Providence: On Angels' Wings

by Lauren Wynn

  “That’s awesome, Providence. Is that what you really want?”

  “Yes. I want to be an elementary school teacher. It will take me few years, but they have night and Saturday classes, so it won’t interfere with work.”

  “I’m proud of you. You will make a wonderful teacher.” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze.

  She holds me in a hug. “I need to get out of this house, Zan. I can’t stay here forever. I only stayed here to save up money and because I thought he needed me. I thought he would change at some point, but he hasn’t. And I’m not going to put my life on hold, waiting for him to be my dad again.” I lean back and look into her hazel eyes. A tear rests in the corner. I mop it away with my thumb.

  “Don’t give up on him, Providence. He needs you. But I agree. You don’t need to be living here anymore. And I’m certain he will be proud of you for going to school.” I cup my palm on her cheek, and she covers it with her hand.

  “I love you.” She leans her forehead to mine.

  “And I love you.” Saying those words still seems unbelievable. But not everything in this world is easily explainable.

  “So tell me about your day.”

  “Wow! Where should I start?” I tap my finger on my lip. “I met someone who can help me.”

  “You did?” Question spreads across her face.

  “I met a fallen, Prov, a man who was an angel and took the plunge.”

  “You did? Where?”

  “He was in the same building as the caller I left you to visit. He’s an attorney downtown. Providence…”—I place my hands on her arms—“he can give me a life, a last name.”

  “He can? How?”

  “I have to fill this out.” I pull the form out of my pant pocket It’s only slightly damp from my rain dance. “I’m not exactly sure it’s legal, but someone did it for him. He said it’s the only way.”

  “And you believe him?”

  “He has my eyes, Providence. Yes, I believe him.”

  A shimmer sparkles in her eye. “Your eyes will stay teal green? Yay!” She throws her hands up in a cheer. “I so love that part of you, among other things.” Cute butt.

  I laugh out loud. “That’ll stay the same too.”

  She laughs. “Wow! This is huge. Oh my gosh! He can give you a name.” Realization of what this means finally sinks in. “We can be together, for real.” There is a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

  “Yes, that is exactly what this means.” I lean in to kiss her. “This means that I will be able to provide for you, to give you everything you deserve to have.”

  “I only need you.” She brushes my cheek with the back of her hand. “We can build our life…” I nod and she leaps to her feet and begins jumping up and down on the bed. I stand up, my body rattled by the motion. She jumps over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She kisses me intensely, and I spin her around in circles.

  “Today is a good day,” she whispers in my ear.

  “A great day,” I agree, before kissing her ear and neck. I carry her over to the bed and set her down. She pulls me down on top of her by the collar of my sweatshirt and kisses my lips. She untucks my T-shirt and runs her hands up and down my back. She pulls my shirt up above my stomach by the trim, exposing my bare skin.

  “Off,” she whispers in my ear, quickly moving her mouth back to mine. I pull my body back as she drags my shirt off one arm at a time and stops kissing me long enough to tug it off over my head. I kiss her again and she brushes her fingertips along my back, her fingers warm at the touch. “Wings. I want to see your wings,” she whispers.

  I draw back, peering into her gaze. Her eyes are wide and the gold that surrounds her pupils sparkles with desire. Her moist lips glisten in the dim light that shines on the bed from her desk. Her eyes fall to my chest and navelless stomach. The question floats through her mind but quickly returns to my wings.

  In the privacy of her bedroom, with the white wooden blinds closed and the red, sheer curtains drawn, I rise and turn so she has full visibility of my bare back. She takes a deep breath and holds it in her lungs in anticipation. I unfurl my wings and spread them to their full span, stretching nearly five feet on either side of me, mere inches from grazing the walls. The scent of pine wafts around the room as if we had just stepped into an evergreen forest. I peek over my shoulder and catch a glimpse of her face, her eyes are wide with amazement. Her beige eye shadow shimmers when she blinks, and her mouth hangs open, breathless. She timidly extends her arm, pointing a finger, grazing a few feathers.

