Providence: On Angels' Wings

by Lauren Wynn

  “I was sent here a long time ago, in the late 1800s. I performed my duties, answered my callers, the usual. I loved being here, protecting people, comforting them. I was content with my existence as God had planned. Until one day, almost thirty years ago now, I was assigned to a woman named Hope. She was beautiful, fun, carefree, and faithful. She was in her early twenties at the time. She worked as a night-shift nurse at the hospital up the hill. Every morning, usually before sunrise, she would take the bus from the hospital to her apartment on the west side of downtown, not the safest part of town …”

  I nod. “I stay in a loft over there now. Well, in the part that’s still, uh, transitional.”

  “So you know what I mean. Well, on this particular morning, two guys roughed her up pretty badly and left her in an alley. When I arrived she had a bloody lip, a black eye, and bruises were surfacing all over her body. It pained her to move. I carried her home that morning, tended to her wounds, and fell instantly in love with her. She took about a minute longer to fall in love with me. Could have been the wings.” Luke smiles in remembrance. “Hope was different from any of my other callers. I felt her to the depth of her core, and I knew my life would never be the same again. I walked her home every morning after that—well, until we got married and I moved her out of that dreadful apartment or ‘loft’ as they call them these days.” He chuckles. “She’s still a nurse up there, works days now, and drives a car. Hope was the reason for my fall. We have two amazing children. Both are now in college.” He hands me a silver-rimmed frame displaying his family photo. “And Zan, I wouldn’t trade in one single second of it.” His grin spreads from ear to ear.

  The family photo has me beaming. That’s a nice thought. I never considered children before, my children, our children. While there is plenty of time for that, I’m thrilled with the idea. I hand the picture back to him and his teal eyes sparkle as they pass over each face in the photograph before he places it back, properly angled, on his desk.

  “Good lookin’, ey?” he leads with a proud smile.

  I shake my head. “Your children even have your eyes.”

  “Yeah, that was an unexpected twist. I didn’t think they would carry over.”

  “Do they have any other angel qualities?”

  “My son can sense angels as well, but that’s the extent of it. So, what’s your story, Zan?”

  I sigh and smile, eager to finally talk with someone about Providence who will understand. “I came here in January, so nearly two months ago, still new to the experiences of this world. Providence was my second caller. She is twenty-four, funny, faithful, breathtakingly beautiful, spontaneous, and smart. The list goes on.” I can’t help but smile. “Her mom passed away about eight years ago and since then her dad has developed a drinking problem, which occasionally gets out of control. One night, in February, he hit her. When I got there, her lip was bleeding, her arm was bruised, and she was heartbroken. And yet, she still defended him. Did I mention her strength?” I stare out the window, depressed by the image of that night that replays in my mind. “I wouldn’t say I instantly fell in love with her because, honestly, I’m not sure that option even occurred to me the first few times I visited her. I knew she was different from the others. She…uh…lingered with me longer. She’ll tell you she fell in love with me first.” I laugh. “I fought it for a while, but loving her became too hard to control. I considered asking for a reassignment, but the thought of never seeing her again tore me up inside. I want both, but I’m choosing her.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Now I just need to figure out how.” A tense chuckle escapes my mouth along with a stream of air as I exhale.

  “Well…you came to the right place.” He smiles and extends his hand to shake mine. “Giving you a life is the easy part.”

  I take a deep breath. “If that is the easy part, what’s the hard part?”

  “The fall.”

  “Oh.” I close my eyes in a failed attempt to picture it.

  “There’s a reason they call it the fall. Hurts like hell. But we’ll save that for another day.”

  “How long do you think I have?”

  “If you don’t give them a reason to come here, you have all the time in the world. Keep up with your duties and you’re golden, quite literally.” He laughs as though he remembers it fondly.

  “That I can do.” I am confident of that. Creating a life, on the other hand, is where my uncertainty creeps in.

  “Luke, are there many fallen?”

  “I’ve only met one other, William Rivers.”

  “Really? Does it surprise you that I found you? How many others have approached you this way?”

