his eyes off the man responsible for his life. He rested his notepad on his lap.

  “I know you’re Ryan Oakes’ son, but lucky for you, I’m not one to judge a man based on his genetics.”

  Brian gave another awkward laugh. “That eases my mind more than you know.”

  “However, I’m not against using genetics to win a case. A little nepotism can go a long way.”

  Brian shifted in his chair. “What are you saying?”

  “Let me be direct,” Kyle said. “I want you onboard with the knowledge that I’ll be using your—ah, how can I say this—connection to help in my case against your father.”

  Kyle’s blunt admission made Brian’s unease grow. Though Brian had the same idea, to hear someone else mention it felt like betrayal. “I’m—I need…” His eloquent vocabulary failed him.

  “I’m only messing with you,” Kyle said. “I wouldn’t expect you to betray your father.”

  Brian’s eyes narrowed. His ‘father’ was a liar. “I believe if a man is guilty of a crime, he should pay. That’s what I love about the law and that’s why I changed my major. Again. The law is no respecter of persons. Like God.”

  “Many don’t share that supposition, so I’m glad we’re in agreement on that issue,” Kyle said. “Although I don’t subscribe to the whole God jargon.” He waved a hand and adjusted his tie.