  “Oh my…so soft,” she whispers.

  The softness tickles the tips of her fingers and she runs her palm over the upper arch of my left wing. She takes a deep breath and continues running her hand along the edges, giggling as my feathers tickle her. I lower and contract them into their resting position. She traces the spine of my back with her fingertip until she reaches the point where my wings meet. I rotate to face her, exposing my bare chest. Self-consciousness captures me and instinct has me scrambling to cover up, except, before I have a chance to reach for my shirt, Providence places her palms on my cheeks. She rises up on her tiptoes and gives me an Eskimo kiss. She tilts her head, ever so slightly to the side and presses her lips firmly to mine. I tug her to my chest and curl my wings forward enveloping us in a plush, white-feathered cocoon. She exhales, and a slow stream of air escapes through her deep-red lips. She lifts her chin, peeking up at me.

  “Take me for a ride?” she asks, wrapping her arms around me and brushing the backs of her hands up and down the inside of my wings.

  “It’s pouring rain, Little One.”

  Her bottom lip protrudes.

  “I will sometime, I promise. It’s too cold and wet tonight.”

  “How does it feel, having them like this?”

  “Freeing. A huge weight off my back. When they are tucked in, weight is concentrated on my upper back. They start to feel heavy after awhile, and cramped, very cramped.” I chuckle.

  “When was the last time you spread them?”

  “It’s been awhile, night of the rave, I think.”

  “Well, that’s been a few weeks.” She gasps.

  I nod. My back rejoices from the release of the load. She slides her hands from my waist up my back and traces with her fingers along the soft dark patches where my skin meets my wings.

  “It feels…so…strange.”

  I flinch and take a step back.

  She follows. “No, not in a bad way, just weird. Oh…I’m doing a horrible job explaining. I love them, how’s that?”

  I nod and rest my chin on the top of her head.

  “It’s crazy, when you tuck them in, I can’t even feel them.”

  “Another miracle of angel skin.”

  “You don’t have a belly button.” It’s a statement though it sounds more like a question.

  “I wasn’t, uh…born. I was created.”

  “Huh, I guess that makes sense.” She wrinkles her nose. “So, hey, earlier when you came in and you were touching my leg, did you transfer any light?”

  “Nope, I wanted to see if you could sense me without influence.” I smile noticing her face light up.

  “And I did. It was pretty cool actually because at first it was like a chill, except I wasn’t cold. When it started to tickle I knew it was you.” She scratches her finger on my chest and draws the outline of a heart. I kiss the crown of her head.

  Tightness constricts her lungs and flips her stomach, and her heart misses several beats. I look down at her and trace my thumb along her jawbone, stopping at her chin, lifting her face so I can look into her eyes.

  “What’s going on?” Her thoughts do not reveal the anxiety of her body.

  “I just love you so much sometimes I can hardly breathe.” I sweep her up into my arms, tucking in my wings, and carry her over to the bed. She gradually inhales a deep breath. The scent of pine lingers in the room. We both sit leaning against the bed frame with our heads a
gainst the red-painted wall, knowing this swell of emotions can easily take us down a path we are not allowed to travel. She relaxes her head on my shoulder and sighs.

  “I want you…forever,” I say, “I want to make my life with you.”

  A well of tears pool in her shimmering eyes. She blinks rapidly to remove the watery coating and a teardrop slides down both cheeks.

  “You do? Are you sure you will still love me when you can’t feel me anymore?”

  “Providence…” I place my finger on her chin. “Absolutely, without a doubt. I will still feel you, it will simply be different. Trust me, I’m looking forward to the tingle of your Eskimo kisses and the hearts you draw on my chest, and the warmth of your thumb on my skin when you fall asleep clenching my shirt in your fist.”

  She laughs. “Yeah, I, umm…strategically place that thumb there.” She traces her finger along my collar bone.

  “I had a sneaking suspicion.” I wink.