  “Occasionally one will come along, but so far none have followed through. And no, it doesn’t surprise me. See, I met William by chance just before my fall. I was at a nursing home answering a caller and he sensed me, just as I sensed you today. He was in his late eighties at the time, died a couple years after. But he helped me through it, through everything. William’s son was an attorney, and ‘drew up’ my papers.”

  “Papers?”

  “My birth certificate, social security card, everything I needed to prove my existence.”

  “He gave you a last name...” I say with a smile. A last name.

  “Yes. And more. His son actually turned this firm over to me, made me a partner, and retired.”

  “So his son was the Rivers of Rivers & Abel?”

  “Yes. He is the reason I became an attorney, and I reveled in the idea of prosecuting the guilty and defending the innocent. Still do. That angelic sixth sense, the one that whispered people’s darkest secrets, well, it didn’t completely go away when I became mortal. I can pick the good from the bad, which is incredibly helpful when I take on new clients and select juries.” He grins almost wickedly, as if he has just told me his dark secret.

  “You didn’t have to give up serving others.”

  “Exactly, and could make a living doing it.”

  Lost in thought, I smile. Become an attorney, serve others in need, and make enough money to provide for Providence. Yes, that is exactly what I need to do. With identification, I can get in to any school. I may need to take a few extra tests, but who cares. Time was a wonderful advantage in my former home. I had all the time in the world to observe humans, learn about their lives, and study everything they studied, including law. This is the direction I so desperately need. Maybe Luke was right. Creating a life would be the easy part.

  Luke interrupts my daydream. “I realize I blindsided and overwhelmed you today.”

  “No, no. I appreciate you taking time to talk with me. Thank you so much.”

  Luke scoots his chair back behind the desk and pulls a manila file out of his drawer. He whips out a white form, printed on the front and back, and hands it to me along with a blue-ink pen advertising his law firm.

  “I’m available on Wednesday afternoon. Come back then. We can talk more. If you decide you truly want to live a fully human life, fill it out and bring it back to me. And when you are ready, I will draw up your papers and give you a life, just as William’s son did for me.”

  “This has to be illegal…” I spout out before thinking.

  “It’s the only way and the way it was done for me. And if you choose this path, I expect that you would do the same for another should the situation arise.”

  I flip the form back and forth, scanning the questions. “Of course. Thank you. I mean, I can’t thank you enough. I’ll be by on Wednesday afternoon.”

  “Zan…” he starts, just as the office phone rings. “One second, it’s my bride.” He picks up the receiver. “Hello dear.” He pauses for a second and I hear his wife mention dinner. “I am wrapping up now. I’ll see you in fifteen minutes…good-bye.” He shifts his eyes back to me. “Sorry about that. It’s dinnertime, something for you to look forward to, although this isn’t.” He rubs his somewhat plump belly. “Zan, you should know the consequences of your decision.” He pauses and the glow on his face
dims. “Once you fall, you can never go back. That’s it. You are human.”

  “I understand.”

  “You will never feel her as you do today. However, that comes with an upside. You feel everything for yourself, which is equally incredible, merely different.”

  “Do you miss Hope that way?”

  “Definitely, not even the most descriptive words can explain exactly how a person feels, but that doesn’t stop her from trying.”

  “I was afraid you’d say that.” I hang my head, saddened by the notion.

  “You may not hear her anymore.”

  “May not?”

  “William could hear his wife, but I can’t hear Hope, so fifty-fifty chance.”

  “Hopefully, I’ll up the probability. I thoroughly enjoy her side commentary.” I chuckle and stand. “Luke, thank you for your time.” It doesn’t seem sufficient, but I can’t find the words to thank him properly. I shake his hand, and we walk out of his office into the lobby, where a sheet of glass separates the law firm suite from the cream-colored hallway leading to the elevator.

  “Think this through carefully, son. It’s a big decision, and I’m certain you will make the right choice for you and Providence. Oh, and Zan, limit the number of folks who know of your angelic nature. It’ll make your transition smoother.”

  “I will. See you Wednesday.” I stand in the large lobby and watch Luke walk out the revolving door.

  The elevator bank is lined with beige marble walls from floor to ceiling. A bronze plaque hangs on the wall, noting the historic significance of the building. I mosey toward the same revolving door Luke used and push my way outside. Its dusk. The darkening sky is a gloomy gray with storm clouds still hovering above. A gust of wind sweeps down Sixth Street, tangling and blowing hair into my eyes. Drops of rain spit from the clouds above. I unconsciously pick up my pace heading in the direction of the loft.

  After running fifteen or so blocks, I reach the loft and the clouds immediately release a downpour. I gaze up to the sky, letting the rain wash over and cleanse me. I hold my arms straight out, palms up, and rotate my feet in a circle. The stress of my decision diminishes with each dribble, freeing me from affliction. Beads of rainwater roll down my cheeks and neck. Droplets dangle from my light brown hair, which is now matted to my head. My clothes and shoes are sopping wet. I take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of fresh rain on the pavement. I spin around, once more scanning the neighborhood. It looks cleaner somehow.

  Trudging up the stairs to our penthouse, rainwater sloshes out of my gym shoes. I stop at the door and shake like a dog, leaving a puddle on the hardwood floor just outside the door.

  My favorite voice speaks. Zan, I wish you were here…

  The Name

  My heart swells. Well, that loving sensation in my chest swells. Angels don’t have physical hearts. I quickly change out of my wet clothes and hang them over the shower rod in the bathroom. It’s funny, I have lived here for two months and this is the first time I have ever walked into this bathroom. I scamper back to my bedroom wearing only my plaid boxer shorts that cling, still slightly wet, to my legs. I quickly pull on dry boxers and clean jeans. I grab a T-shirt, slide my arms through, and yank a dark, hooded sweatshirt over my head. I rub my fingers through my damp hair and shake out excess water. Having no other tennis shoes, I dump out a puddle of water and slide my feet in. My dry socks quickly become soaked, and I’m thankful I don’t feel a chill from their being cold and wet.

  I close my eyes and move to her home.

  Providence sits on her bed, leaning up against the corner of her daybed frame with a large, fluffy, white pillow protecting her head and back. Her arms are extended, resting a book on her tummy, her knees are bent, and I notice that her bright-blue and lime-green plaid pajama pants complement her frog slippers.

  This is terrible, but I have the urge to test her sensitivity. I don’t emit any light. I want to see if she can sense me without it. I move over and scratch the white sweatshirt that covers her arm. I run my golden hand from her hip up the side of her leg to her knee and back down to her foot.

  Providence giggles softly and scratches her thigh where my hand recently passed. I sweep my glowing hand back over and feel a tickle surface. She giggles again, a little louder this time, and brushes her palm over her leg, taming the tickle.

  “You’re tickling me.” She laughs.

  Pleased with the results of my test, I sit on the edge of her bed and appear, grinning proudly.

  “You’re awful. How long have you been here?” she asks, sitting up Indian-style, and she places her book and fruit snacks in the center of her legs.

  “Just got here.” I laugh.

  “What were you doing?” She bites her lip and squints at me, still feeling a tingle along her leg.

  “This…” I brush my now-fleshy hand along the same path on the side of her leg. She leans forward and lightly brushes her lips against mine, uncommitted, and quickly returns to her previous position.

  “Two can play at this game.” Tease.

  I lean forward to press my lips back to hers, but she quickly turns her head. I follow them like a bull following a red cape. But then she slips up and thinks of her next move. I capitalize on my ability and press my lips firmly to hers. A wave of heat flows to her lips as she gives in. Continuing to kiss her, I place my hands on her cheeks. A breath catches in her lungs, but she doesn’t back away.

  I missed you. She’s a little too preoccupied to say it aloud. I open my mouth to echo her, but our tongues meet and I lose my train of thought. She nibbles on my bottom lip and I long for the day when I will feel it the way she does.