  “So, Zan, how does this work? You know, getting a last name?”

  “I have to fill this out and return it to Luke. I’m meeting him again Wednesday afternoon. He will file for all the necessary documents,” I pause, “Providence, I may not be able to hear you after this.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

  She looks over at me and smiles. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” She laughs, mocking my line. “What do you do after you get the documents?”

  “Well…we need to decide when we want to do this?”

  “We? Um…this we…”—she points to herself—“…wants to do this now.” She winks and throws her leg on top of mine.

  I laugh. “I have a few other things I want to prepare beforehand. Plus, I think the papers will take a few weeks.”

  She nods and looks toward the window. “Okay, so next month.” She nudges me. “What else do you need to prepare?” she asks curiously.

  “I want to be an attorney. Choosing you doesn’t change who I am, and who I want to be. I still want to help and protect people. Once I have identification, I can apply for school. So, we’ll be in school together.”

  “Wow! I’m speechless, Zan. Out of curiosity, why a lawyer?”

  “Because I can serve others, make enough money to give you the life you deserve, and I’m not a big fan of hospitals, so I quickly ruled out doctor.”

  “But, you’ve never even been to school, I mean, how…”

  I nod my head, finally understanding what she is getting at.

  “I spent all my time studying humans and learning everything about this world, including law. I don’t actually need to go to school. It’s more of a formality.”

  “Formality? What? You already know everything about law?” She raises an eyebrow.

  I nod. “I will have to brush up on new codes and regulations, but for the most part, yeah.”

  “Holy smokes! So you’re pretty much going to be the smartest person in the world?”

  I smile and shake my head side to side. “You’re funny.”

  “But you will, won’t you?”

  “I would do all right on Jeopardy.” I give her a smile.

  She pops up on the bed and lifts her hands. “I have the smartest boyfriend in the whole world.” I grab her legs and she topples down in my lap.

  “Hey, Providence, we can’t tell anyone what I am. The transition will go much smoother if people don’t know.” She zips her lips and flicks away an imaginary key.

  “I haven’t told a soul.”

  “Okay.”

  “Well…let’s get this started, shall we?” She picks up the form while I pull the blue-ink pen out of my pocket.

  “You talk, I’ll write,” she says, grabbing the pen out of my hand.

  “Deal.” I smile as I watch her eyes scan the page of questions. The first step forward in our life and we are doing it together. We will make these decisions together, as a team, a unit, as one. She shakes her hand as if to warm up.

  “Okey dokey. Name? Alexander…, what do you want your last name to be?”

  “I’ve been thinking about that. How about Addison. It means son of Adam, and well…you are my apple. I definitely ate the forbidden fruit.” I laugh.

  She smiles. “Alexander Addison…I like it. Has a nice ring to it.”

  I watch her fill in the first blank in swoopy, bubbly letters.

  “Do you like it for you?”

  A breath gets caught in her lungs and she looks up at me. Providence Addison, she repeats over and over in her mind. “I love it, it’s perfect.” The pen quivers in her hand. “Yay! Yes!” Big fat yes. The tremble continues.

  “Need some help with that?”

  “Zan,” she huffs. “I’ll be fine.” Blush rises on her cheeks. “You caught me a little off guard with that one.” I touch her hand and send her some calming light. “Phew! I wasn’t expecting you to say that. Hopeful, but not expecting.”

  “Providence, I am choosing a life with you. I want your opinion on everything. I want these to be joint decisions.”

  She gasps for air. “How did I get so lucky?”

  “Not luck, a blessing.” At least I see it as a blessing. He may not have intended it to be one, for either of us.

  “A blessing.” She stares off into space for a moment before returning to the second question. “Date of birth? Yeah, how old are you anyway, like a billion, right?” She giggles.

  “Yeah, something like that. I’d say twenty-eight in people years.”

  “You look twenty-eight. So, twenty-eight it is.” Older man, yum. I smile. “A date, a date…” she says in deep thought. “How about October second?”

  “Sounds great. Why October second?”

  “Well, fall seems like an appropriate time for a fallen.” She winks. “And my birthday is August first, so I figure the October second will be easy to remember. Ooh! And…we’ll actually be able to celebrate it this year.”

  “Well…that was well thought out.”

  The questions and thoughtful deliberation seemed to continue for hours. Creating a life out of thin air proved to be surprisingly difficult. Nevertheless, the form is completely filled out in bubbly, blue, swoopy letters, beginning with my name.

  Alexander Addison.

  The Temptation

  Wednesday afternoon hasn’t arrived fast enough. After Providence and I spent an hour completing the form for Luke, it felt as though that act solidified our relationship, which is both phenomenal and extremely dangerous, given our mutual lack of physical control in each other’s presence.

  The walls close in on me as I sit on the hard, wooden chair in the center of my bedroom, fighting the urge to go to her. I grip the seat, white-knuckled, holding on with all of my strength for fear I will do something we are not prepared for and will, most certainly, issue my eviction notice. I replay the scenes in my mind that led me to this point and pray that I will somehow forget the wonderful details that have me on the edge of my seat.

  Fortunately, Sunday and Monday night were busy for me, limiting my time alone with Providence. And while I enjoy every second I spend with her, I have come to enjoy those seconds a little too much. Our temptations when we are alone together have become a barrier, requiring us to have almost constant supervision.

  Providence dreaded going to work on Monday morning and asked that I come with her for moral support, even if she was the only one who knew I was there. She hated the thought of facing Chance after he had been so kind to her, but she knew she had to tell him the truth. Well…not the whole story, just the part about her falling in love with me. God, I love the sound of that.

  Not long after I arrived in the coffee shop, he strutted through the door, wide-eyed and grinning. I could tell he was thoroughly excited to see Providence, and I can’t blame the guy. He ordered his usual black coffee, which she quickly poured and served to him. When he reached for the cup, she flinched and held it a little longer than necessary.

  “I need to talk to you,” she blurted out and closed her eyes, cringing.

&n
bsp; “Uh oh,” he said. “That doesn’t sound good.” His mouth curled down on one side.

  Providence pointed to a seat away from the other customers and they sat down. Her stomach churned and a lump formed in her throat. I moved toward her to relieve her tension, but she waved me away as though she knew what action I was about to take. It was as hard for me to watch as it was for her to tell him. She placed her elbows on the round table and covered her face in her hands.

  “I am so sorry, Chance,” she said, her voice muffled by her hands.

  “For what?”

  “I’m a horrible person.” She waved her hand again and her thoughts ordered me to stay where I was. I’m certain she knew it pained me to see her that way. I wanted to make her feel better, but she was determined to do this on her own. “I’m sorry. I’m in love with someone else. I never should have agreed to go out with you.” She shook her head in disgust.

  “Ouch,” he placed his hand on his heart.

  “I know. I feel terrible. It wasn’t fair of me to do that to you and I’m so terribly sorry. You are great, I mean really great. And I totally would have loved to go out with you again—”

  “If your heart wasn’t with someone else.”

  She cringed, covered her face, and shook her head in acknowledgement.

  “I kind of had a feeling. I appreciate you being honest with me.” He leaned back in the chair and sighed.

  She left her hand covering her face and spread a finger wide enough to peek through. “I truly am very sorry. I knew what I was doing and that was wrong of me.”

  “It is what it is. You gave me a shot.” He paused. “You’ll still be my coffee girl, yeah?” He grinned and relieved some of the tension in her stomach.

  She placed her hands in her lap. “Yes.” Please don’t be mad at me, Zan. “And seriously if anyone needs a character reference, use me. I will give you rave reviews.” Her voice was optimistic, but a frown formed on her face.

  “Thanks.” He chuckled. It wasn’t a real laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He scooted his chair out, prepared to stand up. “And Providence, let me know if something changes.”