  Excited to tell her about my afternoon and listen to hers, I finally back away. She resumes her position, resting the tip of her knee on my thigh.

  “I missed you too.” I curl my finger around a strand of her walnut hair. “How was your day?”

  “Good. I had an awesome morning with my super-sexy, angel boyfriend.” She winks at me. “I met Lily and Taylor for an early dinner tonight. Lily is on a date tonight with the blond guy from the rave, Falls. They are going to dinner and then dancing.”

  “But I thought you…”

  “We did. She always eats before her dinner dates. Says she doesn’t want to look like a pig by ordering the meal she would normally eat. She’s silly. She’s totally smitten with him, though. He’s an investment banker or something like that, drives a snazzy sports car. He opens doors for her, even lays the napkin in her lap at fancy restaurants. She said he treats her like gold, and let me tell you…she isn’t used to that. She’s dated some real doozies in the past. So I’m glad Falls treats her well. I’m sure she’s a breath of fresh air for him, a little comic relief in his otherwise stressful day.” She pulls a red strawberry-shaped fruit snack out of the bag, holds it by the gummy stem and bites off the strawberry part, leaving the red stem between her fingers. She swallows and tosses the stem in her mouth.

  “And Taylor, how is she?”

  “She’s great. This is her last semester of law school. She’s graduating in May, so super-excited about that, as you can imagine. She still has to take the bar exam, but…” She tosses another fruit snack into her mouth. “She’s smart. I know she’ll do great.” Her eyes light up and her face glows with joy. “Her dad promised to buy her a house when she finishes.” Providence rolls her eyes. “Taylor was hoping they could take a father-daughter trip somewhere instead, but he never has time. He buys her stuff instead.”

  “The silver BMW?”

  “You got it. She could never afford that car herself. She’s a student and works part-time as a receptionist at her dad’s firm—for now at least.”

  “Ah, following in her dad’s footsteps.”

  “Yeah, she will be a great attorney just like he is, but she’ll never be like that to her kids.”

  “What about her mom?”

  “Oh, she’s a total flake. I know that’s mean, but she spends her days at the spa, having lunch with o
ther flakey wives, or playing bridge. She doesn’t pay any attention to Taylor. But that’s all right. Taylor’s always been more of a daddy’s girl.” She smiles.

  “And Knox?”

  “She and Knox are doing awesome.” Her voice raises several decibels when she says “awesome.” “He told her he loved her the other day.” She hums the Wedding March and pops a blue fruit snack into her mouth. “I love these things.” She waves a red cherry-shaped one at me. “Wanna try one?”

  “Nah, I’m good. Maybe another day.” I wink.

  “Fruit snacks are my favorite. And…and…” She waves her hand, positioning it under the bright-yellow label. “100 percent vitamin C. That’s right. Flavorful and good for you.” She winks and her lip curves up to one side and a small dimple appears on her cheek.

  These are my favorite times. She sits Indian-style on her bed, prepared for a cozy evening at home. Her white sweatshirt is unzipped halfway and the little white T-shirt she wears underneath reads: kiss me, I’m cute in bright pink letters. Her long brown hair flows over one shoulder and down her arm. A wisp brushes over her cheek, tickling her flawless olive skin. Her face beams with joy. A sparkle of innocence twinkles in her eyes until she bites her lip demonstrating her sexy side, attempting to prove her eyes wrong. She is witty, smart, gorgeous , my idea of perfect.

  “You are breathtaking.” I blurt out.

  She looks down at herself in disbelief. “You’re crazy,” she mumbles with a mouthful of fruit snacks and waves her hand dismissively.

  “You are, you absolutely are, mouth full of fruit snacks and all.” I smile and lean forward kissing her forehead. “These are the moments I will remember forever.” She smiles, but her eyes draw down at the corners in contemplation.

  “Hey, Zan…” she says with a stutter.

  I nod knowing what she’s about to tell me.

  “I’m going to start school in May. I’ve been saving up for awhile. I stopped by the university after the park today, and the counselor helped me plan it all out. They even gave me forms to fill out to get financial aid and some grants.”